The Throw-Aways

Later that night, Doctor Lyons came in to tell me that Austin, Alan, Tino, Phil, and Aaron were all waiting in the lobby. He sat by my side and helped me open letters that fans had sent. Jack, Alex, Vic Fuentes, and Oli Sykes had even sent a package.

Around me were many letters wishing me a quick recovery, hoping to see me on stage, or hoping I was doing well. One of my favorites was a letter from a nine year old named Lily-Pearl who drew me a Squidgy.

Speaking of the multicolored squid, people had somehow managed to make me many different versions of that. I loved each and every one of them. They cuddled around me as I started to doze off.

“Are you ready to go home tomorrow?” He asked me. I nodded. The letters had lifted my spirits tomorrow, but I was going back on the bus for more driving around the country. Austin and the boys decided it would be fun to just get to drive around for the last three weeks or so. We’d visit random little stops along the way.

“I just want to see my dog again.” I laughed humorlessly. Doctor Lyons patted my hand took the empty envelopes, stacking them back in one of the crates. As he exited, the lights were shut off and I started to quickly slide into a darkness of nightmares and agony.

When I opened my eyes, the sun was poking through cracks in the mountains, spraying warm light over Estes Park. A knock on the door made me turn. I glanced at the blanket, hitching it up to cover my shoulders.

Austin and the boys entered, smiling brightly. This would be the time where both hands would grip my sweatshirt, tensing up right now. Oh wait, I only had one hand.

Crap.

Okay, breathe, just breathe. Trying to put on a false smile, I knew that my real test was about to start. I had two weeks…TWO WEEKS….to hide my amputation and slip live a normal life. If they couldn’t suspect the difference for two weeks, I could prove to them and myself that this disability won’t hold me back and I can still be in the band.

And it all starts….

Now.

“Ready to get out of here?” Austin chuckled. In my false happiness, I nod. I just hoped they remembered not to touch my left side. If I could slide my left long sleeve into my pocket, the baggy sweatshirt should hide everything. It would look like I was just putting my hands into my pockets.

The boys each grabbed boxes and Squidgy figures as nurses helped me into a wheelchair. I was still too weak to walk long distances and they would help me down to the bus. The elevator ride to the lobby is an eternity. When the bell finally dings and the doors open, I have both hands limp at my sides and Doctor Lyons wheels me to the front doors.

Slyly, I pull the sleeve of my left arm into my pocket, giving everyone the illusion I had balled up my fists and put them in my pocket. The September winds were biting today, like wolves hungry for a meal.

“Thanks for all the help, Doctor Lyons.” I managed to give him a weak smile. His hand firmly patted my shoulder.

“My number is on the sheet that Austin got. We’ve sent you with a couple weeks’ worth of pills to take to help ease the pain and aches. Good luck and we’ll see you next month for a check-up!” He laughed. I waved to him as Austin carefully picked me up, bringing me onto the bus.

I lay still in his arms until he set me down on the couch. Sitting up, I make sure my sleeve isn’t too squished. It’s not like my arm was paper thin! I had to make it look realistic as possible-or I needed to escape to my bunk.

“I hope you don’t mind but I switched bunks with you because I didn’t want you to fall off in the middle of the night.” Austin smiled to me. I let out a gasp that was much too loud. Woops.

“Thank you!” I nearly shrieked in delight. Well, that removed the issue of having to climb up each night!

“Oh, okay. I’m glad you liked it!” He laughed. Right now, I just wanted to crawl into my bunk and hide. Standing up, I made my way past Tino, wobbling slightly.

Since you’re body is pretty symmetrical-an arm on each side, two legs to balance you, a fairly even face but not perfect-I lost my balance pretty easily. Sure, I hadn’t lost a leg, but I had to lean a little to the left to make up for the sudden lack of weight on that side.

“Hey, you okay?” Austin came up, holding my right arm. I nodded silently and slipped into my bed, basically falling onto the mattress. I groaned in pain and slam the curtain closed. Of course, I fell right on my bruises.

Why did I have to be stuck with this life? I hate myself. I hate what I’ve become. I hate everything I am!

Why am I so angry? I thought for a moment. I had to make the best out of the nothingness I was left with.

Slow tears slid out of my closed eye lids as I rolled over to face the wall. Of course, the sheets had been neatly made-probably by Tino. He was always a neat freak. My bag was tucked in the far corner. I rolled onto my back, cursing once again that I had only one arm to move stuff around with.

Inside, I found my laptops, phone, and the books my dad gotten me. I bit my lip so hard trying not to cry that I started to bleed. It was the last books from my dad. With trembling fingers, I fished out the first book. It was Pug Hill by Alison Pace. Of course, my dad knew that I loved pugs and reading, so he had found the perfect book. I told him I wanted this book a couple months ago, but they didn’t have it at the library so I was forced to forego it.

I opened it up to the front cover to see that dad had signed it. What I read made me sob uncontrollably. Austin had to come and open up the curtain, begging to know what’s wrong. I just shoved the book in his face and turned into my pillow, letting the tears fall for my dead parents.

To my beautiful daughter and pug lover. Have fun reading this book and tell me how it ends. Love you to forever and back.
-Mom, Dad, and Jake

Notes

That ending tho.... ;-;

Sorry for the feel trip....again. Love you all, don't be sad!

Pug Hill is an actual book and I suggest you read it!! Pretty good, if I do say so myself!

Stay beautiful!