The Throw-Aways

I woke up again. My brain kept firing off shots, telling me that life was worthless if I couldn’t play piano, didn’t have an arm, and had no family left.

Shut up. I muttered to my mental self.

Haha, no. It snickered back. Sighing, I forced my eyes open again. My left side hurt like a smoldering fire, but otherwise I wasn’t feeling so bad. A whiteboard hung on a closet door by the TV. It had the date on it, a pain scale, and a schedule for food.

Today’s meal: Ice chips.

Great.

Well, it’s not like I wanted to eat anyways. My stomach complained, saying that I was hungry but if I ate, I’d puke it up anyways. Today was September eleventh. Tomorrow, I would be released from the hospital.

A fan blew in the corner, pushing cold wind in my face. All I wanted was my sweatshirt and my phone. I wanted to be with Kylar, I wanted to be held by Austin. Why must life be so terrible?

Why must I still be living?

A knock at the door sounded and I lazily turned my aching neck to see Doctor Lyons come in. He smiled, sitting down in the stool at the right side of my bed. He had come in every time I woke up and seemed to be at the hospital twenty four-seven. I mentally told myself to write a thank you note to him as soon as I got out.

“How’s the pain today?” He asked with a smile. I shrugged.

“Mentally or physically?” I responded in our usual way.

“Both.”

“Five mentally, five physically.” I answered. They physical pain really wasn’t to bad anymore. The drugs had really kicked in and I was just tired all the time. My arm, or what was left of it, still ached and Lyons told me I had bruises on my legs and ribs, but otherwise I could just ice those.

However, I was lying about the mental part. I was more at nine thousand, or ten thousand.

“That’s an improvement from yesterday! So I know that you haven’t wanted to see your friends, but they’ve been in the lobby for the past three days.” He told me. I closed my eyes with a sigh. I couldn’t hide from them forever.

“Can I put it off for another few hours?” I asked, slightly smirking. Maybe I could take a quick nap.

“I think you might want to see them. They have three big crates of letters for you.” He told me excitedly. It was like he was trying to get my hopes up. Apparently, his personal mission was to try to make me happy.

Sure, I can just instantly be joyful when my only family’s died off, Jake’s back home, and my musical career was in jeopardy!

“Letters?” I asked. Okay, as tired and sad as I was, I always liked to read letters. It would give me something to do besides being stuck in here already. I just needed to get up and walk or do something besides sleep.

“They said they would deliver the letters when they can see you.” Ooohh, this promise was tempting.

“Can we just go black ops and get the crates while they sleep?” I laughed a little. He shook his head, but the green eyes twinkled.

“No, but that does sound fun. Look, I can bring them up if you want to tell them about your arm.” He asked cautiously. I shook my head, neck shrieking for me to stop.

“Okay, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll see them if you tell me about the prosthetic arm and can let me change into a sweatshirt and shorts. It’s a little cold, even with the fan off.” I suggested. Doctor Lyons laughed, brown hair strands shaking. Outside, the late afternoon was warm on the mountain landscape.

“Deal.” He got up and gave me a moment to change before coming back in the room. It felt comfortable to be in my black Gold Ridge High School music program sweatshirt and sport shorts. I was infinitely more comfortable. Doctor Parker Lyons came back and set a cup of ice chips on my bedside rolling table. Sighing, took the cup and shook a few in my mouth.

“So we can offer you a prosthetic arm. It won’t bring back the feeling of actually having an arm, but it will offer you a bit more mobility then without your left arm. The arm we can put you with is a tester from Program Motion.

“Program Motion is a small part of the prosthetics department this is developing new technology to make amputees who have a replacement arm more mobile. We’re currently developing an arm that will react faster to the brain’s commands, and will be more mobile and fluid than current prosthetics.” He explained. Shuffling papers on his ever present clipboard, he showed me a few pictures and diagrams of the current arms compared to prosthetics.

“So basically, you want me to get an arm that will react faster and be more…fluid?” I questioned cautiously. There seemed to be a lot of numbers and a lot of words on a page that made my head spin.

“Yes. So currently, the prosthetic arms connect with nerves and will “hook up” with the already present body nerves and communication system to the brain. What the new arm will do is allow for a faster reaction time between the machine and the brain. We want it to be more fluid as well. This means that the arm doesn’t jolt around and doesn’t look as mechanical, but more natural.” Lyons showed me a few diagrams of prototypes.

“This new arm will look more natural in motion and basically move faster than before?” I asked. Lyons nodded. My eyes went wide at the possibility.

Faster reactions means that I could actually play the piano.

More fluid means that I wouldn’t look so mechanical.

Maybe this was my solution.

“I feel like this is going to be pretty expensive.” I sighed. Lyons bit his lip, looking at the prices and a sticky note.

“Well, typically it is. Fortunatly, you’re fund should cover most of it and the insurance will pay for the rest.” He smiled. I gasped.

“What fund?!”

“There was apparently a fund called SheWillFlyAgain started. It’s raised a total of $158,000. This is enough to cover your hospital bills and your prosthetic arm.” I gasped at the news. No way.

I had to see my phone. This must’ve been on Twitter or some social media.

“There is one hiccup.” Lyons told me. I looked to him. What now? It seemed like we had gone from one disaster to the other. First, we had hope, and now it might be gone.

“The technology isn’t quite there yet and we’re still developing prototypes. If we put your name on the wait list now, the earliest we can get an arm from Program Motion is November twenty fourth. You’ll be using a prototype and to give a report at each check-up on how it performs. If all goes well, we’re schedules to release the very first official Program Motion arm December twenty fourth.” He explained cautiously.

“So there might be bugs?” I asked curiously. He nodded. No, this was my only chance.

“Sign me up!” I breathed. Maybe this could be my only hope. But wait, that was quite some time to keep waiting for a prosthetic arm.

Austin could still kick me out if he didn’t think I could play anymore.

My friends could still leave me.

I might still be on my own.

But this was my only hope.

“I’ll call up the boys. I already told them that your left side is sensitive and shouldn’t have too much contact. I think they’ll understand and I’m only giving them ten minutes before the sleep meds kick in.” Doctor Lyons closed the door behind him and I used my numb right arm to pull the sheets over, up to my neck. Thankfully, my left arm was hidden.

Out of sight, out of mind.

Trying to keep my eyes open, I looked out of the windows. A green meadow was overlooked by the hospital. I figured we must be in Estes Park. It was thirty minutes away from Gold Ridge, but it was the nearest hospital. A hawk called high overhead, turning circles in the crystal azure sky. Mountains with snow kissed peaks pierced the blue.

It should’ve been happy, but all I saw was dreary life ahead of me.

“Raven?” A knock at the door a voice softly called for my name. I didn’t look over immediately until a flood of people came into my room. The entire band and my four friends crowded into the room.

This was more people than I expected.

“Raven!” Everyone cheered. Tino, Phil, Aaron, Alan, and Nico were all carrying in three crates filled with letters and packages. Crammed to the top, I saw packages with smiles and well wishes written on the outside.

“Hey, guys.” I responded weakly. I hoped no one came up to give me a hug. Please, no touching.

“How are you feeling?” Austin asked, coming up to sit in the chair that Doctor Lyons sat in before. He held my hand carefully as I turned to look at him. Everyone encircled my bed.

“Tired. Achy.” I responded truthfully. I didn’t tell him how depressed I was feeling. No, I must be strong.

“Well, at least the pain meds are helping.” Tino added in, setting down the box by my side.

Wait, how was I going to open letters with one hand?

I AIN’T ASKING FOR HELP!

Inner sass aside, I tried smiling a little. The action felt foreign and fake. I nodded, yes the meds were helping a little.

“Jake wanted to say hello, but the nurse wouldn’t let him in. Arestino is helping him set up Skype so you can talk.” Dante put my computer on the rolling bed stand alongside my phone.

“Oh, and I suppose you’ve heard about the SheWillFlyAgain fund?” Phil asked. I nodded, thinking to the generous donors.

“I’ve heard. That’s all so kind of them. I wish I could write letters to everyone right now.” I yawned a little. Austin squeezed my hand and I felt guilty for not telling him about my injuries. Pushing that aside, I saw Dante struggling to pull up Skype.

Finally, a small ringing tone started over the computer. Everyone fell silent until a picture of Jake popped up. Arestino was by his side.

“WOOF!” Jake barked excitedly, blind eyes wandering towards any direction but the screen.

“Jakey bud, I’m over here.” I called softly. Jake turned around, finally facing the computer. He barked again and sneezed on the couch. Skars laughed and held Nico’s hand tightly.

“Hi, Raven!” Arestino called from the corner. I waved a little with my right hand.

“Hey, Arestino.” I called.

“Jake wanted to say hi. He’s staying at my place for now, is that okay?” He asked cautiously. I nodded. Jake always loved to play with Vern and Briggs, even though the Saint Bernards were about five times as big as the old pug.

“Yeah. Have you been keeping an eye on the old place?” I asked, referring to the restaurant. Arestino nodded and patted Jake’s head. The pug sneezed again. Vern barked in the background

“Of course. I’ll keep it running for you until you get back.” He smiled weakly. I nodded. Our time was running out.

“Be good, Jake. Love you.” I smiled faintly, sadness overwhelming me. Jake got up and stepped on the keyboard. The camera zoomed out as he licked the camera.

I could always rely on Jake to cheer me up.

The screen timed out and I closed the laptop. I got a chance to talk to everyone for a few more minutes. Alan helped me pile some letters on my stand so that I could open them later.

No one noticed the part of me missing. For that, I was thankful.

A nurse came in, shooing people to the side as she put meds in my IV drip. Within a minutes, I started to feel drowsy.

“We’ll be back tomorrow to pick you up, okay?” Austin grinned. I nodded, ready to escape this place. All I wanted to do was curl up in my bunk and sleep forever. I didn’t want to eat, I didn’t want to do anything right now.

“Okay.” I replied weakly. I smiled to everyone leaving the room before I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep.

Notes

JAKE DA PUG!!!! I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW HAPPY IT IS THAT JAKE IS MENTIONED IN THE COMMENTS!!!