Austin's POV

I had finally finished my set of detentions for punching Tino in the face and I was more than happy to leave school on Friday night knowing I didn't need to sit in the stuffy classroom for two hours more than I had to anymore. Speaking of Tino; I hadn't seen him since the incident. I assume he was too embarrassed to show his face around here while it was bandaged and bruised. I'm sure it wouldn't do much good for his reputation.

I stood in the kitchen, staring at the calendar that mum has pinned against the fridge. I wasn't necessarily looking for anything but my eyes just continued to scan down the dates until I turned over two more months. Once I found June, a huge red circle bordered the words 'Austin's graduation!' I choked and stared at it for a moment until it finally sank in. I was leaving in two months. Don't get me wrong, I was extremely excited to be finally free of school and go on to do what I want but I would be leaving so many things behind. My friends, my family... Alan. I hadn't spoken to Alan at all about what would happen to us when I moved to college. I knew that we could work long distance but being so far away from him would hurt the both of us.
I thought about Alan a lot. He was pretty much the only thing that stayed in my thoughts at the moment. I was always distracted in class and I was finding it nearly impossible to focus on studying for my finals yet. Of course, it wasn't his fault he was so damn adorable.

"Austin, honey?" My mum says while putting a hand on my shoulder. "What's wrong?"
I sigh and run a hand through my hair, turning to look at her. She was much smaller than me but then again not many people were taller than me.
"I'm just worried about graduation." I admitted.
She forced a smile for me and then lent her head on my shoulder.
"You have nothing to worry about sweetie." She soothed.
"What if Alan doesn't want to stay with me because I'm going away to college."
"He loves you Austin. Of course he'll stay with you." She looked up at me and smiled once more before patting my back gently and heading over to the coffee machine.
I stood where I was for a moment, staring into space as the memory of Alan telling me he loves me surfaces into my thoughts.
~
Alan turned to me, his fists were clenched and his stare was cold and stern.
"Because I'm in love with you Austin!" He shouted. "I'm so fucking in love with you that I can barely sleep at night. It's physically hurting me and I can't take it anymore."
I stared at him in shock, remaining silent. He threw his hands over his mouth as if he didn't mean to tell me that. My thoughts raced at one hundred miles per hour and it felt like my mind was in overdrive as I tried to process what Alan had just told me. I knew I must have looked like a heartless bastard as I sat there, staring emotionless at him but I just couldn't move.
"Say something, please?" He whispers, his cheeks turning red in embarrassment.
"I-I, you love me?" I asked, my voice cracking.
"I don't know." He sighed, throwing his hands up in the air due to annoyance. "I guess so. There's no other way to describe how I feel about you."
I couldn't believe it. There was no way in a million years that I had ever thought Alan would be in love with me. I wasn't gay, or so I kept telling myself.
I scratched the back of my neck and gulped. "This is a lot to take in."
"I'm sorry."He muttered. I braved myself to look up at him and I watched as he scrunched his eyes shut and as a few tears fell down his face. I felt my stomach twist as I watched him cry and I knew I couldn't stay much longer. I needed time to think everything through and I knew that the longer I stayed here, the more I'd be hurting Alan.
"I need to sort some things out Alan. I'll see you at school." I said, sounding meaner than I had meant to. I walked towards his door, not daring to look back, knowing that the tone in which I just spoke will have offended him.
"Wait!" He shouted.
I bit my lip and turned around expectantly. He opened his mouth as if to say something before closing it again and staring down at the floor. 'Goodbye.' I quietly heard him mutter as I closed his bedroom door, leaving him alone.
~
A tear rolled down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away. I was such an idiot. I can't believe Alan still liked me after that. Admittedly, I didn't know I had this strong of feelings for Alan at the time but I still could have reacted a little better.
As I stood there in the kitchen, the light from the window slowly dimming as the sky turned dark, I reminisced on all the memories I have shared with Alan up until now.

I was seven and having water balloon fight in my garden. Alan had the same floppy, ginger hair, just it fell in his eyes more and stuck out in different directions. He froze as I cornered him, two water balloons in hand.
"Austin, please." He begged.
I just smirked and popped them both on his head. The water poured down his face, causing his hair to flatten. I stared at him for a moment, his gaze was focused on the ground and I wondered for a moment whether I had made him cry or not. Soon after he looked up at me, a huge grin on his face and started to chase me across the grass.

I was ten and we were both sat under a mountain of duvets, both cross-legged and facing each other, our knees touching. I was telling Alan a made up ghost story and he was trembling, his mouth open and his eyes wide in fright. Just as I had finished, a book fell off of my shelf, causing a deafening bang to echo around the room. Alan screamed and gripped onto me. He was shaking and crying and my chest tightened at the sight of seeing my best friend so upset.
"Shh Alan." I whispered, stroking his hair. "Ghosts aren't real. I was only pretending."
He looked up at me with his tear stained face. "Y-you p-promise?" He asked me in between sobs.
"I promise." I smiled down at him.

I was fourteen. Alan was sat across from me on my bed, strumming his guitar while I sang along. I always admired how talented he was. I didn't particularly excel in anything and singing was hardly a talent. I had my eyes closed, admiring the sound of him playing and trying my best to keep in time with him. After I let the final note ring out, I opened my eyes and looked over at him. He was staring at me with contempt, a huge smile plastered across his face.
"That was beautiful Austin." He said, almost inaudible. A slight blush appearing on his cheeks.

I was fifteen and glanced over at Alan from the corridor. I still cared about him and wanted to make sure he was alright. I hadn't spoken to him for a while and there was a big part of me that wanted nothing more but to walk over to him and rebuild our friendship but I felt obliged to stay with Tino and Phil, especially since Tino frightened me. I figured that having a bully on your side was always a good thing though. Alan turned and his eyes locked with mine. A moment ago he seemed happy and contempt, laughing with his friend Aaron but as soon as he looks towards me his smile falters and he looks down at the ground, shifting uncomfortably.

I felt the familiar feeling of butterflies swarming through my stomach as I thought about him. Even the littlest memory of the small ginger made me smile. Although, as I remembered the looks he gave me during our early years of high school my smile quickly disappeared. I can't imagine the pain I put him through. It was like I just disappeared off of the face of the planet since I never kept in contact with him, apart from when our parents used to go out together and bring us with them. I guess he assumed once he started high school the year after me I would be there to help him. I don't deserve him. Alan is so much better than me. He's caring and kind and puts everyone before himself. He's never once selfish or cruel and he doesn't have one bad thing to say about anyone... Except maybe Tino but that's understandable. He's shy and innocent and I love that about him. I love the blush that creeps across his cheeks whenever he's around me. I love how his hair falls in the most random of places. I love his weird obsession with cats. I love how after everything, he still gave me a chance.

As I stand there, thinking about all the things I love about my boyfriend, I have a moment of realization that most of all, I love him. I love him. I love Alan Anthony Ashby.
It feels as if something inside my head had finally clicked and fit into place as I admitted my feelings for him. Before I could even think it through anymore, I grabbed my coat and car keys and sprinted out of the house.

Notes

I had SO much fun writing this chapter so I hope you all like it.
Austin loves Alan awwww. Cashby is literally my most favourite otp ever and me and my best friend (the co-author of this fanfiction) talk about them pretty much all day everyday. I'm not even sorry.
Thank you as always for the comments!

The next chapter will have smut in it so I'm hoping you'll all enjoy that.;)

- Georgia x