A Life Worth Living

I woke up the next morning feeling excited about going back to work. I miss being around my friends and all my drawings. I mainly design new-traditional and some henna style tattoos. I was a tattoo artist for about two and a half years before my accident. I started as an apprentice who just mainly swept the floor and made sure everything was organized. I made my way up pretty quickly because I was always drawing and painting there. And all the artist’s really liked my work and always gave me advice on how to be even better.

I turned over in bed to see a snoring Austin breathing heavily next to me. I inched closer to him and kissed his forehead and then his cheek and neck. He moved and felt his arms wrap around me. He kissed my lips so softly and smiled. “Are you happy about going back to work?”

“Yes, I’m so excited. Don’t get me wrong I love spending time with you and Sunny but I also like to keep myself busy. You know?”

He smiled and sighed “Oh, trust me Charlotte, I know.” He kissed me so gently, I could tell he’s still worried about me. “When do you work today?” He asked.

“Well, I work from 11 until about 2 for today.” He seemed relieved. “Why?”

“I have a surprise for you when you come home! Now, get up and get dressed! You’re gonna be late for your first day.” He said as he lept out of bed and not so gently tapped my ass. I bit my lip and went to go smack his until he quickly turned around and grabbed my hand before I could. His lips came crashing down on mine as he grabbed my other hand and dragged me to the bed once again. He pushed me down and looked down on me as he took his shirt off. He leaned over me and held both of my hands down as he bit my neck and kissed along my jawline. I moaned as his lips made their way to the tops of my breasts. We still haven’t had sex since my accident. We always get interrupted by our busy lives as parents. Austin was about to take off my shirt when I finally remembered I had work this morning. “Austin baby, you I would love nothing more than do this right now but, I have to go to work. I’m going to be late as it is. I love you, angel.” I said as I walked into the bathroom to get ready. He sat up and huffed to himself. I really felt bad but I couldn’t be late on my first day back.

I grabbed my favorite striped shirt and fringed shorts and got dressed. I walked out of our bathroom and found Austin sitting on the other side of the wall with his back facing me. I could see his hands covering his face. I shook my head and crawled on to the bed and wrapped my arms around him. I kissed his cheek “Austin, I love you so much. Just be patient a little longer.” I sighed, “I have to go now. I’ll see you later?” He didn’t answer me, maybe he was hoping that I wouldn’t go but as I stopped at the doorway he just laid down and faced the wall.

I grabbed my keys off the counter and walked to my car. Luckily, my insurance paid for my car since the accident wasn’t my fault. I buckled up and popped in a CD. Hotel Books always helps me work through what I’m thinking.

“They say it's hard to fall in love,
Maybe they never learned how to patiently wait.
They say it's always dark before the dawn
But you said goodbye before the dawn could break.

So who's really right in the end?
When you tore down the walls
But I'm the one alone in this bed?
As you feel his hands around your waist,
I can feel them around my neck.

God, this complacency has numbed me
And this numbing has scared me
Back into the deep
And I'm slowly learning how to learn from something,
And realizing the only thing worse than feeling pain
Is feeling nothing.

There is an intoxication in her smile and it went straight to my head,
Without it, I can hardly see past the blurred lines that I've always been fed.
And sometimes I wonder, maybe my chest cavity is growing bigger,
Or maybe my heart is just sinking.
Either way we decorate this ship, it's still sinking.

And I always had love to blame,
And I always had love to blame,
As I try to find my way, I feel this pain
And I had love to blame.
I had love to blame.

If I were to believe in love,
I would have to see a flood,
But knowing my luck, I would somehow float to shore
And have to wake up.

I don't want to wake up,
I don't want to wake up.
'Cause I'm trying, just trying to find the light inside.

So roll this stone away,
I don't want to sleep another day.
I just want to be in your presence,
So please let me fade away.”




Before I knew it I was pulling up in the parking lot. I got out and was surrounded by my old friends. I missed them so much. They even got me a cake. I walked to my station and it’s still as I remembered it, except there’s a photo of Sunny, Austin, and I hanging on my wall of art. My boss just let me doodle in my space and listen to music. I drew a few mandala’s and started drawing a piece that I wanted done on myself. It was a mandala style sun and moon, the sun being for of course, Sunny, and the moon was for my Austin.

I was just finishing up when my phone started blowing up with notifications. I got hundreds of tags to a post some girl made. I looked at it and it was some girls hand holding Austins in what seemed to be a coffee shop. I could feel my heart beating faster but the caption really got me “Spent the day with @Austincarlile, he’s the cutest coffee companion.”

Whoa, whoa, whoa…. What in the actual fuck is this? “Spent the day”? And “Coffee companion”? Wait who is this girl? Why is she having coffee with MY HUSBAND? Why didn’t he mention this to me?

She posted another photo it’s of her kissing his cheek and he’s smiling.

My whole world stopped. I could feel my chest caving in and my breathing becoming shaky.

Notes

Sorry, it took so long to update! Please let me know what you think!
Lyrics credited to Hotel Books. Go check them out if you enjoy being an emotional wreck! But seriously they're awesome.