Deathbeds
I Love The Things You Hate About Yourself
Lacie.
I started walking and a slower pace, I wasn’t ready to be greeted with whatever he was here to tell me. I thought by the time I get to the door he would leave, but no. Things never just run smoothly for me. He turned himself around so he was looking straight at me; he walked away from the door and made his way to my feet.
“Lacie, we need to talk”
“Dad I’ve told you I don’t want to talk to you.”
“Well this time you need to listen it’s about your mum”
“I don’t care for what either of you have to say”
“I know we’ve had our differences”
“Differences?! You kicked me out when I turned 16!”
“Yes and we both know why, I had to do that”
“Because I wasn’t who you wanted me to be”
“Look this isn’t about that, your mums not well and we both thought you deserved to know”
“Okay you’ve told me you can go back now”
I opened the door to my apartment taking in everything that today as already decided to bring me, I felt terrible I should care about my mum but the feelings for them left when they threw me out.
The weekend I had was one of the worse I had experienced in a while everything about it seemed wrong, anger grew with in me as I grabbed my phone and dialled his number.
Oliver.
I had taken the selfish route again, knowing that I’d lose Lace, but if I went out I’d lose Katlyn. I was just starting to gain trust back from lacie, but I knew I had fucked it up, but the thought of losing someone that I already had made me panic. I don’t know if Lacie could trust me again even after yesterday but I knew that Katlyn wouldn’t leave me as long as I kept Lacie out of the picture, it was probably better for the both of us, that way I couldn’t let her down again.
I stayed in the house whilst I knew she was in the coffee shop waiting for me, I felt horrible. I should have at least messaged her that I wouldn’t be showing up.
I let a couple of hours slip pass before I even got out of my bed.
My thoughts were brought to an end when I heard my phone
“Hey”
“What the fuck Oli, you left me in that coffee shop waiting for an hour. I looked like a complete mug”
“I’m sorry lace, I couldn’t make it”
“You didn’t think to tell me that? What’s your excuse this time?”
“I don’t have an excuse, not one good enough”
“I’m just glad I didn’t get attached to you. I knew you’d let me down you have always managed to do that so what’s to stop you now”
“Please don’t be like that lacie, I honestly didn’t mean to do that to you”
“But you have, do you know what kind of morning I’ve had?”
“No”
“A terrible one, my father showed up at my apartment, everything’s about to come crashing down and I’ve got no one to fall back on”
I felt the tears slip from her eyes, why did I mess everything up.
“I’m coming round, I’ll be five minutes”
“Please don’t I really don’t need this right now. I just want to be left alone”
“You wouldn’t have called me if you didn’t want my help.”
“I was angry with you, I don’t need you”
“Shut up Lace I’m leaving my place now”
I hung up the phone; I wasn’t going to listen to her telling me not to help her. I knew she didn’t get on with her parents and I wasn’t going to let her down again. No way. I only had one more chance to make everything right.
I received a text message from Katlyn
To: Oli
From: Katlyn
I’ll be home soon, I hope you have something good cooking love you xx
I sent her a message back
To: Katlyn
From: Oli
I’m not home, Lacie needs me, I’ll be home in a few hours and we’ll talk then. I’m sorry xx
I switched my phone off and I pulled the car up to Laces door. I walked up the few steps to her door and let myself in; I knew she never locked this thing, when she was home.
“Lacie”
“Why are you here, I told you not to come?”
“You knew I would”
She walked out of a room which I guessed was her bedroom, she looked like she had been crying but not just a few tears, her eyes were swollen and red but somehow she still managed to look good.
“Want to talk about it?”
“Not with you”
She put on a front with me, she didn’t want to let me in but I wasn’t going to let her be like that with me, I’ll get her to tell me in the end and she knows that.
“Well I’m the only option you have; I don’t see anyone else banging at your door”
It sounded worse when it left my mouth than in my head.
“Doesn’t mean I want to discuss my life with you”
“Fine, I’m going to let you have half an hour but I’ll be back”
I had to make a plan to get her to talk with me; I couldn’t stand to see her doing this to herself.
“Don’t feel like you need to”
“Please don’t be sarcastic with me”
“Whatever”
I jumped back in my car and headed to a shop, I knew how to win her back, Lacie likes pizza it’s her favourite thing, it always makes her feel happier or [i] it used to. I hope it’s still the same. As I got in the shop I grabbed everything you needed to make a pizza I also picked up chocolate, that’s what Katlyn eats when she’s angry and upset I’m guessing Lacie would be the same, I picked up some beers as well hoping that she likes it, the way she smelt when I picked her up a couple days back I’m guessing she does. I would’ve got her some flowers but she’s not into that, or at least I don’t think she is. I admit i was going on things she liked when I knew her, she may have changed. She could hate pizza for all I know. I was winging it but was worth a shot if it meant I’d gain her trust and to show her that I’m here for her. I took everything to the check out and payed.
Making my way back to Lacies place I switch my phone on realising I had about 10 minutes till I said I’d be back
To: Oli
From: Katlyn
You do know I was serious last night; don’t expect me to be at your place when you get back, she’s welcome to you. You’ve done nothing but lie to me. Bye Oliver. Hope you have fun with your precious little lacie. Prick.
I took a deep breath keeping myself calm I wasn’t going to get angry about it. I knew the consequence, of me doing this. I also knew that this had to work otherwise it’s been for nothing and I would have hurt two people not just one.
But ‘your precious little Lacie’ got me wound up. She’s not even mine its makes her sound fragile and I know she’s not. Lacie doesn’t need me to get on with anything where as I need her. I’m the fragile one. Now I’ve found her I don’t want to let go.
I walked back into her apartment.
“Honey I’m home!”
“You just won’t leave will you”
She looked even worse this time. All I wanted to do was to put my arms around her and take all the pain away from her.
“I picked us up stuff to make a pizza with, some chocolate and beer”
“Why?”
“Well from what I remember pizza is your no 1, apart from me obviously and you need cheering up it’s the only thing I could do.” I shot her a cheeky grin.
Lacie
I knew that Oli had let me down but I could see he was trying so hard to make things right again, but being the insecure person that I am I knew it was all going to end again soon.
“Please I don’t want you here right now”
“I’m not leaving you, I told you I will never voluntarily walk away from you and I mean that”
“That didn’t count this morning though did it?”
“I’m sorry, about this morning, I am. I had no choice it was you or Katlyn I chose the easy option.”
“Then why are you here now?”
“Because I don’t want the easy option anymore, you’re friendship is important to me Lace it always has been”
“Can you stop talking bullshit for 5 minutes?”
I wasn’t going to fall for his charm again.
“I’m not, Katlyn’s gone. But I’m still here doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
“Whatever we going to make is pizza?”
“Knew I’d win ya round”
“You haven’t but I’m hungry”
“Okay you go sit down, I’ll make it.”
“You think I trust you to make food?” I let out a slight giggle
“Just because I used to be a shit cook does not mean I still am”
“Okay as you wish, throw me a beer and chocolate though”
“You can have beer but no chocolate you’ll ruin your dinner”
“Whatever mum”
He threw me a beer as I went and sat down on my sofa flicking through the TV channels knowing I wasn’t going to find any. I was kind of glad Oli was here; at least I wouldn’t be on my own. That way I my thoughts wouldn’t get on top of me. This way I could get through at least one night.
He chose me, instead of the girlfriend he had had or 2 years. I couldn’t hate him anymore.
“So Lace you gonna tell me what happened to make you cry?”
“Probably not”
“You know I can help right?”
“How you don’t know the half of it”
“Because I want to know all of it”
“Can I trust you?”
“I hope so; I want to prove to you that you can”
“Okay, make pizza then we’ll talk”
I did appreciate him being here, and who cares if he leaves I need someone to talk to and like he said there’s no one else banging on my door or just letting themselves in, I kept looking over to him, he was really trying. I had to stop shutting him down, when he was nothing but sweet and kind to me. He brought me over a plate carrying the pizza he made and another bottle of beer for me.
“Thank you Oliver, honestly this is lovely”
“It’s okay dear, but I need to know what’s going on because I’m worried about you”
“Don’t worry, I’ll be okay”
“Eat your pizza then we can chat”
Oliver
It had worked she’s letting her guard down, slightly. Now just to get to the bottom of it all. I’m sure if I let her drink enough she’ll start talking but at the same time I didn’t want her to forget that I was here when she really needed someone, she didn’t have to go through things on her own anymore. I may have made the wrong decision this morning but I don’t want the easy route any more I want to work hard to gain back the friendship we once had. Although it’s been years I’ve never forgotten about her, I’ve always felt a bit empty without my best friend and Katlyn just fit the gap that was there, but I’m ready to take on the challenge that is Miss Lacie-Rose
“You not going to eat any of this Oli?”
“No I’ve eaten already worry about yourself”
“I can’t eat anymore, please take it away from me before I puke”
“Ew, you want it in the fridge yeah”
“Yeah I’ll have some later”
I walked over to the fridge and brought back the chocolate.
“Let’s talk, what’s got you so upset”
“Part of it you, the other part is my father”
“Tell me everything”
“My head was so messy last night, I know you’re back in my life but I wasn’t sure that I wanted it because I’m scared you’re going to hurt me again. I know that I wouldn’t be able to take that, but today I was going to meet you just to see how everything goes then you don’t show up what am I supposed to think? I went into over drive my head felt like a motorway I couldn’t think straight. I really don’t want to be fucked about again Oli. I’m so happy that we are friends again but it really got to me today after everything you said yesterday I thought that you weren’t going to mess me about and a day into it that’s exactly what you do. I understand about the situation with your girlfriend I’m not saying you should meet me behind her back but you knew that you wouldn’t be able to so you should have text me at least. I would have understood. Anyway I’m over that now but when I got home my dad was stood outside my place. Not even sure how he knew where I was living, but he came here to tell me my mums ill but I’m not sure what to do. I’m supposed to care right? But I don’t I’m supposed to be going round there and comforting her but I can’t she caused me so much shit when I was growing up, and I don’t think I’ll ever care about either of them. I feel horrible my head is spinning and I haven’t felt like this for so long and it scares me. I don’t know what I’m supposed to think any more Oli”
I let her take a breather before I pulled her onto my lap and just cuddled her, I wasn’t sure what to say or do, I know she needed me that’s all that mattered. I let her cry I gently stroked her back.
I started walking and a slower pace, I wasn’t ready to be greeted with whatever he was here to tell me. I thought by the time I get to the door he would leave, but no. Things never just run smoothly for me. He turned himself around so he was looking straight at me; he walked away from the door and made his way to my feet.
“Lacie, we need to talk”
“Dad I’ve told you I don’t want to talk to you.”
“Well this time you need to listen it’s about your mum”
“I don’t care for what either of you have to say”
“I know we’ve had our differences”
“Differences?! You kicked me out when I turned 16!”
“Yes and we both know why, I had to do that”
“Because I wasn’t who you wanted me to be”
“Look this isn’t about that, your mums not well and we both thought you deserved to know”
“Okay you’ve told me you can go back now”
I opened the door to my apartment taking in everything that today as already decided to bring me, I felt terrible I should care about my mum but the feelings for them left when they threw me out.
The weekend I had was one of the worse I had experienced in a while everything about it seemed wrong, anger grew with in me as I grabbed my phone and dialled his number.
Oliver.
I had taken the selfish route again, knowing that I’d lose Lace, but if I went out I’d lose Katlyn. I was just starting to gain trust back from lacie, but I knew I had fucked it up, but the thought of losing someone that I already had made me panic. I don’t know if Lacie could trust me again even after yesterday but I knew that Katlyn wouldn’t leave me as long as I kept Lacie out of the picture, it was probably better for the both of us, that way I couldn’t let her down again.
I stayed in the house whilst I knew she was in the coffee shop waiting for me, I felt horrible. I should have at least messaged her that I wouldn’t be showing up.
I let a couple of hours slip pass before I even got out of my bed.
My thoughts were brought to an end when I heard my phone
“Hey”
“What the fuck Oli, you left me in that coffee shop waiting for an hour. I looked like a complete mug”
“I’m sorry lace, I couldn’t make it”
“You didn’t think to tell me that? What’s your excuse this time?”
“I don’t have an excuse, not one good enough”
“I’m just glad I didn’t get attached to you. I knew you’d let me down you have always managed to do that so what’s to stop you now”
“Please don’t be like that lacie, I honestly didn’t mean to do that to you”
“But you have, do you know what kind of morning I’ve had?”
“No”
“A terrible one, my father showed up at my apartment, everything’s about to come crashing down and I’ve got no one to fall back on”
I felt the tears slip from her eyes, why did I mess everything up.
“I’m coming round, I’ll be five minutes”
“Please don’t I really don’t need this right now. I just want to be left alone”
“You wouldn’t have called me if you didn’t want my help.”
“I was angry with you, I don’t need you”
“Shut up Lace I’m leaving my place now”
I hung up the phone; I wasn’t going to listen to her telling me not to help her. I knew she didn’t get on with her parents and I wasn’t going to let her down again. No way. I only had one more chance to make everything right.
I received a text message from Katlyn
To: Oli
From: Katlyn
I’ll be home soon, I hope you have something good cooking love you xx
I sent her a message back
To: Katlyn
From: Oli
I’m not home, Lacie needs me, I’ll be home in a few hours and we’ll talk then. I’m sorry xx
I switched my phone off and I pulled the car up to Laces door. I walked up the few steps to her door and let myself in; I knew she never locked this thing, when she was home.
“Lacie”
“Why are you here, I told you not to come?”
“You knew I would”
She walked out of a room which I guessed was her bedroom, she looked like she had been crying but not just a few tears, her eyes were swollen and red but somehow she still managed to look good.
“Want to talk about it?”
“Not with you”
She put on a front with me, she didn’t want to let me in but I wasn’t going to let her be like that with me, I’ll get her to tell me in the end and she knows that.
“Well I’m the only option you have; I don’t see anyone else banging at your door”
It sounded worse when it left my mouth than in my head.
“Doesn’t mean I want to discuss my life with you”
“Fine, I’m going to let you have half an hour but I’ll be back”
I had to make a plan to get her to talk with me; I couldn’t stand to see her doing this to herself.
“Don’t feel like you need to”
“Please don’t be sarcastic with me”
“Whatever”
I jumped back in my car and headed to a shop, I knew how to win her back, Lacie likes pizza it’s her favourite thing, it always makes her feel happier or [i] it used to. I hope it’s still the same. As I got in the shop I grabbed everything you needed to make a pizza I also picked up chocolate, that’s what Katlyn eats when she’s angry and upset I’m guessing Lacie would be the same, I picked up some beers as well hoping that she likes it, the way she smelt when I picked her up a couple days back I’m guessing she does. I would’ve got her some flowers but she’s not into that, or at least I don’t think she is. I admit i was going on things she liked when I knew her, she may have changed. She could hate pizza for all I know. I was winging it but was worth a shot if it meant I’d gain her trust and to show her that I’m here for her. I took everything to the check out and payed.
Making my way back to Lacies place I switch my phone on realising I had about 10 minutes till I said I’d be back
To: Oli
From: Katlyn
You do know I was serious last night; don’t expect me to be at your place when you get back, she’s welcome to you. You’ve done nothing but lie to me. Bye Oliver. Hope you have fun with your precious little lacie. Prick.
I took a deep breath keeping myself calm I wasn’t going to get angry about it. I knew the consequence, of me doing this. I also knew that this had to work otherwise it’s been for nothing and I would have hurt two people not just one.
But ‘your precious little Lacie’ got me wound up. She’s not even mine its makes her sound fragile and I know she’s not. Lacie doesn’t need me to get on with anything where as I need her. I’m the fragile one. Now I’ve found her I don’t want to let go.
I walked back into her apartment.
“Honey I’m home!”
“You just won’t leave will you”
She looked even worse this time. All I wanted to do was to put my arms around her and take all the pain away from her.
“I picked us up stuff to make a pizza with, some chocolate and beer”
“Why?”
“Well from what I remember pizza is your no 1, apart from me obviously and you need cheering up it’s the only thing I could do.” I shot her a cheeky grin.
Lacie
I knew that Oli had let me down but I could see he was trying so hard to make things right again, but being the insecure person that I am I knew it was all going to end again soon.
“Please I don’t want you here right now”
“I’m not leaving you, I told you I will never voluntarily walk away from you and I mean that”
“That didn’t count this morning though did it?”
“I’m sorry, about this morning, I am. I had no choice it was you or Katlyn I chose the easy option.”
“Then why are you here now?”
“Because I don’t want the easy option anymore, you’re friendship is important to me Lace it always has been”
“Can you stop talking bullshit for 5 minutes?”
I wasn’t going to fall for his charm again.
“I’m not, Katlyn’s gone. But I’m still here doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
“Whatever we going to make is pizza?”
“Knew I’d win ya round”
“You haven’t but I’m hungry”
“Okay you go sit down, I’ll make it.”
“You think I trust you to make food?” I let out a slight giggle
“Just because I used to be a shit cook does not mean I still am”
“Okay as you wish, throw me a beer and chocolate though”
“You can have beer but no chocolate you’ll ruin your dinner”
“Whatever mum”
He threw me a beer as I went and sat down on my sofa flicking through the TV channels knowing I wasn’t going to find any. I was kind of glad Oli was here; at least I wouldn’t be on my own. That way I my thoughts wouldn’t get on top of me. This way I could get through at least one night.
He chose me, instead of the girlfriend he had had or 2 years. I couldn’t hate him anymore.
“So Lace you gonna tell me what happened to make you cry?”
“Probably not”
“You know I can help right?”
“How you don’t know the half of it”
“Because I want to know all of it”
“Can I trust you?”
“I hope so; I want to prove to you that you can”
“Okay, make pizza then we’ll talk”
I did appreciate him being here, and who cares if he leaves I need someone to talk to and like he said there’s no one else banging on my door or just letting themselves in, I kept looking over to him, he was really trying. I had to stop shutting him down, when he was nothing but sweet and kind to me. He brought me over a plate carrying the pizza he made and another bottle of beer for me.
“Thank you Oliver, honestly this is lovely”
“It’s okay dear, but I need to know what’s going on because I’m worried about you”
“Don’t worry, I’ll be okay”
“Eat your pizza then we can chat”
Oliver
It had worked she’s letting her guard down, slightly. Now just to get to the bottom of it all. I’m sure if I let her drink enough she’ll start talking but at the same time I didn’t want her to forget that I was here when she really needed someone, she didn’t have to go through things on her own anymore. I may have made the wrong decision this morning but I don’t want the easy route any more I want to work hard to gain back the friendship we once had. Although it’s been years I’ve never forgotten about her, I’ve always felt a bit empty without my best friend and Katlyn just fit the gap that was there, but I’m ready to take on the challenge that is Miss Lacie-Rose
“You not going to eat any of this Oli?”
“No I’ve eaten already worry about yourself”
“I can’t eat anymore, please take it away from me before I puke”
“Ew, you want it in the fridge yeah”
“Yeah I’ll have some later”
I walked over to the fridge and brought back the chocolate.
“Let’s talk, what’s got you so upset”
“Part of it you, the other part is my father”
“Tell me everything”
“My head was so messy last night, I know you’re back in my life but I wasn’t sure that I wanted it because I’m scared you’re going to hurt me again. I know that I wouldn’t be able to take that, but today I was going to meet you just to see how everything goes then you don’t show up what am I supposed to think? I went into over drive my head felt like a motorway I couldn’t think straight. I really don’t want to be fucked about again Oli. I’m so happy that we are friends again but it really got to me today after everything you said yesterday I thought that you weren’t going to mess me about and a day into it that’s exactly what you do. I understand about the situation with your girlfriend I’m not saying you should meet me behind her back but you knew that you wouldn’t be able to so you should have text me at least. I would have understood. Anyway I’m over that now but when I got home my dad was stood outside my place. Not even sure how he knew where I was living, but he came here to tell me my mums ill but I’m not sure what to do. I’m supposed to care right? But I don’t I’m supposed to be going round there and comforting her but I can’t she caused me so much shit when I was growing up, and I don’t think I’ll ever care about either of them. I feel horrible my head is spinning and I haven’t felt like this for so long and it scares me. I don’t know what I’m supposed to think any more Oli”
I let her take a breather before I pulled her onto my lap and just cuddled her, I wasn’t sure what to say or do, I know she needed me that’s all that mattered. I let her cry I gently stroked her back.
Notes
So this is Part 1, of their really important chat. I've got the other part written up so it won't long till that's up Friday maybe...
I know I've been really bad at posting but I fell outta love with writing for a while and I wasn't sure where to even go with this story. I didn't think anyone was reading this and I wasn't putting my best work across to you, but I'm back and too stay this time, no you probably won' get a certain time and date for when I'm going to update but that's because I have to update in work so I can only do it when I'm on my own in the office.
I love you guys.
Let me know what you think :) xx
It's not letting me add links so I won't be able to post Lacie's outfit but if you want to know it it's on my polyvore there will be a link to it in previous chapters
Thank you for reading.
-Kay
Lol well I'm glad he's okay.
Ik it was too good to hope they started getting close. They gave things to work out and she doesn't trust him. But I hope they can be happy eventually, or at least not let this drag them down
1/7/16