Toxic Valentine. (Fransykes)

This, this was an accident. It was late at night and never meant to happen. Josh wished he’d stayed asleep, Oli wished he’d slept for once. This would never have happened. The dark was crawling all over the Weybridge born boy, it was eating at his fears and clawing at his eyes; done with praying to the dark with the knowledge it wasn’t taking prisoners tonight, he abandoned his fear of his tiny bunk to step outside onto the crisp grass. The ends of a campfire were dying out in the distance, and the stars were beautiful against the inky blue basket of the sky. The boy was wearing his pyjama pants and a battered Nirvana shirt, his jacket hanging off his shoulders as he walked wherever his feet decided was good. Under his breath, he hummed little songs that his friends had written, songs that millions of kids sang whenever they needed it.

Oliver was always taunted by the darkness, by the pills at the bottom of his bag and the needles and the powders and the self-rolled cigarettes that were hard to stay away from and easy to give into. So instead of succumbing to the numbness, he strolled bare-chested in his skinny jeans and boots through the tents. The air on itself kept a feeling within him, and for that he was grateful.

The two are wandering; looking for a salvation they were not aware yet existed. Or perhaps they both knew subliminally, somewhere in their hearts that their salvation laid within each other. As they walk the opposite paths in the darkness, to meet somewhere in the middle.
For the first part, both are silent. It’s the best policy because there are no words left, and Oli’s presence alone made the other’s knees weak and heart race and tears bubble behind cerulean eyes. They avoid eye contact, and that’s the second part because how can two men who were and are in love look in the other’s eyes without falling for forgiveness and bring the other into his arms. Three, they finally build up resistance and meet the other’s eyes, but there’s curiosity and that’s dangerous. Then four, Josh snaps and looks away, but he doesn’t speak, he can’t speak, it’s like there’s a clamp on his throat and an ocean of kerosene is soaking into his skin. He doesn’t like this, he shouldn’t be here.

“Josh?” It’s so soft, it’s so beautiful to hear his name on those lips in that accent. His voice in like pouring vinegar on an open wound, but damn it hurt so good. And the brunette boy had no choice but to look up, because the voice sounded like a command, even when that wasn’t the intention. “Are you…are you ok?” Breaking free of the bond, Josh shakes his head and then, finally, he speaks.

“No, I’m not,” He wants to swear at him, wants to say every brutal thought, but he doesn’t, that would hurt his heart only to amuse Oliver Sykes. “I’m not because of you, and you know it, but you didn’t even think… you knew what it would do and you did it,”

“I was scared…”

“How the fuck do you think I felt?” there were tears trekking his reddened cheeks “But I bet you never considered that, I gave you everything, no one else had ever had that, you promised not to run away, I was left alone, crying and alone in a place I didn’t even know, feeling abandoned and humiliated, in case you were wondering,” His rage boiled, but the hurt stung more.

By now, Josh is hysterical and shouting at the other, his eyes are full of tears, but he doesn't dare lash out, he can't, it would hurt his mind more than it would ever hurt Oli. But instead of that, he just tries to breathe, in the end it's Oli, who is mostly shaking now, who takes it in his stride and says sternly, "Josh calm down," And the other just drops to his knees, his breathing finally evening out.

From where Oli is stood, he swallows slowly before moving to stand next to the other, his hand combing through the others hair in soothing patterns "Breathe," He says calmly, and listens as the other does, letting out a sigh of relief. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have I know...I'm not your..." The Sheffield boy trails off, looking a little ashamed as he looks away, teary eyed.

For a moment there is complete silence whilst Oli comprehends the fact he could have damaged himself and everything else, before Josh, in a timid and broken little voice looks up at his friend, his lover, his entire world since the beginning. And there it is everything both of them had been trying to dodge, to deny, in those dark azure eyes. ‘Yes you are,’

And then Oliver leans down too kiss him softly, cupping his jaw in his hands. Their lips are soft against each other, Josh is shaking and the other doesn’t blame him “You can stand up,” he whispers softly, and the younger does so dazedly, staring at him with agony in his eyes. “Come with me, if you can’t sleep,” Josh mutedly nods and takes his hand, knowing this would push him through the pain even further, yet will keep him fighting even further.

Notes