Toxic Valentine. (Fransykes)

Going back a few months, Josh remembered a point where he'd toured with All Time Low, well not him; You Me At Six had toured in a co-headlining tour with one of the biggest names in Pop Punk. They were all in some state of excitement, Alex was freshly engaged and yet there was some vibe that was echoing off the walls, the vibe that something was not quite right. It took a while for the Weybridge born man to realise and it was that no-one was happy, excited yes, Rian was bouncing off the walls and Zach was greeting them all with grins and smiles. Yet the one most known for his childish personality was sat grim, his duotone hair mussed and dark ebony eyes drooping as if he hadn't slept in years; beside him, his best friend, though just passed a happy affair, had eyes raw with redness and lips that had been bitten far too many times.

It struck the other as odd that the most excitable of the band looked the least excited. Pushing aside his own problems for a moment, he approached the two men who had helped him through his own darkness a couple of years prior; yet as soon as he sat down, Alex shot off like a lightning bolt and there was no missing the pain in his eyes. Jack plastered on a smile that was so fake it hurt to look at, there were tears in his eyes and the elder looked close to snapping in two. So Josh took his hand and tugged him back to the You Me At Six tour bus, which was now empty from the lack of presence. "What happened with you and Alex?" There was no surprise because really it didn't take someone perceptive to figure out that yes, whatever happened had happened between Jack and Alex, and yes, it was hurting and upsetting them.

There's a pause so dramatic that in any other circumstance the Baltimore boy would have laughed, today he doesn't seem to have the strength to smile. "It's a long story," He mutters, and his voice cracks as he does. So instead of making him talk, he sits him down and makes him a cup of tea "I thought he was a good guy, Josh, I thought he was my best friend, I thought..." Josh knew the end of the sentence, he's said it himself before "I thought he loved me," And it's ground-breaking to hear it come from Jack about Alex, Alex who himself had tried to help him through so much, who had to be a good guy surely? But would a good guy break a man who never broke into pieces that were becoming hard to find?

"He's not worth it," It's a lie because he thinks of Oli, he thinks of his deep Sheffield accent and ruffled ebony hair. He thinks of his dark smile and bright eyes and the freckles that dance across his cheeks; of pale skin and jutting bones and artwork upon a piece of art itself. Then he knows that this man beside him would have to suffer that same consequence, would have to live for months or even years yearning for someone who belongs to someone else. Josh wouldn't wish that on his worst enemy.

Never mind his best friend.

Now he has no idea what to do, and allows Jack to burrow against him and cry, holds him as he feels the boy shake, shiver and mourn the loss of something he never truly had anyway. Love's a funny thing like that, you can be in love yet you can never truly own it, therefore at any given moment it can slip away because love isn't owned, love owns you. Eventually the man of Lebanese descent pauses, shifts quietly, breathes deeply. He looks up through his long dark lashes and he's asking a question but the British man can't tell what it is until it's muttered "I don't even know what I am anymore, I thought I was straight and then Alex..." There's a pause and it hurts and Josh pities him. "I just...I want to know," It's a compliment because the only way Jack would even be asking was if he thought he was attractive, so he takes that. But he's the only person that Jack has got to talk to and if that's damaged... he looks up with a small nod.

There's this second where they both shift around to face each other on the couch, two men completely in love with other men who were in love with women. There's not a single bit of romantic attraction between them because Josh can only love Oli (And even now he feels as though he's disobeying the soft chant of "Mine, all mine," That echoes in his ears today) and Jack can only loathe which is the same thing now Alex. It's shy and sweet and a little bit dejected when they lean forward, their lips shyly brushing and inching away as if intimidated by the thought it could ruin everything. Then it seems the debate is won over out of frustration as the American pushes forward and joins their lips, he's kneeling over Josh, who is sitting, cupping his jaw with his hands grazing the stubble that was just getting a little out of control. Their lips press together and part on neutrality, yet there's a twisting in Josh's stomach because this is not Oli. Jack seems to get a similar epiphany because he's pulling away fast and shaking his head "No," he mutters "Not gay I'm...I'm..." He pauses, searching for the title "Demisexual,"

It's enough for Josh because he does feel sexual attraction to other people, it's romantic attraction he struggles with, like his body betraying his mind. "Glad I could help," He mutters softly. And that's the end of it.

-

A few months later, back to the present, Josh is looking at Jack who is laughing and joking around Alex, they're happy but they're sad and it's confusing but he gets it. Around him the world is turning and it's turning fast, they...he...we can all try to move on, but we never will lose the ones we love most. The difference is, Alex loved Jack back. Oli...Oli just wanted a little fun.

There's a silence in his head before he meets a pair of curious eyes, he knows the chestnut coloured hair, the tan muscles and cheeky smile. There's a question hanging that he knows the other wants to ask, but before he gets to ask it he's pulled away by another band member; this one is taller, slender with long charcoal hair and cerulean eyes. There's muffled cursing between them and he swears he catches Kellin mutter "You can piss Oli off, but stay the fuck away from him," Their eyes meet and the other straightens up, jaw clenching before he's tugging Vic away like a disobedient child.

Notes

Ayy Here we go.