Austins POV
"What the fuck was that Austin!" Shay screamed at me, as soon as I got back to the guys Shay leaded me away from them to talk to me privatly
"I-I can't just let an ol- I can't just leave him like that Shay"
"Well you could've done it a lot less flirty!" He had a point, I could've done, but I was just overwhelmed to see him, too see his fuzzy ginger hair again, his gorgeous brown eyes and just hear his voice.
"Shay, theres nothing going on, I was just helping him out" I admitted. There wasn't anything going on, as much as I'd love to hold Alan again and tell him everything will be okay, I couldn't. I was with Shay, and I loved him. I wasn't going to two-time, I know what it feels like and I wouldn't want to make Shay feel like that. Its not as if Alan wanted anything to do with me anyway.
Shay walked off in a huff but before he could get through the door I reached for his arm to pull him back to me and as soon as he turned to me I locked my lips with his. He resisted but soon gave up and melted into me. I parted the kiss keeping out foreheads touching. "I love you Shay."
He smiled at me "We can carry on with this make-up sesh later" he winked and left the room swaying his hips jokingly, i laughed to myself and followed him.
-----Alans POV---
He had cut his hair short, he didn't look how he used to, he kinda buffed up too, he looked so good.. but I still resented him. We was apart for about 7 weeks and he had already got someone new, like I didn't exist and he has the fucking cheek to call me kitten. He was trying to be nice to me, most likely just feeling sorry for me and I didn't want people to feel bad for me. I just wanted to be left alone, let me fuck my own life up, i don't need pity.
Once he left the bathroom I crawled into the shower that he had put on and sat there, staring at the walls. He picked me up like he used to do. What was he doing, messing with my head? Messing with this 'Shay'? I didn't want to be part of that.
As much as I thought I didn't want to be with him I knew that deep inside I longed for him. I just wanted to be his again but I couldn't even have that, so I guess all thats left to do is push those feelings way down and try ignore them.
That night as I was sat on the couch watching Beavis and Butthead, Aaron couldnt take his eyes off of me, he felt sorry for me. "Aaron, don't. I'm fine"
"B-But that was Austin! You guys can be together again!"
"He's with someone Aaron, i'm not a homewrecker"
He stopped his sentence and looked at his hands. "Theres ways around it"
What did he mean? Ways around it. I raised my eyebrow and slowly turned my attention to him. "What do you mean?"
"W-Well, you could win him back, in a way"
"I don't want anything to do with him... How?"
Aaron giggled to himself. "Well, just show him what he's missed"
I didn't reply, instead just thought about what he was saying. No Alan, you don't want him back, he doesn't love you anymore, you're alone. Always. You don't need him.
That stupid voice in my head, I hate it, so much. It always tormented me and told me to do these things to myself and I listened. Why did I listen?
"So, my friend has a friend, who is interested in going on a date with you.." I furrowed my eyebrows at him in confusion, what?
"What?"
"I may or may not have been talking to someone about you, I wanted to get you out of the dumps so... Plus! Its a good way of showing Austin what he's missed!"
I thought about it for a while, why not. If it has any chance of making Austin feel what I did then sure.
"Set it up" I ordered with an evil smirk on my face.
-----------
"Justin, Trotta" He introduced himself. He was kinda gorgeous, not nearly as good looking as Austin but who was?
"Alan Ashby" I said back, we sat and had a meal together, it was nice. He was nice. I liked him.

----Austin POV----
I went over to Alans apartment, I thought that if he was to use an ecig it'd be better than normal smoking, so I bought him one.
I knocked on his door and Alan answered, i smiled as soon as I saw his beautiful face, he didn't smile back though, it made it awkward for me kind of. Either way, he's here and so am I.
"What?"
"I brought you this" I showed him the box "I-Its better than real smokes". I handed it over to him and he inspected it and smiled at me before giving me a slight thanks. We both heard someone shout to him "Come back here babe" it was kind of intimidating, even from afar. My smile had completely dropped, he had someone? I looked past Alans shoulder into the room with a puzzled expression and then back to him. He was about to say something and then stopped himself. He tripped over a couple of words before saying "I should go" He looked down at his feet and then back to me "Thanks though" He slowly closed the door on me with an awkward smile, he didn't seem confident to going back into his room which was weird, and I swear I saw a couple of bruises on his arms.
----Alan POV-----
It was nice of him to bring that round, i know they're expensive. He was looking out for me, worried about my health. It was sweet... No Alan, he doesn't love you forget about him. I shook my head in confusion and walked slowly back to Justin. I couldn't get Austins face out of my mind, when Justin called for me, it was broken. good. not good.
Our relationship.. It was difficult. He was rough and bossy. He scared me and I didn't want to do anything wrong, but apparently I always did. I was afraid of leaving him, just incase. I was afraid of telling anyone, I couldn't even tell Aaron. Whenever Aaron asked me about the marks that had been imprinted on my skin I would just say that i've been clumsy lately.
"Alan, get back here, this ain't gonna suck itself is it." That was the kind of relationship this was, he'd take control. I didn't like it but he forced me to. I'd do as he said so I wouldn't get hit. I was trapped. Suffering slightly. Justin would always tell me how much he loves and appreciates me but I knew he was lying. I just couldnt bring myself to leaving, it would only turn out bad for me. He was strong, stronger than me which made it easy for him to manipulate me. He played with my head, messed my mind up.
My life had gone wrong. Completely wrong. I sometimes just wish to have those moments back, those moments where I was going to end it, I would've gone through with it. I would've done it properly.
------
A couple of weeks had passed, Austin still insisted that he would come and see me every now and again, and he did. I loved to see his smile every now and again, it reminded me of the good times. Then i'd be brought back to reality by Justin.
Austin had met Justin the other day, I could tell they resented each other. I had explained to Justin who Austin was which made him hate him. He said "That son-of-a bitch will learn, no one will hurt you like that again baby" He knew he was hurting me, he got a thrill of hurting me, all of what he said was lies. Austin always looked at him with the same burning look and he'd still look at me with those passionate eyes. He wouldn't hurt anyone, not like Justin.
Justin was working today, so he wasn't round and i couldn't of been happier. I had the place to myself, I had no work today, Aaron was with his band and I was alone. I decided to play my guitar for once, I hadn't played it for a while, not since Julien came. He said he didn't like it when I played guitar, and that it was for losers. That i wouldn't get anywhere with it. I never listened to that, playing guitar was something I was passionate about.
I still hadn't played the guitar Austin had bought me, it was still sat in the stand, collecting dust. I sat on the living room floor, jamming away on my guitar. I accidentally started to play the song me and Austin had come up with. I still had no idea what the words were I just knew the chords. I closed my eyes and drifted off, letting my hands do all the work naturally.
----Austin POV----
I planned on visiting Alan today, much to Shays disagreement. I wanted to know how he was getting on, as I approached the door I heard the sound of a guitar, I pressed my ear to the door quietly and heard the song that we had made. He still played it perfectly. He had added some bits into it, but it sounded better. The lyrics whizzed around my head as he played the tune so flawlessly. The song was inturupted by sobs, he had stopped playing and started to weap. Instead of knocking I just barged through the door, looked around the room and instantly wrapped my arms around him when I noticed he was on the floor crying into his hands. He sniffled into my arm as whispered the words. "I want to go back"
Those words cut me deep, he was like this because of me, because I didn't keep trying. Because I had Shay now. He put his guitar down as I kissed the top of his head. "its okay Alan... everything will be okay" I hadn't said those words for ages. I never said them to Shay, he was fine most of the time and didn't need someone to hold him up.
I took a deep breath as he pulled away from me, wiping his tears, I looked around the room to find a box of tissues, they were on the kitchen counter, I stood up and grabbed them returning immediatly to him, handing him the box. He took some and wiped the droplets of his face. "Everything will be okay" I cooed, trying to calm him down.
Once he had calmed down I sat infront of him with a hand on his knee. He avoided my eyes as I tried to gain his eye contact. He was broken, even more so than before. I noticed that when he lifted his head up he had a black eye and so many questions ran through my head.
"What happened here?" I asked quietly gesturing to his eye. He sighed and made up a petty excuse "I-I tripped, thats all" I wasn't taking that as an answer "Okay now what really happened?" I pressed, normally I wouldn't push him to say something but this was for his own good, someone was abusing him and it needed to stop. "Nothing Austin!" He argued, pushing my hand off of his knee. He turned his head to the side, biting his lip. "I'm-I'm not gonna hurt you Alan, trust me" I swallowed my breath, waiting for his reply. "No, not again. I trusted you Austin.. I-I loved you..."Those words hit me hard, I hung my head in my hands and sighed. I didn't realize that, he-he loved me. "I-I'm so sorry Alan" I didn't know what else I could say, it broke me. "You're just repeating apologies Austin." He turned cold on me, and I don't blame him. I broke him, which ended up back firing. I didn't expect it to happen, I thought he was gone, forever.

I truly didn't know what to say, what was I supposed to do? I moved closer to him, I wanted to comfort him but he just moved away.

What have I done?

Notes