Repeating Apologies

Austins POV I was walking through town with Shay and Jax because we needed to get some things before band practise, Shay was talking about this new song he's created and how stoked he was to play it to us. Me and Jaxin was just listening because we'd never get a word in edge wise. The sun was shining down long street, it was nice to feel it on my face. I had my usual mirror shades on, my arm wrapped round Shays waist and Jax walking the other side of us. I loved to see Shay so happy and bubbly, his smile kind of made me forget of everything that was in my mind and it was nice. It was nice to forget. Jax made a comment about someone "How could anyone get to that stage in their life" he scoffed. Me and Shay both looked round to see who he was commenting on and it was some guy, laid on the bench with sick down his shirt and he looked half dead. As we neared the bench he was laid at I saw ginger hair, kind of long ginger hair. It reminded me of Alan. My little ginger prince. I sighed, i haven't said that name for ages. I missed him so much but how- how could he just not say goodbye? I was going to come back for him and everything! I got a tattoo for him. I noticed that the guy had tattoos on his arms-... I recognized those tattoos. Wh- I walked closer to the back of the bench pulling my shades down to get a better look. "A-Alan?" It can't be him? Surely not. He doesn't even live around here, he lives in Cali. I had a lump in my throat, I was confused. He didn't move. He was still, I walked round to the other side of the bench and kneeled down. Shay and Jax stood still, staring and confused. "A-Alan?" I asked again, still nothing. I had been dying to say the name again but i knew I shouldn't of done. "K-Kitten?" He swallowed his breath and opened his eyes slightly, realizing that it was me. He tried to talk but nothing came out, he just croaked a noise. "W-what have you done to yourself?" I looked up at Shay and Jax quickly to see them pull the same face. It wasn't a good face to pull but at this moment I didn't care. I didn't care about anything right now. This was Alan. I helped him slowly sit up but when i tried to hold his back he flinched and shook it off. What was he? This wasn't the Alan I remembered. I tried to look in his eyes, those beautiful brown eyes but he was avoiding me. "Kitten, please say something" I really shouldn't be calling him that but I couldn't help myself. "Dont call me that" He shouted. He shouted it right in my face, he was being hostile. After all this time of not seeing each other the first thing he says to me is "dont call me that" aggressively. I wasn't bothered about him not saying goodbye to me anymore, I just- I just wanted him to talk to me. "Alan, look at me" He didnt "You forgot about me Austin! You used me, you left, you got someone new! You don't get to call me 'kitten', not now, not ever!" He growled at me. I didn't use him, I would never. He didn't know the full of it, why was he being like this? "Alan, look at me, I did none of those things. You don't know my side of the story" I replied softly. I didn't want to shout at him, I really didn't. He swallowed his breath again. "Then explain that" he growled pointing towards Shay. Shat looked shocked and pissed at the same time, he lunged himself towards Alan but Jax held him back. I thew a smile at Jax to say thanks. I slowly got up and walked to Shay, gave him a peck and said "I'll meet you later okay" He nodded his head, his face still full of anger. Him and Jax walked off down the road and I went to sit on the bench next to Alan. I watched as I twiddled my thumbs around "Yo-You never said goodbye" "I was sent away! I got sent to FUCKING christian camp austin! I physically couldn't! this was weird, its not like him to swear, he usually said fricking or frick and it was adorable. I didn't like this. I took a deep breath. "I-I'm sorry" He looked at me with rage "You know I escaped that fucking camp, swam a fucking lake, walked all the way fucking home, smashed my parents window and got on a mother fucking plane for you! Just to find out that you had moved on! straight away, just like that!" I had no idea. He did all of that for me? All of that? I felt like a piece of shit. "I-Im sorry Alan, I had no idea" "No you fucking didn't! you didn't even try to contact me!" "I did! I went to your home, I called you for three weeks straight and nothing!" "Well guess what genius, my dick of a dad smashed my phone!" I had the biggest lump in my throat, I could barely talk. I was just hit, like a deer in headlights. With truth. "I-m so sorry kit-" he glared at me "Alan" I finished. It was silent, I didn't know what to say and I don't think he wanted to talk to me. "Ca-Can I at least have your number? I want to keep in touch" He sighed, looked around and pulled out his phone. He showed me the number and I instantly put it into my phone. I was getting another chance with him for sur- I mean. I was able to keep in touch with him, make sure he's doing okay. Because I was in a relationship, with Shay. And I loved him... "How come you're like this Alan? I asked quietly, I was prepared for him to shout in my face "I took something last night" "Something?" "I dont know what it was." He was doing drugs, for sure. How could he do that to himself. I was baffled, trying to get my words out but it came out as a mess. "Why are you doing this to yourself?" I managed to get that out at-least. He swallowed his breath. "To forget." That stung. Real bad. He was messing his own life up because of me. Because I didn't try to keep contacting him, because my stupid head thought that he didn't want to see me anymore and thought that he was ignoring me when in actual fact. I'm the bad guy here. I was the one that fucked him over. I was going to help him out of this hole. "I want to help you." "I DONT NEED HELP" he growled at me. "Alan look at me" he did so slowly "You have a problem and i'm going to help you" he gave me a stoic look, like i was lying. But i wasnt. I knew I wasnt. He had a serious problem. He pulled out a packet of cigarettes from his pocket and promptly lit one and took a drag on it. He was smoking too? What is he doing with his life! I shouldn't of done it but I felt like it was the right thing to do. I snatched the lit cigarette from his fingers and threw it on the ground, ignoring his angry expression, i saw the packet sat on the bench on the other side of him and I immediatly reached over and grabbed them throwing them into the road and watched as a car ran them over. He looked at me with a red face and before he could shout at me or go to hit me I said to him "its a bad habbit and starting today i'm going to get you better" I smiled at him cheekily but he just gave me a stoic expression. I may not be with him at any time but I wanted to see him get back to his old self. "Do you still play?" He nodded his head at me "You still have the-uh guitar I gav-" he nodded his head with a grumble before i could finish my sentence. "You still play it?" He shook his head. I didn't blame him for that, I would've trashed it though, after thinking what he did. "Let me get you back home" I suggested. I probably should've gone back to the band but right now, all i could care about was getting him back to safety, i'm sure they'd understand. "It'd rather walk" He stood up and stumbled away from the bench, I wasn't just going to let him walk home, not in his state. I stood up after him and walked after him, it didn't take long because he was flailing about everywhere. I scooped him up in my arms wedding style, just like we used to do, I was completely out of order doing it but I couldn't help myself right now. He kept telling me to put him down but I didn't, he soon relaxed as I got to where a bunch of taxi's were lined up ready to get in i put him down gently, he looked at me with adoring eyes and soon snapped out of it and gave me the emotionless eyes. -------- We go to his apartment and we had to climb up some stairs, he stood on the first one but struggled. I acted upon instinct and scooped him up in my arms again, carrying him up the stairs. He really didn't look impressed but I could see behind that he was melting, melting into my arms like he did before. We reached his door and I put him down gently as he opened the door. I walked in behind him to see that his roomate came running to the door asking him if he was okay and where he was. He looked at me confused and shocked after realising someone was behind Alan. I reached my hand out to shake his "Austin" I introduced myself and as soon as I did he looked like he had seen a ghost, like he recognized me but he did the same "Aaron and thanks a lot for bringing him home" I smiled at him and we both didn't realize that Alan was stumbling along to a different room, I glanced over to him and he almost fell over until I took a large step closer and caught him, lifting him back to his feet. "What do you need?" I asked "I need to be sick right now, so let go of me." I wasn't going to I escorted him to the bathroom, he fell on the floor and flung his head over the toilet and immediatly vomit into the bowl. I crouched down and rubbed his back soothingly. Once he was done he wiped his mouth and sat on the floor, propping his back up on the wall. I flushed the toilet for him and sat next to him. "I should probably shower" he giggled to himself. I noticed that he already had towels in the bathroom so I stood up and turned the shower on, so it had time to get warm, I looked down at him and smiled before walking out of the room, closing the door behind me quietly. I ignored the confusion in his face, I really needed to be going, getting back to the band. I said goodbye to Aaron and told him to take care of Alan and headed off to the band.

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