Alans POV

Everytime he was near, everytime I heard his name, my heart fluttered. I was in love with him again and I didn't want to be. I rejected it, I pushed the feeling away, I wasn't going to tell anyone, not even myself. My heart and my head were at a disagreement, my head hated him but my heart wanted him so bad.
My bruises and cuts were getting worse from Justin, but I still couldn't bring myself to stop being with him or say something to someone. I was scared.
Aaron had asked many times if im okay and if everything is okay with me and Justin to which I just said yes, I didn't want him to worry and I didn't want him to blame himself for my relationship, because I knew he would do that.
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Justin came round on a day when Aaron was with his band, he barged through the door and locked his eyes on mine and wouldnt take them off, it made me feel uncomfortable. I was starting to hate human interaction, I hated the feeling of someone touching me, I was fragile but Justin ignored that.
He bounced on top of me with a devilish smirk, "c'mon baby, we're doing it here" he demanded. I didn't want to, i wanted him to stay away and never touch me again. He tugged on my belt buckle as I squirmed away "Oh, you're playing like this today then?" He growled in anger, he wasn't playing about, it was making him mad. "Well, I'm not in the mood for it, just lay still and enjoy" I continued to squirm away, I really didn't want this and he knew it. He pulled me right back to him, tugging my trousers off me with force "No Justin" i squeaked, I was terrified. "Are you rejecting me? I thought you loved me" He grunted, raising a hand to slap me round the face and screaming "Tell me you love me" over and over again, punch after punch, backhand after backhand. It hurt, it stung. "i-i love y-you" I cried silently.He smirked and continued. "Good."
It was painful. More painful than my first, I didn't want it so i was tense. He didn't even prep or get a good spot, he just. He just went for it. it was horrible. He left me straight afterwards but kicked me in the ribs before he left, leaving me there, still on the floor as I clenched my stomach. I was crying my eyes out and even they stung. I felt like i wasn't in my own body anymore, i was just a worthless pile of damaged organs.
I lay there for 10 minutes and there was a knock on the door. I was petrified, what if it was Justin again? I couldn't cope if it was, he'd make it worse. I wept uncontrollably, thinking it was Justin, and then the door opened.
----Austin POV----
"Baby, stay in bed, just 10 minutes!" Shay begged with a cute puppy face. I was going to see Alan, to check up on him but I hadn't told Shay that. He would just get jealous and mad, as cute as it was I didn't want him to feel like that, so I said I had to go the bank. "I wont be long babe" I replied with a smile as I slipped my jeans on. "Well as soon as you're back its round 2" he laughed to himself, I joined him on the laugh. inside joke... hahaha
I walked out of the apartment, grabbing my keys and jacket. I hopped into my Jeep (I decided after using that rental back in Cali that I wanted one) and drove over to Alans apartment. I was about to get out of the car when I saw Justin walking out of the door with a smirk on his face, he walked passed some guy, checking him out and wolf-whistling him. The other guy didn't seem to comfortable about it. What was he doing? Why was he so proud of himself and why was he checking out that guy? I waited for him to be out of sight and ran straight into the building. I knocked on his door but there was no answer, I put my ear to the door and heard sobbing, like I had before. I opened the door quietly to see that Alan was laid on the floor, holding himself, weeping and shaking.
I ran straight over to him, I was going to hold him, ask him what was the matter but he screamed at me to get away and not touch him. If he didn't want to be touched thats fine, I didn't want to make him worse. Justin had obviously done something to him, I looked at him in the cacoon he had gotten himself into, his jeans were on the floor and he was just in his boxers. He was shaking uncontrollably. Thats it, I knew what this Justin guy was up to.
"Don't do anything, i'll be back" I said whilst running out of the door, I was going to catch up with this guy and make his fucking body hurt as much as Alans did, if not more.
I ran in the direction I saw him walk off to. He was stood near a bench with some guy, I was full of rage, I had no idea who else was around, all there was to me was him and me and he was going down. He had no idea. I marched straight up to him and knocked him straight to the floor. "How the fuck does that feel you worthless piece of sh!t!" I growled at him. He held his head and got up slowly, as he did he was going to hit me back but before he could I hit him again, over and over until he was on the floor, silent. His face red raw, bloodied and cut. I kicked him in the ribs three times and did something I would never do- I spat on him. Yeah, gross.
"Austin what the f*ck!" I looked up to see who was calling me and it was.. Jax?
"What are you doing here?" I questioned, I was still mad, hate was still in my veins so I kind of spat it at him. "I WAS talking to my friend until you pummeld him, are you crazy?" He bent down to pick his friend up. "Your friend? Do you have any idea what this fucking guy has done?"
"What put his dick in his bumboy?" He spat back with an evil smirk. Son of a bitch.
"He fucking ra/ped him Jax, thats not okay, thats never okay!"
"It wasn't rape, the little wimp didn't say anything, he was open to it" Justin croaked. I didn't want to hear anything from him. As soon as he squeaked I threw my fist into his mouth, hoping it broke a few teeth, the fuck up deserved it. People in the street had turned their attention to us, they were silent and stood staring.
"Austin stop! You're mental!" Jax screamed.
"You piece of shit Jax, how the fuck are you on his side in this?"
"I'd rather be on his side than some lunatic that claims to have 'heart problems' c'mon we all know you dont you wuss" he pushed me at my chest. I was not lying, I have never lied about that. I clenched by jaw as Jax said all this shit about me, I looked down at my chest and back at him and shoved him back with all my force, it knocked him back. "You're a piece of shit Jax" I walked off with that as they both shouted random crap at me.
I told Alan i'd be back to him, so I was going back to him.
Once I reached his apartment I walked straight into the room again closing the door behind me softly, he was still in the same place, shivering, shaking, crying and sniffing. It was as if he was scared to move at all.
I walked to his bedroom and pull his duvet off his bed and brought it to him on the floor, if he didn't want to move I wasn't going to force him to. I gently placed the cover over him, making sure he was covered up and warm. He clenched onto the side of it and didnt say a word. I got a glass from his kitchen and filled it with water and placed it next to him, just incase he needed a drink, I didn't want him to move if he didn't want to. I was afraid of touching him, he looked so fragile, like i would break him. I didn't care if he wasn't going to move or talk to me, I just wanted to sit here, so he wouldn't be alone and he'd calm down.
I remember one of the things that used to help him calm down was the sound of a guitar so I took my first instinct and went to his room to pick up a guitar. I saw the guitar that I bought him, sat on the stand, collecting dust, there was something inbetween the strings and as I got closer I realized it was a picture. When I looked at the picture I realized it was a picture of ... me.. He had a picture of me, in the guitar that I bought him. The picture was clearly cut up beause you could see part of his hair in the photo. I swallowed the lump in my throat. I wasn't planning on using that guitar, not if it meant something to him, I picked up the other one and went back to sit next to him. Shay had taught me how to play so it helped me when writing songs but the only song I wanted to play was our song. I knew the chords to it and I began to play it, softly, not how he played it. He played it with alot of effort and anger which made it sound amazing, but I played it softly and quietly. I sang along to the words that I had come up with. I sang them quietly, I didn't want to disrupt him that much.
"I don't mind it, I don't mind it if you're overated, or if you're staring at the edge of the world" His eyes looked up to me slowly filled with tears. "Keep in mind that i'm a sore eye with blurry vision, but i can see it has to be you love, that i've been dreaming of" One of his tears fell down onto the floor and he started to relax. "And if we climb this high, I swear we'll never die" I took a deep breath "I'll never die"
He sighed and closed his eyes letting the tears hit the floor. He lifted his arm slowly, lifting the cover up as an invitation for me to join him, I put the guitar down straight away and joined him. I wanted to be there for him, hold him until he was okay. He turned around so his back was to me, i wrapped my arm around his waist and slipped my other arm underneath his neck. My body was pressed close to his and i kissed the back of his head and he relaxed. I guess he felt safe with me? His arms didnt join mine they stayed underneath his head stifly. He wasn't going to move them.
He hadn't said a word and neither had I. "Everything will be okay" I whispered into the back of his head before kissing it yet again. In this moment, I had completly forgot that I was in a relationship, it was like old times and thats all I could think of. I felt him sob, his body shook slightly from it.
"Wh-What did you do t-to Justi-tin?" He croaked, it was the first thing I had heard him say since he screamed at me and he sounded cut up. I smiled at the thought of Justin on the floor, trying to hold his weak body up. "I took care of it" I didn't want to tell him anymore. "Li-Like what?" He asked again. "Lets just say, he was on the floor, like trash" Alan nodded his head at me in understandment, I don't think he wanted to know anything more, I wasn't going to tell him about Jax either.
My phone started to ring, it was in my back pocket. I didn't want to answer it, I wanted to keep my arms around Alan but it was Shays ring-tone so I had to. I took my arm away from Alan and I heard him let out a little sigh. "Shay?" I questioned. I heard Alan grumble underneath his breath once I mentioned his name. "What did you say to Jax?" He asked. I rolled out of the cover and made sure Alan was still covered. I sat on the couch "What do you mean?"
"He said he quit the band, what happened?" Ah shit.
"I-I didn't say anything Shay. What did he tell you?"
"Well Austin, you fucking liar. Jax told me that you wasn't at the bank and that you was actually going to see that fucking Alan guy. What are you fucking him or something?
"Shay-"
"No! I'm talking right now and Jax also said that you are faking your heart problems, you're two timing, you're a fucking liar Austin, how am I supposed to trust you? Oh and you beat some guy up for no reason! Who does that?"
"Shay, calm down. He's lying, he's been going against me for a while now, I'm not lying about my heart problems, you know I have a problem with my heart, you went to the hospital with me, and okay, I admit, I did go to see Alan, i wanted to check up on him and its a good thing I did. Shay-" I looked at Alan who was now weeping on the floor. "Shay- can we talk about this later? i'll be home in half an hour and we'll talk about it"
"Whatever Austin" He replied. He hung up the phone and I sighed, rubbing my hands on my forehead. Great. Jax was spreading rumours about me and Shay was pissed at me. Who knows what else the band thought? Plus we needed a bass player now. But for some reason, they were at the least of my worries. I had Alan on my mind. It shouldn't of been that way but I was more concerned for him.
"its okay, you can go" Alan whimpered. I took a deep breath, "I-I want to stay" I shouldn't of said that I know I shouldn't of but, It was the truth. All those feelings I once had for Alan- they never left and they've just come straight back to me, but I couldn't escape that guilty feeling.
I love Shay but that month I had with Alan, that was better than the years i've been with Shay. Theres just something about it that.. i love. I-I love Alan. Oh god, I love Alan. I'm not supposed to, i'm with Shay, I love Shay.. Shay, Shay, I love Shay, I love Shalan. No, Shay, not Alan.
I was becoming my own worst enemy. Like there was two parts of me. Half that was doing the right thing and staying faithful to Shay and then the other side. The side that wanted to proclaim my undying love for Alan. They were at war.
Alan was flooding through my mind, he was still laid on the floor, I was on the couch thinking through everything. Do I stay or go?
I left. I did the right thing, I think. I listened to my head and left. I said goodbye, told him to call me if he needed anything, luckily as I walked out the building I saw Aaron was close, so he'd be able to go comfort him.

Now i had to deal with Shay. And the whole band situation, why has Jax done this?

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