Repeating Apologies

Alan POV
If I was in the apartment around 7pm I'd hear Austins sweet voice singing tunes so perfectly. I knew when exactly to be quiet just so I could hear him. Austin was more of an un-clean vocalist instead of clean so it was nice to hear a difference sometimes. Id just sit back on my bed, close my eyes and listen to his beautiful voice.
"This place is so empty, my thoughts are so tempting, I dont know how it got so bad." he sang softly. His voice was rather raspy but it was still beautifully melodic. "Sometimes its so crazy, that nothing can save me, but its the only thing that i have"
I picked up my coffee and took a sip. The boiling liquid burnt my tongue and I dropped the mug on my lap. It burnt, i never realized why people used to scream when they dropped their drink on them until now. Austin stopped singing and his door swung open whilst i was just stood flailing about because I felt like I had practically burnt my crotch. Austin stood at his door giggling slightly. "What are you laughing about?" I screamed at him, he knew not to take me seriously which I was glad for. "Just go change your pants dude"
I thought about it for a second, I guess it does make sense. I walked to my room and slung the jeans off and threw them into the corner of the room. Luckily the coffee didnt go through my jeans so my boxers didnt get wet. I walked over to my drawers to get some new trousers but then realised that I had put them all in the wash. Great, I legit had no pants to wear. I'd have to get some from the dryer, which means going through the living room with just my boxers.. Austins seen me like it before, itll be fine, right?
I stepped out of my room, Austin was sat on the sofa cleaning up the coffee on the floor. He looked up at me and was about to say something until he noticed I wasnt wearing any pants. "Uh- they're in the dryer" I laughed to myself, my face burnt from embarrassment. Austin looked down to the mess on the floor, back at me and then to the floor again. "sure, uh no worries" He babbled nervously. I finally got to the dryer after what felt like a fucking runway of awkwardness, I grabbed the closest jeans and just shoved them on, they were still warm and I sighed in relief. Austin looked at me weirdly, like I had just said the strangest thing ever. "They're still warm" I baffled and he just giggled in response.
I sat on the sofa next to him and put my feet on the coffee table like I normally do. "What was you doing anyway? Sat in here with the tele off?" He questioned me. Shit, how do I make it look like I wasnt listening to him sing. "I-uh, was reading.."
Austin screwed his face up. "You.. read?"
I gasped jokingly and smiled. "Yes, me, read."
"Wheres your book then?" He asked with one eyebrow raised. Shit, I didnt think that part though.
"So I wasnt reading." I bit the inside of my cheeks "I just like hearing you sing once in a while" I confessed, he smiled at me. It was an honest smile "You was legit sat in here just listening to me then?"
I nodded my head and I could feel the blood rush up to my cheeks as I blushed. It was kind of embarrassing. He picked up the cup that I had dropped, stood up and put it on the kitchen counter. He stood there for a couple of minutes, I didnt know what he was doing but I could hear clanging. I decided to put the tele on, to kill the silence. 8 simple rules was on and I didnt mind it so I thought i might as well keep it on, not as if I was paying much attention to it.
Austin walked in with two mugs in his hand, he placed them on the coffee table and pushed my legs off before he sat down. I looked at my legs and back at him, he grinned at me so i flung my legs around and rested them on his lap. "there" I let out afterwards jokingly. He laughed at me. "Try not to drop this mug, yeah?" he mocked. I shook my head in reply. This is the first time we've been kind of relaxed around each other and been able to keep a conversation flowing.
"Remember that time we were sat with Jax and Chris under the tree, after I had just had some dude kick the shit out of me, and I kept putting that stupid can on my face like a goon?" I asked. He smiled and nodded his head. "Of course, the day I was trying to get to know you, but you wouldnt let me" I tightened my lips and nodded my head slowly and then finally got back to my original thought. "Well, I feel like getting a cold can like that and honestly putting it on my crotch"
Austin burst out laughing, I forgot how much I loved to hear his laugh, it was so goofy. I watched him and smiled, there were a lot of things I loved about him, I had just put them away. Its something I shouldnt dwell on too long. He finally stopped laughing and it looked as if he couldnt take me seriously anymore. "Im serious" I joked. He let out one last breath of air from his laughter and ceased. He placed his arm on the back of the sofa and looked in my direction.
Our heads werent that far apart and I could see his eyes lock onto mine and he let out another warm smile. It was like the old days where we could just sit around and not need to talk to each other. Our heads were slowly getting closer to each other, I could almost feel his breathe on my lips, I wanted to kiss him so bad but I knew I couldnt. Our lips almost touched, and then the someone knocked on the door. "Alan baby, I brought Chinese food!" Jack called from the other side of the door. I stopped in my tracks with my eyes closed and took a deep breath, swallowing the lump in my throat. Austin looked pained and he soon stood up and left the room, going back to his own. He didnt say a word to me, barely even looked at me. "It-Its unlocked!" I shouted back to him and he walked in smiling like always.
I was brought back to reality. I cant just do that, not anymore. Not now that im with Jack, its not right or fair on him. "I'll be back in a minute" I announced as he walked to the kitchen to sort the food out. I walked into the bathroom to try wake myself up a little. I needed to pull myself together. I was in the bathroom longer than i thought as I heard knocking on the door.
I opened the door slowly to see Austin stood there, he looked panicked. I furrowed my eyebrows at him as he joined me in the bathroom closing the door behind me. "Jack isnt who you think he is" He proclaimed. "W-what?" I asked shakily. I dont know if he was making something up because he was jealous or if this was something serious. "H-he legit just tried it on with me"
I just shook my head, no. Jack wouldnt do something like that, Austin is just mardy because I didnt kiss him earlier. "Is this because I didnt kiss you earlier? because its not fair on Jack" I argued. He couldnt go around and make this kind of thing up. "Alan, im serious! I wouldnt lie to you."
I shook my head and left the bathroom straight after. I didnt want to hear his lies, Jack welcomed me back with a warm smile and a kiss, see, why would he do anything to hurt me?
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Austin POV
I didnt want to bare seeing the two together, I admit, i'm jealous of Jack. Im jealous of what the two have. Once I got to my room I realized I left my drink on the coffee table and I kind of wanted it. I slowly opened the door and saw that no one was in the living room so I strolled on through but by the time I got to the table, Jack appeared from out of the kitchen. "Oh hey Austin" He smiled at me. I've gotta admit, hes got a good smile, just like Alan explains it. "Hey" I replied awkwardly. He walked up to me and stood rather close, almost too close for comfort. "Y'know, I really like tall guys" He whispered almost seductively. I found that really weird. As in, WHAT THE FUCK WAS HE DOING. "Uh okay?" I replied. i honestly didnt know how to reply to him. "Don't fight it, I've seen the way you look at me, why not give it a try? Whats the worse that could happen?" He proceeded. No, what the fuck was he doing. "Yknow, I- UH, need to pee" Saying that always made it awkward for everyone involved but at least it gave me a way to get out of whatever situation this was. "Fine" He grabbed my hand "But yknow, call me sometime" he winked. "Lets keep this between you and me for now" And with that he disappeared back into the kitchen. I was shocked, how the fuck was I supposed to deal with that and how do I tell Alan about it? Because there is no way im keeping it from him. I know its nice to see him happy but its not real, what Jack tells him isnt real.
I noticed the bathroom door was closed and so I guessed he was in there, I knocked on the door and heard a mummer, as if to say come in or something, little weird considering its the bathroom 'n all. "Jack isnt who you think he is" I blurted. I really didnt know how to tell him but I guess this is the way I took. "W-What?" He asked back, with furrowed eyebrows. "H-He legit just tried it on with me" I proclaimed.
"Is this because I didnt kiss you earlier? because its not fair on Jack" He argued. Okay I see how it could sound like that. "Alan, im serious! I wouldnt lie to you" I replied, hoping to god that he'd understand and actually just listen or believe me. But, he wouldnt, he was too involved in the world of Jack to actually listen.
Id have to watch from the sidelines as Alan gets played. How many other people has Jack tried it on with? I had to find a way to get Alan to listen to me, if its the last thing I did.
I thought about the consequences, it'd cut Alan up, I knew he loved him but what kind of relationship is it when half of it is a lie. I'll always be here for Alan, whether its a lover or just a friend he needs, i'll be around for him.

Notes