My Understandings

Alans POV I don't actually know what happened last night. Chris handed me a drink and it was nice, so I drank more and more and I just, lost control of myself. I wasn't me. I was confident. When Austin said he wouldn't do the diddly with me I kinda just got to thinking that maybe he doesn't want to, I mean the whole thing about him asking me to be his boyfriend got me down too. Maybe he doesn't actually want to be with me after-all? I thought for some reason that finding someone else to do it with would be the best idea, so then I could get the awkwardness out of the way and I wouldn't have to talk to that guy again. I don't know why I thought that was good but that's what made sense to me at that time. Once we got upstairs it hit me. What i was actually doing. I know me and Austin wasn't 'official' or anything but I was pretty much betraying him. We got to the room and the guy pushed me down to sit on the bed and then walked over to the window to close the curtains. I really didn't want to be there. I got off the bed and sat by side the bedside cabinet and by the wall. I hid my face, I didn't want this but the guy I was with obviously couldn't care less. He continued to say things to me and when I looked up he was right in-front of me, trying to make out with me. I clearly didn't want to but he kept trying. I said "no" so many times. He backed up and started to unzip his trousers. All I could think was 'Why did I do this to myself' 'Why did I put myself into this mess' I tucked my head into my knees and sobbed. Sobbed for dear life that someone would in on us and save me because clearly I couldn't save myself. My heart was racing and I was panicking. The door suddenly swung open and slammed against the wall. I raised my head slightly to realize that it was Austin. He'd come to save me. Right? ---------- I kinda just fell asleep in his arms and I didn't mean to. I was just so exhausted. I had no idea what happened in the space of me falling asleep to waking up. But I do remember that Austin beat the frick out of that guy and he shouldn't of. He wasn't supposed to fight anyone. I've never seen him like that and it scared me. He lost his temper with his last last boyfriend, who's to say he won't do it with me? I know hes been to rehab and hes different now but I just witnessed him kick the frick out of this guy. I woke up wearing just a big black t-shirt and my boxers, what the hell happened? When did I get changed and where the hell was I? I sat up and rubbed my eyes, my head hurt, so this is what its like to have a hangover? As I stood up I noticed my clothes in a neat pile on the bedside table. My shirt, shoes and jeans were there. I kept the shirt I was wearing on and just shoved my jeans on again. I put my shoes on and was about to walk out of the door to go find Austin but before I could reach for the handle I heard Jaxin's voice outside. I pressed my ear against the door to listen in, I don't know why I was being so nosy, its not like me. "Austin buddy" Jaxins voice croaked "Its 5am, get some sleep. The couch is empty downstairs" Was it really 5am? "No, I want to make sure no one disturbs him" Austin replied in a deep but very tired voice "No one will Aust, they've all gone home, just get some sleep, you've been here for hours now" "Jax, i'm fine." "Then explain why some guy ran out the house saying he got beat up by a lanky dude" "Look, he was going to- with Alan" "Going to what?" "Rape him Jaxin. He was pretty much going to rape him" I was silent. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat. "I carried him in there, changed him into something more comfortable and left him peacefully and i'll be damned if someone disturbs him" Austin persisted. All I could think was how fricking adorable he was, he was a prince charming. "Sure thing man, just don't fuck yourself over." "I wont dude, thanks" "Have you told him yet though? Because we're going to have to go soon, like a week tops" there was no reply, i assumed he did reply though. What did he mean by 'have you told him yet' and 'we're going to have to go soon'. H-He was leaving me?What. I walked backwards and sat on the bed, my eyes started to fill and my breathing got shallower and quicker. H-He was leaving me. My Austin is leaving me? I looked on the bedside table to find my phone, I opened up tumblr to see if he had mentioned anything, but he hadnt. There was a picture of us though. The caption was: "He wanted to see what the world was like from my perspective so he found a stool. What a cutie ♥" And there I was. A picture of me that I didn't remember. I was stood on a stool and he was stood next to me taking the picture. I looked kinda happy. I guess thats what alcohol does to you. There was another post from him. "So, my little ginger prince has discovered alcohol, he's gets very lovey when hes drunk ♥" Do I? What was I doing that was so lovey? I actually don't remember anything from last night and I wish I did. I remember the whole situation with that guy and thats about it. Why didn't i remember any of the good memories? I refreshed his page to see a couple of asks that had been answered. "You sound like a prince charming, I wish I was as lucky as your boy" I was lucky I admit. He replied "I have my flaws & you'll find your prince just like I found mine ♥" "That picture is the cutest thing ever. Hes adorable ♥♥♥♥" That kinda made me smile especially when he replied "Yes he is ♥ Which why it breaks my heart to tell him I have to leave. I will have to delete this because I don't want him to find out this way" Then a bunch of questions of why he has to leave me. He just replied to them with "I don't live out here and i've already over-stayed my welcome" I didnt want him to leave, he couldn't. What would I do without him? I refreshed his page again to see how had just recently posted some text. "Been sat outside his door all night making sure nobody disturbs him ♥ I still need to tell him but i don't have the guts to. I don't want ot see his face when I tell him. It'll cut me up" with hashtags of #thisisgoingtohurtmemorethanhim #imsuchafool I put my phone down quietly and walked to the door, my legs were shaking and I was on the brink of breaking down, I wiped the tear away from my face and opened the door to find Austin sat opposite the door, staring at it, guarding it. His eyes were slowly blinking, he was falling asleep until he saw me stand in the door frame. He immediately jumped to his feet and engulfed me into a tight hug. I couldn't hold back my tears anymore. I bawled my eyes out. His arms were wrapped around me whilst my arms were sat by my side. I buried my head into his chest, letting the steamy hot tears run down my face and onto his shirt. He kissed the top of my head apologizing to me softly. I managed to get a couple of words out. "Y-you're leaving me?" He pulled back from the hug and looked me in the eyes, he noticed how puffy my eyes were and he wiped a couple of tears away, I could see some were forming in his eyes. I've never seen him cry and it looks like I still wouldn't. He was strong enough to keep them in. "Its not like that Alan. I don't want to, I just, I can't stay here." I looked down at the floor "Wh-Why?" "Because this isn't my home, Florida is" I felt sick. My heart dropped. I couldn't stop these tears. My face was burning and I was getting dizzy. What was I going to do without him?

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