Human After All.

It was quite clear to me that I had to wake up and go find Alex, so I could get started with being his assistant. And I knew I had plenty of time to get up and get ready, with even more time to spare. So, why was I not doing any of this?

That was a very good question indeed.

The whole scene of what happened last night with Devin was still playing over and over in my head. Comforting an obviously very emotional Devin Sola, along with actually singing to him. Singing to him. Did I have some sort of death wish? It must have sounded horrible. Sing to him. Why the hell did I do that.

I mean my singing was average at best. But comparing it too Chris’ and Devins singing, it must have been bad.

But he didn’t say anything bad about it, so that must have been a good thing. Besides the singing thing, he told me about his breakup with his, now ex, girlfriend Kylie. I couldn’t stop the small glimmer of hope that threatened its way into my mind whenever I thought about it. I knew that didn’t bring us any closer to being together, because I knew he wasn’t gay, or bi in his case. But it was there.

My chest constricted in pain with my feelings for him, and the pain that we would never be together.

Curse my thoughts for having hope. Curse the feelings, the love, the pain, the desire I held for that man.

Oh, the desire. Everything that has to do with the word, was what I was feeling before he came over. I could barely contain myself when I got home from Chris’ place yesterday night. Remembering the way Devin looked at me, the way his body felt so perfect beneath me when I had tackled him too the ground. Even when I composed myself, I was still a bundle of nerves when he stared at my tattoo on my arm that is usually hidden.

And when I put my arm around him too hold some of the weight off of him when the guys decided to tackle both of us too the ground in a dogpile. Which was all lovely and whatnot, us laughing at each other, but after everyone got off of us, I quickly removed my arm because I had to resist pulling him even closer to me. It was a terrifying feeling too be attracted to someone this much.

I mean, I have had my fair share of feeling like I was in love, and it either got me broken hearted or after awhile I just wasn’t feeling like it was love, it was more just sexual desire and I hated myself for those ones. As soon as I realized what my actual feelings were in those kind of relationships; I left, I knew I couldn’t stay because it would hurt both people involved in the relationship.

But then there was the one I was in most recently, and that was four years ago, same with every other tragic thing that could have possibly happened; was four years ago.

I stared at myself in the mirror in my bathroom, coming up from my haze, realizing I was finally getting ready without even thinking about it.

If I was too be in a relationship with Devin, would I be good enough for him? The thought saddened me too the point, that if he was too be with me in any way, I realized he deserved so much more than me. With the hideous scars on my back, with my past. I had so much emotional baggage, that I couldn’t function properly without Blakes help when I moved in with her. I was better now, that much was obvious to me. I was stronger now. Both mentally and physically.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t slip up and fall into the dark pit that is my past once in awhile.

Yeah, hes too amazing and sweet for someone fucked up like me.


~


“So, can you take these shirts too them too get signed, and these papers for the times they need to be ready and go for their sets. Oh, and could you get them some coffee from Starbucks, or Tim Hortons since we’re here in Canada. Since we have the option.”

Alex was actually a swell guy, he gives you every detail he wants you to do, giving you plenty of time to do them. Him and Michelle talked about my new position with Motionless In White, and we worked out some hectic schedule. I was glad I was an assistant, and not an actual manager. All I had to do was do the things Alex couldn’t, because he had a shit tonne of other things to do at the same time he needed to do a whole lot of other things that needed to be done.

And I guess Angie wasn’t doing a very good job at helping, because he swears his hair was turning white from the stress she gave him.

But I noticed he did all he could for the band, and anything involving at what they need. Some others would just let them stress out, but Alex had it all figured out.

“Sure.” I barely got the word out before he started up again. “Oh and heres a list of what drinks they like. Thank you so much.” He was about to walk away, then stopped turning on his heel, digging something out of his pocket. “I forgot, you’re going to need this.” Handing me a Visa gift card.

“There’s about a hundred dollars on there, don’t forget to get something for yourself.” He walked away, this time seeming that he didn’t forget anything.

I took my shoulder bag of my back and put the neatly folded shirts into it and pulled out a clipboard, easily attaching the papers Alex gave me too it. I zipped it back up and slung it over my shoulder, making my way towards a Starbucks that I saw driving in last night.

I walked in, glad too see it wasn’t as busy as I thought it would be this time of the morning. I listed off of the drinks and gave off the names for each drink. The poor girl looked flabbergasted at the names I gave her. Mostly when I said ‘Balz’ and ‘Ghost’ and my personal favorite ‘Rage’. I thought her eyes were going to pop out of her head.

I couldn’t bring myself to tell her who they where actually for because after a few minutes she just accepted it.

“Oh, and can you also get me a Mint tea with milk and sugar, please?”

“What size?”

“Grande.” Hoping it wasn’t as big as it sounded. I usually made my own coffee or tea, rarely did I ever buy it from Starbucks and Tim Hortons. Even more rarely from Timmys, but I hear its amazing.

She got my order ready, putting the cold drinks on the top of the hot drinks in a different tray, which where all of two and the rest where hot.

I handed her the card, paying for them. “Thank you very much.” A smile forming on my lips. I saw her blush, and I smiled wider as I walked out the door.



~


“GOOOOD MORNING, VIETNAM!” I yelled as I walked onto the tour bus.

“We’re not even in vietnam, you twit.”

“Doesn’t matter, Lucifer wasn’t there either when he said it.” referring to the infamous Lucifer played by Mark Pellegrino in Supernatural. I grinned.

“Well, what's with you so cheery this morning?” Chris mumbled.

“I’m not entirely sure yet, let me get back to you on that.” Putting the drinks on the counter, and passed Chris his coffee. “Oh, sweet jesus thank you.” He immediately put it too his mouth and started chugging it.

I passed Brandon his drink, along with Balz’ as well. “Where is Ricky and Devin?”

“Unconscious, and they refuse to wake up.” Brandon filled me in. “Go figure. I’m actually surprised theres three of you guys awake.”

“Hey!”

“You know its true Chris, you barely get up unless someone shoves coffee on your face.”

He grumbled half heartedly as he took another sip of his drink. I pulled out my clip board and stuck the papers that was on it onto the board so the guys could see what time they would have to be ready for their sets. “Today, you’re going to be playing at..” I flipped through the sheet to find todays time. “12:30 PM.” I finished. I looked at the clock and saw that it was already ten in the morning. “Do you want me to get sleeping beauties awake? While you guys sign these shirts?”

They all nodded, not wanting to be the ones to wake up their friends. I quickly pulled out the shirts and handed it too Josh, along with a sharpie. Leaving them too it, I walked down to the far end of the bus, too the last two bunks.

“How exactly should I be approaching this.” I half yelled back down to the bus.

“Depends on their mood.” Brandon hollered back.

“Great.” I muttered. Going for the top bunk first, I pulled the curtain open. “Eeeeeh.” An obviously sleepy looking Ricky looked back at me, one eye closed, the other partially open.

“Time to get up, I got coffee.”

“Mm, kayy.” He mumbled, rubbing his eyes. Shuffling slightly, crawling out of the bunk. I moved out of the way, and he stumbled to the floor, trudging to the front of the bus.

“The short one is awake and mobile.” I called out. I heard a few chuckles, and a groan of protest at the remark of being called short.

I kneeled down, pulling the curtain open slowly. A peacefully sleeping Devin laid in bed, his almost shoulder length hair tousled about, obviously a side effect of tossing and turning in bed. I put my hand on his shoulder and shook it gently. “Devin.” I commented softly.

“Oh by the way, he was awake earlier. Have fun trying to get him up now.” Chris commented.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” I replied. I saw Devin stir a little. “Hey, Devin time to wake up man. You got too get ready, and I got you an iced vanilla chai latte.” I sang.

“Do I have too get up?” He mumbled.

“Yes, sir, you do.” I smirked. “Come on, lets go.” I removed my hand, and waited to see what he would do.

His eyes opened slowly, narrowing them when the light hit them. I tilted my head slightly, too see if I could steal a glimpse at them.

“Mornin’.” He mumbled.

“Aw, you sleepy?” I replied in a voice mothers would use talking to their children.

“Yes.” He whined slightly.

“Well, you can sleep later. Come get some caffeine.” He nodded slightly, and started rolling towards me, I quickly got up and got out of his way, so he could stumble out, as Ricky had done and walked to the front. Although this view was much better. He did have a very nice ass. I tried to lift my eyes straight up to the ceiling so I wasn’t caught staring.

And, of course I stared for a good few more seconds before catching myself yet again. God, hes irresistible.



“So, do you want too come with us?” Ashley Costello was standing among the men from Motionless, and her band New Years Day. I guess that it was some kind of tour season, or something because they were touring here in Toronto as well as Warped Tour.

I was standing behind Chris, because he was taking his sweet time signing the shirts. He held the marker just above the last one. I tapped him in the shoulder, and he jumped. “Dude, you have been trying to sign that last shirt for a good half hour now.” I laughed. “I’d like to get those back too Alex, and then see what else I need to do.”

“Sorry, about that.” He quickly signed it, and handed it to me. Turning to Ashley, he replied. “Sure, where is this amazing bar you speak of?”

“Somewheres downtown.”

“Somewheres?” He questioned, disbelieving.

“Well, its been awhile since I have been there so. Yeah.” She shrugged, and let out something in between a chuckle and a sigh. I couldn’t help the slight chuckle that escaped my throat, as I walked towards the door.

“I’ll see you guys later.” I waved, glancing back slightly to catch a glimpse at Devin, I saw him look startled then pretended not to be staring at me by turning his gaze to look out the window, sipping at his latte. I raised my eyebrow, and didn’t question it.

“You’re coming with us!” Ashley announced. I stopped, nearly tripping on the last step. “Huh?” I started.

“Yes, you with the grey eyes.” Me? What now?

“You mean me?” I questioned, already turning around.

“Yes, you handsome.” She smirked. Hoo boy.

I smiled. “A beautiful woman such as yourself inviting little ol’ me?” That sounded more flirtatious than I meant it too.

“Why, I don’t know what to say.” I chuckled softly.

She sashayed over, ever so slightly. She put her finger on my chest, and I tensed up ever so slightly. She started walking her fingers up towards my face.

“I’ll see you there, then?” Her dark brown eyes stared at me, her lashes lowered just enough to tell me that she was indeed flirting. But even with all her intents and purposes, I didn’t get that heart fluttering, butterflies in my stomach kind of feeling from her. That and, I always like too get too know people before I get into a relationship with them.

“Wouldn’t miss it.” I grinned slightly. I took that opportunity to excuse myself, and continue my way back outside to fresh air.

Once out of sight, I blew out a breath of relief. Hoo boy. I repeated.


~


Okay, so I was being dragged to the bar by Chris and Ricky, even though I would really rather not.

I tried to tell them, that I wasn’t interested in Ashley, not that she wasn’t my type, it was just that I was literally trying to make myself get over Devin. Even though he wasn’t actually mine too begin with, but unrequited love has its ways.

I remember back to the conversation with Blake I had last night. How she basically got me to admit that I was actually full on, weak in the knees, heart yearning love for the one; Devin Sola.

But they insisted on me coming anyway, even if I didn’t talk too Ashley. I could tell that something was up. But I knew better than to press it, but it still had me slightly concerned. When I asked about where everyone else was, they said they were still getting ready. Concerning levels went up drastically.

My thoughts immediately went too Devin, as a lot of the time, thats where my mind usually goes. I thought about when Blake basically read me like a book too know that I was in love with him.

She knew me all too well.

/

“Devin’s coming over.” I freaked out a little over the phone too Blake, who had been listening to my tale of woe for over an hour. Maybe a few minutes, I couldn’t and wouldn’t keep track of time.

“Yes, so?” She made it sound like nothing. I was going crazy, just because I was able to touch him earlier, and he was so close earlier that his presence alone made me want to take him right there. My thoughts were now permanently in the gutter. Forever.

“I don’t know how much more I can take, Blake. I’m sorry, that I keep saying that.”

“You love him.” She squealed yet again.

“Yes, I do love him. I haven’t felt like this for anybody in my life. I crave him, Blake. Its terrifying.” I felt as if my heart was in my throat as I spoke.

“But, don’t you see why I’m happy.” She didn’t wait for an answer. Because she knew I knew what she was going to say next. “Because, you’re finally moving on, I mean more on than you have before. Before ‘E’.” She didn’t say his name. I really wouldn’t have cared at the moment, because my heart was pounding, and I could hear it so loudly and obnoxiously in my ears that I felt like I was drowning in my own worries.

“Anyways, I’ll talk to you later. He’s probably going to be here soon, or hes probably waiting for me too notice that he is here.”

“Alright, darling. Talk to you later.”

“Bye, Sweets.” I heard the dial tone as she hung up.

/

“Here we are!” Chris announced, waving his hand, making me look up at him and at the bar sign.

Safari After Dark. That’s an interesting name for a bar. I noticed it was more of a dance club than anything else. From the pulsating music coming from inside and the long line that seemed to go on forever.

Oh well. We easily passed the line up that was too long for its own good, but I learned from being in the business is that a line is good for said business. Some people looked pissed, while others stared admiringly at us as we basically cut in front of them all.

I looked around the inside of the club, music was blaring, bright colorful lights were flashing in the semi darkness. People where either standing around drinking, sitting and drinking or just dancing too a beat that didn’t always seem to fit the music. Other than that I was pretty impressed, I nodded my head slightly to the beat. I was suddenly glad I was wearing an all black suit. It seemed to fit the atmosphere.

We went and sat a VIP lounge couch. Bands are pretty privileged I guess. I ordered a simple scotch on the rocks, and the woman serving us gladly served us our drinks in no time. Again, privileges. I thought to myself. I took a sip of my drink, feeling the burn of the alcohol go down my throat. It seemed to loosen me up soon after a few more sips, because I soon laid back and relaxed and chatted idly with Ricky and Chris.

“Okay, so what is this supposed to be, some kind of grand entrance?” I asked Chris. He seemed extremely amused, even Ricky looked slightly confused at his friends obvious happiness. That’s never a good sign.

“More of a test.”

“A test?” I narrowed my eye slightly. “Seriously?” He only nodded, his smirk only growing bigger, if that was possible.

“You’re creeping me out, I hope you know that Chris.” Ricky shook his head and took a drink of his gin and tonic. He wasn’t the only one.

I laid my head back, closing my eyes slightly. My leg was folding neatly over the other, to make myself more comfortable. I tried to relax more, because I had a feeling Chris was up too no good.

My suspicions were confirmed seconds later as the rest of Motionless, and the whole of New Years Day strutted before us, like they were in spotlight of some sort. My eyes almost instinctively focused on Devin, which I was dumbfounded too what I was looking at. My heart skipped a beat, painfully and pleasurably so, my nerves felt like they were on fire at what I was staring at.

His black hair was just slightly puffed out, as were his normal feature. But he was wearing a very silky looking, tight fitting too where I felt my breathing was going too halt completely at the sight, short sleeved black dress shirt. My gaze unashamedly gazed downwards towards his pants, and I was extremely glad I did.

He wore them so casually, but my mind was in one place and one place alone when I saw them, they were easily his best fitting jeans, as they seemed too just grace his legs making it seem as if they were hugging him, and just slightly puffed out at the ends. I saw a kind of glossy looking boots peeking out from under the slight puff. Doc Martens. It seemed too throw the whole look together perfectly.

I looked back too his face in awe of him, wondering how someone was so alluringly gorgeous, and not take complete advantage of it.

I realized I was staring, and for awhile because I felt Chris smack my shoulder, and my gaze directed itself towards him, he was grinning from ear to ear, like a cat who ate the canary.

Shit.

Notes

Hrmmm... things are going to start heating up a little bit soon. Just fair warning. Aha.

Enjoy, as always! :)