Human After All.

I sucked in a breath, as I met the eyes of the person I tackled when I saw them run towards Chris’ camp with our flag. I was surprised to meet the steely grey eyes of Alistair. He was grinning, after he said he won, but seemed startled to see who it was he had pinned to the ground.

I smirked at him, only because I really didn’t know what else to do. In my head, I was wondering why it had to be him that I tackled. But when I was chasing after him I didn’t realize that it was actually him. I just saw a flash of our flag and I just chased after it, even though it was probably a dumb idea, because I had their flag in my hands. Andy and Ashley probably didn’t even know I was gone yet, I just saw it and ran off without saying a word.

I was becoming more aware at how close he actually was. I could feel the warmth he was sending off from his body, and I felt how soft and rough his hand was that had a gentle yet firm grip on my wrist. I felt heat rise to my face, as I kept staring at those liquid metal colored eyes. I really hoped he didn’t notice.

It felt like a long time passed, before he finally said something. “I probably should get up.” He murmured thoughtfully.

“That might be a good idea.” I managed to get out, sounding better than I thought it was going to. He let go of my wrist, and in my mind I felt sad that he let go. I watched him as he crawled off of me, my heart rate through the roof as I watched his lean body flex and twist easily too his whim as he stood to his feet.

What the hell is he doing to me? I’ve never felt this way about a man before. Those same words have been going through my mind for days on end, and I still haven’t gotten a decent answer. I saw a flash of orange and red on the right of his shoulder, and noticed that he had a tattoo of a phoenix. I stared at it, it had its wings out in a way that made it look like it was going to take off, with a beautiful array of oranges, reds and yellows.

I must have been staring, because he cleared his throat. “You like it?” He asked, laughing a little. “Yeah, it looks awesome.”

He held out his hand, and I grabbed it, he pulled me up with ease. We just stood there, awkwardly. I had no doubt a sheepish grin on my face, when my eyes trailed back to his tattoo.

“I don’t know why I never noticed it before.” I mused. He laughed, “Usually I atleast have short sleeves on. This is probably the first time anyone here has seen it.”

“Well, now that I think about it, yeah you do.” I was curious at why I didn’t notice it before; him wearing mostly short sleeves before, now if I think about it even more so, he doesn’t even take his shirt off around us. Not that I’m perverted or anything, just with a physique like his, you would think he would be not as bashful too just whip off his shirt. Maybe he was shy; which seemed far fetched with the way his personality fits. Maybe he has something to hide?

It was becoming far too clear, that I was thinking about this way too much. And it also occurred to me that I was staring yet again. He smirked. “See something you like?” He chuckled. My face flushed, and I hope too fucking God he didn’t see it.

“Also, notice anything missing?” His lips stretched across his face, in a devious smile. It was then I noticed that I wasn’t holding onto their flag anymore, it was in his hands.

I couldn’t stop the outburst that past through my lips. “Why, you dick!” I exclaimed. He wiggled his eyebrows at me, and ran off, with me chasing after him. I quickly latched onto him again, my legs twisting around his and snaking my arms around his shoulders, pulling them back a little.

“Dude, what the fuck are you two doing?” I heard Andy laugh behind me. “I was pretending to be a koala, what do you think we’re doing, you fucking dumbass, he has both flags!”

“Shit!” Alistair was still hobbling along even with my added weight slowing him down. I saw Chris, Jinxx, Ricky and CC running towards us from the front, obviously too help their teammate Alistair. And I heard my teammates running towards us from behind me.

The end result was not really what I was expecting, but Chris’ team won, but it was the moment before that. It was a literal dog pile on Alistair and I, and it was too say, at the very least, extremely uncomfortable. Except for the warm arm of Alistairs that some how managed to protect me from the crazy males that were on top of me.

After everyone got off, he quickly removed it. And though I was grateful for the save, it was still really awkward in a sense too actually like the fact that his arm was around me.


~


“I don’t know what to think.” I confessed to Chris, who was some how still listening to my story about me possibly liking Alistair.

He seemed to ponder what I had said to him, his facial expression thoughtful. “Maybe, you see him as someone who could make you feel better, like comfort, with you and Kylie not being together anymore.” He paused. “Or simply that you are seeing something in him, that makes you attracted to him. If you were bi or gay, we are the last people to judge you on that. You know that.” He emphasized on the word ‘you’.

I sighed. I did know that. And of course, I didn’t have much of a problem with being bi, but it seemed kinda weird to me, that it would happen now of all times. I mean, was this a one time thing, or something that lasted forever. I was so unsure of that simple thought, I mean I joked around with Chris and them, but never had any feelings for them, accept for them being my brothers in a sense.

Or any other men, I never once felt attracted to another man. Accept man crushes. Like Johnny Depp or Tom Hiddleston, but almost every guy I know has those. I thought to myself. But thats besides the point.

I thought too Chris’ first thought, about me and Kylie not being together. We both fell out of love at the same time and there were no hard feelings, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt like a bitch afterwards. Maybe it was some kind of comfort thing.

A part of me hoped it was, while the other part hoped maybe I was attracted to him. Because in all honesty, I would go for either, maybe even more so on the relationship. If there was a chance. He was insanely attractive, and seemed so sure of himself; but at the same time seemed blinded to the ogling eyes that stared at him as we walked by. Him, insisting that they were staring at us, and I would believe it sometimes; but the ones that were practically undressing him with their eyes was a different story altogether.

Not that I didn’t try the same thing some days.

“It might be much more than comfort, the way you’re spacing out right now.” Chris brought me out of my thoughts, and I blushed. I blushed again. This was becoming ridiculous.

“Maybe.” I muttered, trying to calm the blood that was rushing too my face. He chuckled. “Well whatever you decide it is, know that we’re always here to talk and stuff like that.” He got up and walked out the door too the front of the bus. “I’m going to head to bed.” He turned to his bunk and grabbed his Pjs and headed for the shower, no doubt. Then probably too bed.

I looked down at my black jogging pants and grey tee, thinking I probably should head to bed also. I walked out of the back room and headed to my bunk. I had a bottom bunk this time around, and it was near the back. I had Ricky above me, and an empty bunk beside me.

So I actually had some privacy; which in a sense was little to none. But it was quieter back here than it would be up near the front bunks with the guys. Noisy bunch of fuckers, they were. I crawled in and got comfortable, pulling the curtain closed.

I decided to text Alistair, with the possibility he might still be awake.

-Hey, you awake?-

I waited for a reply. I pulled the blanket over me, feeling the cool air of the AC hitting me. My phone dinged.

-But of course. What can I do for you?-

Even over a text, he sounded cheeky and outgoing. Jeez.

-Can’t sleep. Wondering if you weren’t too busy enough to talk to me. :)-

It didn’t take long for him to reply.

-I’m not even doing anything. Did you want to come over or just text?-

I thought about it for a second. It might be easier to find out what it was I was feeling if I was in person, not over text.

-Would you mind?-

I sent the text, knowing he would get my meaning.

-Not at all. Come on over, I have coffee on the go as we type. :)-

Coffee. That sounded amazing right now. Sleep could definitely wait. I quickly pulled the curtain back and stumbled out, not even caring too look at myself in the mirror on the door behind me, went out front and pulled on some Vans.

“We’re you headed in such a hurry?” I heard Ricky behind me. “Coffee.” I grinned at him. It wasn’t the first time I ran off too Alistairs for coffee, so now I just said the word and he knew what I meant.

I quickly took off running once I got out the door and far away from the others line of sight. My phone in hand, I ran behind the bus and up the hill slightly, too where Alistairs RV was sitting. I saw a familiar form walking back and forth on the RV through the windows. I slowed down a little, and listened when I got closer. He must have been on the phone, because I heard his voice when I was just steps away from the door.

“...Devin….he’s coming over...I….” I raised my brow. I heard my name, and I immediately thought it must be his girlfriend or boyfriend on the phone.

“I don’t know how much more I can take….sorry….love..” I could only hear bits and pieces of the conversation, and I really wish I knew what was going on. But my thoughts went too assuming that he couldn’t stand being around me. And I felt myself deflate a little. He doesn’t like me?

I had long since stopped in front of the door. I took a deep breath, and blew it out in one big gust. I still wanted to talk to him, but if he has a problem with being around me. Well, I didn’t want to bother him. I felt myself shrinking on the inside, it was hurting more than I thought.

I was about to walk away, when the front door opened. Alistair was there, smiling broadly at me.

“There you are.” His smile was way to infectious, and I felt myself smiling back. “Sorry if you knocked and I didn’t answer. I was on the phone with Blake.”

“Blake?” I questioned. He nodded. “Yeah, my best friend, back in Washington.” Possible girlfriend? I thought with a little jealously. He laughed. “She was telling me about her new girlfriend.”

Wait. Girlfriend? My face must have betrayed me again, because he burst in a fit of laughter. “Yes, my best friend is a lesbian.”

He moved away back into the cozy RV, waving for me too come in. I walked in, closing the door behind me. It was warm, and smelled of freshly made coffee with a hint of the Irish Creamer Alistair loved to use in his coffee.

“She’s pretty awesome. I’ve been staying with her for almost four years up until now.” He continued, pouring some coffee into mugs. “Creamer?” He asked me as I sat down on one of his chairs. “Yes, please.” I grinned, I was addicted too the stuff.

He poured a fair amount in each and a little bit of sugar. “Although, I don’t know what I’m going to do after Warped. I mean, I guess I could go back and stay with her.” He walked over and handed me a mug, steam rising off of it, clearing my sinuses with the smell of the French Roast coffee. I blew the steam, and it swirled around slightly, but I didn’t take a drink knowing it was way too hot.

“What about being Alexs’ assistant, and well our assistant?” I asked, genuinely curious. He sat down opposite me, stopping short for just a second as he thought about my question. His face holding a confused tone.

“Oh, yeah jesus, I almost forgot.” He sat all the way down, crossing his leg neatly over the other. “I suppose I would have to talk to Alex about that one.” He was wearing one of his usual pairs of Pjs, his favorite apparently; it had Loki’s face all over them from Thor: The Dark World. And he had on a plain black shirt as well.

I had to admit, sometimes I thought his taste in sleeping wear was a little weird, the others were normal except when it came too wearing Loki on your pants. Which that sentence in itself was weird.

“Mmm.” I agreed. The mug was hot against my palms, but I refused to set it down, because it was the only thing distracting me from staring at his incredibly handsome face.

“So, what’s up? It sounded like you wanted to talk about something?” He questioned, his tone light and comforting.

“Well, I guess I did. I just don’t know if I should be relaying all my problems too you. I mean, you don’t know the situation or anything. And it might be awkward.” I rambled. I looked up at him, and his smile was sympathetic.

“Sometimes its good to have an outsiders opinion, or just too listen too the story without hearing it a bunch of different times from other people. I’ll listen, if you want too tell me. I’ll talk if you need to talk to someone. Isn’t that what friends are for?” He commented, his words made me feel some sort of relief.

“Yeah.” I chuckled. “I guess that is what they are for. But it’s hard talking about it some times.”

“Start wherever you want to start.” He leaned back, taking a sip of his coffee, making a light ‘Mmm’ sound; obviously enjoying his drink.

I tentatively took a sip of my own coffee, cursing slightly when I burned the tip of my tongue.

“Burned your tongue?” He laughed softly. “Yep.” Popping the ‘p’ at the end. I put my coffee on the table beside me and sat back in the chair.

“It’s good, but way too fucking hot.” I laughed. He hummed in a way that he sounded amused.

Silence fell, but it was a nice silence. I tried to get my thoughts together, wondering what I should say. Should I tell him I might like him? What about when I was outside, did he not like me as a friend? Should I confide in him, why I’ve been feeling crappy about the breakup Kylie and I went through two months ago?

“I guess I could start with that I’ve been feeling shitty about my past relationship.” I finally spoke up.

He nodded for me to continue.

“We’ve been going out for three years, and it was amazing. And I knew I loved her from the beginning. She was my rock, she accepted everything about me, and I her.”

“But four months ago, we both started feeling off with each other. Like the love we had for each other died out.” I paused, and waited to see if he had any comments. “Like as in literally died out, or you just felt that the relationship took its course, you still cared for each other but there wasn’t that happiness and fulfilment that you had before?”

“More too the second one, that was pretty accurate.” I commented. I wouldn’t have guessed something like that had happened to him, or maybe he just seen in it from an outside view; but that was exactly how it felt.

“But don’t get me wrong, we tried to find it again. We didn’t want too give it up that easily, and we tried for a couple of months till-.” I felt my voice crack slightly at the sudden wave of emotion that forced its way too the back of my throat. I took a deep breath, regaining my voice.

“Till we decided to break it off. No hard feelings, we could still remain friends; granted we gave each other time to heal.” I finished. “That was two months ago, and I still feel like crap. Like I could have done something to make it work or work at it harder. I feel as if I didn’t try hard enough.” I was waving my hands around dramatically at each word, but they fell too my legs as I finished.

“Hey, hey, its okay.” He moved so quickly, setting his coffee down and kneeled in front of me. He brought one of his hands up and wiped under my eye. I quickly touched under the other eye, and I realized I was crying. The realization made me want to cry harder.

“You did what any other human being would do. You tried your absolute best, Devin. That’s all you could do.” His words were soft, and held back an emotion I couldn’t identify in my distress that I was crying in front of him. I cried harder, leaning forward and bringing up my hand too try and wipe away the tears. To no avail, because I would wipe them away and they just continued their onslaught as if I wasn’t even there.

He pulled my head too his shoulder, and started rubbing my back, as sobs wracked through me. I was so confused. I was being comforted by this man, and it still didn’t lessen the feelings I had for him. It wasn’t just comfort I wanted from him.

My head was pounding from all the crying, and my throat was starting to hurt; but the emotional pain was slowly starting to go away. He had his other hand around me; telling me that he was there, and he wanted to help.

He started humming an unfamiliar tune, and I felt myself slide off of the chair and into his welcoming arms. I turned my head away from his neck, trying to calm the sobs that were still making themselves known.

“W-what is that song?” I asked, hiccuping slightly. He started singing it softly, as if to answer.

“Everybody hurts, everybody bleeds, everybody bends to fill a need, everybodys born with their own curse and I’m not alone.

It sounded as if the song was written just for me. It was a glorious feeling. A saddening feeling. It made me happy, yet I wanted to cry even more so.

“Everybody cries, everybody breaths, everybody wants to feel they’re free, deep inside I know what I am worth. A life of my own.”

“That’s a beautiful song. Did you write it?” I choked out. He stopped singing, the song fading into the background. “No, but its a song that I listen too when I feel down. It doesn’t make you happy, but it lets you know that you’re not alone; and that makes me feel better.” His soft voice spoke, and I realized that singing that song might have hurt him a little as well.

“Thank you.” I whispered, not caring that I literally just broke down in front of him. His arms were warm and safe.

“I don’t sing for that many people, so you should feel pretty special.” He tried to lighten the mood by chuckling. I laughed, choking a little, but I felt so much better that I didn’t care.

I felt tired and worn out, but the weight that was off of my shoulders made me feel like I could fly.

“You feeling okay now?” He asked. “Try not to let stuff like that get too you, especially when its out of your control.”

“I feel much better now, I never realized how much it was bothering me until now.” I pulled back, and he released me so I sat in front of the chair. I watched him cross his legs under him, getting comfortable.

I wiped the excess tears off my face, trying to rid the evidence that I was crying.

“So, what do you want to talk about now?” I asked, laughing a little, sniffling a little.

“Well, I hope its something that doesn’t make you cry, I want too see the happy and cheerful Devin.” He smiled so hard, his perfect white teeth where showing.

“Sure.” I agreed, smiling at him.


~

We talked for most of the night, not really keeping track of time. I learned that his father was a veteran from the war in Afghanistan, mostly because he was discharged after having a mental breakdown, and was deemed unfit for duty.

Alistair looked sad when he spoke of his father, but was happy when he mentioned other memories of him.

His mother was a different story. I didn’t get much out of him with that one, so I didn’t press it.

I think it was around 1 AM, that I passed out when the talking was starting to wind down. Even with the coffee Alistair made.

I woke up some time later, back in my bunk, with some memory of Alistair practically carrying me too the bus.

I laid there, half awake, trying to reboot my tired mind. “What time did I get in last night?” I questioned, only half expecting an answer.

“About one thirty in the morning.” Chris’ voice came to the side of my bunk. I pulled the curtain back, and saw his long legs. “Seriously?” I asked.

“Yup. Alistair had to drag you to bed, because you were so tired. I don’t think I seen you fall asleep so quickly after your head hit the pillow. You were out cold.”

He kneeled down. “How’d you sleep?” He was probably wondering why since I haven’t been getting the best of sleep lately.

“Too be honest, I feel pretty great, didn’t even freaking wake up once.” Turning, and leaned out of the bunk, resting my head against the wood frame. “I’m still tired, but that was the first uninterrupted sleep I had in a long time.”

He patted my shoulder. “Good.” I could hear him grin. “Seems like Alistair has a positive effect on you.” He teased.

“Oh, shut it.” I grumbled, but it wasn’t meant to be mean. And he laughed, humour in his voice. “So he didn’t help you at all?” I knew it was rhetorical.

“I feel lighter, thats all.” I mumbled, a smile making its way too my lips. Much lighter.

Notes

Chapter 5.

Devin's POV. Hmm, I wonder whats going to happen next? ;)

Enjoy!