TRIGGER WARNING MESSAGE ME IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU WANNA DO IT ILL BE HERE PLEASE JUST BE CAREFUL I LOVE YOU ALL SO PLEASE.



Walking down the street to school once again, I can't help but feel frustrated. I shouldn't have to go to school feeling like this.

In a deep hole where I need help, but no one would give it too me.

"Ugh!" I cried out and tried to not let the tears fall from my eyes, but it's not working. I pull my black pierce the veil hoodie down pass my butt and the sleeves pass my wrists.
"This isn't fair." I say and take a deep breath. "Fuck it!" I said and instead of taking a left, I took a right towards the woods and the cliff. It was my favorite spot, it led down to a secluded beach.
It was beautiful.

my backpack was light as I trudged in my black Doc Martens through the dirt. it only held my journal and a notebook for drawing and writing.
also a pair of foot flops, since I go to the beach everyday.
As I am walking, I look at the trees and ferns on the ground. They look so peaceful and happy. I hope I can be like that one day, happy.

I smile as at the thought as I know I will never be like that. Death will be my lover before someone can save me. As I try to take my life with subtle steps, I always trip and fall.
And I can't get back up.

"lost in this god damn hospital bed.." I sing out the lyrics of my favorite song, I Hate Harley by The Amity Affliction.
It has a good message, but I hope, it applies to me. I just can't get my head around the fact that recovery is possible. For someone like me at that.
I grab my phone from my pocket and plug in my headphones, playing that song.
I listen to the lyrics and I feel tears drop from my eyes, and I change the song.

R.i.p Bon had turned on and this was one that applied to me. "I waited for you, but you never came.." Ahren sang and my mind was at ease as I see the cliff ahead.
I didn't realize how far I had walked without my music was in because it was a mile walk to get here. Bless having long legs.

"To know you were grieving with each passing day.." I sang out and sat at the edge of the cliff. It was a hot day for summer, and I was dripping wet with sweat. But I was used to it, it had been like this from three years ago.

I stand with my feet at the edge of the cliff, wanting to jump with the sound of music as the last thing I hear. It seems so right to just end it all, not having anyone know until a week and a half of me being gone, someone will find me.
is it terrible that I was excited to be dead? To not be living anymore? To not be cared for? To just let go and take the next step into the bottomless put of darkness?

I am am prepared to suffer that I didn't kill myself on June 22, like I had planned but I'll take what I can get.

My eyes water as I am prepared to take that step, my heart pounds in my chest, and I smile. This is it, I won't live longer than right now and that makes me happy.
My tears don't stop as I lift my foot up, but my body is snatched from someone behind me. My headphones fall out and I shut my eyes, knowing that the impact of the ground will hurt my body.

Ironic right?

But it I fall on someone.

I open my eyes and I see a white face, with black eye liner. "Hello love." He says and I quickly roll over off of him feeling furious.
"Why would you save me? Are you that inconsiderate of other peoples decisions you have to help them make it?" I question and he stands up. "I'm sorry, but I can't and won't let you jump." He spoke sadly and held out his hand.
"Come with me down to the beach." He said and I just look at him. "No." I snapped and he laughed. "Have you heard of motionless in white?" The man questions and I nod, they were one of my favorite bands, but it didn't know what they looked like.
"Yes, they are my favorite band." I said and he laughed. "And you don't know who I am?" He questions and I nod.

"well, Chris Motionless at your service ugh.." He said trying to get my name. " luna, my name is luna." I spoke back and started walking towards the beach. It was like the on from surfs up. You know the movie with the surfing penguins? And the dumb duck or bird or something? Yeah well the beach was beautiful.

"You come down here a lot? I could tell that this is your safe haven." He spoke from behind me and I nodded.
"Wait, how'd you know this is my safe haven?" I ask and he smiles sadly at the ground when I stop walking and turn around.
"Because wanna die where they feel safe, their happy place." He said and I nodded, and kept walking down the sandy trail.
"You sound like you were speaking from experience ." I add and he doesn't say anything, so I shut my mouth and keep walking.

After a couple more minutes of doing just that, I make it to the sandy shore. I walk straight for the water, feeling him on my shoulder.
The little cape was soundless of people, I mean besides our footsteps. "Beautiful." He said and I nodded, "yeah.. It is." I reply and every time I come down here, It takes my breath away. I take a head band from my wrist, wincing a little because it was too tight, and I pull my pastel white hair up in a messy bun.
"I wasn't talking about the scenery." He said smirking and I look down and blush.

He shouldn't lie to me like that.

I shrug to bag off my back.
"I'm not lying luna." He added sadly and I shake my head. I walk towards the water, feeling the breeze of it on my face.
I quickly unlace my boots and take my socks off, wanting to walk into the water. I roll my leggings up, forgetting about the fresh marks I made yesterday and I walk in.

I don't care that they sting, that I wanna cry, but I care that I don't care if he sees.

"Why do you think I'm lying?" He whispers in my ear, putting his hands on my hips, making my breathing hitch.
"Because you can't love something before they love themselves." I say smoothly, despite my nervousness. My heart pounds in my chest, sending adrenaline down my spine.
"what if I could show you that I'm not lying, that you could love yourself." He said rubbing his hands up and down my sides, making me melt underneath him.

Why don't I care if he touches me like this? Because if I'm going to go through with this, I want it to be him. Because I trust him.

"We just met, people would think I'm a slut. And once you hit it, you'd probably quit it. and your attempt on saving my life wouldn't mean anything." I say and he laughs. "How old are you?" He questions.
"18." I shot back and my hands find my way to the back of his neck.

That was a bold move and he couldn't have read me so easily.

"cool, so am I. Let's go back to your place and listen to music. we can chill there, and it's Friday." He added and I just laugh. I mean why not? He is going to leave and I am going to die so what's the big deal?

He is chris motionless

Notes

An part one of idk how many