Four days later….

My phone had four missed calls from Kylar. I had read all the letters fans had sent, but didn’t feel any better. I barely ate anything except for a nibble of cold pizza a couple of days ago and a few bites of toast yesterday. I had slept for most of the days and rarely got out of my bunk. After a few days, the boys stopped trying to get me to come out. I heard Austin make a phone call to Doctor Lyons, but I tuned out to whatever he was saying.

I just didn’t feel like trying anymore.

Dad was gone. Jake was with Arestino. I missed them both dearly.

We were just traveling on the road now a days. We went to towns, saw things and enjoyed sunsets and sunrises, but I barely noted the happiness in any of it. My Ipod was turned to any sad song I could find and I played it on repeat.

The boys dragged me out of my bunk an hour ago to watch a movie. I’m pretty sure they just wanted to make sure I was alive and not dead already.

I kind of wish I was.

We all sat on the couch watching The Avengers. I got to sit on the far side with my blanket tucked around me. Austin scooted close to my right side and Alan was next to him. Tino, Phil, and Aaron managed to find spots as well.

I was staring at the men on the TV kick alien butt, but my mind wandered pretty far. It was Wednesday night and I just wanted to sleep. There was three more days before I had to talk to the band about Nubby the nub. I smiled a little as Hawkeye launched a few arrows in the alien’s forehead. He was always one of my favorite Avengers.

As Loki sailed across the sky, quickly followed by Iron Man, I thought about how I would tell the boys. Should I get my stuff packed up first so that I didn’t have to worry about taking the time to gather all my belongings after being kicked out?

Our little bus rolled to a halt just as the credits were finishing up. A dark sign outside just barely had visible letters that said, “Twin Falls”. Oh, so we were in Idaho.

I yawned, even though it was only nine o’clock. My body just wanted to sleep, even though I had been asleep for most of the day.

“Hey, so I heard there was a nice little pizza place a block away from here.” Tino glanced up from his phone. Phil picked up the remote and the TV clicked off. Austin nudged my shoulder, staring at me in the dim lights.

“Hey, you awake?” He asked. Not really.

“Sure.” I yawned again. Maybe if I kept looking sleepy, they wouldn’t bug me to go out with them. I blinked sleepily and clutched the blanket closer. The sweatshirt I was wearing started to overheat my body. As soon as they were gone, I was stripping it off. No doubt about it, I needed just a little time to myself. If they were gone an hour and I could just relax without having to worry about anybody seeing my armlessness, then than was fine.

“Do you want to get pizza with us?” He asked, although it was obvious he already knew the answer.

“No thanks. I’m really tired.” I responded in my usual way. He nodded, eyes still sad and downcast.

“Okay, but I’m picking you up a drink.”

“Sure, thanks.” I responded. He ruffled my hair as the rest of the boys stood up. I watched as they all filed out of the bus, tromping loudly down the stairs.

I barely waited a moment before I leapt up. Over the days, I had gotten better balance through the few minutes I spent walking to get my toothbrush or get water. I skipped over to my bunk and tossed the blanket inside. The fabric landed on a heap on the messed up sheets. I sighed and threw off my sweatshirt. A flood of relief went through me.

I glanced at Nubby the nub. The smooth skin was pale and untouched by sun. I stood in my athletic black sports bra, a white music quotes tank top pulled out on my bed. I tossed it on over my black bra and stood there for a moment, feeling a little less restricted.

“Hey, I forgot to ask….” A voice trailed off behind me. I froze, standing exposed in the middle of the aisle way. It was obvious we were both taken aback by the suddenness of each other.

Slowly I turned around to face the unexpected visitor. Our eyes were wide. Nubby the nub was exposed at last, three days before the date. My stomach clenched in knots at the sight.

Aaron stood in the front lounge, eyes wide at the sight of my new body. His jaw was slack, a fearful look in his eyes. It was like he saw a monster out of a horror movie. It made me feel naked

“Aaron, please!” I begged him, hand held up to make him not go tell Austin. Please, no, not Austin…

Without warning, he shot through the open door, slamming it behind himself. The look on his face made me nearly shut down. I dropped to both knees. I shouldn’t be doing this. I was a professional musician still. I had to act as an adult, not a kid. I can’t break down like this.

But I had no choice.

I stood up, searching for strangled breath. My vision went fuzzy. It was like my entire world was crashing down on me. Fingers scratched for purchase as I hauled myself into my bed. Closing the curtain, I pushed all my junk to the far corner. The one good arm I had left wrapped the blanket around my body. I shivered, not from the cold, but from what had just happened.

I couldn’t take this pressure anymore.

I can’t do this. Who’s going to help me once I’m off the band?

I ducked my head into my chest. I wanted to run from my problems, but now I was forced to face the issues that haunted me. Eyelids were squeezed shut as I heard racing footsteps come up to the bus.

They would freak out. They would call me ugly. I can see it now. I wanted to break down and cry, for someone to hold me, but now, I was alone.

I never wanted to be alone.

This is exactly what I was afraid of.

Notes

WOAH WOAH WOAH!!!!

Aaron just found out and he went to go tell the guys!!!!

What's going to happen next???