The Throw-Aways

It was nine at night and neither of us had budged to give up our position. Our bus had traveled from Moab to further west. We were now in Nevada and had stopped at another small town. It was Saturday night and I had done a little research on my phone after texting Kylar. This town was small, just like Gold Ridge. Another thing they had in common was that there was an abandoned building on the edge of town.

This building happened to be a music store.

I think there might be a piano in there. I was so anxious to play, or at least see if I could play. My plan was since we were stopping and resting through the night, I would go out and see if I could play some of the music. The chilly air was blowing fiercely outside.

I heard Alan, Phil, and Tino crawl into their bunks thirty minutes after I formulated my plan. They were probably playing on their phones or attempting to fall asleep again.

Peeking my head out, I looked to the front lounge. Of course, Austin was still there, holding my only coverage in his hands. I couldn’t put on a normal shirt because they were all short sleeve.

“Are you ready to come out yet?” Austin asked me. I set my stare and ducked back inside my bunk. Nubby the nub was starting to itch a little. I chuckled at the nub’s name.

Oh bored was I that one day?

Okay, I had to make a break for it.

I wrapped myself up in my ampersand black blanket and made sure it covered my entire body before I hauled my legs out of my bunk. The large logo covered my back. I gripped the edges tightly together so that nothing below the neck could be seen.

Austin grinned as I took small steps forward. I was weak from hunger but didn’t feel like eating. I was tired and bored but wasn’t motivated to do much other than get to that old piano. I was depressed as could be but wanted something to cheer me up.

I just hoped that I wouldn’t screw this up and reveal my secret too early.

I glared at Austin Carlile the entire time, but he was just beaming to me. Once I stood in front of him, I felt woozy but a little proud that I hadn’t screwed up so far.

“Here you go.” He tossed it to me. I caught it on my shoulder and hobbled back to my bunk. Alan was beaming down to me. I smirked a little and fell back into my bunk.

When I next emerged from my bunk, I was wearing my black music sweatshirt and shorts. I adjusted my balance again, standing up a little straighter than before, and walking towards the door.

“Where are you going?” Austin asked happily. I pulled a completely straight faced, matter-of-fact tone of voice.

“Outside.” I stated and hobbled down the door, wincing at each step.

“Can I come?” He asked.

“Nope. I’ll be back soon.” I responded. I was feeling pissed off that Austin had to make me sit in my bunk cold all afternoon and I had to nearly blow my cover for my sweatshirt.

Few cars passed by as I neared the street. My side was killing me. My stomach did flip flops. I was feeling dizzy and woozy but kept pushing on. A couple of times, I had to sit down on a bench or dirty street corner to catch my breath. It was hard getting back up, but I kept on my path.

It was a ten minute walk from the bus to the old music store. Once I was there, I got in through the cracked window. Nobody was out at night and in the distance, a lonely stop light flickered green.

The stairs creaked as I made my way up to an elevated room. Inside a large broken wall stood a solo piano. It looked beat up and bruised, just like Blest. The walls seemed to be like the Crazy Room we had back at Rise Records. The carpet was frayed and snarled as I walked over the loose strands.

Wood squealed and complained as I carefully lowered myself on the bench. It took me a moment to adjust it. The empty left sleeve flopped around loosely as I flipped it up onto the keys. Nubby the nub moved into position, just like I would have lifted my left arm to start playing.

This was it.

This. Was. It.

If I could do it, I could play. But if it sounded terrible without the left hand, then I don’t know how I could further prove to the boys that I could still be an asset to the band. If it sounded weak without my missing arm, I was losing small footholds to support my case to continue playing.

All my hope was riding on this moment.

“Here goes nothing….” I whispered to the dark room. My fingers instinctively found middle C.

I started playing Ohioisonfire. My right hand tapped out the parts as I closed my eyes and imagined the notes. I imagined the stage. I dreamed I was there again.

But oh! Oh! Oh! It was so hard since my left hand mixed in perfectly with the right, creating all the chords. If I couldn’t play with my left hands I was lost in my right hand.

I barely made it through the song when I decided to try When You Can’t Sleep At Night. I had to stop half way through because it was impossible without the left hand to finish out right hand rolls.

Tears leaked down my face, but I was determined to prove I could continue to play. The show must go on.

Second and Sebring was the last song I could attempt. I only made it through after millions of mistakes. I messed up so bad and had to start over at parts. The worse I was, the more tears that leaked out of my eyes. At the end, I put my forehead against the weathered headboard and closed my eyes. My right hand shakily tapped out the last few notes.

“This is not, what it is only baby scars…..I need your love like a boy needs his mother’s side….” I whispered, anguish choking the words. At the end, I stood up and just walked out. I couldn’t be near that piano any long.

I couldn’t do this anymore. All hope was gone, all love lost, all battle fought and all despair scattered.

Austin couldn’t love a one-armed girl.

I couldn’t play piano.

Notes

;_; Raven can't play piano....

What will she do?? Music is her life and now what will happen to her depression?

Oh, and shout out to the hashtag #SupportIllustionist!!