For What It's Worth..

I slammed the drumsticks onto my drumset, feeling the intensity and fury of Avenged Sevenfolds’ Beast and the Harlot playing through my earbuds. I matched the beat with such fervor that it scared me and thrilled me all the same. Each time my drumstick connected with the drum, I felt a rush pulse through me as my anger was released.

Matt Sanders voice screamed in my ear, and I lip synced with him, as I was too tired to actually start singing. Nodded my head along with the song, I felt a change in the beat and I knew a drum solo was coming up.

I let out all the anger and frustration I had into this one solo. My hands seemed to have a mind of there own as they knew exactly where to hit next.

I did a quick drill on each of the drums and cymbals as the song ended in quick precision. I let out a long breath, that turned into somewhat heavy breathing, as I felt myself deflate from having everything pulled out of me.

I got up and sat on the old couch that was in the little home/ shed behind my sisters house. I tried to catch my breath, but I just let myself become automated and let my body work itself out.

I haven’t played my drum set in a long time, and I felt extremely weak from doing just two songs. Or maybe it was because I was ‘fighting’ with my dad before this. Either way, I felt like crap.

“You feeling better?” I looked over at the door, I recognized the voice of Josh. I narrowed my eyes at him, who was leaning comfortably against the door frame. I nodded. “A lot better now.” I muttered.

“The way you were going at those drums, I believe it. That was pretty intense.” He walked over and sat beside me. “I caught the end of it, it was like you were possessed or something.” I laughed. “I haven’t played in a long time.” I put up my arms, that were shaking ever so slightly from being pushed to their limits. “As you can quite tell.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, that sucks.” I let out a goofy sounding giggle. “I feel better though. Which is nice.”

He nodded and stared off towards the drumset. We sat in comfortable silence. Until his phone rang. He answered it. I got bits and pieces of the hurried conversation, without meaning to. “Hey Rick...What's wrong?....Slow down….Alright… Shit.” He cursed. “I’ll be right there...Okay…” He paused and his features turned into a frown. “Dude, I’m telling her...No, not everything...She knows this place better than us….Fine, alright…Bye.” He hung up.

He turned to me, a scowl on his face. “Do you know any open field like areas with two or three trees around it. Something happened.” I nodded, immediately picturing the area in my mind.

“What's wrong?” I asked. He sighed and stared at me. “Its Chris. We don’t know where he is. He apparently called Ricky and he sounded scared.”

I felt a chill run through me, fear for Chris’ safety. My eyes widened when Josh continued. “He’ll probably tell you why when we find him. But please go easy on him.” I furrowed my brows together in worry about what that meant. I sat up quickly. “Well lets get going.”

We quickly walked outside again where we met up with Ricky. “So where is the place?” He asked. I pointed to the front of the house. “Its where the forest starts and about ten minutes in, you find yourself there. But we should hurry.” I looked up at the darkening sky. “Coyotes are not exactly friendly around here, and they are pretty brave when you’re by yourself.”

As if to prove my point, I heard coyote start howling in the distance. I took off in a near sprint towards the front of the house, Josh and Ricky following behind me. Fearful adrenaline coursed through me when I heard more coyotes. I picked up speed when we hit the forest line, I easily rushed through the pine trees, avoided fallen branches, as I had many times before whenever I would need to clear my head when I was here.

“Are we almost there?” Ricky called. I didn’t turn around. “Yes, just beyond those trees over there.” I breathed out. I rushed through them and came to a stop. I looked around. “Did he say where he was?” I turned too Ricky. “He said something about a big ass tree.” I nodded and walked over to the far corner of the clearing. I saw something white and black huddled against the tree. I trotted over to it, hearing the guys’ footsteps come up close behind me.

Chris was leaning against the tree holding his head in hands, tears streaming down his cheeks. His white dress shirt was practically glowing from the receding light from the sun, for which I was glad, allowing it to be easier to find him.

I kneeled next to him, holding my hand out just a step away from his form. “Chris?” I breathed out slowly. I saw him flinch, and it killed me a little inside. Too see him in pain like this. He turned his face towards mine. Tears still falling. I looked over at Rick, in some form of desperation to know what could be hurting him so.

He sighed quietly, and kneeled down next to Chris. “Chris, its okay. It was just bad memory. It’ll be okay. We’re all here for you.” He put his hand on his best friends shoulder, squeezing it slightly, trying to convey what he was saying.

That seemed to affect him in some way. Because the tears stopped falling, even though his face was still covered in them. Rick nodded over to me. I inched over to Chris. “He’s right Chris. We’re right here.” Putting my hand on his, slowly taking it away from his face. I rubbed it with my thumb reassuringly. “I’ll always be there.” I murmured.

“Jen..” He spoke with a hushed voice, that seemed too crack at the mention of my name. He stared at me. I got down on my knees and inched closer still, until my face was in front of his. I put my other hand on his empty cheek and put my forehead on his.

I heard him breathe a sigh of relief. I stopped rubbing circles on his hand, and started stroking the side of his face, as softly as I could manage. Whoever said that men had to be strong all the time, 24/7, was a complete dick. Irony.

I moved too give him a kiss on his forehead, my lips lingering there. It scares me how much I love this man. I thought. I pulled away and looked at him. “Let’s get you up.” I murmured slowly. I looked over at Ricky, and he bent down and helped pull Chris up, while Josh took my hand pulling me back on my feet. I felt my body creak painfully, trying to get rid of the numbness that possessed my joints. I saw Chris leaning on Ricky, as if it was too hard too stand. I went over and put his arm over my shoulders. He looked down at me, his face sad.

I gave him, what I hoped to be a reassuring smile, in return. I turned too Josh. “Ready to go?” I asked. He nodded, his eyes still had fear in them, which I knew he held for his friend.



We soon found ourselves settled in the little shed I was in earlier. I sat down on the couch, pulling Chris down beside me. He nuzzled into my neck, wrapping his arms around me. I reached my hand up his raven colored hair and started stroking it. I remembered vaguely the last time I did this; the time he got a really nasty cold, and he passed out on my lap. In a way I wish this was like that time, but I knew it was something much worse.

I could only do so much, and I thought comforting him and supporting him was the best thing to do at the time. He started mumbling something. Something like ‘I’m sorry.’ over and over again. I looked at the guys, my eyes searching for answers. They both gave each other looks, and then Josh spoke up. “We can’t tell you what it is. But I can tell you, its not what you might think it is.”

Chris moved his head towards Josh. “You guys can tell her.” his voice sounded raspy from the crying he was doing earlier, and it drove through my heart like a knife with a serrated edge.

Ricky sat on the floor in front of us. “Are you sure?” Chris’ head moved. “I don’t think I can bare talking about it again, not after what just happened.” I rested my cheek on his head and he moved so his forehead was resting against the side of my neck. He smelled of the forest, and I felt my heart flutter.

Ricky looked at me. “Do you want to hear it?” He asked me. “Yes, but it doesn’t have to be extremely detailed.” Motioning my eyes towards Chris and back. “Just maybe, the bare facts.” Ricky took a breath and slowly began explaining a story about a little girl named Lilith Greene.

By the time he finished, I felt tears falling down my face yet again. My makeup would surely be ruined somehow. I felt Chris’ hold on me tighten, and I felt a twinge of pain go through me when he squeezed a little too hard.

I didn’t care, I turned slightly and wrapped him in my arms in an awkward hold, but it did the trick. I couldn’t say anything, I just let the tears fall.

She committed suicide. Even after Chris talked too her out of jumping. And that she left him her favorite painting, saying thank you for being so kind to her. I didn’t even have to see the note, too know how heart wrenching that must have felt. Too have only just met someone, and have them rip themselves away from the world only a few short hours later.

God, it hurt my heart just too think about it. But I knew it was going to be there for a long time. My dad always called me his little ‘empath’. Too basically feel only a small bit of someone else's obviously overpowering emotions was the worst thing some times, and it always hurt more when it was sadness. Especially when you have hidden sadness within you.

I knew it wasn’t magic, it was just a natural instinct I had. But that didn’t make it any better, or worse for that matter. It just made it bearable.

Without thinking I started humming a song that usually made me feel a little bit better. It was an extremely sad song, but it helped my focus my tears and made me use my voice.

What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flatts. I started singing it quietly, so much though I could barely hear it. But the words appeared in my mind in big bold letters.

“I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house, that don’t bother me.” Chris moved so he was leaning the back of his head on my chest so I was holding him. I heard him start singing with me.

“I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out. I’m not afraid to cry every once and awhile.” Ricky and Josh started humming along with us.

It was nothing like the songs we sang earlier this afternoon. The ones where we just started yelling and singing at and with each other, having fun.

This song had meaning and yet had no meaning whatsoever, and that was what I needed.

The song ended so softly that I wasn’t sure if it actually happened, I just knew I felt a little better. My tears have finally dried up, probably leaving obvious stains of where they were. I let out a shaky sigh. “Sorry about that guys. I didn’t mean for that too get out of hand.” I murmured.

“I don’t know about you, but I feel a little bit of relief humming along too that. So don’t worry about it.” Ricky replied.

My phone rang and we all jumped slightly, startled out of our trancelike states. I dug it out of my pocket and answered it. “Hello?”

“Jen, are you guys coming in for some supper? Also, Kyle said he’ll drive you too the hotel afterwards alright?”

“Alright, Ann. Thanks, we’ll be right in.”

“Okay, bye.” She hung up. I squeezed Chris. “Ready to get something to eat?” I murmured softly into his soft black hair. He nodded.

“We’re having some chicken wings, so I was hoping you guys would say yes.” I laughed a little. Josh and Ricky bounced up of the floor. “Well what are we waiting for, lets go.” They both bolted out the door before we could reply.

He slowly stood up, me following after him. He turned to look at me. I saw that some of his eyeliner had smudged. “Stay right there for a second.” I went over to the sink and ran some water over some paper towel. I walked back over to him. “Hold still.” I whispered, and I started gently wiping away the smudges, careful not to mess up the rest of his makeup, which I noticed wasn’t a lot today. Which made me a little happy that he didn’t have too put on a tonne of makeup around me. I finished, and threw the paper towel in the trash.

“Lets go, before we lose our chance to get any food.” I laughed, walking towards the door. I felt him behind me suddenly, and he turned me around. His lips crashed onto mine, with a desperation that left me weak in the knees. He wasn’t forceful, in fact this had to be the most passionate kiss I’ve ever had in my entire life. His lips moved softly over mine, and I returned his kiss with equal passion, just wanting to be closer to him.

I put my palm on his chest over his heart, and I could feel it pounding harshly against his ribs. His left hand came over and clasped the hand that was over his heart and pushed it closer. I was breathing heavily, and I could feel the warmth of his love spreading too me from his lips. His right arm slid around my waist and pulled me closer.

By the time we pulled away, I felt as if Chris was holding me up. We stood there, in the doorway, both panting, our faces close together. I felt his breath warm my face up even more so than it already was.

“I love you, Virginia.” he breathed out. “You are my salvation.”

I was surprised to hear him use my actual name, but it made me all the more happier.

“I love you to, Chris.” I whispered. “I really don’t know how too top that last comment.” I continued, with a slight giggle.

He chuckled. “Believe me, if you did, I would just top it, again and again.” He kissed my forehead, his lips lingering, like I did to him earlier. “You’d never win.” He whispered.

I laughed softly at that. He let out a hum, “Well, lets go and see if we can grab some food. If we can wrestle it away from Ricky and Balz.”

“I’ll take Balz, you take down Rick. We’ll tag team ‘em.” I joked. “Sounds good.” He gave a slight grin. We walked out towards the house, our arms around eachothers waist. Just enjoying being together.


~


We soon got back to the hotel, and no sooner we got through the door, I nearly passed out from a sudden dizzy spell.

“I think its time for Miss Jen too get some well deserved sleep.”

“Oh, shush you.” But he was right, I did need it. I was running on fumes right now. I quickly changed into my pajamas, and Chris stripped to nothing but his boxers. We snuggled into bed, quietly talking to each other in hushed voices. I soon began to nod off, and I think I fell asleep mid sentence. I felt Chris’ lips on my nose, and I felt my lips curve into a smile as I drifted into the warm black blanket of sleep.



/

I saw Jen smile up at me as I kissed her nose as she fell into a deep sleep. I couldn’t help the soft smile that graced my lips. She was so beautiful, so amazing.

I traced along the many Alice in Wonderland tattoos that consumed her whole right arm. I smirked. It was quite the work of art. I couldn’t sleep, so I got up slowly so as not to disturb Jen, and got up and went to the sliding doors. I was well aware I was in my boxers, but I really couldn’t be bothered.

I thought back too when Ricky was telling the story about Lilith. Jenny had barely said a thing, but she listened intently, slowly nodding at some points, and making scared sympathetic whimpers when he mentioned what happened at the morgue.

I thought back to it, this time it was a little less painful to think about.

I had woken up too a bright flickering light, and I was wondering where I was. I sat up slowly, trying not to make myself dizzy. Ricky, Balz and Angelo were standing over by the door, and rushed over to me when they seen that I was awake. They kept asking if I was alright. I was nodding, but it wasn’t that convincing. Officer Thompson walked in, after he heard the commotion.

He asked if I was okay to answer some questions. And I answered them too the best of my ability.

“Oh, and she left you this.” He bent down and picked up a canvas. I looked at it strangely. It was of a similar scene I had witnessed with Lilith just last night. Except it was much more beautiful, and it seemed to radiate a kind of power. The dark clouds covered the sky, lightening striking down onto the black water, that was crashing over black rocks.

It was amazing. Thompson handed me a note. And it read as follows.

Thank you for everything Chris. You inspired me. I’m not sure if you’ll ever get this, but if you do, I hope you like it.

And I’m sorry. So, very very sorry.

~Lilith G.

Water fell onto the letters, blotching some of the words and I realized then that I was crying. Not sobbing, just stunned crying. Everyone left except for Ricky. He sat at the edge of my bed, just letting me have my time to grieve. I heard my phone ring, and I knew it was a text. I looked over to the table beside me and I picked it up, reading the text.


We’re done. Oh and by the way, I cheated on you. He’s a way better man than you.

S.

“You okay, Chris?” I barely heard Ricky. I just handed him the phone, my heart breaking in to thousands of pieces.

“That bitch!” He growled out. I heard him set the phone down and walk out of the room in an angry rush.

I just sat there, feeling like the whole world was collapsing around me.


I shook my head, clearing away the last memories. I broke down a lot after that, but I always put on a straight face whenever I was in public. After all these years, I thought it was just gone from my mind, and I was back to somewhat normal.

Until tonight. But even though it was so bad, I had gotten lost; my friends found me. My love found me, and was so gentle and understanding that it hurt.

When she started singing after Ricky finished the story, I felt so much lighter. Lighter than I ever felt before.

I took a deep breath of the clean crisp air of Nova Scotia. Now knowing why Jenny loved it here so much. It was serene and peaceful at times. It was nice. I smiled softly, and I headed back inside, shutting and locking the sliding doors, and pulling the curtain closed.

I slipped back into bed with my angel, wrapping my arms around her, and she responded by snuggling herself closer to my chest. Her back was facing me, but that didn’t stop her from turning around and giving me quick sleepy peck on the cheek. She mumbled something, turning back around, getting comfortable. I quickly fell asleep with my face buried in her sweet smelling hair. I never want to let her go.




/

“So why’d you bail me out?” Dylan asked the strange person in front of him. They chuckled. “Because we need some information about the one that’s stolen my love away from me.”

He gave her a strange look, like they were some sort of crazy loon.

“And that is?” He asked, somewhat annoyed. “Who is this love thats been stolen from you?”
They laughed.

“Chris Motionless.”

Notes

Alrighty, multiple POVs might be something I won't do again, not sure how I feel about this. But I guess its a good way to have multiple point of views. Anywho. My heart was hurting as I wrote this. :/

But, here's Chapter 21!

Enjoy!