For What It's Worth..

“Good God!” I sang along with Ricky and Josh.

“You’re coming up with reasons!” Jen and her sister sang the next part.

“Good God!”

“You’re dragging it out!”

“And good God!”

“Its the changing of the seasons!”

“I feel so raped, so follow me down and just,
Fake it, if you’re out of direction.
Fake it, if you don’t belong, yeah.” We all sang the chorus obnoxiously and loudly not caring who heard us, and then burst into a fit of laughter as the song continued on without us. I was having a fantastic time hanging out with Jen and her family. I don’t think my cheeks can handle any more laughter. I tried to sober up too speak but all I could do was grin.

I looked over Jen and her sister who was leaning off Jen as she laughed herself into tears. I looked over at Nova who was sitting on the floor, pretending to read the instructions of the hair dye that was already in her hair, but I seen she was more focused on the TV where the music was playing. She looked over at me, with questioning eyes. I looked at my phone, which had a timer counting down how many more minutes she had to leave the dye in her hair.

“Ten more minutes, and then we’ll go wash it out.” I told her, she nodded excitedly, and turned her head back to the music video on the TV. I would be the first to notice, that I felt attached to the little girl, she was a sweet and bright; seemingly harmless child. And she didn’t deserve what had happened to her the previous night. I knew without a doubt, that it would bring her some kind of night terrors. Terrors of her Aunt getting beat without so much as a second thought.

I glanced back over too my lover, who was talking with her sister animatedly about something funny, by the way she was standing, waving her arms out dramatically and Anna looked like she was going to fall over from laughing too hard. I felt a pang of jealousy. I never had a blood related sibling that I could talk to, and just completely relate too. I envied Jen in that sense. I had the guys, and yes they were awesome, and more like my brothers than any actual related brothers or sisters. I guess I was envious of how close their relationship was.

I shook the thought away, I was happy that I had Ricky, Ryan, Balz, Ghost and Angelo, TJ who were former members of Motionless In White. I had a ghost of smile on my face as I remembered the good times we all had.

I was suddenly broken out of my reverie of my awesome memories, when someone knocked on the door. “I’ll get it.” Jen was already walking to the front door, I heard it open and she gasped. “Daddy!” She cried out. I felt my heart thud painfully in an irrational type of fear. Daddy..? I don’t know what came over me, but I suddenly felt slightly fearful of meeting him. Nervous that he might not like me dating his daughter. I turned and looked over to the door, and I saw a man that was about Jennys height pick her up and twirl her around. He set her down, and I heard her ask him, “You don’t have any weapons on you, do you? We don’t want those in the house with Nova.”

Weapons!? I thought, my eyes widening. What kind of man was Jens father? “No, I don’t sweety.” Came his deep and dark sounding voice. But even with the tone, you could tell he held his daughters close to his heart, by the softer tone that you could barely hear. I heard the door shut and I turned around, making sure I wasn’t caught staring. I looked over to Anna who was heading over towards her father, and Nova got up and squealed. “Grandpa!” I saw the guys look over to them, and saw their faces turn to shock. I looked over to see a man with short, almost medium jet black hair, with a short and tidy beard. He was wearing clad black military style pants, almost like Jens camo pants, and a tight black T-shirt that showed exactly how strong he was with a black bomber jacket, and too top it off, heavy looking black combat boots.

Well, I knew for one thing, I did not want to piss this man off.

He had intense looking auburn eyes that seemed to stare straight into your soul. I gulped. Well, I should at least go and introduce myself. I stood up and walked around the couch towards Jen and her father, who was currently holding his granddaughter in his arm. Jen looked over at me and smiled. I tried to smile back, but was suddenly nervous at smiling. She seemed to take notice of this and poked her dad in the side. “Dad, this is my boyfriend, Chris.” It was then that I had his full attention.

“Ah, so thats who you where, I was wondering who all these boys were sitting in your house, Vee.” He turned to Nova and grinned. Nova piped up. “Chris is helping me dye my hair.” She announced proudly. I smiled sheepishly. He looked at me, and gave me an honest to goodness smile. “Well, I hope you thanked the young man.” She nodded vigorously. He set her down, and put his hand out to shake mine. “Vincent Soren.”

I grabbed his hand and shook it. “Chris Cerulli. Nice too meet you, sir.” He seemed too like that, because he grinned at me. “Polite. Good. The last one wasn’t so nice. I don’t know how many times I wanted to bash his face in.” I couldn’t stop the slight grin on my face. He wasn’t the only one.

Jen looked at me, still smiling. “Speaking of that other one. You won’t ever guess where he’s at now?” She asked her dad.

“Where? In jail I hope.”

“Wow, how’d you guess.” She asked in mock surprise. He let out a roar of a laugh in surprise. “Just a wild guess. What's he in for.” He asked his oldest. I flinched, because I knew the next words weren’t coming out of her mouth, but her sisters.

“Dad.” Ann started. “He, and uh some of his friends beat the shit out of Jen.” He looked at Anna is pure shock, then looked at Jen. Trying to find evidence of her being hurt. “I’m wearing makeup dad. I didn’t want to shock the hell out of everyone today.”

Her father gave her a look of disbelief. She rolled her thin sweater up, and showed off her horrifically bruised abdomen, which was now a mean looking black and purple color as the body tried to heal itself.

I saw pure unfiltered rage in the mans eyes, and I knew the feeling all too well. Except I think it would be a lot easier for this man too get away with what I had in mind for Dylan. I saw him turn to me with that anger in his eyes, and I knew in some form that he blamed me for this. I didn’t blame him for blaming me. I blame me.

“Dad, before you go all protective father on me, and try to blame Chris. I met Chris hours later after it happened, he wasn’t even in the same province at the time.” Jen explained, pulling her shirt down. I saw his anger dim a bit, and it was replaced by one of regret. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here, Virginia.”

He hugged his daughter, and she squeezed him tightly, as if he would disappear at any moment.



“Is it almost done yet?” I heard Nova mutter, with her head in the sink. “Almost.” I reassured her as I rinsed out the blue hair dye out of her hair. She had a wash cloth over her eyes as I rinsed it out. She was going to have thin blue streaks all through her hair. I really didn't know what to think of someone letting their daughter dye there hair blue at four years old. I guess it would be awesome, if your parents actually let you do all that crazy stuff you wanted to do as a kid. But in Novas case, it was her mothers idea. Who would have guessed.

I soon finished with the conditioner so her hair wouldn't be damaged, and took a towel and wrapped her hair up. I picked her up off the stool she was standing on and sat her on the edge of the sink. I ruffled her hair with the towel in an attempt too dry it. She giggled. “Chris.” she laughed. “Stop.” she dragged on, giggling. I kept ruffling her hair as if she didn't say anything. “What? I can’t hear you.” I laughed and pulled the towel away from her head. She looked up at me smiling, her light blonde and blue hair everywhere. “Now you have to fix it.” She gave me a toothy grin. “Yes, quite so little miss.”

I picked up her brush, and started brushing out her hair. She went quiet for awhile, as I brushed out a really tangled area.

“Chris?” She asked in a quiet tone. “Yes, Nova?” I answered.

“Is Auntie JenJen going to be alright?” She whispered. I stopped brushing and looked at her, she was looking at her feet. “She’s going to be fine, your aunt is a strong young woman.” She looked down at me, her bright blue eyes full of sadness. “Is it my fault she left last night?” She looked like she wanted to cry again. I frowned, and grabbed her shoulders. “No, its not your fault, not even remotely your fault.”

“But I heard her and grandma talking about me before she left.” She looked down again. “I was really scared, you know. When those guys beat up JenJen.” She snapped her head up too me. “But don’t tell anyone I was scared, okay.” I could only nod.

“When the big guy slammed her into the truck, I almost disobeyed her by opening the truck and running for help. But I thought that she would angry at me if I did that, so I stayed put. When the other guy kicked her so hard, I thought she wouldn't get up. And they just kept kicking her and kicking her.” Tears where falling down her cheeks. “I don’t how she did it, but she got back up, after she kicked that girl too the ground.” She let out a little giggle. “It was kinda funny, when the girl fell down.” I smiled despite the sadness of her story.

“The medic man told me he was surprised she was still standing after all that happened to her. But I told him its because she was so strong that she was. Even though I was scared.” She looked proud at what she did.

“Well, you don’t ever need to worry about it being your fault, because it wasn't. Your aunt and your grandma just have different points of view, and that sometimes means they’re going to argue. But don’t ever think that that is your fault.” I smiled at her. “And, I’m glad that you stayed in the truck like she told you. I don’t think she would forgive herself if anything happened to you.”

“Now, lets get your hair combed out and lets go show your mom, alright?” She nodded. I resumed brushing her hair out. We were quiet again for awhile, until she said something else. “Chris, do you love my Auntie?” I chuckled lightly. “I love your Auntie very, very much.”

“How much?” She asked in bubbly happy voice.

“Hmm.” I pretended to think about it. “As much as you like Jude from 6teen.” Thinking of the girls favorite character. She giggled and smiled. “Good!” I laughed and put down the brush. “There. All done.” Her shoulder length hair fell almost straight, with a few waves in it. She turned and looked behind her at the mirror and squealed. “Its perfect! Thank you Chris.” She propelled herself at me and hugged me. “Your welcome. Lets go downstairs and show everyone.” carrying her down the hall and walking down the stairs. She kept taking strands of her blue streaks and looking at them, grinning.

I walked into the kitchen where everyone was. “Mommy, Mommy! Look at my hair.” All eyes turned towards me and Nova. Anna spoke up first. “It looks beautiful, come here so I can take a look at it.” I put her down and she ran up to Anna, who was gushing over her hair.

I noticed a different atmosphere than there was before I left too rinse out Novas hair. Ricky was leaning back against the wall. I noticed his face was twisted in anger, and Balz was nowhere to be seen. Actually there was three people missing. Jen and her father and Josh. I walked over to Ricky and asked what was wrong.

He looked up at me, his angry look dimming when he saw me. “Its fucking Dylan.” He growled out.

“What about him?” I asked, annoyed at just hearing his name. “Someone bailed him out. Hes fucking free to do what he wants.”

“You gotta be fucking kidding me.” I growled, but I knew he wasn't lying. I looked around, and saw Kyle talking to his daughter. Anna was setting up the kitchen table, the plates landing on it a little loudly, and I knew she was just as pissed as we were. I turned back too Ricky. “Wheres Jen?”

He shook his head. “Her and her father went outside, and we haven’t seen them since. And I don’t know where Balz went.” I nodded, and headed outside to see if I could find someone. How the fuck, or should I say who the fuck bailed that prick out. I heard someone grunt and yell angrily. I looked too my left and saw Jen and her dad fighting.

I was going to say something, but I looked again and they weren't injuring each other, it looked too practiced, too tame too be an actual fist fight. When she threw a fist at him, he easily caught it, and when he threw a roundhouse kick to her side, she blocked it with her arm with a practiced ease that you would normally see in movies.

I could see frustration cloud her eyes as she jumped at her father. He moved out of the way just barely avoiding a right hook to the face. I could almost tell you what was going to happen, as they did this in two parts. One would attack, the other would block and retaliate, then one of them would jump back and then they would circle each other. And then it would repeat, but with a different starting move each time, and they moved so fluidly like they knew the others attacks so well.

“Concentrate!” Vincent boomed out a her, and she let out a snarl in frustration. I tilted my head slightly, curious as to how she wasn't concentrating. She leaped for him, and threw one punch after another, each one was head on Vincents open palms. I could see Vincent waring down, and I guess he had had enough. He caught each of Virginias fists in his own, and she cried out, again frustrated. “Why the hell does that bastard even get a chance to be set free.” She tried pulling her fists out of her father's grasp, and he pulled her in for a hug. Her hands fell to her sides, and she started crying. He petted her head, trying to comfort her. “I don’t know, babygirl.”
Her sobs wrenched through my heart, and I yearned to comfort her. But one look over Jens shoulder from Vincent, and I knew it wasn't my place too help her at the time. I nodded at him, and walked back inside.

I walked in and saw Kyle and Anna talking to each other in hushed voices in the living room. Nova was sitting on the couch watching some TV, I looked too my left and saw Ricky talking too Josh. He stopped and looked at me, and gave me a look that I knew asked ‘How is she?’. I shook my head, and walked to the front door. I pulled on my old converse, and went outside to get some fresh air. I walked down the steps and down the long driveway.

I took a deep breath of the country air around me, letting it subside the tidal wave of emotion threatening to overcome me. I heard the crunch of gravel and leaves under my feet, and the creak of the empty trees branches where the wind blew over them. I don’t know how, but it still reminded me of that night, four years ago.

I kept walking, ignoring the scene that was trying to force its way into my head. Instead I tried to imagine Jenny. Her beautiful green eyes that seemed too see through everything, her smile that lit up a room, and made you feel welcome and loved. Her skin that was softer than silk. Her snappy replies that she would give people when she was annoyed. The image was imprinted in my mind for only a second, before the image of her abused body snapped itself into my brain and I visibly flinched. I shook my head, in attempts to clear it, but the image replaced itself with another one that was just as painful.

Just a young girl, who hated herself too the point that she just ended the life she was given. I felt my mind slip into that dark corner I tried so hard to forget and I felt my breathing change drastically.



/

It was a weary night. It had been pouring for hours upon hours, with no end in sight. I could look up at the night sky, and see nothing but pure black.

I remember the Brooklyn Bridge, walking along the pathway as the rain soaked through my clothes. I was just taking a walk to clear my head, I had needed to get away from Sabrina, my girlfriend at the time after we had a huge fight. Something about not paying attention to her at all, like I was supposed to talk to her as I did a concert, like I was supposed to stop in the middle of a song and go talk to her. I remember leaving confused and hurt, because I gave her all that I had, and got nothing in return for it.

I let out a sigh, and looked up the black clouds that covered every inch of the sky, and felt the cold rain fall against my face. It was definitely more peaceful out in the rain, I couldn't hear anything but the splatter of the rain against the pavement and the metal of the bridge, and I felt myself think more and more clearly. I was still looking up at the sky, when I saw movement, it was barely noticeable, but I could see a figure of a person up on one of the arches of the bridge. I felt my eyes widen, as my mind automatically went too the worst possible thought.

I quickly looked around, hoping to find something that would be safe way up. I saw a ladder that was sticking out of the brick wall, and I propelled myself up it. By the time I got to the top, I couldn't find any sign of the person I saw down on the ground. I looked around and saw a figure sitting near the edge of the arch, their feet swinging over the side above the water all the way at the bottom.

I walked over to them. “Hey, are you okay?” I asked. I saw them whip their head around, and I saw that it was a teenager, about thirteen years old by the looks of her. I approached her with caution, in case she might actually be up here too do what I think she might do.

“Yeah, I guess I’m okay.” She trailed off, and looked back around to stare at the water. I came and sat down beside her, making sure there was a comfortable enough distance between us so as not to make it awkward. I turned my head towards her, and then out too where she was staring. “It's beautiful isn't it.” She said quietly. For a moment, I wondered if we where looking at the same thing.

“I guess it is, I’m not sure if I’m seeing what you are though.” I told her, and looked back to her. There was little lighting here, but I could make out that she was definitely young. She had a mix of very visible green and dark blue eyes, like the forest on a rainy day. She was staring at me, trying to place me, as if she seen me before. For all I knew, she could be a fan of Motionless In White.

“What’s your name?” I asked her. “Lilith. Lilith Greene. Whats yours?”

“My names Chris Cerulli. Its nice too meet you Lilith.” She gave me a small smile. She turned back towards the dark and dreary scene before us. “So, what are you doing all the way up here, Lilith?” I asked her, still looking at her. She was so tiny, she had raven black hair, chopped up short. She was dressed in black. A Black Veil Brides band shirt and black skinnies, and black vans.

She didn't answer for a moment. And I waited patiently for her too answer, if she wanted too. She sighed. “Because I-.” She cut herself short and I’m guessing pondered telling me the rest.

“I don’t belong here.” She finished, her head bowing in shame.

“What do you mean?” I asked gently.

“I just don’t belong here! I get bullied at school just for being me! My parents hate me, and my so called best friend betrayed me! Everyone tells me that I should just die. I don’t deserve to live, I would just be doing everyone a favor.” She rushed out, her voice rising with each reason she gave. I looked at her, speechless. And I couldn't think for the life of me, of why such a young girl thought such terrible things. She looked over at me, and I knew even with the rain that she was crying.

I couldn't help the outburst that came out my mouth. “No! You would not be doing the world a favor, you would be getting rid of all the opportunities to show this world what a gift you are. It doesn't matter how big or how little, you matter too this world. You just haven’t seen it yet.” My heart pounded with fear that she might not listen. That she might not care what I told her.

“Really?” Her voice barely carried over the pounding of the rain.

I gave a solemn nod. “Really. I don’t see how a young woman like yourself would want too ..” I tried to find the right word. “End your life this early, when you clearly have an eye for things that are beautiful that no other person would see. I know that I barely know you, heck I've only known you for a few short minutes, but no one deserves to be driven to the state of mind that they think they are so unworthy of life, when they haven’t met the right people yet.”

She looked at me, and the tiniest of smiles threatened to overcome her features. I stood up and held out my hand. “What do you say we take you home?” She seemed to ponder that for a second before taking my hand, and I helped her up and pulled her away from the edge she was sitting on.


We soon where walking down the bridge, towards her house that was only five minutes away. We made small chit chat as we walked. I learned that she was indeed thirteen as I originally guessed. She loved music with all her heart, and she loved to paint with watercolors. She also told me that she listened too Motionless In White before and thought it was pretty great. I felt my heart warm at that.

We soon stopped, and we were in front of a brick building, an apartment complex by the looks of it.

“Will you be okay?” I asked her. She nodded, and gave a small smile. “Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.” She walked up the pathway towards her house, she was just about to step on the first step to her door, when she turned around and ran towards me giving me a hug.

“Thank you.” She whispered, and she ran off back towards her house, quickly opening the door and disappearing behind it. I waited until I seen a light turn on, then I turned back down the road, making my way back the hotel.


~

I woke up too the sound of my phone ringing. I looked too my left and saw that Sabrina was gone. I sighed and turned to my phone, and saw that it was Lilith Greenes number. I quickly answered it.

“Hello?”

“Hello, is this Chris Cerulli?” a man's voice came through the speaker.

“Uh, yes this is Chris? Can I help you?”

“Yes, I’m sorry for bothering you today Mr. Cerulli, but this concerns the young girls phone I’m using currently. Do you know anything about her?”

I was curious, and I felt dread creep up on me. “You mean Lilith Greenes phone, what's wrong with her?”

“Lilith Greene you say?” I felt myself nod and then caught myself and said. “Yes.” Suspicion clear in my voice.

I heard a scribble of a pen on paper and I was beginning to worry. “What happened to her, is she alright?” I asked the person over the phone. I heard the man sigh, annoyed but his tone changed too one of sad one when he spoke again. “No sir, she is not. She committed suicide some time last night. The people that own the building came home this morning and saw her body. They had no idea who she was.”

My heart grew cold with regret. I could barely react when he continued.

“The only thing that was with her was a note, and her phone that only had one contact on it and it was your name.” He had a hard edge in his voice, and I could hear the pain he must be feeling. He was just doing his job, and it was a day that had had a horrible start too it. My mind was swirling in different directions. She killed herself. Regret stabbed every point of my being. I must have been quiet for some time, because the person on the line spoke up.

“Mr. Cerulli?” I shook my head.

“Yes.” I croaked out. I cleared my throat, attempting to get rid of the bile that had snuck up on me.

I heard the man sigh again, this time with a kind of regret. “Would you like to come down to the morgue, and we can talk about this in person?”
I agreed, and he told me the address, and that his name was Officer Thompson. I hung up and got myself ready. Keeping myself moving so I didn’t have time to think of what had just happened.


I grabbed my backpack and headed out, nearly running into Ricky as I flew out the door. “Whoa, man, careful. Where are you headed in such a hurry?” He asked. “The morgue.” I rushed out and ran out the front doors and into the streets. I was vaguely aware that I was being followed by my friends.

When I reached the morgue, I was out of breath and beads of sweat were running down my face. I was suddenly glad I opted out on not wearing makeup. When I got too the part of morgue where they kept the bodies, I saw who I assumed to be Officer Thompson, and I saw tiny human figure under a sheet.

I looked closer and saw the familiar face of Lilith Greene. I felt sick when I saw the imprint of a rope around her neck, and I felt my stomach do a somersault as I felt the need to be sick. An image of her hanging from the rope made me knees weak and I fell too the ground stunned. My ears where ringing and everything was turning white. I remember seeing vague shapes of people coming around me. I don’t remember much after the morgue.

/

I had fallen back against a tree, my breathing ragged and harsh. I tried to chase the memory away, of the image of the little girl with a rope imprint around her neck. Tears where falling silently down my face, and I couldn’t move from the spot I was in. I knew I should try to calm down, but my breathing came out raspy and rushed as I tried, but too no avail.


“N-no.” I tried to get out. I had to get my phone and call Ricky. I knew I had to call him. If I could just remember how to work my limbs.

Notes

Alrighty! Chapter 20! This makes me so excited. :)

So, who bailed out Dylan? ;3

And maybe more on Lilith in the next chapter. aha.

Enjoy! :)