Homepage › Stories › The Letter › Chapter 17

The Letter

Chapter 17

~3 Weeks Later~ Over the next few weeks I’ve distanced myself from everyone, Oli, Raven, October, and even my aunt. Oli is staying here with me until he HAS to leave, which is in a week. I don’t know what I’m going to do without him. He’s going all the way back to England. I don’t know what happened to Hannah, he never talks about her. Ricky… Ricky is my love. I loved him first. He’s back in LA. All the way on the other side of the country.
Dear Ricky,
Oh there I go with the dears again. I think about you a lot, and I want you to know that I love you, and Oli asked me out, but I don’t know what to do, my mind is so conflicted right now. My heart aches for your touch… you’re in my dreams, I’ve distanced myself from everyone else. After weeks of not talking or seeing you, I’ve decided to write you. Thinking maybe we could start over. As I sit here, listening to Sinematic, all I can think of is us, and what we had. Everything I see reminds me of us. When you get this, text me or call me or something. Just to know you’re okay. My birthdays in 2 days, are you coming?
~Ashley
I folded the letter and placed it in an envelope. I put a stamp and the address on it and started walking down stairs, look left, then right, no one’s out. Run down the stairs, checking again to make sure no one can see you. I rush out the front door and put the letter in the box.
“Ashley is that you?” My aunt called from one of the many living rooms.
I followed the voice into the biggest living room, everyone was sitting there, Raven, October, Oli, my aunt, and… my dad. I looked down, I was grungy looking, shorts that were huge on me, a giant shirt, that used to fit me perfectly, my hair was up in a messy bun, and my wrists were scabbed from new cuts.
“Ashley, we’re so worried about you. You aren’t eating, and all your drinking is tea and water. You look horrible.” My aunt said.
“Thanks.” I hissed.
“Ashley, please…” Oli begged.
“Stop it! No! I look fine! My body looks great! Can’t you see that?!”
I started storming back up the stairs but Oli grabbed my arm. He sat me down on his lap. They started talking about how distant I’ve become, and about how skinny I was, it was aggregating. Ricky never would have said anything about it, he would have told me how amazing I looked.
“Well I’m sorry I’ve been through some enormous tragedy! I’m so fucking sorry that I almost died! What am I supposed to do?! Forget?! Please, you tell me how easy that is!”
I stood up and ran upstairs and locked my door. This was ridiculous. I thought about calling Ricky, but I decided not to. I look over at my arm with the light house tattoo, I thought about getting the letters fixed, but I didn’t know. I wanted this, as a memory, but it brings me so much pain.
~Ring, ring, ring, ring~ the phone cries out, “Hello?” A sleepy voice answers the phone.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“No, it’s fine. What’s up?”
“C-can I stay with you for a while?” I sniffle.
“Now isn’t a good time Ashley.”
“Sorry for the bother.” I replied and hung up.
Ricky doesn’t want me either. He probably has someone else. I wanted to check. I get on his Twitter. He has some lyrics posted, all kind of sad. Then I check his Instagram, same thing, pictures of lyrics, pictures of grass, pictures of stuff that just reminds me of us. I sighed and tossed my phone on the floor. Fuck this, fuck it, I’m done.
I’d been thinking of this for weeks, I took out a notebook and wrote my letter, ‘Dear everyone reading this, I love you, honestly, with all my heart. You guys stay strong without me, I’ll be watching over you. I love you guys. It’s none of you faults, it’s just my time. ~Ashley.’ I wrote it down and put it on my bed.
I took out some pills I had gotten a while back, when I was on tour with them. I unlocked my door, I think the whole house heard it was so quiet, because the next thing I knew everyone was running upstairs. Oli opened the door. “I CAN’T GET IT OPENED!” I shout, tears running from my eyes, my voice filled with sadness. Oli takes the pills and throws them. He motions for everyone to leave, they go.
He holds me tightly, refusing to let me go. I fought him, but he was so much stronger than me, especially in the state I’m in now. “Ashley Manson, you listen to me right now, you are a beautiful girl, so fucking beautiful. Don’t do this to yourself, two days before your fucking birthday! Ashley please!” He pleaded, he was crying, “God Ashley, people love you, I love you, Ricky does not! He beat you, he tried to kill you, TWICE! Ashley baby, please.”
“Oli…”
“Ashley please.”
“Oli I don’t know.”
“I do, Ashley, I am here for you, there is no way I’m leaving you here when I go. I’ve just been waiting for an answer to tell you, but hell, I’ll tell you. I got you a ticket, a plane ticket, you’re coming with me back home.”
“My answer? Yes. That is my answer.”