Ghost In The Mirror

Josh and I had been awake for about an hour now. We're sitting on the couch right now talking about how things have been since he left. Im trying to avoid the subject as much as I can but he wont let me. I don't want to tell him what our friends think of him.

"Im hungry." I said, climbing off his lap. I walked into the kitchen and started fixing myself a bowl of cereal. Josh walked up behind me, slipping his arms around my waist.

"You're avoiding my question." He whispered in my ear before kissing my neck and spinning me around before I ckuld pour the milk in my bowl. I sighed and hopped on the counter. Josh was standing between my legs, holding my hips.

"Ryan's not really talking to anyone anymore. He's really quiet. He'll only talk to Ariel and even then it's short choppy sentences." I started, looking everywhere but his face. "Chris and Ange are really tempermental now. They're very immpatient. Ricky and Devin just want things to go back to normal. They miss you so much that they're willing to put this all behind them." I wiped a few stray tears that slipped. I knew it was crazy for me to be crying over this but it was hard talking about the people you hold closest to you tearing themselves apart.

"What about the girls?" He asked. His voice was low. I could tell he was sad. It hurt me to know that I had to be the one to tell him these things. I wish we could just skip this talk. I know it's not that easy though. Nothing ever is.

"Ariel is so upset over Ryan that she wont talk to anyone other than him and me. Caylin and Rosie are terrifed of their boyfriends so they try to aviod them. Mar is on the same boat at Ricky and Devin, wanting things to go back to normal. Opal, she is like Ange and Chris. She's really pissed off." I finally looked him in the eyes to see he was extremely hurt.

I didn't want to tell him that but he wouldn't let me not tell him. "What about you?" He questions, looking at me hopefully.

"At first I cried myself to sleep every night. I felt do betrayed and hurt." I felt tears slipping down my face as the memories invaded my thoughts. "That was for about three or four weeks. I didn't really talk to anyone but Brad. I wouldn't really leave the house unless I was going to work or school.

"I felt like everything I did was pointless. I didn't have my parents. My friends were all falling apart. You were gone. Austin had Alan. I thought about calling social services and telling them my address to take me away.

"Then I was angry. I finally realized that I didn't deserve that. I convinced myself that you were the biggest mistake of my life. I was angry at myself for trusting you so much. I was angry at you for using me.

"Now my mind is all kinds of fucked up and I can't tell up from down anymore. You're here but you're not. I try to hang on to what I can get because I know it isn't much. I just wish we could all start over." I had tears streaming down my face by the time I was finished.

"Oh my God." He whispered, pulling me into hug. I fell off the counter and into his arms. "I hurt you so much more mthan I thought. Im so fucking sorry. Tarra, Im so sorry." He collapsed to his knees, still holding me in his arms. I clung onto him, never wanting to let go. Tears were still falling down my face. I felt a wet spot form on my shirt that told me that Josh was crying to.

I lifted my head out of his neck and cupped his cheek, pulling his face a bit towards mine. "It's ok Josh. It'll be ok in the end." My thumb brushed over his cheek, wiping away a few tears. He smiled sadly at my and let out a dry laugh.

"I hope so." He whispered. He kissed me lovingly. I climbed off the floor and gave him a hand to help him up. He took it, standing up to pull me into a hug. "I love you."

"I love you to Josh." I replied, burying my head into his chest. It was times like these that I love the fact that he was about five inches taller than me.

Everything's going to be ok. It has to be. Right?

Notes

Im sorry this update is so late tonight. I just had a bit of writers block. I overcame it though! I really liked this chapter. I feel like it explained a lot of Tarra's feelings that I hadn't talked much about. It got all the feels out there.