Ghost In The Mirror

Austin and Alan went home yesterday. I skipped school today. I haven't been home in three days. Im barely sleeping. Josh is doing better but he's still in a lot of pain. I've gotten really close to his parents. His mom is very sweet and his dad is too.

Right now his parents are at work. Im the only one here. The doctors are in his room, running a few tests on him. They make me wait in the waiting room while they do that. They have to make sure that he doesn't have permanent nerve damage in some places and a few x-rays to see how he's healing.

Chris told me that he would bring me my work from school. He said he would bring Josh's to just in case he felt up to it.

The doctor came back out of Josh's room and sent me a small smile, silently telling me I could go see him again. I nodded and made my way to his room.

I sat by his bed again and held his hand again, just like I do every other time I come in here. He had a few stray tears in his eyes that I wiped away. When they test his nerve damage the hace to poke at him and it hurts him a lot. I try to be here for him as much as I can even though I know it's not enough.

"How was it?" I asked him, running my thumb over his hand.

"Better than last time." He sighed. I nodded. That's good, it's progress.

We sat in silence, neither of us saying a word. Nothing needed to be said though. We both knew where our thoughts were. I was worried about him and he was worried about me, even though he shouldn't be.

"Baby, when's the last time you've slept?" He asked me, squeezing my hand a bit.

"Last night." I assured him. I wasn't lying either. I sat in this chair and slept for about three hours last night. I woke up when I heard him cry out in pain and I didn't go back to sleep after that.

"How long?" He questions, looking worried.

"A few hours. Im fine though. Im not tired." That was a lie. Im beyond exausted. I can't sleep though. I wont let myself. He needs me and I will be here for him.

"You're lying." He sighs. "Tarra, I know your worried but Im getting better. When my parents get here I want you to go home, take a shower, eat something, and get some sleep. You need it."

"Ok." I nod. "Im coming back though. As soon as I wake up Im walking here." I said. I can't just not come back. If he thinks he can get rid of me that easily then he's wrong.

"Ok." He smiled half heartedly and squeezed my hand.

"I love you."

"I love you to." He replied.

Someone knocked on the door. Josh and I turned out attention towards it as someone started opening it. It was Ryan. He was carrying a lot of books and papers. I guess Chris told him to bring our stuff. He sent a small smile our way.

"Hey Ryan!" Josh tried to smile but he couldn't. It hurt him. His voice was weak so I could onlt imagine how hard it is for him to talk to people, much less smile. He does it anyways. That's just how he is.

"Hey buddy." Ryan beamed. "I bring presents." He joked, reffering to the books in his hands. "Im lying. It's more like torture." He set the books down by the bed and sighed. "How are you feeling?"

"Better." Josh replied simply.

"Thats good." Ryan nodded. "Tarra, can I talk to you for a sec, please?"

I was heasitant at first but then forced myself out of the chair. I followed Ryan into the hallway. I hope he makes this quick. I don't like leaving Josh like this.

"When's the last time you've been home?" He asks me. I sighed. I don't want to talk about me right now. Josh is the one that's hurting. Not me.

"Before he got hurt." I replied, staring at the floor.

"Tarra, everyone is woried about you. We all understand that your worried about Josh but you're killing yiourself. He wouldn't want that." He states. He's right. Josh wouldn't want that. Im hurting him by hurting myself.

"Im sorry." I whispered. Tears started to flood my eyes at the thought of dissapointing everyone. Ryan pulled me into a hug.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. Just promise me you'll go home today for a bit. You need sleep." He begged.

I nodded. "I promise."

Notes

I feel like this chapter sucks. Comments please? It would be greatly appreciated..