I feel so empty. I haven't slpet at all since I got home and it's been a few hours now. I ate and took a shower already. Now im just laying in bed trying to force myself into a much needed sleep, even though it wouldn't come.

My body is exhausted. My mind is wide awake though. All the thoughts running through my head are making it damn near impossible for me to sleep. I don't like leaving Josh alone in the hospital. He deserves to have someone there with him. He didn't ask to be ran over. It just happened.

My phone started ringing and I answered it without looking at the caller ID. I'll figure out who it is eventually.

"Hello?" I yawned. I really need some sleep.

"Hey. I was just calling to check up on you and Josh. How is everything?" It was Austin. I could tell when I heard Alan in the background talking about his orange tabby cat.

"He's getting better. He's still pretty messed up though." I sighed. And Im not there with him. I know I need sleep but its hard to close your eyes when you see your boyfriend's broken body everytime you do.

"He's getting better. That's all that matters." I could almost see Austin trying to give me a reassuring smile. "How are you holding up?"

"Im fine." I responded.

"You're lying." Austin stated. I heard Alan go quiet in the background at Austin's stern voice. It could be intimidating at times. He sighed. "Tarra, how have you been, really? Don't lie this time, please."

"Im heartbroken." I choked, already feeling a new batch of tears welling up in my eyes. I knew he was going to nake me talk about this. It'll be good for me though. I don't nedd to keep it all bottled up. That would only cause self-destruction right now. "I can't stand seeing him like this but I can't stand leaving him either. If Im not by his side Im worried about him. Like now, I can't even think right because he's in a hospital all alone. He will be until I get sleep because no one will let me go back until I do. He's hurt and alone and I can't do anything about it. I feel so worthless that it hurts. He's always been here for me and I can't do the same for him when he needs me the most." I sobbed. My mind was so confused that it started to hurt.

"Tarra, he'll be fine. He wont be unless you get sleep though. You need that. You have gone above and beyond for him in these last few days. His parents haven't even been there for him the way you are right now. You need to rest."

"I know." I nodded, even though he couldn't see me. I wiped the tears off my face and sniffled a bit. "Im gonna go Aus. I'll talk to you later."

"Be safe, please."

"I will." I hung up the phone and wiped a few stray tears off my face. I set my phone back down on my dresser then laid down again. My eyes finally started feeling a bit heavier and I drifted off into an uneasy slumber.

---

I woke up around five in the morning. I slept about six hours last night which was more than I had expected. I got myself ready and started on my walk to the hospital. Im not really a morning eater so I just decided I would sop by the donut shop and get something there since it was on the way.

My boss gave me my food for free since she felt bad about the given circumstances. Apperently Mar and Devin came by and told her I wouldn't be at work for a while. I'll have to call them later and thank them.

I walked into the hospital only to find that Josh was undergoing another surgery. His ribs needed to be wired together because they weren't healing right. I felt lie shit finding this out. They were halfway through and three hour surgery. If I wouldn't have left I would've known the whole time.

Notes

Another chapter! Something big is about to happen guys! You all might hate me. Then again, you might not. But its going to be exciting!

Comments please! I love them!