Would You Still Be There

I feel Alan glancing at me during to movie, but I barerly notice it. I didn't even watch the movie. My mind had taken over. Everytime this happend, I usually just hid in my closet, trying to shut down the voices in my head. They would disappear after a hour or two, but it didn't take many days before they where back again, tellinng me that I'm worthless, that I don't deserve to live and that I never can make anything right. It was a miracle that I didn't freak out during the movie.

I felt Alan moving closer and the voices just shut. It was like they just disappeard. Maybe that wasn't weird? I felt safer when I was around Alan.



I open up my eyes, seeing Alans room infront of me. Firstly, I don't get why I'm there. Then last night comes back to me. I smile at the thought of me falling asleep in Alans arms. I had dreamed something weird aswell. Alan had kissed me on the tip of my nose and on my forhead. Honestly, it didn't feel like a dream.


Then it hits me.


It's only tuesday.


-"Alan!" I sit up and shake him, hoping that he'd wake up. I see him dizzy, open up his eyes.

-"We have school, and It's already.." I grab my phone. "Eight!" school starts at 08.10.

I literally jump out of bed, seeing how Alan don't get what is going on. I can't help but stop and look at how adorable he is.

-"Uh, anyways, do you have a shirt or something?" I ask. My old one, that I'm currently wearing, smells like crap.

-"Ya.. It lays a few in the closet." Alan points at his closet and gets out of bed himself. I quickly take a green day shirt and pull of my own. I look down at my stomach and almost want to cry. I don't care if you can count my ribs without a problem. The only thing I can see is fat. And I need to get rid of it all.

I feel that Alan stares at me. He thinks I'm fat. I know it.

Instead of spending anymore time on thinking about that, I put on the shirt. This is pretty much the only thing I do in the morning, so I just grab my backpack and turn around, looking at Alan. He seems pretty finished too.

-"So, lets go!" I smile and walk out of Alans room. Before I can walk out of the door Alan stops me.

-"What about breakfast?" He asks and I just nodd. Alan makes a sandwhich to me and one to himself and we walk out. I tear the sandwhich into tiny pieces, putting them in my pocket. Hopefully, Alan didn't notice.

-"So.." I start. "What was that whole boyfriend thing your mom was talking about yesterday?"

Notes

aye sorry for short