Wounds of Regret

I woke up to the sound of a softly creaking door, seemingly confused by my surroundings. I sat up and promptly clutched my head in an attempt to ease the throbbing pain pulsing from my forehead.

Soon my vision began to clear as I noticed Austin closing my front door, about to make his way towards me. I smiled at him, but for a moment I was confused as to why he was here. Mere seconds later, the memories from today came flooding back, leaving me speechless.

I felt so guilty for putting Austin through all of my shit, never in a million years would I have wanted him to see me like that. I remembered his face the moment he realized what was happening. His expression had been frozen in a mixture of terror, confusion, disappointment.. and maybe even love? No, no, no. I quickly smashed the idea from my head. Even the thought of Austin loving me was ridiculous.

I continued to sit on the couch staring at the lines and crevices of my palms, when a realization hit me. There was no way I could try and kill myself again. Originally I'd thought that Austin would be happier without me, but from his reaction today I couldn't have been more wrong. I was left in a haze of confusion. I knew he'd never love me the way I loved him, but it seemed as if he cared about me more than I thought.

My head was spinning with questions. Does this mean everything I believed before was wrong? The thought that my attempted suicide was brought on by false thoughts made me sick. I couldn't bear to think I had been wrong.

I was pulled completely from my thoughts when I felt fingers lightly brushing against my hand. Slowly lifting my head, I was met with Austin's warm, chocolate eyes. I felt myself getting lost in them the longer I stared.

A sad smile poking at the sides of his face, he grabbed my hands into his. His melancholy smile turned into a soft frown as he unclasped one of his hands from my embrace. I felt his fingers lightly brush against my cheek. I hadn't realized I was crying.

He hooked his bony fingers under my chin, gently lifting my face up until we were gazing into each others eyes. I couldn't remember a time where I felt so safe and loved.

He lifted his free hand back to my face, pushing my floppy orange hair out of the way and landing a soft kiss on my forehead. I smiled at the sweet gesture as he clasped both my hands into his again. He looked back at me, this time a serious expression plaguing his face.

"You're coming to live with me, Alan. There's going to be no protesting. I already packed the things you need in my car and we're going to talk about what happened in the morning." Austin sat there expectantly, waiting for an answer.

I merely nodded in submission, the truth was I wanted nothing more than to go with him.

A smile flashed across Austin's face as he scooped up my body and lifted me off the couch. It seemed so effortless. I couldn't stop wondering how he did it. I was surely too heavy, wasn't I?

"How did you do that?" I asked, dropping my voice low in hopes that he wouldn't hear.

"Do what?" He asked, flashing me a look of genuine curiosity.

"Lift me up." I mumbled, burying my face into his shoulder.

He seemed puzzled at first, but soon realization flashed across his face. There was silence as he carried me out the door and down to the parking garage.

“Oh, Alan.” He sighed, finally reaching his car. He opened the passenger door and helped me in.

“What am I gonna do with you.”

Notes

Kind of a filler chapter.. tell me what you think :)