Wounds of Regret

~Austin's POV~

I woke up from a strange soon forgotten dream, rubbing my eyes as I started to notice my surroundings.

Alan was pressed up against me, still fast asleep. His eyebrows were furrowed and his mouth was pursed, almost in a pained expression, but not quite.

I weaved my hand through his soft ginger hair, taking a minute to admire the sleeping boy. His legs were folded into himself, and his shirt was riding up to reveal his slender body. I knew he could definitely gain some weight but I would always think he was beautiful no matter his size.

I sat there in silence for several minutes, still stroking his hair. I couldn't shake this gnawing feeling that something was off.

I moved my hand to rest on the bed when I felt it. My fingers were coated in something sticky, and I didn't need to look to recognize the red substance. I remembered how the bathroom floor had looked yesterday when Alan ran off, I can't believe I didn't check his wounds. It was no doubt that they were bad, considering I was laying next to a puddle of blood.

Alan needed someone to take care of him right now, and it was always my number one priority to be that person.

I gently shook Alan awake, kissing him lightly on the lips and smiling once I saw his eyes fluttering open.

"We need to go fix you up, all right Alan?" I said softly, slipping my hands under his body and lifting him up.

He seemed confused for a second until he looked down to his red stained pants. I saw the realization hit his face. He was looking down at his leg in shock, almost as if he'd forgotten about it.

He nodded as I carried him towards the back lounge. I set him on one of the couches and grabbing a first aid kit. I carefully pulled off his pants, trying not to show a reaction to the cuts and scabs littering his legs. He let out a hiss as I began to clean his wounds. I grabbed his hand, hoping to ease some of the pain.

Once I fully cleaned and bandaged his cuts, I helped Alan into the front lounge so I could start making him something to eat. I decided on something light, knowing I’d have a better chance to get him to eat it. Once I’d finished putting together a salad for both of us, I seated myself next to Alan, pushing a plate towards him.

He gave me a conflicted look, but picked up the plate anyways. I smiled slightly, hoping this wasn’t just a one time thing. Once Alan and I had finished eating, he turned to me with a serious expression.

“After tour, I want to try and get better Austin. I-I think I might need professional help.” He turned away, refusing to look at me.

I turned him around and enveloped him in a tight hug, I felt so relieved.

“I’m so proud of you, Alan.” I whispered, letting him bury his face into my neck.

He sighed softly as I stroked his hair, enjoying a comfortable silence. I was filled with relief, knowing Alan finally was willing to get help. I was starting to realize he needed something more than just me to help him, he needed someone who actually knew what they were doing. I tried my best to help Alan through everything, but I knew he needed more if he was going to fully get better.

As soon as the tour ended, I promised myself I’d help him find the care he needed. I loved him so much, and I wanted nothing more than for him to see himself the way I saw him.

That was part of the reason I hadn’t fully pursued a relationship with Alan just yet. I wasn’t naive, I knew getting in a relationship wouldn't magically’ fix Alan’s problems. He needed to focus on getting better before we would truly be happy together.

The thing was, I never realized how much I’d been hurting him with Alicia. The truth was, she was just an old friend, nothing more. I should have seen the effect it had on Alan, but I’d been blind. Another reason we needed to wait for a relationship. It was hard though, I loved him more than anything, and I needed to put his well-being first, even if he didn’t necessarily agree.

I smiled at Alan, still pressed up against me, getting lost in my own thoughts.

Notes