Strength in Numbers

I was getting a drink from the fridge when Alan walked in the room, looking distractedly ahead of himself. He snapped out of his daze momentarily when he walked into the table, muttered a handful of curses at it, then slipped right back into zombie mode.

"Everything ok, Al?" I asked as I popped the top of my soda.

His head snapped to me. "Hmm?"

"Is everything ok? You seem out of it."

He sighed and shook his head, running a hand through his hair. "Sil and I just ended it, and-" he stopped abruptly.

"And?" I prompted.

"And, ugh, I'm really upset about it."

I arched an eyebrow, but let it go. "I'm sorry, dude."

But I wasn't, not really. I was on cloud nine. Alan was single again; my fantasy of him wanting to be mine was ever so slightly less impossible. Besides my own selfish delusions, I knew neither of them were happy, and both of them were too stubborn to admit it. They would have run themselves into early graves trying to get their relationship to be everything they'd ever dreamed had it not been for everyone getting on their case about it, myself and Aaron especially. They did the best they could with the hand they were dealt, and though I would have preferred an option where neither of my best friends got hurt, they chose the best of the shit choices they had.

Alan lifted his teary eyes to mine. "I feel like shit. Can I have a hug, Aussie?"

I nearly spit out my soda. "WHERE DID YOU HEAR THAT NAME?!" I fumed when I had finished choking.

He chuckled, despite the tears that I knew were about to fall any minute. "Silver said it once. Can I have a hug anyway? I'm sad." He pouted.

I sighed, and wrapped my arms around the smaller boy. It didn't matter how old he got, Alan would forever be a child.

He squeezed my waist. "You give the best hugs, Aus."

He chuckled. "Sil says it's cause I'm a fucking giant."

He nodded into my chest. "She's probably right." He sighed. "This sucks."

"I know."

"We weren't in love."

I waited a beat before responding quietly, "I know."

"So why was it so hard? Why does it hurt this bad?!" He shoved himself away from me as his breath began to whistle out in tremors.

I sighed. "That I don't know. I'm sorry that it sucks so bad, Al. Go lie down for a bit, you look like hell." I began to lead him to his bunk. "Get some rest, the only thing that will help is time."

He sighed. "I know. Thanks, Aus."

I squeezed his shoulder once before leaving him beside his bunk and going back to my soda in the front room...and I found it...in Tino's hand. "Dude! C'mon man I was gone for like ten seconds!"

He laughed. "You snooze, you lose, motherfucker!"

I punched him in the shoulder as I plopped next to him on the couch. "Anything good?" I asked as I stole my drink back.

He shook his head. "Not a thing, but if I have to listen to any more couple bullshit from Sil and Aaron I might just throw up."

I laughed. At least they were happy. Two down, one to go.

Alan:
I took a sip from the can in my hand as I flipped through the worst of TV. Phil arched an eyebrow at me as he grabbed a bottle of water. "Al," he warned.

I waved him off. "Calm down, it's only my first and I'm not even half way done with it." He still looked wary. "Look," I sighed, "Sil and I just ended it and it's been a real shit day. I'm entitled to it."

He raised his hands to his shoulders. "Hey, you've had a rough day, I'm not going to deny you a beer, but," he pointed a finger at me, "it ends with that one. It's the first and the last. You're a prick when you're drunk."

I scoffed at him and took another sip. He began to walk back to the bunks and I bit my lip. Should I ask him? I had come damned close to telling Austin I was questioning my sexuality, but I couldn't because he was my best friend, and he way gay, and it would be weird...right?

"Hey Phil?"

He turned just before he went into the other room. "Yeah?"

"Got a minute?"

He came to sit next to me. "What's on your mind?"

I swallowed. "I, ugh, well I mean it was Sil really, but, um, I think, I, er," Oh for Christ's sake Alan, this is pathetic. SPIT IT OUT YOU FUCKING MORON. "I, ugh, think that I'm, ugh-"

"Not quite straight?"

My eyes snapped to him. "How'd you know?!"

He chuckled and leaned back in his seat. "If anyone of us was gay I was betting it would be you. It's part of the reason why I was so surprised when Silver accidentally outed Austin. I was almost certain it would be you."

"What?! Did everyone but me see this coming?!"

"Yeah basically," Tino laughed as he walked in.

"Go to hell," I muttered as I took another swig from my can.

He chuckled. "You, my friend, make Gaskarth and Barakat look straight."

"Hey!"

Phil laughed. "Well, maybe not that far, but yeah, it was pretty obvious you weren't all that into chicks."

"The thought hadn't even crossed my mind until Sil brought it up, and you all knew already?!" I groaned. "What the fuck is this shit? Fuck this. Someone finish this," I held out the half empty can of beer, "I'm going back to bed."

Tino laughed and snagged it from my hands. "Sleep tight!"

"Dream of gorgeous half naked men!" Phil added.

I flipped them off as I walked back to my bunk.

"Did they tell you to dream of half naked men?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, they're being assholes cause I-" I turned to meet the one pair of eyes I was not ready to discuss this with.

He arched an eyebrow, brown eyes still cloudy from sleep. "Because what?" he yawned.

I swallowed. "Because I, ugh," I panicked, wracking my brain for an excuse, but nothing came. My mind was blank in that moment except for one thought that slipped past my lips without a command to do so from my brain.

"Shit."

Notes

Sorry! Sorry! I had this half written and lost it so I had to rewrite! Also, school started so I'm not sure how often I can update. I'll try to get as much as I can up, but bear with me! Sorry loves! Enjoy anyway! And give me feedback, I love talking with all of you lovely people :) - Anna