Strength in Numbers

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU PICKED UP AND WENT ON TOUR WITH THE GUYS?!"

I sighed. I'd been dreading this conversation, and it was going worse than expected. "Hil, you just have to trust me."

"TRUST YOU?" she screeched. "I HAD TO SLEEP WITH YOU TO MAKE SURE YOU WOULDN'T RELAPSE, I COME HOME AND YOU'RE GONE, AND YOU WANT ME TO FUCKING TRUST YOU?"

"I'm sorry! I didn't exactly have a choice!"

She sighed. "I know, I know, I just worry."

I chuckled. "I know, but hey, I have some news for you." She simply squealed. "You better be sitting down."

"Oh just tell me!"

I blew out a breath. "Alan and I are together."

There was silence.

I waited for my best friend to collect her thoughts. I waited...and waited...and waited. Five minutes later, I was starting to get worried.

"Hil?" Nothing. "Hillary?" Nothing. "Hil? Are you ok?"

"ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME?" Oh, here we go with the yelling again. Hillary absolutely loved to yell.

"What? I though you wanted me and Alan together?"

"WELL OBVIOUSLY BUT WHY DID IT TAKE YOU MORONS SO FUCKING LONG? I WAS SITTING HERE GOING 'OH JUST FUCK ALREADY' THE WHOLE DAMN TIME!"

I laughed so hard I had tears rolling down my cheeks, when Alan came strolling into the back lounge. He quirked an eyebrow. "Something wrong, babe?"

I shook my head, still unable to contain my laughter.

"Is that him? I NEED TO YELL AT THAT FUCKER TOO!"

I snorted and handed Alan my phone. He gave me a curious look but held it up to his ear. Bad move, babe. "Hello?" Alan jumped three feet in the air and pulled the phone away from his ear. He glared at me before gently putting the phone back to his head. "Hil don't yell at me! It was Silver's fault for making me wait!" No sex for you tonight. All of the sudden he was blushing bright red from his hair to his chest. "Well yeah," he mumbled shoving his free hand in his pocket and scuffing his foot on the floor. "A while." He flushed deeper. "Two years." He refused to meet my eyes as my roommate talked. "Ok, bye Hil." He hung up and gave me my phone.

I took his wrist and pulled him to sit on the couch beside me. "What'd she say, princess?"

He scowled at the nickname. "Nothin'."

"You're a horrible liar." He stuck his tongue out at me. Ah Sil, what classy, sophisticated men you date. "You still haven't answered me."

He looked at the ground and shrugged. "She asked...how long...I knew-" his last words were so muddled I couldn't hear him.

"What was that, babe?"

He sighed. "She asked how long I knew...I loved you."

I gave him a small smile. "Two years? I've only known you two years, Ashby."

He shrugged and muttered a noncommittal response.

"Your face matches your hair."

"Shut up." He glared.

I laughed. "C'mere baby." I scooted over to make room for him to sit next to me. He shuffled over and sat, immediately enveloping me in his arms. "I think you're adorable."

"M'not suppose to be adorable," he mumbled, hiding his face in my shoulder.

"You're doing a terrible job at that."

"Go fuck yourself."

I laughed and kissed his fiery hair. "I love you."

His head shot up, wide eyes meeting mine. "What?"

I stared at him as my jaw hung slack. What the fuck?! Did I just say that?! "I-I-"

I watched the happy little sliver of hope die out in his eyes as he shook his head. "I get it, Sil. It slipped out. You didn't mean it." He started to get up.

My hand reached out on it's own to catch his wrist. He turned to look at me with a confused expression. "I-I don't...I'm not sure...I mean, I like you...a lot...and I might...but I-I mean, I don't, I mean I just, I-"

"Baby," he cut me off. "Don't have a panic attack, it's ok."

"Alan?"

"Yes, love?"

I took a deep breath and gave him an apologetic expression. "Can I just have a minute to think this through?"

He smiled at me. "Take as long as you need, Sil. I'm not going anywhere." He kissed my forehead and disappeared to another part of the bus.

I hugged my knees close to my chest. Do I love Alan? I might. I mean, I like him a lot, but...love? I had no idea why I'd said I loved him. It just slipped out, as if it was the only thing I could have said in that moment. What am I saying?! Alan and I have been going out for like, a week! I groaned in frustration and fell backwards on the couch. I hated relationships and love because it led to this confusing crap. I hated this confusing crap.

"Hey, baby girl, trouble in paradise?"

I scowled at Austin as I sat up. "Shut up, Carlile. I'm not in the mood for your shit."

"Fiesty! Do I need to kill Ashby?"

I sighed. "No."

He laughed as he plopped next to me. "What's wrong, Silver?"

"I told Alan I loved him." He gave me a blank look, saying he didn't understand. "I didn't mean it. I mean, maybe I did. I'm not sure. It just kinda...came out." I looked at him nervously. "Aus, I don't know what to do."

"I'm sure Alan will give you time until you're ready to say it for real."

I bit my lip. "I don't know if I ever will," I mumbled.

He got visibly paler. "What do you mean?" he asked slowly.

"I don't know if I really love Alan like that."

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Well shit Sil, maybe you should have thought of that before you led the poor kid on!"

I felt tears spring to my eyes. I was so done with fighting. I stood quickly and ran to the bathroom. It was the only place I could go, the bus was moving. I sank to the floor, hugging my knees and cried. I wasn't sure what else to do. I was making a mess of everything in no time at all. Where's a blade when you need one? Oh right, the guys hid them all. Ugh.

There was a knock at the door. "Sil I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to come out like that." I couldn't answer, so I didn't even try. "Honey, c'mon let me in?" I reached up and locked the door. The knob jiggled as Austin tried to open the door. "I'm sorry Sil, please come out?" I hugged my knees tighter.

I heard a mumbled conversation, then a new voice spoke to me. "Baby, it's ok. I'm not mad. Austin's a dick-"

"Hey!"

"Shut up moron, you're the reason she's in there! Silver, let me in, baby. Please?" The door knob rattled again, but I wasn't budging. I needed to be away from them. All I did was make their lives more difficult.

There was another muffled conversation and I heard footsteps retreating to another side of the bus. They gave up. Finally. Maybe now I could stew in my self hatred in peace.

"Sil?"

My head shot up. No, no, no.

"I'm coming in if I have to break the lock."

I didn't doubt it. Austin had told me he was twenty paces behind the other day. He wasn't the one who ripped off my door knob...

I unlocked the door and Aaron slipped in, re-locked it, and sat across from me on the floor. "What'd he do now?"

Fresh hot tears peaked at the corners of my eyes as I shook my head. I didn't want to talk, I just didn't want him to break the bus.

"Hey, none of that. Talk to me, angel."

I looked at him and quirked an eyebrow. "Angel?" my voice cracked from crying.

He grinned. "It suits you."

I felt heat flood my face as I looked down.

He put two fingers under my chin to lift my gaze to his. "C'mon, Silver, talk to me. Is it Alan again?"

I shook my head. "Austin this time."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, he's been in a bad mood lately. He chewed me out for finishing the last box of Pop Tarts without asking anyone. I don't know what's up his ass lately."

I shrugged. "Yeah, I noticed. I dunno, I guess he's just really up in my private life and it's bothering me."

Aaron arched an eyebrow. "Like how?"

"He's really spazing about me and Alan's relationship. He freaked out when I told him that I'm not sure if Alan and I are going to work."

Aaron nodded. "That's my fault, sorry."

I looked at the ground as I felt my cheeks flush. It was his fault. "No it's not. Alan and I...we're just not quite compatible."

"No, no, Sil. It's my fault Austin's flipping out. He's the one that I told about l-" he stopped and looked at the ground, "liking you a lot."

I looked up at him. "You do?"

He nodded shyly. "I just don't want to mess things up between you and Alan. He fought so hard to get you. Give him a chance, a real chance. Try to fall for him. If it really doesn't end up working out, I'll be here. Ok?"

I nodded slowly. "Ok. I'll try my damnedest with Alan."

"That's my girl. What's your favorite color?"

I wasn't sure how to respond. "What?"

He rolled his eyes. "Just trust me. Answer as fast as you can. What's your favorite color?"

"Black."

"What's your favorite animal?"

"Lizards."

He made a face but shot the next ridiculous question. "Dream job?"

"Writting."

"If you could live anywhere, where would you?"

"Cali, I never want to leave."

"Favorite movie?"

"The Nightmare Before Christmas."

"Favorite book?"

"Of Mice and Men."

He smiled. "Nice. Favorite soda?"

"Coke."

"Do you love Alan?"

"Yes." My hands flew to my mouth. Wait what? How does that work?

Aaron smiled at me. "There's your answer, honey."

I jumped up, a huge smile on my face. "Alan!" I ran off to find him in our bunk, playing on his phone.

I threw myself inside and kissed him. He chuckled. "Well hello there."

"I-I love you."

His smile dropped and he stared at me for a moment. Suddenly that glimmer of hope from earlier flared to life. "Really?"

"Really."

He pulled me back into the kiss. "I love you. So much. You have no idea." We kissed until I was light headed and sleepy.

Alan pulled me against his chest and smiled down at me, wider than I'd ever seen. "I love you."

I smiled back. "I love you too."

He giggled and pulled me close to his chest, burying his face in my hair as we drifted off to sleep.

Notes

I'm terrible. I've had so much shit it's not even funny, but here's a new chapter. Please leave feedback! It's always really helpful and appreciated, even if it's just a keyboard smash. :) Thanks loves! - Anna