One look was all it took.

Austin's P.O.V.

Alan & I were in the pool now, as much as I wanted to kiss him, I knew I couldn't. That kiss definitely proved I'm gay. Being gay isn't a bad thing...I just can't think of telling anyone. Imagine all the judgment I'd get? All the hate? I haven't been able to take my eyes off Alan since I first saw him today. Does he like me? The kiss probably meant nothing to him...He's the one who wanted to stop...Even if he did like me, I wouldn't let him know about my feelings for him.

"Austin, you okay?" Alan asked, I didn't realize I had just been standing in the pool the whole time.

"Uh, yea. Just thinking." I replied.

"About?"

"Stuff." I answered.

"Like?"

"Things." I responded.

I got lost in thought again & my eyes drifted down to his body, I bit my lip, wondering how his skin would feel against my fingers, how it'd feel to kiss his chest down to his stomach....I bit down harder on my lip. I tasted blood in my mouth & touched my fingers to my mouth, I bit too hard. Dammit.

"Austin, you're bleeding! Are you okay?"

"Yea...j-just from my lips, don't worry."

"Why'd you bite it so hard?" Alan asked, looking confused.

"Remember when I said you were attractive?" Alan nodded. "Yea, well you're the reason my lip is bleeding. I can't stand looking at you in only shorts." Alan's face blushed a deep shade of pink, I got closer to him, us standing in the water.

"So, you never told me who you liked...." I spoke.

"Mhhm...."

"Tell me." I said.

"N-no...I don't think I should."

"Please? I won't tell him. It's a secret." I replied.

"You won't want to be my friend anymore.." Alan frowned.

"I'll always be your friend, you can trust me." I said. I was just really hoping he liked me.

"I-it's you....I like you. Today's been great, & I know I shouldn't have kissed you... but I didn't want to be your friend & never know what it feels like...I know you obviously don't like me...but you kissed me back....why?" Alan spoke, looking me straight in the eyes. I can't let him know I feel the same way. I just can't...word could get out & everything would change.

"....No...I'm glad you kissed me. I-I kissed you back because I enjoyed the feeling...I just don't see you as anything else but a friend...I'm sorry." I didn't have the courage to tell him. Instead I lied & probably crushed him. Dammit. I looked at Alan, he was looking down at the water, not saying anything.

"Alan...I'm really sorry."

"I'll just leave now..." Alan spoke.

"No, please don't. I want you here with me."

"But I feel stupid now....I knew kissing you was a bad idea..." Alan said.

"Alan, no. Don't feel stupid. I'm stupid."

"And why is that?" Alan asked. I just took a step closer to him, the water around us moved.

"I'm doing something that might not be a smart idea, but it seems that way right now." I replied.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm just trying not to hurt you, believe me. Just stay please. Let's forget about what we just talked about. Let's just have fun!" I spoke, trying to lighten up his mood.

I'm really trying not to hurt him. If I tell him I like him too, nothing will change, he'll be hoping for something that will never come. I'm not man enough to come out to my friends. I haven't been for years. I'll just end up hurting him more if he knows. Alan looked at me, then he stepped closer so that our chests were against each other.

"Can I please just have one more kiss? I'll stay." Alan asked. A swarm of butterflies came rushing into my stomach & I felt really nervous.

"Y-yes." I responded. Alan pulled me in close & attached our lips. This was too much for me. I should have said no. He's gonna no I feel something with this kiss. I couldn't get myself to pull away, I put my arms around his waist & pulled him in closer. I had a tight grip on him now. He didn't tense up or flinch this time. The kiss was getting more intense, I knew I'd have to pull away now. I just didn't want to. I let out a long breath when I finally pulled away. Alan was trying to catch his breath. Then he looked at me with both sadness & confusion in his eyes. I'm not sure what he was thinking, I didn't dare to ask.

"I'm getting kind of cold, you wanna head inside?" I asked, shyly.

"Y-yea...." Alan replied.

My brain went back through that moment. It was like a repeating film in my head. I felt like Anna from Frozen when she 'Fell in love' with Hans:Totally crazy for him even though she barley met him.

Notes

Mmmmm yea.

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