Alan's POV

"Are you sure you want to go home?" I ask Aaron as he throws the remainder of his stuff into his bag, pulling his phone charger out of the socket in my wall.
"Yeah, I've got to face them sooner or later." He half smiles.
"You're welcome to stay anytime you want to. You know that, right?" I tell him.
"I know." He mumbles before pulling me into a hug.

Aaron has stayed at mine the past few days. His mum and dad are filing for a divorce and he's finding it really hard to cope at home with them both arguing all the time and since I wasn't exactly the most supportive I could have been last time, I offered to let him stay here for a few days. As for Shayley, he's been hanging around here a lot. We've been seeing each other after school and talking on the phone when we can't hang out. He's a good friend. Emphasis on the friend part.
I felt unbelievably guilty for sending Austin away like I did but I was terrified he'd start a fight with Shayley or something because I can't stand watching people fight, especially over me. The tables had turned now and instead of him ignoring my calls, I was ignoring his. I didn't want to have to have a deep conversation filled with apologies while Aaron was still here, it wouldn't be fair on him. Aaron needs me right now and I've promised to devote my entire, undivided attention to him.

"Alan." Aaron says as he zips up his, now full, backpack. "I think you should go and talk to Austin."
I sigh and lay back on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I feel the bed dip as Aaron sat down beside me.
"Please. He's probably really upset and I know you've been ignoring him. I saw the texts he's sent you."
"You looked through my phone?!" I yelled, sitting up and staring at him.
"You were in the bathroom and I noticed you had a text, Alan it's no big deal. You look through mine all the time." He defended himself.
"Fine. But what should I say?" I reply.
"Say what you feel." Aaron smiles before standing up again. "Now I really have to get going. Good luck."

Aaron left and for the first time in a long while I truly felt alone. It's hard when the only thing you have to keep you company are your terrorizing thoughts. My mind racing at one hundred miles an hour and I was struggling to make sense of everything. What if I had pushed Austin too far? What if he wanted to break up? I couldn't survive without him. I know it's pretty ridiculous to put your entire life in the hands of another person but Austin is my life. He is the air I breathe and the only reason I keep breathing it. He gives me a reason to smile, a reason to laugh and a reason to believe that true love does exist. And my stupid mouth may have ruined that.
Without spending anymore time alone, thinking too many things at once, I grabbed my hoodie and sprinted towards the door. These thoughts were going to eat me alive if I didn't just scream the words out that I so obviously need to say.

Since I didn't have a car, the journey to Austin's took a while. I felt like all we ever do is sprint after each other and apologizing all the time. If someone had told me a few months ago that I would be dating Austin Carlile, I would have told them they were crazy because it was all I ever dreamed of, but it's not always as perfect as you think it will be. I feel like sooner or later everything's going to come crashing down on us. We've already had a few near misses already and we've barely been dating that long. But despite all this, I know that Austin is the only person I'd ever want to spend the rest of my life with, which is why I need to fix the mess I've made.

* * *

"A-Austin." I say, shocked at the state he looks in when he opens his front door.
He looks like he hasn't slept in days and his hair is sticking up in all the wrong places. My chest tightens at the sight of him. He looks so weak, almost like he's given up. I knew the look all too well. It was the same look I saw whenever I used to look in the mirror.
"Austin, I'm so sorry." I whisper.
He doesn't say anything. Instead he steps to the side and extends his hand, motioning for me to come inside.

* * *

We sit on either end of his couch, me staring at him expectantly and him just looking straight ahead, avoiding my gaze.
"Austin please say something." I beg.
He lets out a deep sigh and puts his head in his hands, scratching at his scalp slightly.
"It really fucking hurt you know, Alan." He whispers. "It hurt so fucking bad."
"I never meant to hurt you Austin, you know I didn't. I love you." I reply urgently.
He lifts his head up and places his hands on his knees, eyeing me suspiciously.
"I love you." I repeat.
He continues to search my eyes for a moment, as if trying to find the truth and sincerity, which were both so visibly there. I wait for what feels like forever before he leans forward and smashes his lips onto mine. I almost moan as soon as he came into contact with me but I refrained from doing so. Our tongues work perfectly in sync, both of us using just as much force and urgency. He climbs over me so that hes straddling me on his couch. I pull away for a moment to catch my breath and he smiles down at me.
"I love you too." He whispers before placing a trail of kisses along my cheekbone.

Once he starts on my neck, nibbling and sucking at my skin, I push him back slightly and slide out from under him. He remains on the sofa, staring at me in confusion. I smirk at him as I notice his eyes beginning to darken. He knew my intentions and I knew his. I take one step towards the door and see Austin flinch slightly, then I take another, watching him from the corner of my eye. I quicken my pace considerably and bolt towards the lounge door. Austin jumps up from his seat and begins to chase me. I make my way to the stairs, my heart beat increasing from both the adrenaline and the excitement. My chest was aching from the fit of laughter we were both in. I managed to reach Austin's room before him, turning and quickly attempting to close the door behind me, only to fail miserably when he catches up with me and places his foot in between the door and it's frame. I slowly start to walk backwards as he opens the door slowly. He was wearing a wide smirk on his face and his eyes were now the darkest brown I had ever seen them. I always found it both fascinating and undoubtedly sexy that Austin's eyes changed colour when he's turned on.

The back his the wall and he smiles, my favourite smile where he takes his tongue in between his teeth. It was enough to relax and put me at ease. I knew where this was going and although I knew I would never want to give my virginity to anyone other than Austin, I was still extremely nervous. Austin had experience with this, I mean not with guys but he's had sex with girls before and it can't be that much different. I was nervous enough going down on him but that seemed to go better than expected. I knew Austin had been ready to do this for a while and I didn't want to keep depriving him of it. Trust me, I wanted to do this. God, did I want it but I just couldn't seem to slow my heart rate down.
Austin finally reaches me, after closing the door, and laces his arm around my waist. I wrap mine around the back of his neck and he kisses the skin, just below my earlobe.
"We don't have to do this if you're not ready, you know that." He mumbles against my skin, probably guessing I was nervous by the rhythmic hammering going on underneath my rib cage.
"I know." I whisper, running my hands through his hair.
He stops kissing me and looks up to stare into my eyes.
"So, you want to?" He asks, looking concerned.
I nod and smile. "Yes."

He grins back at me until I lean up and connect our lips, grabbing onto the bottom of his shirt and pulling him closer to me. Austin moans quietly against my lips and I shiver as the vibrations tickle my mouth. I feel him smile and then his hands graze against my hip bones. His hands wander up my shirt, tracing imaginary shapes over my sides and stomach. I lean forwards just enough to make Austin take a step back, giving me space to cross my arms across my body and pull my shirt up and over my head. As I throw it onto the floor, I notice Austin doing the same. I place my hands on either of his shoulders, stroking the bottom of his neck with the pad of my thumb. We stand there just smiling at each other for a moment while Austin slowly begins to unbutton my jeans.
He pulls my jeans and boxers down and I kick them away into the pile with our shirts. Even though I'm stood completely naked, I don't feel self-conscious. I don't feel uncomfortable or awkward. I feel loved, because Austin's warm gaze is filled with nothing but admiration and that's something that I never thought I'd ever experience. He slowly takes off his own jeans, constantly keeping eye contact. As soon as I hear the rest of his clothes hit the floor I lean up again and kiss him. Austin takes my bottom lip in between his set of perfect, white teeth and bites down hard enough to make me moan. He bends down and places his arms around the backs of my legs. I wonder what he's doing until suddenly I'm being lifted off the ground. I wrap my legs around his waist as he walks over towards the bed. He places me down on his mattress carefully and then climbs over me.
"Are you one hundred percent sure you're ready for this?" Austin asks, stroking his index finger down my arm.
"Yes, Austin." I tell him again. "I'm sure."
"We're just going to go straight into this then, OK?" He looks at me, a slight hint of concern and worry still in his eyes.
I nod and wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him down so I can kiss him again, my way of trying to reassure him that this is what I want.

Austin kisses me back lightly before pulling away and opening his bedside drawer, rummaging around inside until he finds what he needs. I turn my head to the side and bite my lip. I was nervous. Austin was too. This was normal. It's bound to be scary the first time. It's normal to be nervous.
Austin rolls the condom on and squirts a fair amount of lube onto his right palm. He leans down and kisses my neck and then underneath my chin and then my cheek.
"Just tell me to stop at any time if it hurts to much, OK?" He asks, kissing the corner of my mouth.
"I will." I whisper, before he connects his lips to mine.

His tongue glided against my bottom lip and I eagerly opened my mouth to allow him entrance. Just as I did, I felt one finger slide into me. I gasped and Austin just deepened our kiss, pushing with as much force as he could muster against my mouth. I was thankful for the distraction as he pushed his second finger in. I scrunched my face up and bit down on Austin's lip, causing him to moan. He slowly started to move his fingers in and out and I began to get used to the feeling, making sure Austin's mouth was still on mine the entire time.
Once he had decided I was stretched enough, he pulled his fingers out and sat up on his knees in between my legs. He pushed the inside of my thighs with his knees so that my legs were spread and then he positioned himself. I looked up at him and bit my lip.
"Are you ready?" He asked quietly.
I nodded and closed my eyes tightly as he pushed himself in. A mix between a cry and a moan escaped my mouth as Austin placed the palms of his hands on the mattress, either side of my head.
"Are you alright?" He whispered, bending down to kiss the center of my chest.
"Austin, I'm fine." I laughed.
He smiled up at me and then began nibbling at my neck, just as he started to move in and out of me slowly. It only took me a few seconds to get used to the feeling and I was quickly panting and asking Austin to go faster, which he immediately obliged to.

We were both moaning in between laughing and laughing in between moaning. Nothing we had ever shared had been this intimate or this perfect and at that moment I was thanking whoever was in charge of fate for bringing me and Austin together because there has never been a man more loving, more caring, more humble, more considerate, more intelligent, more attractive, more fun or more perfect than Austin. I had never and never will be again more in love with anyone in my entire life. In fact, I had always loved Austin. Ever since the day I met him at a very young age. Maybe I didn't realize it then but I knew I always have these feelings for him. The butterflies in my stomach whenever he spoke to me, whenever he walked past me, whenever someone even mentioned his name.

I could talk about Austin for hours, even days but there still wouldn't be enough words in the universe to describe how much I loved this man.
"Al, I'm close." Austin half spoke, half moaned as he wrapped his hand around my erection.
He flicked his wrist at the same pace as his thrusts and it wasn't too long until I felt a knotting sensation in my stomach.
"Au-Aus." I breathed as his movements became slower and sloppier.

We came at the same time, screaming each other's names at the top of our lungs. Austin collapsed on top of me, the only noise in the room was the sound of our heavy, irregular breathing. I watch his head move up and down with my chest and I reach out to move his fringe away from his eyes. I lay there, with Austin in my arms, stroking his hair while he listens to my erratic heart beat.
"I love you, Alan." He mumbles after a while.
"I love you too, Austin." I reply, the smile already on my face, widening impossibly.

love (verb)
synonyms: be in love with, be infatuated with, be smitten with, be besotted with, be passionate about; care very much for, feel deep affection for, hold very dear, adore, think the world of, be devoted to, dote on, cherish, worship, idolize, treasure.

There's 41 words in the definition of love. But none of them are powerful enough to use when describing how I feel about Austin. He feels like life. He feels like comfort. He feels like safety. He feels like home. He feels like forever.

Notes

THE END.

20 chapters and 27798 words later and we're at the end of my VERY FIRST FANFIC. I just want to thank everyone for the amount of feedback and support I've had for this story. I was so hesitant to start writing a fanfiction and now I couldn't be more happy with how it turned out. I am so proud of it and I am so glad that so many of you enjoyed it. Thank you for all the subscribers and comments I've received throughout the entire time I've been writing this. Seeing all of your comments motivated me to carry on and motivated me to write the sequel.
Speaking of sequel ;) ;) The first chapter will be uploaded sometime next week so I will upload a chapter to this (Feels Like Forever) which will just be titled 'Sequel' and it will have the link and everything in there for it. I can not wait for you all to read it.

Once again, thanks for everything and I hope you all enjoyed Feels Like Forever. :D

- Georgia x