Alan's POV

I woke up early, showered and got dressed; A huge smile on my face the entire time. I felt good today and I knew it was the after-math of what had happened yesterday. I was excited to see Austin, even though we'd have to be careful but it was the only time I'd be able to see him all week since he has detention every day after school for punching Tino in the face. It turned out Austin broke Tino's nose in the process. But he deserved it and I honestly don't think Austin should be punished for it.

I greeted my mum with a kiss to the cheek when I walked into the kitchen and she smiled brightly back at me.
"It's so wonderful to see you this happy." She chuckled, surprised by my uplifting mood.
My dad slammed his fists on the table and grunted before storming out of the house. I stared at the now empty table and sighed. It was going to be hard to get used to this.
"Don't worry." My mum reassured. "It's just going to take him a little time to get his head around everything."
I accepted this and made my way to school, practically skipping the entire way.

"Hey Aaron!" I called out as I got to his locker.
He turned away from me and I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.
"Aaron?" I asked.
"What!?" He shouted, now turning around to face me.
His eyes were red and looked tired and worn out. Black circles lay underneath his eyes and his face was blotchy and tear stained. I stared in shock as I had never seen Aaron like this and then... Shit. Shit. Shit. My eyes widened as realization took over me. I was supposed to have gone to Aaron's last night after he phoned me crying and I completely forgot.
"Aaron, I'm really sor-"
"Save it." Aaron interrupted, his voice sounding croaky. "Where the fuck were you when I needed you?"
"I'm so sorry Aaron. I was with Austin and then my parents saw us and a lot happened and I just forgot. I'm so sorry."
Aaron laughed. "I thought Austin would have something to do with this."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"You seem to have just forgotten about me since you've been with him. I'm sorry to break you out of your little love bubble Alan but I needed you and you weren't there. I thought we were best friends."
"We are!" I quickly added.
"Are we?" He laughed again. "Because last time I checked, best friends were supposed to be there for each other. I was there for you when you first started questioning your sexuality and I accepted it. I was there for you when you started therapy. I was there for you when you were suffering and hurt. But what have you done for me? Nothing."
"None of this is Austin's fault though." I muttered.
"I don't give a fuck! I'm sick of dealing with your bullshit and getting no support in return. If you wanted to know, my parents are breaking up. But you can't even make the effort to come over and make sure I'm ok. I'm done with this Alan, have fun with your boyfriend."
Tears threatened to escape my eyes and it suddenly felt like someone's hands were around my neck, suffocating me. I was finding it hard to breathe.
"Aaron, please. I'm sorry. Let me make it up to you." I spoke quietly, my voice breaking part way through my words but he had already began walking away from me at this point.

I stood there for a while, just staring down the now empty corridor. I had just lost my best friend. The only person I could ever turn to when everything got tough. He was the person that pulled me out of the darkness when I was at my worst. And now he's gone and it's entirely my own stupid fault.
Before I realized what I was doing, I was running as fast as I could down the corridor and out of school.

***

I sit in my bedroom with the walls closing in around me. My eyes were sore and my throat was raw from crying all afternoon. Aaron wasn't answering my calls and Austin was still in detention. There was no one here. I was completely alone and I couldn't handle it. I was never good at being on my own because that's when I start getting the itch. The itch to crawl over to my bed, lift up the mattress and pull out the small box from the panels of my bed. The itch to open it up and pull out a single, silver blade. The itch to place it against my wrist, pushing as deep down into my skin as I could manage. The itch to drag it against my delicate flesh until it poured crimson. The itch was too much to handle. Blood was dripping down my arm and dozens of deep cuts trailed down both of my arms. I had been clean for months and now it was all over. I knew I wasn't strong enough. I was pathetic, useless and couldn't even be alone for five minutes without doing something stupid. Perhaps stupid was an understatement for what I had just done since now my vision was growing hazy and the room began to spin. My head pounded and I slowly lay myself down onto my bedroom floor and let my eyes close, just as I heard a voice shout my name.

Notes

We're officially half way through this fanfiction! I'm really sorry that these chapters are so short but if I made them any longer, they'd all be dragging on too long and I have the plot planned out for each chapter and I have to follow it.
Thank you for all your lovely comments!

(Also, I apologize if this triggered anyone at all. I did put a warning sign but I am extremely sorry if it affected anyone. That was not my intention but self harm does not come up ever again in this story, I promise.)

- Georgia x