With Me Tonight

"Hazel, wake up," Alan nudged my side, rocking me back and forth a bit. I buried my head into my pillow and Alan's side in response. "Hazeeel," he called out. "You've gotta get up."

"Noo," I whined, trying to squeeze my eyes shut so I would somehow be forced back into sleep. Waking up means we have to go drop Syd off at college and that means saying goodbye to her. To say I'm dreading it is an understatement.

"I know you don't want to say goodbye to your sis, but we've gotta. You'll feel bad if you make her late," Alan said, basically reading my mind. I groaned, knowing he was right and peeked my head out from the pillow at him, squinting at the bright light. "Come on, bub," Alan said as he sat up, basically rolling onto me to get off the bed, making me grunt at the heaviness of his weight.

"Get off me, fatso," I teased, my voice an octave deeper from him crushing me.

"Hm, no. I think I like it here," he laid on me and I was trying to squirm and get him off, but the pressure on my stomach made me start to laugh loudly. "Al, get offffff," I laugh, not being able to stop because I couldn't breathe.

Alan laughed aloud and finally rolled off, giving me the chance to actually breathe as he thumped onto the ground. "I think you broke like every bone in my body," I joke, moving my head to the side to look at him.

"Eh, who needs bones anyway," he shrugs, standing up, but the squatting down and holding his arms back for me. "Hop on, your highness."

I laugh a bit and sit up, climbing onto Alan's back, wrapping my legs around his waist and my arms loosely around his neck. He stood up and starting carrying me piggy-back out of my room and down the hallway. He stopped in front of the bathroom, silently asking me if I had to go, but I shook my head and just pointed at the stairs.

He went that way and after a treacherous trip down them, we made it downstairs. He ran when he got down, getting me to grip tightly onto him as he hurried into the living room, throwing me onto the couch. I let out a loud laugh as he did, squealing at the scary movement.

He laughed at me and I quickly hopped up to go with him into the kitchen, bumping him with my hip. "What's for breakfast?" Alan asks me as he slides into a seat at the table and I walk to the cabinet. We all finished packing and loaded most of the stuff in the car last night so basically all we have to do this morning is eat. "Syd's favorite: scrambled eggs and toast."

"Cool, need help cookin'?"

"No, I'm good. Just sit there and look pretty," I joke and he grins, sitting up straight.

"Can do. Will do," he smiles, then thinks of something new to say that amuses him. "Can't stop, won't stop!"

I shake my head, chuckling at him as I start to grab all the ingredients for breakfast. I was about to ask if he knew if Syd was up, but then before I could do that, I heard her feet pattering down the hallway. She must have just come from dad's office because she had a bunch of his pictures and drawings in her hands.

She saw us and sent a smile, setting all the things in her hands down on the table. Alan's attention was immediately interested in them and he didn't hesitate to look at them all. "These are so cool," he said, eyes scanning over my dad's drawings.

"Yeah, I was just going through his stuff for pictures and whatnot that we might want to keep," she shrugs, looking down at them all. I walk over, curious, smiling at them. "That was a good idea," I say as one catches my eye and I reach down to grab it. It was an old photo with faded color of my dad with me on his shoulders, grinning, and Syd wrapped up in his arms. Syd was just an infant at the time, but I had to be in late elementary school.

I felt an initial twinge of sadness in me, but I smiled looking at it. I remembered this moment, believe it or not. It was the first day Syd got to come home from the hospital after she was born. I sat on my dad's shoulders every single time he held her, just looking down at my baby sister in admiration. I was so amazed.

"I like this one," I say to no one in particular, still looking down at it. The picture was the memory of the first time we brought Syd home, and today will be the first time I get to take her away and lose her again.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

After we ate breakfast and made sure everything was packed up, leaving the house almost completely empty and dark, we got in the car and left. The ride to Syd's college was not too long at all, which kind of sucked because we were already here.

We grabbed all of her stuff out of the trunk of Alan's car and started walking towards the dorm building. It took us a little bit to weave our way around and actually find the room she should be in, but when we stood in front of the door, we both huffed out a breath. Syd reached over and knocked, waiting for her new roommate-to-be to answer.

And when she did, she immediately greeted us with warmth, letting us inside so we could dump everything onto the empty bed that would be Syd's. I looked around the room, inspecting it. It was small with plain colored walls that had some posters on it, but there was still a good amount of room for a desk in the corner and a tv planted up on the wall. It was very similar to my dorm when I was in college.

During this small amount of time that I spent looking around, Syd had already started chatting it up with her roommate like they hadn't just met each other. Syd was always really good with social stuff and befriending other people, so I wasn't surprised. But I did feel a little awkward just standing here.

But thankfully Alan came peeking in the door, smiling when he saw we were in here and then coming inside to set all the stuff he was holding down. "I thought I lost you guys. I got caught up with some fans that wanted a picture," he said, huffing, then turning around to face us and seeing us all looking at him. "Uh, hey," he said awkwardly, flipping his hair to the side. He then cleared his throat, turning to look at me. "We should probably get ready to leave soon if we want to get back to LA at a reasonable time tonight," he gave me a sympathetic smile and I nodded in return before meeting eyes with Syd.

She was already looking at me and in a moment, she was walking towards me and we were crushing each other into a big hug. "Do you have everything? You're all good to get settled in? Do you need me to help? Because we can stay a little longer and help yo-"

"Hazel," Syd laughs, cutting off my rambling. "It's fine. I'll be fine, don't worry."

"Are you absolutely sure?" I ask once more.

"Yes. I'm positive," she laughs, squeezing me back into a tighter hug. "I love you, sis. And have a good time on your tour, for me, okay?"

I nod as we pull away, biting on the inside of my cheek. "I love you, too."

We shared one last hug before we broke completely away and just smiled sadly at each other. "Call me if you need anything, and I mean anything, okay? And I'll call you as much as I can while on tour, too."

"I know, I will."

I slowly nod, Alan joining my side by the door now. "I'll see you around, mini-Haze," he teased, pulling her into a one armed hug. "Don't have too much fun," he winked and Syd laughed, nodding in agreement.

"Same goes to you two," she said as we started to head out the doorway.

We both chuckled and turned around to see Syd once more. "Bye, Syd," I say with a sad smile on my face.

"Bye, Hazel. I'll see you soon," she returned my smile and I couldn't help but lean over and pull her into one more quick hug before we broke apart and then Alan and I started to walk away, heading down the hall way. I looked behind my shoulder once we got far enough down and waved at Syd who was still in the doorway, catching her waving back before she was out of my sight.

Alan and I turned the corner, exiting the dorm building, him throwing his arm around my shoulder like he always does as we walk. He knew it was hard for me to say goodbye to Syd and even harder to walk away from her again. I mean, how to I go from seeing her everyday to not at all? I'll miss her like hell because I just got her back, too.

We got to his car without being bothered by those fans he said that stopped him, and before I got in, he stopped by the passenger side and turned to look down at me. He didn't say a word, just pulled me into his chest for a hug. I lazily wrapped my arms around his lower back, sighing into his shirt that smelled like Alan. I really have no better way to describe it than Alan's own, unique smell.

"I am so ready for this tour," I mumble into his chest. I'm ready to fucking perform again and let it all out and have fucking fun. It will get my mind off things and I need that.

"Well, then it's a damn good thing we are headed to LA right now, isn't it?" He asked, leaning away to open my door for me, smirking as he held it. I rolled my eyes and climbed inside, agreeing with him inside my head.

Alan shut my door for me before skipping, and I mean literally skipping, to the drivers side before hopping in. He gave me a silly smile before starting up the car and as he pulled out of the spot, I asked the one question that is the only important thing to ask when you are about to leave for a road trip..

"Do we have any snacks?"

***

One box of Cheeze-Itz, half a bag of Goldfish, two orders of chicken nuggets, two monsters, and hours worth of good music later, Alan and I arrived at LA after being in a car for way too long.

Currently I was half asleep in the most uncomfortable position, my whole body cramping and my stomach achey from all the junk food. I'm definitely exercising tomorrow before we leave. No doubt about it.

Alan yawned as he parked the car, pulling out the keys from the ignition, making the lights go off and the darkness from the night surround us. "Home sweet home," he breathed, reaching his arms above his head to stretch. "I'll text Austin to open the garage."

Alan's words had me wide awake, my heart freaking out inside of my chest. Shit.

Sure, I didn't forget that I'd being seeing Austin, but I had so much other stuff on my mind that it was so easy to just not think about and push away. I guess that wasn't the best idea because I'm now faced with the harsh reality that Austin is inside. That Austin is here.

I sat up straight in my seat, sitting with a confident posture to try and convince myself that everything will be fine. I'm not going to worry about Austin being here, I'll do my best not to care because I don't. I won't let him affect me because I'm not someone who let a stupid guy ruin their time.

"Let's hurry up and bring our stuff inside so we can go to bed," Alan yawned again, moving to get out of the car. I did the same and got out, following him to the trunk. We each only grabbed our small backpack with overnight stuff, leaving the rest of our bags in there because were going to be leaving for the airport tomorrow anyway. No reason to bring them inside when we don't need the stuff.

Alan locked his car and started to lead the way since I had no idea where to go. The garage was open so I know Austin must have come out to open it. Did he see me? Is he in there?

Fuck. Who cares? Not me. That's for sure.

I gulped and straightened my stance as we walked, reaching the door and stepping inside. There was no Austin to be seen, but it was dark inside. The place was open and big, from what I could tell, and surprisingly clean.

I didn't worry about the grand tour right now, I was too exhausted and just wanted to lie down. I think Alan felt the same, because he just lead me right through the house to a hallway that must have held all the rooms. One we past had a light glowing through the cracks of the door and I couldn't help but to stop and stare at it, wondering if that was Austin's... If Austin was inside.

I shook it off and went inside the guest room that was at the end of the hall. Alan flipped on the lights and chucked his bag onto the floor before running and bouncing flat on the bed, lying with his limbs spread out. "Fuuuuuck, this is so comfortable."

I laughed and dropped my bag, coming over and plopping down right on top of him. "You're right this is," I joke and he snorts, but doesn't move to get me off of him. He's too tired. I laugh at him and roll to the side, landing on the small space of the bed that is open.

My eyes already start to droop as we lay there without even having taken our shoes off. But as tired as I was, I had a feeling I wouldn't be getting much sleep knowing Austin was right next door..

***

Austin's pov:

Sitting in my room at my desk, I stare forward at the bulletin board in front of me. Clippings from random pieces of papers that I scribbled lyrics down on and random pictures were pinned onto it, providing me with something to stare at while I so lifelessly thought.

Maybe I should have stayed out there and said hi, but instead I fucking ran here to hide. I can't believe I was hiding from my ex-girlfriend. But even more, I can't believe that she's fucking here.

I can hear her footsteps come down the call, each one making my heart beat faster as they get louder and closer. But then they come to a dead stop and I feel like my heart does to. Especially when I look to see the shadows of them under my door.

She stopped at my door. Does she know I'm in here? Will she come in? Why am I hoping she does?

But then they just continue, most likely following Alan into the guest room. I listen closely, now staring at where the shadows of her feet were when I hear her laughter sound out. My fists clench at the sound and I squeeze my eyes shut, not being able to stop the memories of all the times I heard that laugh before. And to be honest, I never thought I'd hear it again.

But there it was and here she is.

Here as in inside the house, but not here as in my room because she's most definitely not. She's in the guest room with Alan, staying and sleeping in the same bed as him like they probably have been this past week.. Who knows what else they've been doing.

As a reaction, I'm filled with rage and tighten my fists even more. I'm not sure why I am, I have no right to be and I try to tell myself I don't care, but yet, I'm still find myself growing angrier and angrier the more I think about it.

I huff out a breath, willing myself to think about something else as I sit back up in the chair and put my elbows on the desk. But the thoughts don't go away, all I can think about is Hazel and the past summer and the past week with what her and Alan must have been doing.. How quickly she must have moved on.

I can hear their chatter from through the wall, taunting me as I sit here like an idiot.

I move to get up, but then freeze when something attached to the bulletin board catches my eye. I reach over to it, frowning as I unpin it to look at it closely. The black and gray, burry picture made my heart clench in sadness as I looked at it, but I quickly turned it over to see all the words that were scribbled down. Not just words, lyrics.

I read over them for probably the millionth time. I really don't need to even read them anymore, I've memorized them all, especially the last part.

Austin,
How much does a polar bear weigh?? (;
Enough to break the ice!
Just kidding, I love you. Happy birthday! :) I hope your day and the rest of your days are amazing and I can't wait for our little Jelly Bean to be here and become a part of our little family.

I love you so much.

Love, Hazel xoxo

The amount of times I've read those words over and over again is insane, but each time I can't deny the hurt it brings. Each time I think of when she threw the envelope at me with this inside before she ran off the bus crying. That was the last time I saw her.

I remember opening up the envelope and seeing this, reading the song on the back and seeing the sonogram of our baby for the first time. I remember how much it hurt and I remember how much I wished things were different.. Like maybe we never lost the baby and maybe she could have actually given this to me on my birthday and I could have actually heard her say I love you again.

But that's gone now and everything is fucked up.

And the best part is, now I get to be reminded of the fuck up and the pain every. single. day. because I'm going to be seeing her everyday.

Great.

Notes

okay I didn't feel like doing a big whole thing on saying goodbye to syd because honestly, do you guys really care? it was kinda boring and I just wanted to get to the better parts *cough cough* like austin *cough cough*

What do you think will happen? This was just a little taste of some Austin, but I promise more is to come:) I've already started writing the next chapter, so it should be up very soon!!

I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to get to the place that I want to go to with this story, so just bear with me! I'm sorry if it's sucky, but I'm not giving up!

Let me know what you think<3