Don't cry. Don't cry. Do. not. cry.

Oh, fuck I'm crying.

"I love you so much," I said into my dad's shoulder as I clung onto him.

Today is the day that we check him into the mental ward. Fuck, it sounds so bad to say mental ward when really all it's basically just an old folks home for people who need a different kind of help. I know he will be safe here and will be able to get more help and support than we can give him.

But still, it's so hard to watch him go.

My dad didn't respond, and when I pulled away I saw his eyes glazed over, looking like he was thinking intently. I wondered what was going on in his head, but at the same time I'm glad I don't. He's not doing so good today.

I stepped to the side so Syd could crush him in another hug, sobbing violently into his arms. My tears dried up seconds after they started because I know I have to be strong for Syd. I have to at least give her that.

Syd held onto my dad for as long as she could, but soon I spotted the nurse walking up with a sympathetic smile, silently telling me they are ready to take him back now. I put my hand on Syd's back so she would lean away from my dad and notice the nurse.

The nurse started to tell us about what they will do for my dad and that they will keep him under their watch so they know he's okay. She then went on to explain the visiting hours and before I know it, it's really time to say goodbye.

Syd and I both wrap ourselves around my dad again and this time he hugs back, kissing the top of our heads. He knows this will be good for him, too. "My girls," he said when we pulled away, putting a hand on each of the sides of our faces. "You be safe and good, okay?"

We both nod and I smile at my dad, glad he's okay with everything. We spent the last day and night together basically 24/7, saying our meaningful goodbyes and just being with each other one last time, but this was real now.

We gave him one more big hug and mumbled another I love you before we finally let him go, watching as left with the nurse, waving before he was out of our sight.

I turned to look at Syd and before I could spin all the way around, she was wrapped around me, crying into me. I straightened my posture to be the big and strong figure she needed, hugging her back. It was moments like these that she seemed so young to me.

She never necessarily pulled away, but just leaned on me as we started walking out. We had to pass through the waiting room to leave and when we did, Alan stood up from his seat. Since we've already been everywhere together lately, he came with. He also wanted to be here just in case something went wrong because he knows now what it's like when my dad has a mental breakdown, he's been there.

Alan gave me a sympathetic smile that I returned before turning my attention to Syd who was now standing up straight and wiping at her eyes. "Can we go see a movie or something? To get my mind of things?" She asked.

"Of course," I nodded, giving her a smile too. "Do you want to go to a theatre or stay home and watch it?"

She thought for a moment, rubbing at her eyes a bit. "Let's just go home, I probably look like a mess," she chuckled. I shook my head as I laughed lightly with her, glad she was okay enough to lighten the mood.

Alan started to walk over and when he did we both looked up. If I know Syd well enough, I know that she doesn't like when people see her cry, especially Alan (who she thinks is cute), so I wasn't surprised when she detached from me. "I'm gona go head to the car."

I nodded and let her go, watching as she made her way to the door until Alan came up from behind her and replaced her spot to embrace me in a hug when she was gone. I sighed into his embrace, knowing I didn't have to be as strong around him. "Hey, Al," I mumble into his chest.

"Hey, bub. Everything go okay?" He asks, using my favorite nickname.

I nod, bumping his chin that was resting on the top of my head as I did. "I don't know how I'm gona say goodbye to Syd, too."

"It wont be for long, you can still talk to her everyday," he reassures me and I sigh, knowing he's right. Syd is going to college and she'll have fun and start working towards her future. I'm happy for her.

"It's still blah," I mumble, making Alan chuckle a bit as he broke away from the hug.

"Yeah, it's blah," he imitated me, making me smile as he threw his arm around my shoulders like he always does. We started walking towards the door silently, matching up the rhythm of our steps as we headed towards the car.

When we got there Alan walked around the front to get into the drivers side while I hopped into the passenger side. Syd was already in the back and I smiled slightly to myself when I looked in the rear view mirror to see her passed out in her seat. There is no better way to get your mind off things than sleep, and plus, she must be exhausted with getting ready for this and to leave tomorrow. She barely sleeps.

"So what's the plan for tomorrow?" I turn my head to ask Alan quietly as he pulls out of the parking lot.

"Pretty much whenever you guys are ready we can head to drop off your sis and help her get settled in, then we are on our way back to LA to meet up with everyone before we fly out to our first tour location the next morning," Alan spoke in basically one breath, being too excited to stop, making me roll my eyes. "Are you going to come back to stay with me tomorrow night?" Alan spoke more calmly, looking at me out of the corner of his eye, unsure.

I was unsure, too. It would be easiest to stay with Alan because we will probably get there late and Sammy lives a little bit aways... But I know that Alan isn't living alone, or at least not lately he hasn't been. Alan's been staying with Austin.

But I'm not going to let him ruin my time. No way in hell. It will be like he's not even there. Just like he hasn't been all this time. And just like he wasn't before.

Fuck, now I'm just getting myself angry.

"I'll stay with you," I say, looking back out the window ahead. I'll show Austin how good I am. I'll show him how I'm better and don't need him. I'll fucking show him.

"Yay!" Alan cheered, but then immediately clasped his hand around his mouth when he remembered Syd was asleep. I chuckled a little bit, shaking my head. "I don't know what I'd do without my fave roomie! I don't know if I could go a night without being kicked in my sleep, or getting the blankets ripped from me, or getting more than a quarter of the bed!" He was teasing now and I laughed, punching him playfully in the shoulder.

"Shut up, you know you love me. And I could always charge you for staying at Hotel de La Hazel," I raise and eyebrow at him and he chokes a laugh out.

"Hotel de La Hazel? I don't speak spanish or anything, but I'm almost one hundred percent sure that is incorrect. It's a good thing I'm not fluent like Austin 'cause then-" Alan stopped himself, his light laughing stopping when he realized he brought up Austin. He cleared his throat and awkwardly tried to avoid eye contact as he gripping tighter to the steering wheel.

I let out a laugh, finding it actually a little bit amusing, but also choosing to ignore the spark of emotion inside of me. This got Alan to look back over at me, raising an eyebrow at me as he smiled at my contagious laughter. "What?" He asked in amusement.

"Nothing," I shake my head, smirking. "Your reaction was just funny, that's all."

He rolled his eyes, "well I was afraid you'd get all... urgh!" He flapped his hands around to explain what 'urgh' meant.

"I can promise you I won't get all 'urgh' anymore, I do have to spend months on end with him, ya know," I looked over to him expectantly, still teasing lightly. "I can't say it will go smoothly, but getting 'urgh' is not my best quality."

He snorts a laugh at me, "Yeah, one out of many."

"Hey!" I stick my tongue out at him. "Jerk."

"Bitch," he stuck his tongue back out and we both laughed.

I'm glad Alan is here to make me feel better about these upcoming times, but I know things are about to get a lot more complicated.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Al, can you get the door?" I whisper to him as a loud knock echoes out through the house. I would go get it, but Syd is passed out on my shoulder and I don't want to wake her. Alan on the other hand is wide awake and playing around on his phone in the spot next to me. We were watching a movie, but we've all kind of started to drift away from it.

"Yeah, I got it," he says as he shoves his phone back in his pocket and removes his arm from resting on the top of the couch behind my head.

"Thanks," I mumble, watching as he skips over to the door. I laugh at him as I rest my head back on the couch cushions, barely watching the figures of whatever movie we were watching move around. I could hear Alan fumbling around with the door and talking with someone, but it wasn't until I figured out that we were watching Nemo that I heard someone yelling my name out.

"Hazel?" The voice shouted from the door and I instantly recognized it as Dominic.

"Dude, shh!" Alan called behind him, knowing Syd was sleeping.

I started to slowly start to get up, doing my best not to bump Syd too much. When I finally got out from under her and moved her head so it could rest on the cushion, I started to leave the living room, meeting Alan and Dom half way.

"Hey, Doll Face," Dom immediately came up and surprised me when he place a hand on my back and gave me a quick kiss. I didn't have time to react to it because it was so fast, but I still gave him a nervous smile, feeling Alan watch me.

"Hey," I smiled, glancing at Alan who now had his arms crossed as he looked between us. "Uh, this is Alan," I pointed to him. "And Alan, this is Dominic."

Dom reached his hand out for Alan to shake, which he did, eyeing him. "Yeah, I've heard a lot about you.." Alan says as he studies Dom.

"That's good to hear," Dom smiles, pulling me into his side more. I give him a smile, but I would prefer to not have so much affection. I don't do anything though, I never do. I just don't let it get too far because I'm still uncomfortable with being all affectionate with Dom. I guess it's because Dom likes a different kind of affection than I'm comfortable to share with him because I'm not ready for that with him yet. I feel like I've almost friend-zoned my own boyfriend.

"What are you doing here?" I cock my head to the side to look at him.

"You're leaving tomorrow, thought I'd say goodbye."

"That's an acceptable reason," I tease, nodding. "Here, follow me so we can talk and not wake Syd up," I tug on Dom's hand leading him over to where my dad's office... was. Alan stays where he was standing, giving me a look that I couldn't quite figure out what it meant. I stuck my tongue out at him playfully in response before heading into the office.

I felt a twinge of sadness when I looked at all my dad's stuff, but pushed it away as I turned to look at Dom who was shutting the door behind him. I couldn't help but wish he kept it open.

"You'll have to come an-" I was cut off by Dominic taking a large step forward and crashing his lips to mine. I was shocked, but still returned it as his hands grasped onto my waist and his mouth eagerly enveloped mine.

I got into it as best as I could, but when I felt his hands slip under my shirt, I pulled away. I gave him a reassuring smile when he met my eyes. "You'll have to come visit at one of my tour dates and see me."

"Mm, that I'll definitely do. But, I'll miss you until then," he smirked and leaned his head down to connect his lips with mine again. The kiss was sloppy and didn't hold any emotion in it like every time I kissed Austin. Fuck that.

His hand reached up to tangle into my hair as his tongue trailed against my lip, but instead of letting it in, I broke away once more. "I'll miss you too," maybe this would have been true before. Maybe it still is, but I can't help but feel now that I have Alan back and soon the rest of my band, I won't need him as that distraction anymore. I won't be alone and miserable and empty.

And that is so fucking selfish of me, I know. But I still won't break up with Dom because don't get me wrong, I have some type of feelings for him. Enough to not want to hurt him, I guess.

Dom smiles, but notices me glancing to the door. "I think I should get going," he sighs. "I'm on break so I still have to go back to work."

"Okay, I'm glad you stopped by," I smile and he returns it. He plants one more kiss on my lips before breaking away to reach for the office door and opening it.

"Me too. I'll text you and call you as much as I can, okay?" He stops in the doorway to face me.

"I will do the same," I agree before he pulls me in for one last hug. His hands are on my hips as he holds me into him and his head is hanging my my ear. It's a sweet hug, but then he speaks. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do on this tour," he covers it up with a chuckle, but I can hear the seriousness in his voice and can feel the tightening of his hands on my hips, almost enough to make me squirm. "I'll be pissed if you cheat on me."

"Don't say that, I wouldn't ever," I say to him and he nods before leaning away.

"I'll see you soon then, Doll Face," he says as he moves to the door and opens it, stepping out.

"Bye!" I call, waving as I watch him walk to the car and shutting the door when he gets inside. I huff out a breath when the door clicks shut, but then only jump two feet in the air when I hear Alan's voice from behind me.

"I don't like him."

I dramatically roll my eyes as I spin around and smirk at him. "I don't like you," I tease, getting Alan to stop being so serious and roll his eyes back at me.

"Is he going to be visiting you on tour?" Alan asks as he walks over, leaning against the wall in front of me.

I shrug, "Maybe. We'll see."

"Just warning you now of the awkwardness it might bring," he held his hands up. "Seriously, it will be so thick I could probably cut it with a knife!"

I scoff, "I know... I just don't know what to do."

"With Dominic or Austin?" Alan asks, his question shocking me enough to snap my eyes over to him. It was only shocking because it was like he read my mind.

I swallow harshly, looking down at Alan's feet as I spoke. "I hate him, Alan... And I don't know how I'm gona see him everyday."

Alan pushed himself away from the wall, walking over to me and standing at my side. "You don't hate him," he spoke lightly.

"I do," I didn't look at him.

"He did some bad stuff, but he was just in a bad place. He's still the Austin you know."

"Knew," I correct, now looking back up.

"No," Alan disagrees. "You know him. You still do, better than anyone. And hating him won't change that."

I stayed silent, chewing on the inside of my cheek. Alan knows that I know he's right, but I can still hate Austin. Because I do.
I hate him. I hate what he's done to me. I hate what he said... And that's the only way I can cope with it. Anger. Because that's all I was left with and all I've had to hold onto.

And it's better to be angry all the time then drowning in the idea of what things could have been like.. Better than imagining yourself with a perfect little baby and the man you love right at your side.

Better than thinking about how as much as I hate him, I still love him.

Notes

I wrote this in like two seconds because Im about to leave for dinner but I wanted to get this up for you guys because it's been too long! I promise that NEXT chapter they will finally be leaving! Sorry if the waiting is boring!:) But I love hazel and Alan's friendship:)

BUT ON A DIFFERENT TOPIC... I MET OF MICE AND MEN THIS WEEKEND! LIKE ACTUALLY MET THEM AND HUGGED THEM AND TALKED TO THEM! It was so amazing! I was like freaking the fuck out and the rules said that there were no hugs allowed but Austin was like "RULES WERE MADE TO BE BROKEN" and hugged me! I got a pic of it! ohmymygosh!

This weekend was easily the best ever and I have so many amazing stories if you guys want to hear! But sorry for the mini freak out! It was so unreal!!

Haha anyway, thanks for all the support on this! Let me know what you think! Another chapter will be up soon!:)<3