Paint bleeds, ink runs, image of your love
Your memory, our history (Why did you have to go?)
I'd give up my eyes to see you one last time
And I'd give all my fingertips to touch you
And I could paint you picture perfect even if I were blinded
But you have to die for me to see how to live
(For me to see how, for me to see how oh, For me to see how, for me to see how to live)
I lived my life hiding in shadows but now I can see
'Cause your soul is lifting me higher and higher and higher
Paint bleeds, I can't breathe, need you here with me
Close my eyes I can feel you close
Angels fall
It's not your fault
Time goes on without you
Goodbye old friend
We'll meet again
Life goes on without you
(Why did you have to go?)

When the light coming in from the single window in the room started to get dimmer and dimmer, I knew Austin would have to be leaving soon. I didn't want him to, so something inside of me got me to open the door that was separating us.

Austin drew back his hand that seemed to be asleep by the way he stretched it while he looked at me with a sudden look of surprise and relief. He didn't say anything, nor did I, as I slide out into the hall with him. I sat on the opposite side of the doorway that he was and could feel his eyes gazing into me while I casted mine downward.

I opened my mouth a bit, as if I was going to say something, but I couldn't get anything out. I don't know what to say. I don't think Austin really did either, or he just wanted to be careful with me. I was prepared to sit here close to him in silence, but I was soon surprised by his hand reaching out to me from across the doorway.

I looked down at it, then him. This was different than holding his fingers through the door, but I think it was the reason I came out to sit here. And his brown eyes, full of what I had none of, got me to wrap my hand tightly around his palm.

He sent me a sorrowful smile as his eyes searched every inch of my face. I simply stayed emotionless and quiet as his fingers held onto mine warmly. "I have to go soon," he says very lightly.

I don't respond, I just continue to look into him. I pretend I don't hear, but I know. I just hate the sound of those words.

He accepts that I won't respond and just want to sit here. It's all I can, so it's all we do. The minutes slowly weigh on our shoulders, but I keep myself still in my spot, and my hand cold in Austin's. He stays as long as he can. I know he does, because I can feel how long we sit here.

I can feel everything. It's not until his hand starts to loosen from mine that I can feel he really needs to go. I still don't let go. He stops himself from letting go completely, too, and I see his mind working. "I'll stay, Haze" he attempts. He has worry creased around his eyes. He's got me out here and he doesn't want me hiding away again.

I don't say anything again. I'm too sad, too empty to care. I just look at him, not showing anything in my eyes while his almost seem pleading. It's not until the door to our room opens that he looks away from me.

Alan walks in and sees us down here. They look at each other and I can picture the messages in their eyes. "Austin... We've got to-" Alan tries gently.

"I know," he interrupts, looking back at me, deep into my eyes.

At this point, I know he will and has to go, because everyone does, so I let my fingers slide from his hand. He tries to keep them for a moment, but I pull away and lay my head against the side of the wall, looking away from him.

He sits there and just looks at me for a moment. Alan is looking at us, too. "I'll hurry, Haze. I'll-" he sighs, his hand resting on the ground next to me as he pushes himself up into a squat. He leans his body over and places as kiss on my cheek that faces him, holding his warmth there for a moment before standing up and walking away.

His lips draw my eyes back onto him and I watch as him and Alan leave the room. I sit there and try to wait for him to come back, but end up willing myself to sleep against the corner of the hallway.

*

I'm woken up to the feeling of the ground slipping from under me. I can't seem to feel enough or care enough to react, so I keep my eyes close as I feel like I'm floating.

I realize quickly enough that I'm being carried and when I feel part of my body hitting a cushion, I blink my eyes open slowly. I'm greeted with a pair of hazel eyes and a bushy beard.

"Morning, beautiful," Jason sends me a gentle, small smile. I lay partially in his lap, my back being propped up from the arm of the couch. His hair was in a little bun on the top of his head and he had a baggy zip up over his cut t-shirt. He looked a little sweaty as I looked up at him. He must have just gotten back from preforming and came for Austin.

"It's good to see you again, chica," he smiles sweetly, sorrow in his eyes. I'm kind of sick of all the eyes looking down at me that feel bad for me. It makes it hurt more. Austin definitely sent him.

But it was good to see a fresh face. Jason always brought a new vibe with him, even if it couldn't reach me. But I could still feel it in the room. I was in my own little world inside of my head as I looked up at him.

His face was so clean and so different... It always seemed full of his personality and opinions and happiness. It wasn't tight, or worried. I wish so badly to be like that, that it hurts. I want this pain to end.

I couldn't help but raise my hand up and place it gently on the side of his cheek. His beard tickled the palm of my hand as his white teeth peaked out through his smile directed down at me. He knew I always loved his crazy beard It fit his personality and his face. I loved that about him. When I met him, it was so easy to see how unique he was. He was free and full of energy and opinionated and crazy and it was so wonderful. It was different than Austin, not in a bad way for either of them, but it was new and I loved it. His vibes never stop. And as I kept my hand on his face, his eyes watching me, I tried to absorb it all.

I couldn't.

A tear started rolling down my cheek.

"Sweetheart," his smile perked downwards as his thumb came up to brush it away.

We were now both touching each others faces and he looked deeply into my eyes. I stroke his face lightly, a few tears following after, now out of both eyes. I felt kinda weird, like I was half asleep and half high. I think I'm exhausted and too mentally unstable to be normally conscious. I shouldn't be awake right now.

"I love your beard so much," I cry. I hurt. I hurt really bad inside all because of his beard. "I want one," my voice shakes and I squeeze my eyes close. His beard was something so much more to me right now.

He chuckles sadly as he grabs my hand that falls off his face. "Come on, beautiful.." he carefully lifts me up so he can wrap me into a hug. My body shakes against him as I cry. "It will be okay," he rubs my back.

I shake my head against him. "No, n-not until I get a beard," I cry. "Not... Not until... Not until I.." I wheeze a little bit. "It hurts so bad."

He rocks me gently back and forth. "Shh... It's okay."

At this point I feel so exhausted and so horrible that all I can process is that I really want Austin. He doesn't have a beard and then I will stop being so upset about beards and he will understand. I just feel so awful. I wish I could be numb in bed again.

When I stopped being a half asleep mess, Jason rubbed still rubbed my back as we waited for Austin. My head rested on his shoulder and my hand played with his beard. I tried to numb my mind.

"Do you believe in a God, Hazel?" Jason asks my, his words random in the quiet room. My hand freezes on him and I stare into his neck tattoos as he tilts his head downwards to glance at me.

I don't have an answer for him... I don't know. I don't think I do, even though I sometimes wish for 'God' to stop being so fucking horrible. I shrug against him.

"What do you believe in?" He is near a whisper now, his hand stroking my hair. It's a question that really hits me, that makes me think like I haven't been wanting to. I've been feeling so hopeless and so empty, I don't know if I ever have believed in anything. I used to believe in music and my family, but I feel like I'm so lost from them both. Like I'm truly empty of everything.

My heart feels heavy in sadness as I drop my hand from his beard. "I don't know.." I mumble sadly, my voice quiet and raspy from the previous tears. Jason reaches down and takes the hand I dropped from him in his and stokes the back of it lightly with his thumb.

Thinking about it pushed my tired brain over the edge and I soon passed out on Jason's shoulder.

--

I didn't wake again until I felt fingers running through my hair and the first thought that came to mind was I don't want to be awake.

I blinked opened my eyes that felt glued shut and looked around. It was completely pitch black inside and out now, except for a lamp that was on in the room. How late was it?

When my eyes searched around, they soon landed on a pair of warm, brown ones easily gazing down at me. "Austin," I attempted to say, but my voice was nearly gone and very raspy.

"Haze," he came closer to me and I could now see his whole face. The first thing I noticed was that he didn't have a beard and I started remembering my break down I had on Jason earlier. I can't help myself as I put a hand up on the side of Austin's face, feeling his smooth skin, and a little bit of scruff tickling me. Austin is surprised by my touch, but doesn't have long to respond as I drop my hand.

I fall silent and look away from Austin, curling up towards the couch to try and shut out my mind again.

"Hey.." Austin said sadly. He places his hand on the back side of my head, brushing my hair back. I close my eyes while I can feel his on me. I hear him sigh. "I'm can't do this anymore, Haze," he says down to me. "I'm not going to watch you sink into a depression anymore. I can't.."

His words send an ache in me. He's going to leave me. Like everything and everyone else... But then the next thing I know I'm being lifted from the couch. I try to curl away, but Austin carries me from my laying position at sits me up on the couch so I can look at him. He gets on his knees before me and puts his hands on each side of me on the couch to keep me from going anywhere.

I stay silent and look away from him. He reaches up and brushes some hair behind one of my ears. "When I lost my mom," he starts gently to me. "I thought I couldn't go on..."

I could feel his eyes on me and I felt my heart ache, but I didn't say anything.

"She was my entire life and my favorite person in the world... I didn't know how to do anything or be anything without her. I didn't know what to do anymore," he spoke without his voice wavering and his words getting my eyes to glance over at him. He was speaking so much more emotion with his eyes.

"People would tell me all the time that she was at a peaceful place, somewhere that she could rest at and be happy... They told me that she was still with us and could see us from this happy place, and it only made her happier when she saw us happy... All this shit that I couldn't wrap my head around. I couldn't accept it because she wasn't right at my side... But, as time went on, I slowly started to understand... I started to feel her in me and I realized this peaceful place is all around us..." He states. All his words swirl around in my head. "It's every happy moment we have from then on, every memory we make, every laugh we share... It's a place we can all go to, a place we share with the ones we lost, and the ones we still have.. A place that we can remember them and their happy memories in. It can be hard to get there after we lose someone, but I believe that this place is how we connect with them. It's how we can be with them in the best way possible. How you can be with your dad."

My hand squeezes around his arm, needing the support. He speaks so much more intensely, so quiet and so true as he looking in my eyes. I feel like my body is convulsing and will explode from how hard his words slam into my heart. I didn't want to think, but his words swirled up my mind like a tornado. It was wearing on me and I couldn't take too much more.

"Every time you laugh, feel your dad there laughing with you. Every time you smile, know he's grinning back. Every time you're happy, know that he is never going to feel anything but that again," Austin whispers. "He's here with you, Hazel.."

I start crying silently. My eyes stay shut and my body wants to fall away from this.

"Every time you feel pain... All this sorrow and grief you are in now... Just know he is waiting for you to pull out of it. He is waiting to smile with you, Haze."

I start sobbing.

I can't remember much, just a blur of Austin coming up to rock me, rubbing my back, and trying to soothe me. But I'm not in hysterics this time, it's a different kind of pain. It's a pure sadness, coming from something I can't explain.

It's like I can feel my dad. I can picture him smiling at me, waiting for me to be happy with him. It makes my tight chest open up and my tears feel a little more hopefully sad. I want to go to my daddy. I want to make him happy.

I feel like I'm actually grieving for the first time, not drowning in denial and depression. Maybe I'm just too tired?

When I am crying at a controllable amount, I sit up on Austin's lap that I ended up on. I look into his brown eyes, tears falling out of mine and my breath a little shaky. I feel so much and it's so different. It hurts, so miserably, but I feel like it's a heartache that can heal.

I hear his words, I feel his comfort and his story. I feel how he made me feel this way. I wanted to feel it more. I wanted to feel my dad more.

The next thing I know I pressed my lips intensely against his.

His hands rested on my back still, and it took him a moment, but he kissed me back fully. It was full of comfort and love, making more tears pour out of my eyes.

He sat up a little bit and I moved with him, his smooth lips still pressed warmly against mine. He kissed into me and I felt him wanting to make me feel better, or at least make me feel more of what I am because it hit somewhere I needed to be hit.

His lips felt like the words he spoke to me..

We both broke away and he let me rest my forehead against his as I sobbed gently against him, my body shaking lightly under his hold.

Maybe he just gave me something to believe in..

Notes

Song: Pitcure Perfect by Escape the Fate
:'))

I hope you guys liked this! I'm posting moreeee:) I'm inspired!

I hope you guys don't think Hazel's reaction was to random/like it didn't make sense, cause I wanted the part with Austin to happen a bit differently, but this is what I settled for bc blah and to make you guys happy

Let me know what you think!! Next chapter sooooon!