With Me Tonight

Luckily, it seemed like only moments after I ran out on Austin, it was time for my set. If I needed anything, it was to not think about what just happened, so performing was the perfect thing to do. And it was even better because my high was still pumping through my veins and making everything seem so much lighter.

But the heavy image of Austin's face after I ran out on him was bouncing around in my head, flashing multiple colors during my performance.

And then after, when it was his turn to go on stage, he was letting that face turn into emotion that shined through his music. He wasn't as normally giggly and happy as he was on stage, but more intense. I stood side stage, sucked mindlessly into watching him, but never once did he even turn his head in my direction. He even walked right past me, but didn't give me a glance.

I'm almost glad he did this because it would put us into an awkward, uncomfortable place. But I guess we're already there, aren't we?

Someone's hand being placed on my back caught my attention, so I looked away from the performance to glance at my side, seeing Jason moving so he can stand next to me. I gave him a small smile witch he returned before we turned to watch Of Mice and Men keep going hard. "Did you have fake sex with somebody again or is he always that pissed on stage?" Jason leaned down to ask, chuckling. His voice was raised to be heard over the music, but I still rolled my eyes. I felt my bad mood slip away with his light, joking atmosphere that he always seemed to carry with him.

"I can promise you I did have fake sex with anyone. You're the only one I'd ever have fake sex with," I teased back to him, still watching Austin run around on stage.

"Good. I'd be upset if you left me to have fake sex with other people," he laughed, rubbing his beard a bit. I smirked before we fell into silence again, not having much else to say and not really in the mood for small talk. While this silence lingered, I couldn't peel my eyes away from Austin, as usual. But this time, I was consuming every little detail of him. And after what happened in that dressing room earlier, something was awoken inside of me that I had been trying so hard to keep dormant.

Even from here I could feel the tension radiate between us. Not once since what happened over summer with him and Jelly Bean had I even wanted to have sex. I wasn't ready for it. But now.. Something... Something happened. The emotional tension between us and anger from all the fights we've had were channeled into sexual tension for him.

But not just that, I also just wanted to touch him, or feel his hands on my skin again. I want to remember what it feels like to be held and protected by his long, tattooed arms..

Fuck. That's so bad. I'm so fucking stupid. I can't think things like this about Austin. I have to remember what he did to me.

"Hey, want to get out of here? The guys and I are heading back to the hotel if you want to join us," Jason snapped me out of my thoughts after our lingering silence. I looked up to him and then behind my shoulder to see some of his band grabbing their stuff before turning back to Austin who was still jumping around on stage.

"Yeah," I agreed, watching Austin as I realized I need to get away from him. I can't just stand here and stare forever. "I'll come with."

Jason smiled and nodded his head over to the guys, signaling me to follow him. I did, playing with my hands because I didn't know the members of his band that well. But, they were all super nice, starting up friendly conversations with me immediately.

"You don't have hazel colored eyes, do you?" Ryan, their bassist with long, blonde hair on one side of his head that swept over his eyes, asked. "Because that would be so funny if your eyes were the same color as your name."

I laughed, getting the sense that he was high too. "No, sorry. That would be pretty ironic thought, wouldn't it?"

Ryan agreed as I started to load my guitar up into it's case, carrying it with me as we walked backstage to the dressing rooms to tell everyone we were leaving. After I said goodbye to my band, got a kiss on the cheek from Oli, and then waved at everyone else, I followed the Letlive boys outside and towards their buses.

"Holy fuck it's cold as a snowman's left nut out here," Ryan hissed, rubbing his hands over his bare arms to warm himself up. We all laughed, but agreed, suddenly feeling stupid for not wearing a jacket. It's the middle of winter and we're wearing short sleeves.

"Ain't it supposed to be like warm here or somethin'?" Jeff, their guitarist that had a tiny little beard, noting near the size of Jason's, asked while his breath showed in the air.

"I'm pretty sure it's cold everywhere. This winter's gona be one of the worst... A total bitch," Ryan responded.

I vigorously shook my head in agreement as I shivered, everyone starting to pick up the pace to get to the bus. But then the next thing we know, a small group of fans are calling our names, jogging over to us. As much as I love every single one of my fans, I'm freezing my ass off and need to get to the bus.

But of course, I sacrificed my warmth to talk with them. "Hi! Oh my God, Hazel, I'm so glad your back with your band! You guys are better than ever," one girl rushed out, making my heart warm.

"Aw, thank you," I reached over and hugged her.

"Do you think I could get you to sign this?" She asked shyly as we broke apart, holding out her ticket to the American Dream Tour.

"Of course," I gushed, waiting for her to dig into her bag for a sharpie so I could scribble my sloppy signature on it and a heart. While I was doing this, the Letlive boys were talking with the other girls, hugging them quickly.

After signing the girl's ticket, we joined in their conversation while my teeth started to clatter from the cold. One of the fans asked for a picture, so we all huddled together while she held her phone up for a selfie. "Jesus, Hazel, you're skin is like ice cold!" Jason said after his arm brushed up against me. "Sandwich!" Jason threw his arm around my shoulder, pulling me into him while the rest of his band squished in close to me, wrapping their arms around us all, making me laugh.

And that's how we were in the selfie.

The fans being satisfied and nice enough to let us go to the bus because we were freezing, said goodbye with one more hug to us all. After that we quickly ran, carrying all our shit, over to the bus. Nearly diving inside, we flew to the nearest blankets.

On the drive back, Jason and I were lying on the ground under a giant blanket, giggling as we rolled around to warm up. "Fuck winter," I shivered, laughing with out much control as everything started to get a little woozy in my head from my high. If it weren't for the weed, I think I would have handled what happened with Austin a lot differently.

"Yes, fuck winter. Fuck winter right in the ass," Jason agreed, making me laugh because he was so blunt and crude.

"Jason, I'm hungry," I whined, rolling into him. My head was still under the blanket so I really couldn't see anything, but damn, do I have the munchies.

"Hi hungry, I'm Jason."

I brought my fist up and punched him playfully in the arm. "No, you're a douche canoe, that's what you are."

***

After stoping at Taco Bell and eating our own weights in tacos and nachos, we got back to the hotel full and very sleepy. "We're gona hang around in my room and probably get a little more high if you want to join," Jason nudged me, winking.

I laughed, but shook my head, tired but also not wanting to smoke more. It's like I got rid of one drug (alcohol) just to go straight to another (weed) for release. What good is that doing? "No thanks," I laughed. "I think I'm gona go hit the hay."

"Alright, goodnight then, Hazel, sleep tight," Jason gave me a quick hug.

"And don't let the bed bugs bite!" Ryan said as I gave him and the rest of the boys a hug goodbye.

I laughed, shaking my head as I started to head to my room. "See you guys in the morning," I waved before getting into the elevator, looking forward to the peacefulness of being in the room without Austin.

Ug. Austin. What am I going to do about him? Or more importantly, my feelings towards him? It wasn't just him that initiated that almost-kiss, I had a part of it. I couldn't stop myself from letting it start and almost wasn't able to before it happened.

I'm so stupid. How could I do that to myself? To our already complicated relationship? How could I forget what he's done?

Sighing, I opened up my hotel door and flipped on the lights. Looking yearningly at my bed, I realized just how exhausted I was. Everything has been catching up to me; the fighting, the betrayals, Austin, and well, the weed too.

At least I can fall asleep peacefully without him here tonight.

I huff, kicking the door shut behind me as I shuffle my way into the bathroom, grabbing my pajamas to change into. I stand in front of the mirror as I peel my clothes off, shivering a bit when the air hits my bare skin.

I slid on a pair of warm, fuzzy pants, but then before I put my shirt on, my eyes caught sight of a tattoo on my rib cage. I had gotten lots of new tattoos over the days since summer, but this certain one I can barely remember getting. It was right after everything happened and I nearly drank myself to death.

My fingers came up to touch the inked skin near the top of my ribs. It was a flower with the stem stretched long enough to say Jelly Bean.

I'm sure the tattoo artist thought I was fucking stupid for wanting Jelly Bean inked on me, but little did he know...

I sighed and looked away from the design, yanking my tank-top over my head. Or maybe I shouldn't say it's mine because now as I look at the black and green Slipknot shirt, I feel my heart clench and then drop.

I'm so fucking stupid, aren't I? What am I even doing with myself?

Shaking my head, I grabbed the sweatshirt I brought in here, feeling much better when it was on. It was my brothers old sweatshirt so it was big and bulky, but it was better to look at than knowing I was wearing Austin's tank-top... still.

I willed my mind to shut up and stop thinking as I left the bathroom, going to my bed and crawling under the covers. I'm not even sure if I made it to the pillows before I collapsed.

***

Austin's pov:

"Night, man," I say to Tino before I step into my hotel room. I was about to swing the door shut, but then saw that Hazel was passed out on her bed and decided to slowly push it closed. I tried to make as little noise as I could, not wanting to awaken Hazel because not only will she be cranky, but also because I'm not sure I want to face her right now.

After basically getting rejected, I'm not sure how I'll react. I'm not even sure what happened earlier.

I sighed, rubbing at my eyes as I walked toward my bed, eyeing Hazel a bit. Not being in the mood for a shower because I'm too damn exhausted, I tugged off my shirt and stepped out of my shoes before doing the same with my pants. It was too fucking cold to not sleep with anything on, so I grabbed a pair of sweats to change into.

Once I pulled them up onto my hips, I walked around to the other side of my bed to plug in my phone. This side was closer to Hazel's, so I could actually make out more of her figure now.

She looked like she was in the middle of a very distressful sleep, having kicked the blankets nearly off her, curled up into a ball in the middle of the bed. On top of this, she was shivering from the cool temperature of the room.

I gave her one more look before going over to the small thermostat located on the wall besides her bed. I turned it up so the temperature would hopefully get a little warmer in here. I was about to go back to my bed, but then I froze when I caught sight of something familiar.

It wasn't the sweatshirt she was wearing that I have seen many times since it's her favorite one, but it was what she had on under it. Barely half of the green and black Slipknot design could be seen peeking out from under her sweatshirt that had risen up.

I stared blankly at it, thinking about how that looked exactly like mine. But I thought I lost mine...

She had it this whole time.

I didn't know what to think anymore, I mean, what should I? Was this like a one time thing? Did she just not have any other shirt? But why would she keep it? Maybe she hasn't fully given up on me..

I slowly sunk down onto my knees in front of her, looking at her face that was contorted from her distressful sleep. I wondered what she was dreaming about; maybe it's about her boyfriend or maybe.. maybe it's about me? Maybe it's about what I did to her... because that was one big nightmare.

But maybe I can make up for it? I'll take care of her, just like her dad told me to. I'll make sure I'm never not here for her again. I'll do better. And maybe, maybe after the fight her and her boyfriend had...

No. That was stupid. That's not my job.

I reached down to grab the blankets she kicked off and carefully lifted them up to put back over her. She felt it and immediately curled into them before flipping onto her other side, her back now facing to me.

I sighed, my head bowing down as I rubbed the bridge of my nose.

Hazel Hendrix, what are you doing to me?

Notes

ok this chapter is short and silly and not the long really fun chapter I said would be coming. But I wanted to add a little somethin-somethin about the tank-top before the next chapter! It's gona be a big one!

Sorry it took me so long to update, I had finals that nearly killed me! And the world cup is going on and the WC is like a national holiday to my family and I so I got distracted! Haha Argentina plays tonight! (But my favorite is Ivory Coast and Drogba!)

Anyway, update very soon! Hope you all are enjoying your summers!!