Forgive Me- Part 2

Jaime’s POV

I got Amelia settled into her bed. It was still really early but she was so mentally exhausted that I insisted that she tried to rest for a while. I on the other hand, would not be able to sleep for a very long time. I had the image of Amelia imprinted on my mind and it wasn’t an image I wanted. Not like that. Not the sadness embedded in her features. The longing her eyes held as she gazed at the glint of metal that she held in her hand. I never wanted to see her like that, in that frame of mind. Wanting to harm her body… I had hoped she would never feel like that again. That she would never again seek the comfort of a blade. I really didn’t want to pressure her into talking to me about it but I don’t think I can just accept it anymore. Not when she is still so close to cutting again. I hope she’ll open up to me. I don’t think I would be able to stand it, constantly worrying about how she is, whether or not she’s going to cut. I don’t know if I can rely solely on the fact that she promised not to anymore. She’s broken that promise once and she almost did it again tonight. I know it’s a lot to ask her to spill her deepest darkest thoughts with me but I need to know. If I don’t know I can’t help her through it and I want nothing more than to help her. I love her, more than anything and I don’t think I would be able to handle it if I lost her.

I watch over her as she sleeps deeply, looking happier than she had in days. It wasn’t a fake happiness that she had been using to mask her pain since I returned but a real happiness. I wonder what she is dreaming about that could can make her look like that. I try to take that image and replace the horrible one that had taken it place inside of my mind but no matter how hard I tried, the image of her pain kept flashing through my mind, destroying the beautiful image that I had right in front of me.

I sigh deeply and decide that I can’t stand being in there right now. I need a distraction, a way to get my mind away from the haunting thought that had taken home in my mind. I wander rout of her bedroom and slowly around the house. I found my way out to the back veranda to find Jason sitting there with his face looking drawn. I take a seat next to him at the outdoor setting and let out a deep sigh. Without even looking in my direction Jason stretches his hand out to me holding a beer. I accept it gratefully.

“Thanks…” I mumble

“I figure you could use it. Milly’s probably a bit of a handful right now”

“It’s not her fault; she just held back her emotions for too long”

“Yea, she doesn’t know how to let people in. She never has, no matter how bad she got she would never let anyone help her”

“How bad did she used to be?” I ask almost reluctantly. Am I really ready to know?

“She- well… she was really bad… I honestly thought I was going to lose her” my heart clenched at his words.

“You mean…?” I ask and he just nods sadly. No; not Milly. She wouldn’t! No way!

“That was until she met you anyway…” I look at him questioningly. “Why do you think Becca and I were so eager to get her to forgive you? Why do you think mum let you take her overseas? Whenever she spoke about you or was around you everyone could see how much happier she was. We could all stop worrying about her”

“I didn’t realise it was so bad…”

“Mmm… so don’t leave her okay? She needs you”

“I would never. I honestly can’t picture my life without her anymore.”

“Good. Because if she ever gets that bad again and I find out that you had something to do with it I will hunt you down and put a bullet in your skull. Milly is my sister, she has been there for me when no one else was and I will not let someone hurt her or make her go back like that”

“Don’t worry. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did something like that”

“I’m glad. Now, would you like something a little stronger? Because I’m sick of just drinking beer”

“Gladly.”

I don’t know how long we drank together or how many drinks we even had but Amelia appeared in the doorway with a shy smile. I smile softly at her and open my arms for her. She immediately walks into them and hugs me tightly.

“I’m so sorry Jaime” she mumbles.

“It’s okay” I say before kissing the top of her head

“JOIN US!” Jason near shouted.

“What are you drinking?” she asked

“Everything!”

“Okay… what do we have?”

“I stoked up on everything; I knew we’d drink it all”

Amelia detached herself from me and looked through the alcohol. She grabbed the bottle of vodka and looked at Jason questioningly. I was slightly confused but Jason seemed to understand exactly what she wanted. He went straight to the fridge and pulled out a can of red bull and handed it to her. Right... makes sense... Milly took it from his hand and immediately mixes herself a drink.

We spend the night drinking and trying to forget any and all pain that today caused. I decided not to question Amelia tonight. She needs to forget about everything for a little while and who am I to interrupt her from having a good time, especially when she’s been feeling so crappy lately. But I have to bring it up eventually. No matter how much I may not want to, no matter how much she may not want to talk about it, it needs to be done. I can’t just stay in the dark about this anymore, it’s too serious. She needs my help.

Notes

I am so sorry about how crappy this was. I had a terrible day and really didn't want to write but I finally had some time and it's been way too long since I last updated so I needed to do something but now i'm thinking that I probably shouldn't have bothered because it's so bad...

I promise the next chapter won't be anywhere near as bad as this! and I'm sorry with how slow I'm being but I'll try to get them up more regularly okay?

sorry
xox