Forgive Me- Part 2

Jaime’s POV

I wake to the sound of Amelia's alarms screeching though the room. Why was it even on? Her first appointments today were cancelled. I glance over to her side of the bed to find that it’s already empty. Confused I move to turn off her alarm before I wander around the house looking for her. When I find her she’s lying face down on the floor in the kitchen. Normal people would probably freak out at the sight and think something’s wrong but I have found that when she’s upset she will often just lay down like that in random places throughout the house. I walk over and lie down next to her and look at her. Her cheeks are flushed and her eyes swollen as though she’s been crying.

“Mil?” I ask softly. Her eyes fly open having only just realised I was there with her. “You okay?”

“Yea, fine!” she said cheerfully lifting herself off of the floor but I grab her hand and pull her back down.

“What's up?” I ask seriously

“Nothing, I just couldn’t sleep last night so I ended up walking around the house tidying up a bit.”

“You know you can’t lie to me right? I can always tell” she looks me in the eye for a moment before sighing.

“You have to leave today and I have to work. Maybe I should call in sick…”

“You can’t do that… you said yourself that those kids need you.”

“I know… but you’ll have to leave before I finish” So that’s what she’s really worried about; not getting to say goodbye…

“Mil…”

“It’s okay, I know… but please, please just, right now can we pretend that you’re not going anywhere? That when I get home you’ll be sitting on the couch watching some stupid show and then we can have dinner together?” she begged. I smile sadly down at her and nod.

“In which case, come back upstairs, you don’t need to be at work until late today so come back to bed” I stand up and pull her from the floor and drag her towards our room. I get into the bed, closely followed by Milly and I pull her into my arms. No sooner than I had my arms around her she broke down. I knew this was coming, actually she held on longer than I expected. I held her tightly whilst she cried and stroked her hair soothingly. Eventually her crying slowed and she drifted back into a deep sleep but I didn’t release my hold on her, I didn’t want any distance between us for the short amount of time that we had left. I may appear to be holding it together but seeing her like this, seeing how much pain she is from me leaving is killing me. I don’t want to leave her here; I’m worried that she won’t be okay while I’m gone. What if something happens? What if something happens I’m not here to help her? I lie in bed thinking about everything that could possibly happen and no matter how hard I try to calm my mind so I can allow myself to fall asleep the peace just won’t come.

I lay there until it was time for Amelia to wake up for her appointments. I gently shake her shoulder and instead on waking up she snuggles closer to me and wraps her hands in fists and presses them against her chest.
“Mil, you need to wake up…” I say gently to her to avoid scaring her.

“I’ll be up in a second”

“Milly we both know that’s a lie, come on, time to get up”

“You are a horrible human being” she grumbled as I pulled her from the bed.

“Yea but you know you’d get angry at me later if I had let you sleep through your appointments.”

“I don’t wanna goooooo” she whined. We walked down the stair to the kitchen, well I walked, Milly more trudged. She sat down at the kitchen counter and rested her head on the bench. I laughed as I went through the kitchen and made her some bacon and eggs. She ate slowly, obviously still trying to force the sleep from her mind. Once she ate she ran back upstairs to get dressed and when she gets back down stairs she appears to be in a much better mood. Appears being the key word. Underneath her tough exterior I can see how much she is still hurting and I know that she is just trying to be strong for me right now.

She latches onto me tightly, almost as if she’s scared to let go. In turn I wrap my arms protectively around her; this will be the last time in two months that I’ll get to hold her. I bury my face in her neck and breathe in her scent, committing it to memory. She pulled back to look me in the eye.

“I love you Jaime” her voice wavered slightly as she spoke.

“I love you too Mil. You’ll take care of yourself while I’m away won’t you?”

“I will, plus, I’ll have to, you’ll be checking up on me almost every day”

“Yea that’s true,” I chuckled. I look at her sweetly and brush a lock of hair out of her face and pushed it behind her ear. “I’ll miss you Mil”

“I’ll miss you too Himes. Be careful okay?”

“Of course I will.”

She stretches up onto her tippy toes to peck my lips lightly, but these are our last moments together. I am not letting her leave with just a peck. I hold her face gently in my hands and lean down and kiss her passionately. My hands travel from her face, down her neck and around her body; tracing, memorizing every inch of her. Making sure that I had every inch of her, every curve, and every bump imbedded into my memory for the long months ahead. I really do love this woman and I don’t how I have lasted so long without having her in my life. I honestly cannot see my future without her anymore. Yea I don’t think that I am the best person for her, I might even be bad for her; but she is perfect for me; everything that I need. I love her…

We break apart and she sighs heavily. She looks at me before turning to head out the door. Once again, the sadness in her eyes pierces my heart. How can I be so selfish to do this to her? I love her but I am hurting her so much. Why couldn’t this just be easy? Leaving home is hard enough as it is but now I have to hurt the person I care about most by leaving them here while I travel. It isn’t fair really. If I could choose I would just stay by her side, constantly for the rest of our lives.

Notes

So this one is mostly more on the inner emotional side with a lot less dialouge than usual :) I Hope you enoy it.

I would also like to say sory for future delay in uploads because I'm back at school but I swear that I'll upload chapters as often as I can!!

Sorry guys!

xox