Come Waste Away With Me

“Hey Aussie,” I took a deep breath patting the spot on the couch next to me. He smiled and sat next to me. “Why did you look so angry?”
“I yelled at Alan and may or may not have punched him.” He glanced at the floor.
“Austin!” I covered my mouth with my hands.
“What happened to your arm? Did you fall?” He changed the subject as he saw the bandage.
“Not exactly, but we will get back to that later. You punched Alan?” I was still in complete shock.
He only shrugged. “He hurt you. He didn’t fight back though and he broke things off with her.” I just stared at him. “He never said those things; he only told her what he said to you earlier today and how he regretted it. But she twisted his words.”
“Oh,” Now I felt completely stupid. “You shouldn’t have punched him.”
“You should have.” He laughed but didn’t take his gaze off my arm. “What happened?”
“I can’t tell you.” I was planning on telling him everything but now I couldn’t. My whole body went into panic mode again.
“Aribear, you can tell me.” He took my hand in his. I shook my head.
“You will be so disappointed in me.” I choked out.
“I could never be disappointed in you.” His eyes were full of concern.
Before I got the chance to stop myself I blurted it out in a sob. “Ididthistomyself.”
“Ari?” He didn’t understand what I said but he pulled me to his chest.
“I did this to myself.” I whispered holding up my arm.
“What do you mean?” His eyes widened.
“I did this on purpose!” I pulled away not able to look at him.
“Ari look at me.” I shook my head. “Ariana Lee Carlile, look at me.” He never uses my full name.
I slowly looked up at him and I clearly wished I hadn’t. He looked so broken; there was not a sparkle in his eyes, his eyebrows were creased and his mouth was turned down into a frown. His eyes started filling with tears. I knew he was not angry because of the fact that his face only held sadness.
“How long have you been doing this?” He questioned in a whisper.
“Since I was fourteen…” There was no use in lying now.
“You have been doing this for four years? How did I not notice? I am a horrible brother… How do I not notice what my own sister is feeling?” He was mostly just questioning himself.
“Aussie, don’t blame yourself.”
“I can’t believe I didn’t notice.” He murmured.
“You were always on tour and whenever you were home I would just hide them.” He was about to speak. “Don’t you dare start blaming yourself.”
“But I was too busy touring that I wasn’t there for you.” He dropped his gaze.
“Austin you are the best brother anyone could ask for. Just because you are always touring doesn’t mean you weren’t there for me. If I didn’t have you, I wouldn’t be here right now. I don’t mean on this bus; I mean alive. Aussie, you have been saving me since the day you followed your dream.” I gave him a real smile.
“I just don’t want to see my little sister hurting herself anymore.” His voice was small almost sounding like a saddened child.
“I will give you my razor, I won’t protest.” He squeezed his eyes shut at the mention of my razor. “I want help; I want your help Aussie.” I gripped his hand showing him how serious I was.
“You want my help?” His eyes began to sparkle again.
“Why else would I tell you? I know it will be hard but I am willing to try.” He pulled me to his chest for another hug. “I love you Aussie and I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. I love you Aribear.” I heard Alex shuffle back out into the main area of the bus.
I jumped up to go hug him tightly. “No weirdness between us right?”
He chuckled. “No weirdness, that kiss was only out of friendship.”
“I love you best friend.” I giggled pulling away from him.
“And I love you bestie!” He leaned over and whispered in my ear. “I am so proud of you. I know it’s hard to admit you need help.” I smiled at him feeling Austin approach.
“You kissed my sister? Didn’t you know she has a thing with Andy?”
“It didn’t mean anything.” Alex answered at the same time I said “Wait you know about that?”
“You are dating Andy?” Alex finally realized what Austin had said. “I thought I was your bestie! When were you planning on telling me?”
“Probably when she decided to tell me.” Austin laughed.
“But why did you kiss her?”
“She was having a panic attack and she couldn’t breathe.” Austin nodded like he had heard of that before. Why didn’t I know about this?
“I’m not dating Andy actually.” I spoke up; I don’t know why I was making that clear.
“Oh, so you’re just kissing him and holding hands.” Austin stated.
“How did you find out?” I turned to Austin.
“Alan.” He smiled. “My sister is in love.”
My face grew hot. “I only just met him! I am not in love.”
“Let’s get back to the bus then we can plan something for dinner.” Austin must not have wanted to talk about it anymore. Thank god. “Bye Alex.”
“Bye Alex.” I waved then followed my brother off the bus. We were about to reach the bus when I stopped.
“What’s wrong?”
“I forgot to help clean up the merch table.” I really am horrible at this whole job thing already.
“I texted Brett; they understood.” I nodded but still didn’t budge. I played with the bandage wrapped up my arm. Was I ready to face the rest of the guys with this? What if they judge me? There was no way of even covering the bandage unless I wore a sweatshirt. But of course I did not have one. “You don’t have to tell them if you don’t want to. I won’t say anything.”
“I don’t want to lie anymore.” I mumbled. “I need to tell you something.”
“What is it you need to tell me?” I pulled out my phone and pulled up the text I received this morning. He read it and I watched his calm face switch to anger. “Do you know who sent this?”
“I have an idea.” I muttered.
“Who?” But I think he already knew who I was going to say.
“Mason.” As soon as I said the name he blew up.
“I am going to kill him! If he comes near you; I promise you I will kill him. That boy has a nerve texting you! That fucking asshole is going to get what he deserves.” He punched the side of the bus.
“Austin, stop!” I yelled. He started yelling multiple things along with punching the bus. I kept yelling at him to stop. The tour bus door swung open and four guys came running out. Tino pulled Austin away from the bus. Phil had to help because Austin was thrashing in Tino’s arms. They dragged him away till they disappeared. I’m guessing to calm him down.
“Ari are you okay?” Alan walked up to me reaching out his hand. I pushed him backward making him stumble.
“Don’t. Touch. Me.”
“I’m sorry.” I looked at him and I knew his words were genuine.
“Oh my god. Your eye,” It was purple and puffy.
“Your brother hits hard. I deserved it though.”
“No one deserves to get punched.” I frowned. I didn’t even want to be mad at him. “Mason texted me, that’s why Austin freaked out.”
“That makes a lot of sense.” Alan commented.
I couldn’t help it; I pulled him into me and hugged him tightly. “I’m not mad at you.”
“I’m sorry I have been such an ass. I don’t know what came over me.” He mumbled into my hair.
"It's okay."
After a moment of silence he spoke up. “I am sorry for asking but what happened to your arm?”
I didn’t answer but I hugged him tighter. I hope he would understand what i was trying to say. I felt his lips on the top of my head. “You are beautiful Ariana.”
That was all he said. He didn’t question me, he didn’t yell, he didn’t tell me to stop, but him saying those four words had the most impact on me than anyone else had made. I don’t know why but those words gave me hope that everything will be okay. Maybe not today but someday everything will fall into place.

Notes

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Thank you for all the comments! I hope you all enjoy this chapter!
Alan and Ari made up but will it last?

I havent been writing as much because i have been watching Gossip Girl on Netflix so i have been falling behind on writing whoops but dont worry i still have chapters that i have finished ready for each week! im just trying to stay ahead of myself!

I hope you had a good week!
Thank you all love you <3