It’s morning.

It’s morning and I’m still in Ben’s bed. Fuck. I turn over to see if he is still asleep and thankfully he is. He’s laid out with sheets covering the lower half of his body and one arm behind his head. He’s so peaceful. Better not wake him while I leave.

Shit, I’m still naked. It’s time for a clothes search, underwear first. A lot of people would just cut their losses and leave them, but I love my underwear. Also, I don’t have the money to just ditch Victoria’s Secret panties. I look around. I found my bra on the headboard but my thong was still missing in action. Time to check the floor. I slide out of bed and check the side I was sleeping on with no luck. I get on my hands and knees so I can crawl over to Ben’s side without waking him up. I look under the bed and don’t see them. However, I did find my shorts and shirt. When I went to lift my head up, I collided hard with a glass nightstand. As if I didn’t have a bad enough headache from this hangover. I looked over, praying that I didn’t wake Ben. He shifted a little, but otherwise, I was still in the clear.

That’s when I saw them. My lacey pink thong, covered in hearts was underneath Ben. Fucking kill me. I contemplated leaving them, but decided I should at least try to Houdini them from beneath his back. Several times, I reached up for my underwear and hesitated until; finally, I worked up the courage and hooked my pinky finger around the thin pink fabric, slowly pulling on it. I smiled brightly when I wiggled them free, but when I looked at Ben to make sure he was still asleep, he wasn’t.

I waved weakly, “Morning.”

“Hi,” Ben mumbled.

“I was just about to leave. Can I use your shower really quickly?” I’m not into doing the walk of shame.

“Whatever,” he muttered, rubbing his eyes.

I said nothing else. I just wanted to take my shower and get the hell out. I opened the door and looked around the corner. Not a body in sight and the bathroom door was wide open. Quickly, I put my bra and shorts on and then walked calmly to the shower on the other side. I closed the door as quietly as possible and took my clothes back off. I turned the shower on, stepping under the warm water. It felt so nice. I washed my hair and made sure to clean every inch of my body. It’s not just because I had sex though. Contrary to my habits, I’m just a very clean person by nature. When I was satisfied with my shower, I got out and wrapped a towel around myself. I looked at my pile of dirty clothes. Bra? Yes. Panties? No. I put on my shorts first, shoving my thong in my pocket, and then my bra. Before I could put my shirt on, someone opened the door. It was Danny. I quickly pulled my shirt over my head and shoved my arms through the sleeves. Of course he didn’t shut the door. He just looked at me, confused.

“Where did you come from?” Danny asked kind of laughing.

“Ben’s bed,” I answered simply. He just nodded and looked at me as I slid past him to leave.

Much to my annoyance, I realized that I didn’t grab my shoes from Ben’s room. I rolled my eyes and threw my head back in frustration. When I spun around to get my shoes, I ran full force into something and fell flat on my ass. That something was James in his boxers. I’m never going to get out of this place.

“Shit, I’m sorry.” He apologized and reached a hand out to help me up. When James pulled me up, he did it with so much force that he lifted me off my feet and I almost fell again. “You alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said as calmly as possible. My head was pounding.

He looked at me with the same face Danny did, “Who are you again?”

“Nobody,” I laughed. “I was just leaving. I forgot my shoes in Ben’s room.” I started walking back in that direction.

“Oh alright,” James smiled and I knew he understood.

When I went back into Ben’s room, he was dressed in black Asking Alexandria shorts and a black zip up hoodie.

“Sorry, I’m just getting my shoes,” I said feeling embarrassed. I picked them up off the floor and turned to walk out of the room. He followed me out.

“Nice to meet you,” Ben said as I was leaving. “It was fun.” He smiled so everything he said didn’t seem totally disingenuous.

“Yeah, it was,” I agreed as I stepped out the door. I looked at him as I walked down the hall. “Maybe I’ll see you around.”

He shrugged. “Maybe.” Neither of us really meant it.

I waved over my shoulder as I left, “Bye.”

I boarded the elevator as he closed the door.

When I got home, I was sad. To me, home was an empty apartment. I used to live with my boyfriend, Zane, but three months into us living together, he got an offer for his dream job in Texas. I was happy for him and I love him, but I couldn’t make myself leave Seattle. I had finally started making a new family. I just met Alice who instantly became like a sister to me and my boss, Jeff, was like our father. Everyone at Neumos were now my siblings. I couldn’t just leave that behind. Zane understood. He promised that he only had to go to Texas for a little while and then he would transfer back to the headquarters in Seattle. It’s been seven months now. In those seven months, I’ve only seen my boyfriend five times in person.

Zane moved to Austin, Texas in early December. As a surprise, he flew into Seattle to see me on Christmas Day. I remember hearing the door unlock and not even paying attention to it because for the past three weeks, I always imagined that sound, hoping he would walk through the door. When Zane saw how miserable I was (and how hard I cried when it saw that it really was him walking through the door) he decided that we would take turns flying out to see each other every month, but two months ago, he didn’t fly back to Seattle. He couldn’t find one day in the entire month of April to come see me. Then he eventually he couldn’t find the time to skype either. So, last month, I didn’t go to Texas. I know it seems childish, but I was hurt and when I’m hurt, I do stupid things. He didn’t even notice it was my turn to visit him.

We used to talk all day for the first few months after he left. We would either be talking on the phone, texting, or talking over skype. Now, Zane is always working or is “too tired to talk”. Looking at how distant we are now compared to how close we used to be makes me want to lie in bed and cry. Texas didn’t seem that far when we were constantly talking, but now it seems like it’s on the other side of the world and I’m going insane from being alone. I’m not okay with it. I was alone for so long and Zane was supposed to be the night in shining armor that saved me from my solitary tower and he was. Only now, his armor is starting to fade.

Notes

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