I picked my cell phone up off of the kitchen counter and walked over to plop down on the couch. I want to call Zane so badly. I look at the time, 11 o’clock. I think that means its 12 o’clock in Texas. I really don’t know because my head hurts so badly right now. I’m not sure if it’s because of the guilt or if I’m still hung over, but either way I feel horrible. The strange thing is I don’t feel guilty because I had sex with Ben. I just feel bad because I know how upset Zane would be if he found out. I have to call him now. I just really want to hear his voice. I search through my contacts for his name and press the green button. The phone rang three times then ended. I didn’t want to leave a voicemail; anything I say would just come out weird right now, so I sent him a text.

“Please call me when you see this. I love you.”

I sat there and waited for him to call. As each minute passed, I felt more and more depressed. This happens a lot, especially in the last two months. I’ll call Zane and he doesn’t answer, so my mind immediately starts spinning. All of a sudden there are a billion reasons that he didn’t answer the phone and each of them is my fault. Maybe I missed one of his calls, I should have called earlier, he’s talking to another girl because he’s over me, he’s out grown me. I just keep spiraling down. I’m going to call Alice. She’s the only person, besides Zane, that I want to see right now. The phone rang once before she answered.

“Hello, darling!” She gushed in an exaggerated, medieval, English accent. I could hear a bunch of voices and cars in the background.

“Hey, Alice! Are you in town?” I said trying to be happy, but my voice was choked and my eyes were watery.

It sounded like she dropped something. I heard her shuffling around and apologizing. “Um, yeah,” she said with a normal voice this time. “Kenzie, are you okay?”

I didn’t answer her question, “Do you think you could come over for a little while?”

“Yeah,” she answered almost immediately. “I’m literally at the market like five minutes away. Let me just check out and I’ll be there soon. Okay?”

“Thanks, Alice.”

“No problem, babe! See you in a few! Love you!”

“Love you too! See you.” I put my phone down, feeling a lot better.

Alice has been there for me so much over the seven months. She keeps me busy and is a great friend. I consider her to be my big sister. We’re always there for each other when needed and sometimes even when we don’t need it. We understand each other so well. Being around her has taught me so much about myself. Her direct attitude resolves my indecisiveness. Alice is absolutely my favorite person in the entire world.

It seriously only took Alice five minutes to get to my apartment. When I opened the door, she was out of breath, but still in a dramatic pose. She flung one hand in the air and said, “The class has arrived”.

“My love!” I shouted, opening my arms for a hug. She squeezed me half to death while I closed the door.

“Those stairs are a bitch! Why do you have to live on the fifth floor? I walk up those things at least twice a week and it never gets any easier.”

I laughed as we walked to the island in my kitchen and sat down, “You know, the full pack of cigarettes every day probably cancels out the stairs.”

“I do not smoke a pack a day!” She rolled her eyes, “Not anymore anyways. How are you, babe? What’s going on?”

"Why don't you just take the elevator, again?" I was absolutely trying to stall.

"You know I have a fear of elevators!" She yelled. Yeah, I did know.

"No, I didn't!"

"Kenzie, I know you remember the time where we walked to the other side of that mall in California because the only way to get to the second floor on the side we were on was the elevator."

"Oh, yeah," I said trailing off as if I had completely forgotten.

"Babe," Alice sounded even more concerned, "what's going on?"

I opened the refrigerator, stalling for time to think about how to tell her what happened. I decided that the “band aid” method was best so I grabbed the orange juice and quickly sputtered out, “I cheated on Zane.”

Alice’s face scrunched up like she just smelled something awful. She ran her tongue over her teeth, “This is…bad?” she sounded like she was guessing.

“Yes! Shouldn’t that be sort of obvious, Alice?”

“Well, sorry! You just don’t seem that upset, I didn’t know what to say! Do I know him or… her?”

“Alice, this isn’t funny.” I said with a bored face. I know she was trying to make me laugh, but this is more of an advice moment.

“Sorry again! Do I know him then?”

I nodded slowly, squinted, and took a sip of my orange juice.

She looked up at the ceiling in thought, “Andy?”

I laughed. Alice has thought that Andy and I were going to hook up ever since Zane left, “No. It was Ben”

“Ben? Who’s Ben?”

“From Asking Alexandria,” I sighed.

“Oh shit. Kenzie, are you serious?” She sounded like she was shocked, grossed out, impressed, and proud all at the same time.

“Very serious,” I said before pursing my lips.

Alice let out her normal high-pitched giggle, “I’m not even sure if having sex with Ben Bruce even counts as cheating. It’s more like ‘foreign affairs’. He’s slept with half of the population. How did this even happen? ”

“I was smoking outside after the show and he asked if I wanted to go to the party at their hotel. I told him that I wanted to, but I couldn’t because I had to clean up. And the, he dragged me inside to ask Jeff himself and obviously, he said yes.”

“So what, you don’t normally hook up with guys who ask you to go to parties.”

“I know, but he was so funny and charming and we might have knocked back four shots of Everclear… each.”

“Basically, you set yourself up for a natural disaster.”

“I guess so,” I mumbled sheepishly.

Alice smiled, “Do you feel guilty?”

“Well, yeah.” I said, immediately noticing how half-hearted I sounded. “It’s really weird because I don’t feel bad for actually having sex with him, but I feel horrible when I think about how much it would hurt Zane.”

“Kenzie,” she paused. “Honestly, I feel like this was inevitable… well not you having sex with Ben, but you cheating on Zane or vice versa.”

“Alice!”

“What?” she yelled back at me, imitating my shocked facial expression. “If you didn’t cheat on him soon, I was going to have a SWAT team come get you because you couldn’t have been human. There’s only so much rejection and loneliness one person can go through before they crack. I’m shocked you made it this long considering everything you’ve been through. Don’t get me wrong, I think it sucks that you cheated, but even if you called to break up with him, he probably would have been ‘busy’.” At this point, she actually made air quotes with her hands. I smiled weakly.

“What should I do?” I looked up at her.

"Do you want my honest opinion or the Lifetime movie advice that I should give you?"

I thought about it for a second. "Can I get a quick summary of both? Lifetime movie version first?"

"Okay, prepare yourself." Alice pulled my arm to sit next to her. "Honey, you know what you did was wrong. Your boyfriend is 2,000 miles away in another state working so he can get back home and you've gone and done this. You know it would break his heart. Kenzie, you have two choices. You can either explain what happened" my heart stopped when she said that, “and try to work it out or you can realize that you're obviously not fulfilled in your relationship in which case you should stop pretending to be happy and break up with him."

"Wow," I said. At this moment I realized I was blinking rapidly and had to work very hard to make myself stop. "Your honest opinion?"

She sighed, "Well like I said, I'm really not shocked that this happened at all. Don't get me wrong, it's not right to cheat, but it also isn't right to make the person that you're in a relationship with feel like they aren't worth the dirt under your feet; especially not after everything that you've been through. I feel like the minute he stopped talking to you and started treating you like crap--"

"He does not treat me like crap," I said trying to defend him.

Alice looked really sad after I said this. "Kenzie, I know inside of your love bubble, Zane might have seemed like the best guy in the world, but for the little amount of time that I knew him, he didn't really seem as committed to your relationship as you were. He did little to nothing for you besides come home every night. Sure, he's extremely hot, but I have never seen or heard of him having some sort of huge emotional display toward you. However, I've seen you cry your eyes out for a month after he left. I just think he has so much power in your relationship. It’s like when he smiles at you, it’s the equivalent of him giving you a diamond necklace and that would be fine if you didn't have to work so hard for his affection."

"Alice," I could feel my cheeks getting red and hot, a key signal that I was about to cry. “Zane loves me."

"He might love you, but he never really showed it and he absolutely doesn't show it now."

"So what do I do?"

"Well, I think you should break up with him or keep going on as you were. I think that when he finally finds the time to come visit, then he deserves an explanation."

"That's really what you think?" I asked raising my eyebrow.

"It is," she smiled. "I also think that you should go out with me tonight."

I laughed, "I'm not sure if that's a good idea. Where are you going?"

"Just to that bar down the street from Neumos," she saw my face twist with uncertainty. "You really need a night out to clear your head. You haven't been out for like a month in a half!" Alice put her hands on my shoulders and I groaned in frustration. I'm not in a partying mood. "Please, baby! Please! Please! Please go out with me!"

I put my hands over my eyes, "Alright, I'll go."

Alice squealed and hugged me. Even though I'm not excited to go out right now, I know I always end up having fun with Alice no matter what the situation is.

Notes

hope you all like the new chapter :)
comment and let me know what you think <3
have a nice week!!!