"You know what, Ben? I came here so we could talk not for you to fucking yell at me!" I told him standing up off the couch.

"If you would quit being a bitch, I wouldn't fucking yell at you!" Ben shouted, standing up right infront of me. "You never think about anyone else! Just your fucking self!"

I stood there for a second while Ben looked down at me and finally shook my head, "I'm leaving now."

I turned toward the door and went to open it, but before I could, Ben held it shut, "No you're not. We're going to talk."

"Open the fucking door, Ben!" I glared at him

"Go sit down, Jenna!"

"It's 'Kenzie'," I said, just to be a smart ass, but apparently I set him off. He picked me up off of the ground and threw me back onto the couch.

"You're so fucking selfish! I'm trying to tell you something and just because I'm not treating you like a fucking princess, you want to leave!"

This is so stupid. Why am I even here? For Ben to yell at me and point out everything that's wrong with me? I'm sure he would be able to. I calmed myself down before I spoke. "What do you want to tell me then?" He sat down next to me. Oh no, I hope he doesn't get all serious. Maybe he should just go back to yelling.

"I'm just really pissed off with the way everything ended," Ben said looking at the ceiling. "We just fucked with eachother's lives then completely stopped talking."

"Yeah that sounds about right," I laughed a little bit at the thought. "I guess we're both selfish assholes."

"Guess so," Ben leaned back on the couch.

I had a sudden thought. Maybe I shouldn't tell him because he might take it the wrong way, but I'm gonna say it anyways. "You know, if we were both single when we met, we might actually be together now."

"Fuck," Ben sighed. "I know. We were kinda good together, huh? Well besides the fact that you're a raging bitch."

"And that you're a huge dick."

"You meant to say that I have a huge dick."

"No," I shook my head. "I can honestly say, that's not at all what I meant."

"We're so fucked up," Ben laughed, with his face in his hands.

Fuck, why did I do this to myself? The obvious reason would be that I still like Ben, but everything is so much more complicated than that. After treating eachother like we didn't have feelings for so long, its hard to know what's real. We both hurt eachother in different ways and neither of us is going to say sorry for the simple reason that we aren't sorry. The funny thing is that we hurt eachother because we liked one another too much. It might not make sense now, but it will.

A year earlier

It's a wonderful Saturday at Neumos. Heavy rock is blaring through the amps, overflowing off the stage and out onto the sidewalk. Everyone on staff is running around either setting up, serving drinks, selling shirts, or tending to the bands like I am. I've been running in and out of the green room with drinks and food all night, sliding past whores and fame-seekers to get the job done.

"Kenzie, night's almost over! It's your turn for break, babe!" Andy yelled to me over the crowd.

"Thank you!" I sighed in relief. I need a cigarette more than anything in the world right now. It took everything within me to not run out of the door. I leaned up against the brick wall outside along with the rest of my fellow nicotine addicts. I was taking the last drag of my cigarette when someone touched my arm.

"Hey we're having a party at our hotel. You wanna come with us?" It was Ben from Asking Alexandria. The rest of the band was filing out of the venue as well. They were surrounded by their crew and a shit ton of girls. I recognized a few of them. Personally, I'm not a groupie. For one, I have a boyfriend. Second, I could get Ben if I wanted to. I don't need to fan girl over him. I was just standing here and he came up to me, so I think that validates my point. What most people who don't work at venues fail to realize is, they're just people. People who play instruments. So, I would love to party and Ben is cute, but I have a job to do.

"Fuck, I can't. I'm working." I said pointing at the enterance.

"You work here?" He asked me, I nodded. "Well, the show's over now. Come hang with us."

Those fucking assholes waited until the end of the night to give me my break? I'm gonna punch Jeff in the face. I laughed, " I really want to, but I have to help clean up."

He stood there for a second, "Come on," He grabbed my hand and pulled me back into Neumos.

"Um okay?" I threw my cigarette on the ground and tried to keep up. The next thing I know, Ben was walking toward Jeff, my manager.

"Hey, Ben. What's up?" He asked, talking to Ben, but looking at me.

"I was wondering if you could let her off early," He was very to the point. Jeff raised his eyebrow, looking at me again. I looked at the ground, playing with my hair with wide eyes. I'm gonna get so much shit from the crew tomorrow. Hey, fuck 'em, they put me on the last shift for break.

He looked skeptical. "You guys didn't tear my roof down and we do have enough staff tonight, but we still need to take care of clean up."

"Jeff, I didn't even get my break until 5 minutes ago! I've been working all night! Can't I just go... please." I smiled at him with my head tilted to the side. Jeff is like my dad in Seattle. He watches after me, but I can get away with almost anything if I give him a cute enough look.

"Sure. I guess it's alright," he said after a minute, crossing his heavily tattooed arms.

I saw Ben smile at me. I giggled and hugged Jeff, "Thanks, Jeff!" We both waved as we walked out the door.

"So how old are you?" Ben asked as we walked down the street to the hotel. Most of the fans were gathered around the tour buses out back so it was pretty quiet.

"I'm 20," I flipped my hair out of my face.

"Oh, cool. Do you drink or are you one of those fucking straight edge people?" He laughed so the question didn't sound as rude.

"I've been drinking since I was, like, twelve. Straight edge isn't even an option at this point." I smiled. I know it sounds horrible to some people, but I have my reasons. It's not like I was an alcoholic at twelve.

"Good, cause we're doing shots when we get to the room."

"Oh really?" I laughed. Ben smirked and nodded. "I would drink you into the floor. You don't stand a chance."

"You sure about that? I mean, drinking is like my fucking job."

"I'm almost positive that you don't have a fucking chance." I said smugly. I handle alcohol really well and I actually like the way it tastes. So, especially when it comes to shots, I'm drinking everyone under the table. Every time.

"Well, you're a girl, so that already makes me like three billion times more likely to beat you." He said like it was an obvious fact.

"Fuck you!" I laughed.

"Fuck me?" He tapped the arm of a random guy that was walking near us, "Did you hear that, sir? Have you ever heard such horrible language come out of a girl like that? I mean, of course I'll do it, but what I'm trying to say is, there's no need for hostility. Am I right?"

The man only laughed and nodded. I shoved Ben, "You're fucking insane!"

"You're so aggressive! Not that I mind," He smiled and put his arm around my waist. I laughed and put my arm around him too. I can't help it! Okay? He's fucking charming!

We walked the short way to the hotel and when we got on the elevator, we leaned on opposite sides and looked at eachother as the elevator went up to floor twelve. He was smirking at me. I had on my "bitch, I don't give a fuuuck" look on my face which made him laugh every now and then. The light reached the number twelve and the doors opened. You could hear the music clear as day before the doors even opened, now it's ridiculously loud. We walked to the third door on the right and Ben opened the door with his key card. The room was filled with people. It was like we just walked into a bar. Ben grabbed my hand and pulled me into the kitchen. There were shot glasses all over the counter. He lined four of them up infront of me and four infront of himself.

"If I win, I get to fuck you," Ben said as he grabbed a bottle.

I let out a short laugh, "Yeah, that's not gonna happen. What happens when I win?"

"If you win," he poured my shots, "you get to fuck me."

I put my hand on my hip as he poured his shots, "No thanks, I'll think of something though."

"You can think about it when you're bent over my bed," He smiled smugly at me and picked up his first shot. I stuck my middle finger up in his face and he smacked it away. I laughed and picked up a shot glass. I don't even know what he poured in these, but I'm not worried about losing. I know I'll beat him.

We clinked our glasses together and Ben counted down. As soon as he got to one we downed our first shot in almost exactly the same time. We picked up our second shots and chugged those down too, but then my throat started burning and I realized what the fuck we were drinking. This jackass decided to make us do shots of 150 proof Everclear. Ben had picked up his third shot and I really wanted to win and get this burning hell over with so I picked up both shots poured them into my mouth and choked down the liquid right before Ben could finish his last shot.

He slammed the shot glass onto the counter, "You fucking cheater!"

"Nobody said I couldn't do that! You're the one who poured Everclear and didn't tell me!" I tugged the collar of his shirt and shoved him.

"You gonna cry about it?" he teased.

"No, cause I won. Which means you don't get to fuck this," I turned around and shook my ass at him. When I turned back around to laugh in his face, he was still staring at the spot where my ass was.

"That's what you think," he stepped closer to me. "Let me see that litlle dance again?" He laughed.

"Nope."

"No?"

"No way."

"C'mon! It was so cute. How did it go again? Was it like..." He got on the counter and started shaking his ass at me which was hilarious. "Get up here!" Ben held his hands out, I grabbed onto them and he pulled me up. "Do it!" He grabbed at my hips, shaking them back and forth and I squealed and doubled over in laughter because it tickled so badly! He caught on that my hips were my tickilish spot and started doing it on purpose. We were about to fall off of the counter so Ben and I both jumped down and ended up a tangled mess on the floor.

Then it happened.

I didn't know it then, but the beginning of my hell started when Ben pulled my face up to his and pressed his lips hard against mine. Our liquor tainted tongues swirled around as he pulled me ontop of him. People were walking around us and some were taking pictures. Ben's hands slid down over my ass and my hands went into his hair and that was the moment that I almost snapped out of it.

"Fuck!" I whined, half out of breath. "I'm so sorry, I can't do this."

"Why fucking not?" He asked. Almost laughing.

"I have a boyfriend," I pushed my hair behind my ear.

Now he did laugh, "And I have a girlfriend. So what?"

I blinked a few times and smiled. Ben lifted his head up to kiss me again. He smiled and messed my hair back up then slid my shirt up so he could grab onto my waist. I giggled when my whole body tingled. Ben sat up, wrapped my legs around him, and kissed me while he drunkenly tried to stand. We laughed and made out as he bumped into people until we finally made it to the bedroom. He kicked the door shut and locked it behind us.

Ben held me up around his waist while I pulled my shirt over my head. As soon as it was off, he started licking and biting my neck. It felt so good, I could barely stand it. I started grinding my hips into him.

"Fuck!" He moaned and I could feel him getting hard against me. I unwrapped my legs and Ben let me down. He pulled his shirt off and threw it to the floor. His hands held my face as we kissed and I undid his jeans. When I got them undone, Ben pushed his jeans down and kicked his shoes off. I got down on my knees infront of him, stuck my tongue out and put my hands on his sides. He pulled his boxers down and I was pleasantly suprised. Ben pulled my head back by my hair, making me smile. I bit my lip. He kissed me and then shoved my head down on his cock. My head went up and down two more times making Ben moan loudly. He grabbed my arm and pulled me back to my feet. Our lips moved feverishly together as he pushed me down onto the bed.

My shorts were the first thing to go. Ben slid them off like they were nothing. I took my bra off and hung it on his headboard. It's never fun looking for your bra when you have to leave. Ben kissed my stomach as he threw my panties. He hiked my legs over his shoulders. Just the thought of him eating me out made my whole body tingle. As soon as his tongue made contact, I moaned and reached for something to pull on, bite on, scratch, tear to shreds, anything. He wrapped both of his arms around my thighs and started sucking on my clit and I screamed so loud that I was sure everyone at the party behind that door could hear me.

"Fuck! Oh My-" I was interrupted by him shoving his tonge deep inside of me. "Holy fucking shit! Fuck me! Oh my God! Fuck!" I moved to sit up, but he pushed me down. He kept his hand pushed down against my chest and quickly pulled himself up so he hovered over me again.

Ben kneeled infront of me, raised both of my legs and thrusted hard into me. The sensation went all the way up to my chest, causing me to throw my head back in ecstacy. I moaned loud and often. Everytime his body slammed against mine, I shouted "fuck!" which seemed to give him motivation to thrust harder and faster. At one point I couldn't even scream anymore because it felt so overwhelmingly good.

"God dammit! I'm cumming! It feels so fucking good!" I cried out and held onto his arms.

"Oh fuck!" Ben moaned loudly as he continued to fuck me while I came. My nails dug into his arms until I was finished.

Ben pulled out of me and I sat up immediately to put his cock in my mouth. He held my hair up as I bobbed my head and he moaned. He bent my neck back and I kept my mouth open as he jerked himself off. He made sure his cum shot into my mouth and he let go of my hair. I swallowed while Ben layed down on the bed. Now that were weren't fucking, the alcohol rushed straight to my head. I fell over next to him.

That was all I wanted from him, sex. I'm sure that's all he wanted from me. I didn't want to cuddle, for him to tell me I was pretty, or ask me on a date which would eventually lead to a relatonship. There was no feeling of guilt for cheating or the fact that we barely knew one another. We were both content as we passed out on opposite sides of the bed, not searching for any extra confirmation or comfort from the other.

Notes

i worked hard on this chapter!
i love you guys!
keep reading! :)