I'm a Monster

The weeks till Austin was home dragged on. It felt like it was going to never end but eventually, the day came when the band was back in LA.

I was giddy all morning waiting for Austin’s arrival. He would be staying with me for a few weeks until he was able to find a place. I had been considering over the last few days that maybe he and I could look for a place together, a nice little two bedroom. I had been wanting to get out of Laguna for a bit now anyway. The thirty minute drive to Huntington every day to see Austin with baby in tow tended to be a bit much.

Everly sat on the floor drooling on a toy, cooing at the TV. I smiled as I watched her rocking her little body back in forth, letting out the occasional scream.

There was a loud knock on the door and I excitedly leaped up. “Daddy’s here, Ev!” I cried as I ran to the door pulling it open.

There stood a very tired Austin, laden with bags. A weary smile spread across his face as I threw my arms around his neck, kissing him hard on the lips. He was reluctant at first to return the kiss but slowly he did and as we broke apart I felt the smile slowly fade from my mouth.

“Are you okay?” I asked grabbing a few of his bags to help him in the house.

“Hmm? Yeah, Rae, I’m just exhausted.” He said with a sigh. “Where’s Ev?”

“She’s watching TV.” I smiled shutting the door behind him and bringing his bags into his room. He made his way over to our daughter lifting her up off the floor and tickling her in his arms causing her to begin giggling.

I leaned in the doorway watching them with a smile on my face. I was so happy to have him
home and even happier the new album was completed and he had the next few months to relax and do some promotional things before embarking on the touring they were in talks to do most of 2014.

Austin fell onto the couch, balancing Everly against his legs and bouncing her in his lap.

“How was the flight?” I asked sitting on the other end of the couch watching the way he stared down at her.

“It was good…” He said with a sigh. “Really long though.”

I nodded letting the information hang in the air and noticing for the first time there was a hint of awkwardness that hung in the air. I couldn’t figure out why. We had been apart longer than this before and had bounced back just fine. There was something off about him that was frustrating to me, but I was chalking it up to sheer exhaustion.

“I talked to my dad yesterday…” Austin said lolling his head to look at me.

“How’s he doing?” I asked playing the with the end of my braid.

“He’s great! He told me all about some of the photography he’s gotten recently. He wants us to go down to Texas for Thanksgiving.”

“To meet the whole Carlile gang?” I asked with a giggle.

“Yeah,” He laughed. “To meet the whole gang.”

“I’d love to!” I said with a smile causing him to smile as well. It seemed as though a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

Everly was pulling on his fingers, putting each in her mouth to suck on individually. He chuckled watching her. “I can’t believe how much she’s grown…”

“I know, isn’t it amazing?”

“I’m so sorry I missed out on all of it….” He trailed off sadly.

“Babe…” I said incredulously. “Don’t be sorry. You were doing your job.”

“I know, but I just feel terrible I missed out on a whole two months of her developing.”

“Austin,” I said getting him to turn his brown eyes to me. “Neither one of us hate you for missing out on that. We’re both so proud of you for going out there and living your dream every day. There’s nothing to feel sorry about.”

He took a moment, not saying anything. I got up from the couch and made my way into the kitchen pulling together some food for Everly. I didn’t realize he had followed suit until a moment later his arms snaked around my waist from behind and he placed a kiss on the top of my head.

“I really missed you Rae…”

“I missed you too…” I mumbled running my fingers along his tattoos. I turned in his arms to face him and smiled up at him. Concern washed over me as I picked up on how strangely his brown eyes searched mine. He was different now, something had changed him while he had been away. “Are you okay?”

“Hmmm?” He asked pulling himself from his own string of thoughts and kissing the tip of my nose. “Of course, babe…I’m fine.”

Sighing I turned and went back to the food as his hands left my waist.

“Can I feed her?” He asked as I came back into the living room with the bowl of porridge.

“Sure…” I giggled.

He sat on the floor next to her, his gangly tattooed form towering above, carefully spoon feeding her. She giggled and smiled as she ate, causing him to laugh.

“Look at her!” He said tossing his head back in the familiar way he always had when he chuckled.

Lifting my phone I snapped a picture of the two of them and posted it to Instagram with the caption, “All smiles now that daddy is home with us @austincarlile<3.”

Notes

Hello!! Yes, I am still alive and well! I know I've been gone forever but let's just say, shit hit the fan back in November and I went through a lot mentally and emotionally and just had an all around bad spell for a few months, but I'm doing so much better and I have so much motivation for this story!

I know this chapter is short but I just wanted to get something up there for you guys so that you can have a little something to hold you over while I figure out where I'm going from here and to let you know this story is far from dead.

Not sure how often updates are going to be with school and all but I'm hoping at least twice a week, depending on work load and how I'm feeling.

I hope everyone's doing well! (: