The Journal

"God, my head is killing me," Vic sighed, walking into the kitchen holding his head. "Does anyone have any -" He stopped when he saw me, looking at his family that were giving him disapproving stares.

"What is she doing here?"

"Bonnie stayed the night because we have all been worried sick about you! What you did last night was wrong and I never expected you to do that! I am so disappointed in you!" Viv stood up, her voice raising slightly. Vic flinched, whether it was his mom's words or the headache, I didn't know.

"I'm sorry, Ma. I just needed to clear my head," he whispered, looking guiltily at the tiled floor.

"That gives you no excuse to leave and get drunk without telling anyone! You're underage Victor!"

"I know! That wasn't my intention, I swear. I just ran into Angelina and her friend and she could tell I was upset and - "

"I don't want to hear about how you went to a bar, got drunk, and let a girl you barely know give you that!" Viv pointed at the hickey on his neck.

"I wasn't thinking straight! Please!"

"I can't even look at you right now," Viv shook her head, beginning to make her way out of the kitchen. "I'm going to check on Abuela Marese,"

"Papa?" Vic looked at Victor hopefully. He sighed and shook his head.

"I'm sorry, son. We are both extremely disappointed in you. You are grounded," he stood up to go join Viv.

"For how long?" Vic asked in disbelief.

"A month," And with that, Victor left the room.

I felt kind of bad for Vic, even thought I was extremely mad at him. It was one thing for your parents to be angry at you, let alone them saying to your face that they are disappointed.

"You should have left a note or something. We were so worried," I whispered.

"Why do you care?" he spat at me. I flinched at his words and looked away. He knew I cared.

"She's been helping us out with your sorry ass," Mike angrily said, surprising me by sticking up for me. "C'mon Bonnie." I nodded and followed him out, leaving Vic alone.



"He's a dick," Mike shook his head, lighting up a cigarette and sitting on the ledge of the balcony.

"You're both dicks. Where do you even get it from? Your parents are lovely!" I was genuinely confused on how Mike and Vic were complete knob heads. Vivian and Victor were the most kind and caring people I know.

"I am not a dick!" Mike disagreed, kicking his long legs.

"Yes, you are," I countered, folding my arms and staring at him.

"No I'm not,"

"Bullshit," I snapped. "If you weren't a dick then you wouldn't of done that stupid bet with Austin!"

"Are you still going on about that?!" Mike demanded. "It was a long time ago, get over it,"

"I'm not just going to get over it, Michael!" He looked at me shocked as I used his full name.

"I thought you were happy with Oli,"

"I am. I love him a lot, probably more than I should. But it still doesn't change the fact on how bad you hurt me. I was a mess, Mike. You were the first guy I've ever had proper feelings for, and I put my trust in you. Even when you seen my scars... you knew I was already hurting, but you continued with the bet anyway,"

"Bonnie..." I looked at the ground, fighting the tears that were pooling behind my eyes. I didn't want to cry over something so stupid.

"I'm sorry, Bon... I never thought of it that way. I was selfish. I do care about you... a lot. We all do. I'm so, so sorry. I'm not asking you to forgive me - hell, I don't forgive myself - All I'm asking is for you to accept my apology and know that I'm truly sorry," I sighed and looked up at him, biting my lip in thought.

"Give me a smoke," I said, stepping towards him.

"Oli hates it when you smoke,"

"I know. What he doesn't know won't hurt him." I shrugged. Mike hesitantly reached into his back pocket and pulled out the tin of ready-rolled cigarettes and put one in my mouth, motioning me closer with his finger. I stood in between his legs as he leaned forward, lighting my cigarette with his own. Once the end of mine was alight, I sat on the ledge of the balcony beside him, taking a long drag before letting it out, watching the smoke curl around in the morning air before completely disappearing.

Why does life have to be so difficult?



September 14, 11:42am, 2003

It's going to be another boring day of doing absolutely nothing, I can feel it already.

*****

After writing my journal entry 45 minutes ago, I was correct.

For the past 3 days I have been lying in bed sick, which meant I was home from school and away from the boys. Stella was also in New York for a model shoot, so I had no one to keep me company.

Jaime and Kellin came over yesterday actually, but kept their distance and pretty much ran out the house when I told them I was sick because they didn't want to be near a "diseased person".

Way to make a girl feel great, guys.

"What are you doing?" I screamed and pretty sure jumped 5 feet in the air as the voice scared the living shit out of me.

"Oli! Don't do that!" I scolded him, closing my book and lying flat on my back as I waited for my heartbeat to go back to a regular pattern.

"Sorry, love," he chuckled, leaning in for a kiss. I quickly covered his mouth with my hand so he wouldn't get any closer.

"No kisses. I could get you sick,"

"Not just a tiny peck?" he frowned.

"Sorry babe, no can do," I laughed, immediately regretting it as I felt my throat burn again.

"You need to wear more clothes if you want to get better," Oli said, motioning to my Motley Crue shirt and black underwear I was wearing. "It's September and you're wearing next to nothing,"

"But it's to hot!" I groaned.

"At least get under the covers?" Oli begged.

"No," I crossed my arms and gave him a pout. It was far to hot to get under any blankets.

"Bonnie. I'm serious," He gave me a intimidating look and I shrunk back a bit, slowly sliding under the duvet.

"Good girl. Now I'm going to run you a bath and then I'll make you soup," he informed me, beginning to walk out the room.

"Wait, why aren't you in school?" I asked, remembering that it was in fact a school day and Oli should definitely be in class.

"My girl always comes first!" he called back, having already left. I laughed and shook my head, trying to ignore the heat on my cheeks as he called me his girl.

"This is the first and last time you're ditching school for me, Oliver!" I shouted.

"We'll see! Now stop yelling before you fuck up your throat even more!"



September 18, 6:03am, 2003

I have finally gotten over being sick, and I am going back to school! I really shouldn't be excited, but I have been so bored that school sounds like the first place I want to be. I even want to see Hime and Kell, even if they ran out on me. I hope they aren't expecting me to be next to them while they're sick.

*****

"Bonnie!" I grinned and was pulled into a hug by Tony, him almost tackling me to the ground. "I haven't seen you in ages!"

"It's been a while, hasn't it?" I agreed, not really used to not talking to Tony for longer than 3 days. We always talked in some way.

"How's AC holding up?"

"I've been sick for over a week and I could have died, and you are asking how my pet turtle is? Wow, thanks a lot, Tone," I rolled my eyes playfully. "But to answer your question, he is doing fine. He's missing his Uncle Tony quite a lot though,"

"I knew he would," he shook his head, grabbing my arm and pulling me into the gym class. I seen the Volleyball nets and stopped.

"Oh hell to the fuck no," I let out.

I hated sport, which came to no surprise, but I absolutely despised Volleyball. It not only took me out, but also my team and they get mad at me all the time.

It's not my damn fault that I'm uncoordinated!

"You'll be fine. C'mon," Tony began leading me to the rest of our class, and to where the substitute teacher was marking the roll.

Perfect! Substitute teachers were the best as it makes it easier to ditch!

After telling the teacher I was here, I went into the changing room to change into my gym clothes before going back out to wait until I was put into my team.

Much to my dismay, the only person I talked to on my team was Mike, and I didn't even like him. But he is a great ditching buddy...

"Hey," I poked his shoulder.

"What do you want?" he rolled his eyes, looking down at me.

"After this round do you want to ditch?" I asked, ignoring the attitude he just gave me.

"What has gotten into you?" Mike raised his eyebrow.

"Just answer the damn question!"

"Fine! Okay!"

"Thank you." I sighed. After playing the game for a solid 12 minutes, we slipped out the fire exit in the gym when the new teacher wasn't looking, earning a very disappointed glance from Tony and Jaime.

"So... Why are you suddenly starting to ditch again?" Mike asked, both of us leaning against the cement wall of the school building.

"I just don't like Volleyball," I lied.

"Well, okay then," he shrugged, pulling out a cigarette.

"Can I have one?" I asked quickly.

"Why can't you get your own?" Mike complained, but handed me one all the same.

"Because I have just lost interest in smoking since I've been with Oli, I guess,"

"If you are going to start again you better get your own, princess. They are getting more expensive and harder to buy when you're a minor," he said as he lit both of our cigarettes.

"I know." I nodded. The unfortunate thing was that I could feel myself slipping back into my old habits. Ditching, smoking, drinking... I was beginning to not care. And I think the reason for that was because I didn't have Vic keeping me steady.

I didn't want to need him to keep me sane. I shouldn't of got so attached to a person who wanted me there in a completely different way.

Notes

I AM SO SO SO SO SORRY MY LOVES! I'VE JUST FELT SO AWKWARD UPDATING COS MY 2 BEST FRIENDS KNOW ABOUT THIS STORY NOW SO...

EMMA AND SARAH, IF YOU'RE READING THIS, I LOVE YOU, BUT FUCK YOU VERY MUCH.

I love all you guys though, so I've decided to "suck it up and hike up my skirt" (I'm Vic Fuentes bitches) and carried on.

ALSO, if you have Twitter I'd love to follow all you lovely readers. So follow me (@pxnkrockturtles) and tweet me 'Victor is a virgin" (Don't judge me, I like this saying a lot) and I'll follow you back as soon as I'm online! :D

Much love from my weirdo self, Taylor x