The Journal
Chapter 15.
6 March, 4:17pm, 2003
So, I'm about to go have a lovely chat with my father. This should be fun.
*****
"Umm, hey Dad," I waved awkwardly.
"Bonnie. Please, sit down," I did as he said, and started drumming my fingers on my knee.
"I thought this ditching classes thing had stopped," he told me.
"It has! It was just a few classes," I mumbled.
"Just a few classes? Bonnie, you've missed 3 classes just this week!"
"Yeah, and only 3 the week before! Atleast it's not like last year!"
"You can't keep skipping classes! What about your future, huh? What are you going to do?"
"Art and photography," I stated proudly.
"Sorry honey, but that's not going to get you anywhere," Dad shook his head.
"If I believe it, I can do it," I snapped.
"Do you atleast have a backup plan?"
"No. I won't give up on my dream, Dad. I don't want to have a boring, stay at home or go to the office career. I don't want to be like you!"
"I want you to stay away from those boys," he finally said.
"What? Why?! I thought you liked them!"
"They've turned you into a stupid teenager who believes her dream career is going to become true! They aren't going to make it into successful bands, and your not going to make it in photography and art. It's the truth Bonnie! Now stay away from them,"
"Fuck you!" I hissed, turning towards the stairs. "I will not stay away from them. Maybe they are the only people stopping me from joining Mom." And just like that, it was like he was suddenly slapped in the face. But I didn't care.
I ran into my room with tears in my eyes, slamming the door behind me. I hurriedly opened my drawer and pulled out my blade, sitting on my bed and placing it on the scarred skin of my wrist.
"Promise me you will never hurt yourself like this again."
I promised Vic, I thought to myself.
I sighed in defeat before placing it back in the drawer. That's one thing I fear the most: Vic being disappointed in me.
I don't know why that's such a big fear of mine, but Vic's opinion on me means the world to me. If Vic cut again, I know I'll be disappointed in him. I wiped my eyes and sat on the floor, putting my head in between my legs and letting the sobs take over my body.
*****
"Honey, please. Listen to me," Mom put her hand on my tear stained cheek.
"No! Leave me alone!" I roughly pushed her hand off me.
"I have to go. It's what I have to do," she sadly smiled.
"Why do you always leave me?! Don't leave me alone with him!" I cried.
"I'll be back on Friday," Mom sighed, stepping away from me.
"I hate you," I glared at her.
"You have every reason to Baby. But I love you." And she left me alone. Again.
*****
I woke up with a jump and I realised I had fallen asleep on the floor. I often had that nightmare when I though about Mom to much. The last thing I told her was that I hated her. That is my biggest regret, because I can't take that back.
9 March, 4:45pm, 2003
Tonight I'm having dinner with the Fuentes'. I'm excited, cos I get to see Viv and Victor again, and also catch up with Vic again outside of school.
******
"Hey Chica," Mike greeted when I sat in the passenger seat of his car.
"Hey," I smiled, leaning over and pecking his lips.
"You look nice," he commented, reversing out of my driveway.
"Thanks. You don't look to shabby yourself," I winked. He laughed and grabbed my hand with his spare one.
We arrived at his house and he opened the car door for me before helping me out. We both know I didn't need it, but it was nice. We walked onto his porch and Mike opened the door, stepping aside.
"Ladies first," he smiled.
"Then you should go in first,"
"Why do I even try being a gentleman with you?" Mike rolled his eyes, pushing me in lightly. I laughed and walked into the kitchen where Viv was.
"Mama!" I greeted. She turned around with a big smile and pulled me into a hug,
"Bonnie! How are you Querida?" she asked when she let me go.
"Great thanks! And yourself?"
"I'm good. Would you mind getting the plates out for me?"
"Of course not," I smiled, walking over to the cupboard and grabbing the plates.
"Chicken Quesadillas?" I asked hopefully.
"Yes, chicken Quesadillas," Viv laughed. "I made them just for you. I know they're your favourite,"
"Thank you!" I grinned, beginning to set the table.
"Oh Mama! Making our guest set the table, are we?" Vic asked playfully, walking into the kitchen. He walked over to me and kissed my cheek before sitting at a seat.
"Guest? She's around here enough to live here," Victor laughed, joining Vic at the table,
"You love me though Papa," I winked at him.
"Sady," he jokingly looked down at his empty plate.
"I smell chicken quesadillas!" Mike ran into the kitchen with no shirt on and sat at the table eagerly.
"Yep. It's 6:15pm now, so they should be ready," Viv opened the oven door with her oven mitts and took out the tray of steaming hot quesadillas, and placed them onto a big plate. My mouth was pretty much watering at the sight of them. I sat beside Mike and waited eagerly for the plate to be placed in the centre of the table. As soon as it did, Mike and I snatched One from the plate and began eating like we haven't been fed in months.
"WAIT!" Mike suddenly yelled, making us all jump. "It needs hot sauce!" He stood up and grabbed the hot sauce from the top shelf with no effort whatsoever, and sat back down, drowning the poor, innocent quesadilla in the gross hot stuff.
"What?" Mike asked me when he seen my disgusted face.
"How can you eat so much of that?"
"Because I'm Mexican. Duh," he rolled his eyes and opened his mouth, dripping hot sauce in straight from the bottle. I gave him an even more disgusted look and he smirked.
"You should try some Bon," Vic said.
"No way," I shook my head.
"Go on! Mike, do it," Vic encouraged.
"Open your mouth!" Mike sung. I clasped my hand over my mouth tightly and shook my head.
"C'mon Bonnie. You should try it. It's not that bad," Oh, so Victor was joining in now? Thanks Papa.
"Okay," I sighed, opening my mouth.
"Wait up, I have to record this!" Vic stood up and grabbed a camera before turning it on and making it face me. "And go," I glared at him before opening my mouth. Mike lowered the bottle and squeezed it, making 3 drops land on my tongue. It actually tasted good.
"This actually tastes alri - OH MY GOD MY MOUTH IS ON FIRE!" I yelled, opening my mouth and fanning it. This isn't working. Everyone started hysterically laughing. I'M FUCKING DYING AND THEY ARE LAUGHING AT ME!
I quickly stood up and ran over to the sink, turning on the tap and sticking my mouth under it.
"Don't do that! You'll make it -" Vic was cut off by my scream. "- Worse,"
"Drink milk!" Viv laughed, wiping a stray tear from her eye. I quickly grabbed a glass and the milk from the fridge and lured some into the glass, spilling a little bit because my hands were so shaky. I downed the glass in 3 big mouthfuls and sighed in relief when the burning had gone away.
"Never again." I said, sitting back down at the table and pushing the hot sauce away from my quesadilla.
*****
"Aww look at her face!" I heard Alan say when I reached our table. The were all laughing and I raised my eyebrow before sitting next to Matt and looking to see what they were laughing at. Vic had his camera out and was playing the video of me eating hot sauce from last night. You have got to be kidding me.
"Vic! Please delete that!" I groaned in frustration.
"Oh no, I'm planning to keep this for a long, long time," he snickers.
"I hate you. So much,"
"I bet you hate the hot sauce more though, right?" Kellin asked me with a smirk. I responded by pulling the finger at him.
"So, umm... I was wondering if you would like to go see a movie with me tonight?" Oli asked me nervously when the others were still distracted by the video.
"Of course! What do you want to see?" I smiled.
"Umm, I was thinking Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. What do you think?"
"Oh my god yes! I've been wanting to see that forever!"
"Cool! I'll pick you up at 6, okay?"
"Okay." I smiled.
"Do I look okay?" I asked myself in the mirror. I was wearing black skinny jeans. A white Steve Tyler singlet and brown ankle boots. I was wearing simple makeup and my hair tied up in a high ponytail. Since it was still quite hot out. I was going to just take a leather jacket with me incase it gets colder. I know I will never be satisfied with myself, so I sighed, hoping I looked good enough.
I heard a knock on my front door so I collected my wallet and phone before putting them into my jean pockets. Who wants to carry around an annoying purse when you have jeans? I grabbed my leather jacket and turned lights out on the way down as Dad was out. I opened the front door and Oli stood there, looking handsome in his tight white shirt and black jeans. He also has a leather jacket, open to see his shirt. He looked me up and down with a nervous smile.
"We match,"
"We so." I laughed, Locking the door. I took his hand and jumped into the backseat of his Dad's car and he joined me.
"Hey Ian," I waved at his dad.
"Hey Bonnie. Nice to see you again," he smiled.
"You too,"
"Hello!" the young boy In the passenger seat waved at me.
"That's my little brother Tom. He's 13," Oli said.
"Hey Tom!" I smiled. On the drive to the movies, I learnt that Tom was not shy like his brother, but quite loud and open about his feelings. He even yelled at a man out the window because he had a cool moustache.
"I'm very sorry about him," Oli apologised to me when we were in line for food. He wanted to pay for everything tonight, but we compromised that I will buy the tickets and he will buy food.
"It's okay. He's funny," I laughed.
"Well, what do you want?" he asked.
"Medium coke and MnMs please," I smiled.
"Sure," he smiled back. "You want to share a big popcorn?" I nodded and he went up to the cashier.
"Could I please get 2 medium cokes, 1 large popcorn, a bag of MnMs and an ice-cream," The lady told him the price and went and got everything after he had paid.
"Enjoy your movie. You two make a great couple." She smiled before talking to the next customer. Oli and I looked at each other with slight blushes before walking into the theatre after giving the ticket man our tickets.
-------
"That was amazing!" Oli said when the movie had finished.
"I know! Wasn't Johnny just sexy?"
"Umm, no?"
"Yes he was, don't lie,"
"Bonnie!" I looked up and seen Stella approaching us.
"Hey!" I hugged her. "Oli, this is Stella, Kellin's cousin. Stella, Oli," I introduced the two. Oli politely shook her hand and didn't even glimpse at her chest. Well done boy, I'm impressed.
"So I'm having a party on Friday. It's my birthday. And I was going to get Kellin to invite you all tomorrow. But since your here, would you like to go?" Stella asked with a smile.
"Yeah sure! What about you Oli?"
"Yeah. Why not?" he smiled.
"Sweet. I'll text you the details. Bye Bon, bye Oli! It was nice meeting you!" she skipped off.
"Thank you for coming our with me," Oli said when we were outside my door.
"No. It was fun. We have to do it again sometime," I smiled.
"Of course. Goodnight,"
"Goodnight Oli." He pulled me into his chest and I wrapped my arms around him, inhaling his scent. It was just so.... Oli. He pressed a long kiss to my cheek before heading back to his Dads car. I went back inside and slid my back against the door, sitting on the ground. I places my hand on the cheek that he kissed, which seemed to be burning hot and tingly. What is going on with me?
So, I'm about to go have a lovely chat with my father. This should be fun.
*****
"Umm, hey Dad," I waved awkwardly.
"Bonnie. Please, sit down," I did as he said, and started drumming my fingers on my knee.
"I thought this ditching classes thing had stopped," he told me.
"It has! It was just a few classes," I mumbled.
"Just a few classes? Bonnie, you've missed 3 classes just this week!"
"Yeah, and only 3 the week before! Atleast it's not like last year!"
"You can't keep skipping classes! What about your future, huh? What are you going to do?"
"Art and photography," I stated proudly.
"Sorry honey, but that's not going to get you anywhere," Dad shook his head.
"If I believe it, I can do it," I snapped.
"Do you atleast have a backup plan?"
"No. I won't give up on my dream, Dad. I don't want to have a boring, stay at home or go to the office career. I don't want to be like you!"
"I want you to stay away from those boys," he finally said.
"What? Why?! I thought you liked them!"
"They've turned you into a stupid teenager who believes her dream career is going to become true! They aren't going to make it into successful bands, and your not going to make it in photography and art. It's the truth Bonnie! Now stay away from them,"
"Fuck you!" I hissed, turning towards the stairs. "I will not stay away from them. Maybe they are the only people stopping me from joining Mom." And just like that, it was like he was suddenly slapped in the face. But I didn't care.
I ran into my room with tears in my eyes, slamming the door behind me. I hurriedly opened my drawer and pulled out my blade, sitting on my bed and placing it on the scarred skin of my wrist.
"Promise me you will never hurt yourself like this again."
I promised Vic, I thought to myself.
I sighed in defeat before placing it back in the drawer. That's one thing I fear the most: Vic being disappointed in me.
I don't know why that's such a big fear of mine, but Vic's opinion on me means the world to me. If Vic cut again, I know I'll be disappointed in him. I wiped my eyes and sat on the floor, putting my head in between my legs and letting the sobs take over my body.
*****
"Honey, please. Listen to me," Mom put her hand on my tear stained cheek.
"No! Leave me alone!" I roughly pushed her hand off me.
"I have to go. It's what I have to do," she sadly smiled.
"Why do you always leave me?! Don't leave me alone with him!" I cried.
"I'll be back on Friday," Mom sighed, stepping away from me.
"I hate you," I glared at her.
"You have every reason to Baby. But I love you." And she left me alone. Again.
*****
I woke up with a jump and I realised I had fallen asleep on the floor. I often had that nightmare when I though about Mom to much. The last thing I told her was that I hated her. That is my biggest regret, because I can't take that back.
9 March, 4:45pm, 2003
Tonight I'm having dinner with the Fuentes'. I'm excited, cos I get to see Viv and Victor again, and also catch up with Vic again outside of school.
******
"Hey Chica," Mike greeted when I sat in the passenger seat of his car.
"Hey," I smiled, leaning over and pecking his lips.
"You look nice," he commented, reversing out of my driveway.
"Thanks. You don't look to shabby yourself," I winked. He laughed and grabbed my hand with his spare one.
We arrived at his house and he opened the car door for me before helping me out. We both know I didn't need it, but it was nice. We walked onto his porch and Mike opened the door, stepping aside.
"Ladies first," he smiled.
"Then you should go in first,"
"Why do I even try being a gentleman with you?" Mike rolled his eyes, pushing me in lightly. I laughed and walked into the kitchen where Viv was.
"Mama!" I greeted. She turned around with a big smile and pulled me into a hug,
"Bonnie! How are you Querida?" she asked when she let me go.
"Great thanks! And yourself?"
"I'm good. Would you mind getting the plates out for me?"
"Of course not," I smiled, walking over to the cupboard and grabbing the plates.
"Chicken Quesadillas?" I asked hopefully.
"Yes, chicken Quesadillas," Viv laughed. "I made them just for you. I know they're your favourite,"
"Thank you!" I grinned, beginning to set the table.
"Oh Mama! Making our guest set the table, are we?" Vic asked playfully, walking into the kitchen. He walked over to me and kissed my cheek before sitting at a seat.
"Guest? She's around here enough to live here," Victor laughed, joining Vic at the table,
"You love me though Papa," I winked at him.
"Sady," he jokingly looked down at his empty plate.
"I smell chicken quesadillas!" Mike ran into the kitchen with no shirt on and sat at the table eagerly.
"Yep. It's 6:15pm now, so they should be ready," Viv opened the oven door with her oven mitts and took out the tray of steaming hot quesadillas, and placed them onto a big plate. My mouth was pretty much watering at the sight of them. I sat beside Mike and waited eagerly for the plate to be placed in the centre of the table. As soon as it did, Mike and I snatched One from the plate and began eating like we haven't been fed in months.
"WAIT!" Mike suddenly yelled, making us all jump. "It needs hot sauce!" He stood up and grabbed the hot sauce from the top shelf with no effort whatsoever, and sat back down, drowning the poor, innocent quesadilla in the gross hot stuff.
"What?" Mike asked me when he seen my disgusted face.
"How can you eat so much of that?"
"Because I'm Mexican. Duh," he rolled his eyes and opened his mouth, dripping hot sauce in straight from the bottle. I gave him an even more disgusted look and he smirked.
"You should try some Bon," Vic said.
"No way," I shook my head.
"Go on! Mike, do it," Vic encouraged.
"Open your mouth!" Mike sung. I clasped my hand over my mouth tightly and shook my head.
"C'mon Bonnie. You should try it. It's not that bad," Oh, so Victor was joining in now? Thanks Papa.
"Okay," I sighed, opening my mouth.
"Wait up, I have to record this!" Vic stood up and grabbed a camera before turning it on and making it face me. "And go," I glared at him before opening my mouth. Mike lowered the bottle and squeezed it, making 3 drops land on my tongue. It actually tasted good.
"This actually tastes alri - OH MY GOD MY MOUTH IS ON FIRE!" I yelled, opening my mouth and fanning it. This isn't working. Everyone started hysterically laughing. I'M FUCKING DYING AND THEY ARE LAUGHING AT ME!
I quickly stood up and ran over to the sink, turning on the tap and sticking my mouth under it.
"Don't do that! You'll make it -" Vic was cut off by my scream. "- Worse,"
"Drink milk!" Viv laughed, wiping a stray tear from her eye. I quickly grabbed a glass and the milk from the fridge and lured some into the glass, spilling a little bit because my hands were so shaky. I downed the glass in 3 big mouthfuls and sighed in relief when the burning had gone away.
"Never again." I said, sitting back down at the table and pushing the hot sauce away from my quesadilla.
*****
"Aww look at her face!" I heard Alan say when I reached our table. The were all laughing and I raised my eyebrow before sitting next to Matt and looking to see what they were laughing at. Vic had his camera out and was playing the video of me eating hot sauce from last night. You have got to be kidding me.
"Vic! Please delete that!" I groaned in frustration.
"Oh no, I'm planning to keep this for a long, long time," he snickers.
"I hate you. So much,"
"I bet you hate the hot sauce more though, right?" Kellin asked me with a smirk. I responded by pulling the finger at him.
"So, umm... I was wondering if you would like to go see a movie with me tonight?" Oli asked me nervously when the others were still distracted by the video.
"Of course! What do you want to see?" I smiled.
"Umm, I was thinking Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. What do you think?"
"Oh my god yes! I've been wanting to see that forever!"
"Cool! I'll pick you up at 6, okay?"
"Okay." I smiled.
"Do I look okay?" I asked myself in the mirror. I was wearing black skinny jeans. A white Steve Tyler singlet and brown ankle boots. I was wearing simple makeup and my hair tied up in a high ponytail. Since it was still quite hot out. I was going to just take a leather jacket with me incase it gets colder. I know I will never be satisfied with myself, so I sighed, hoping I looked good enough.
I heard a knock on my front door so I collected my wallet and phone before putting them into my jean pockets. Who wants to carry around an annoying purse when you have jeans? I grabbed my leather jacket and turned lights out on the way down as Dad was out. I opened the front door and Oli stood there, looking handsome in his tight white shirt and black jeans. He also has a leather jacket, open to see his shirt. He looked me up and down with a nervous smile.
"We match,"
"We so." I laughed, Locking the door. I took his hand and jumped into the backseat of his Dad's car and he joined me.
"Hey Ian," I waved at his dad.
"Hey Bonnie. Nice to see you again," he smiled.
"You too,"
"Hello!" the young boy In the passenger seat waved at me.
"That's my little brother Tom. He's 13," Oli said.
"Hey Tom!" I smiled. On the drive to the movies, I learnt that Tom was not shy like his brother, but quite loud and open about his feelings. He even yelled at a man out the window because he had a cool moustache.
"I'm very sorry about him," Oli apologised to me when we were in line for food. He wanted to pay for everything tonight, but we compromised that I will buy the tickets and he will buy food.
"It's okay. He's funny," I laughed.
"Well, what do you want?" he asked.
"Medium coke and MnMs please," I smiled.
"Sure," he smiled back. "You want to share a big popcorn?" I nodded and he went up to the cashier.
"Could I please get 2 medium cokes, 1 large popcorn, a bag of MnMs and an ice-cream," The lady told him the price and went and got everything after he had paid.
"Enjoy your movie. You two make a great couple." She smiled before talking to the next customer. Oli and I looked at each other with slight blushes before walking into the theatre after giving the ticket man our tickets.
-------
"That was amazing!" Oli said when the movie had finished.
"I know! Wasn't Johnny just sexy?"
"Umm, no?"
"Yes he was, don't lie,"
"Bonnie!" I looked up and seen Stella approaching us.
"Hey!" I hugged her. "Oli, this is Stella, Kellin's cousin. Stella, Oli," I introduced the two. Oli politely shook her hand and didn't even glimpse at her chest. Well done boy, I'm impressed.
"So I'm having a party on Friday. It's my birthday. And I was going to get Kellin to invite you all tomorrow. But since your here, would you like to go?" Stella asked with a smile.
"Yeah sure! What about you Oli?"
"Yeah. Why not?" he smiled.
"Sweet. I'll text you the details. Bye Bon, bye Oli! It was nice meeting you!" she skipped off.
"Thank you for coming our with me," Oli said when we were outside my door.
"No. It was fun. We have to do it again sometime," I smiled.
"Of course. Goodnight,"
"Goodnight Oli." He pulled me into his chest and I wrapped my arms around him, inhaling his scent. It was just so.... Oli. He pressed a long kiss to my cheek before heading back to his Dads car. I went back inside and slid my back against the door, sitting on the ground. I places my hand on the cheek that he kissed, which seemed to be burning hot and tingly. What is going on with me?
this is really good. Im in the middle of class and about to burst out laughing
3/6/15