One Moment

I mindlessly watched as I dragged my fork around in small circles through my pasta, head resting on my hand, sensitive eyes burning from the brightness of the lamp hanging above us.

"Hazel?" A hand waved in front of my face, catching my attention and making me snap out of my numb trance. "Huh?" I sat up straight.

"We've only been trying to get your attention for the past year, everything okay?" Vic asked from across the table.

"Yeah, not hungry, that's all," I said as I set my fork down with disgust, not sure why I even still came to this dinner. Don't get me wrong, I love hanging out with these guys, but I can't find the will to enjoy them tonight, which I was really hoping I would to get my mind off things.

"Can I get you guys anything else?" The waitress came back over to the table, looking around. Vic and Kellin both said no, but I held my hand up, signaling I wanted something. "Get me a glass of your best whiskey."

The waitress nodded and walked away, but Vic and Kellin's eyes were glued onto me. "Not hungry, but thirsty for something strong, I see.." Kellin started. "Seriously, what's goin on?"

"Nothin," I gave them a weak smirk. "Not allowed to have a bad day?"

"Sure you are, but you're acting different, Haze," Vic now added.

"I'm fine," I said through clenched teeth, my voice cracked, but I still tried to give them a smile after. It obviously wasn't convincing enough, but before they could question it, the waitress came back with my booze. I gladly took it and thanked her, starting to down it right away, loving the burn on my throat. "I'm sorry," I sighed, setting my drink down. "I'm obviously bumming your guys' mood.. Maybe I should just leave.." I turned in my seat, wanting to get up and stop being a stupid party pooper, but Kellin's hand on my wrist stopped me. "Hey, no, sit your butt back down."

"But-"

"Sit."

I sighed and gave in, plopping back down. "What's up?" They both asked, waiting patiently for my answer.

"Really, I'm fine. I just have got like 4 hours of sleep total the past few nights, and I guess I turn into a bitch when I'm tired." Not fully a lie...

Vic chuckled and reached over, putting his hand on mine. "Go back to your bus, get some sleep."

"Are you sure? This was supposed to be our fun night out and I ruined it.."

"No, you're fine!" He chuckled. "Don't worry about us, take care of yourself first."

I gave them a small smile, "you guys rock."

"We know." They both said, making me laugh lightly. I stood up, sliding on my jacket, Vic and Kellin standing up as well. I first gave Kellin a hug. "Promise me something," he said when we pulled away, making me arch an eyebrow at him. "Don't go back and drink, you'll only regret it in the morning."

I smiled and nodded, trying not to show in my face that that was exactly my plan. "Okay, thanks Kell."

He gave me his best smile and I gave him a kiss on the cheek before I went and gave Vic a hug first. "Take care of yourself," he said again to me, then pulled away. I nodded, then remembered something, "wait, here," I held out some money for my meal, but Vic pushed it back. "You're fineeeeee," he exaggerated. "Now go home," he laughed and gave me one more quick hug.

I sighed, gave him too a quick kiss on the cheek, then turned to leave, waving at them both before I went out into the chilly night air. As soon as I was out of their view, my posture slumped and the fake expression on my face was completely gone, no longer trying to put myself in a better mood now that I'm alone again.

We stayed super close to the park, so my walk back wasn't going to be an agonizing one, but I walked as slow as I could possibly manage, trying to hard to put off seeing everyone right now. But, when I walked back into the park we were at, I knew I couldn't avoid it. Well, not everyone at least.

&&&&&&&&&&&

I was walking, I'm not sure where, but I was alone.

It was dark, no stars, just the glow of the street lights above me. Not a sound, not a noise, not even a chirp of a cricket. That is until suddenly I was walking onto stage, my crowd all there. Behind me was my band, too, nothing out of the norm, except that no one was making noise, either, not even a peep.

I pulled my hand out of my coat pocket, finding that I was gripping onto a microphone. I brought it up to my mouth, trying to start to sing, but yet again, not a sound came out. I had no voice so I brought the mike back down, just staring off into the crowd, waiting for something to happen.

"You're worthless!" A fan called out, but it wasn't just a fan, it was Mark.

"You stupid bitch!" Mark again. "You don't deserve anyone!"

I tried to yell back, to scream at him, feeling safer far away from him on the stage while he was in the crowd, but the words weren't coming out, reminding me of every time I wanted to tell him off years ago, but couldn't bring myself to spit out the profanities, them getting caught in my throat along with the sobs, just like now. "Why are you so selfish? Stop crying!" Mark's voice was closer now, making me spin around, noticing he took Sammy's place. Fear struck again, but I still tried to scream at him. To tell him that I hated him. That he ruined me. That I wished he had died. But I failed. "You should be in the hospital, not me." Mark now took Izzy's place. "It would be better that way."

I spun around to see Mark now at Kush's place, smirking his evil smile at me. "No one deserves you. Austin doesn't deserve you!" At this point just a normal scream would be nice to hear coming out of my lips. "You're just like the rest of his girlfriends, using him... keeping him by your side to give you some WORTH... To make you more popular, huh? Or just for a shoulder to self loathe on?.. I bet you don't tell him about me because you can't lose your little fuck buddy. You selfish bitch."

"I LOVE AUSTIN YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!" My screams finally broke through the barrier that was surrounding my mouth, but when they did, I was alone again. Outside on that dark street.

*

I shot straight up in my bunk, sweeting and panting from my dream, or nightmare? I had taken some sleeping pills when I got back from the dinner last night, but maybe I accidentally took one too many? Or maybe they just give me weird dreams in general when teamed up with booze?

I got up from my bed a little frantically, tears still streaming down my face as I let my feet carry me out to the main room of the bus. Sammy must still be in bed because he wasn't out here giving me protests or questions as I stumbled out of the bus. It wasn't dark like in my dream, but the sun had barely risen as I started running to the Of Mice and Men bus.

Again, I don't know what I'm doing, but I need Austin. I need to scream on the top of my lungs how much I care about him, how stupid I've been, and I need him to know the 4000 pound weight of my secrets resting on my shoulders. No more fucking bullshitting this.

When I got closer to their bus I ran faster, seeing a figure out side, but noticing it wasn't Austin. "Haze?" Alan turned around, trying to see what was up. I was still running full force towards him, ready to sprint right up into his bus, but he ran over and caught me, holding me back. "Where's Austin? I-I need to talk to Austin," I cried.

"Austin's not here, what's going on?" He asked, trying to find my eyes.

"He-He's not? Austin's not here?" I said, trying to breathe right again.

"No he left a little while ago," Alan's words sunk in a I gave up trying to battle his embrace, my weak knees giving out and I slumped onto the ground. "Hazel? Hey-woah," He bent down on the ground next to me, probably confused as all hell of why I was sitting there, a big mess, crying on the cement? "What's wrong?"

"I need to-to talk to Aust-Austin," I pointed at the bus where I hoped he'd be, but was apparently gone.

"He went out a little bit ago," Alan said and I just started to cry again. "Hey hey hey, don't cry," he came down next to me, trying to get me to look up at him. "I'm here. Talk to me... Talk to me, okay?"

I tried to breathe out between tears, hiccuping a little. Alan searched my face, watching as my lip quivered, trying to hold back more sobs. "I-I.. I had a bad dream."

Alan chuckled, almost in relief, but when my cries broke through again, he stopped and pulled me into his chest. "That bad?" He asked as I clung onto his shirt, nodding. Any kind of memory with Mark was horrible. "Come on, let's get you off the ground," Alan said, standing up, bringing me with him. I leaned on my friend as he led me up into his bus. "W-Where is everyone?" I asked, noticing it was empty.

"Phil and Tino went to get breakfast, I think Aaron went to call his girlfriend, and I don't really know where Austin went," Alan said truthfully, making me whimper. "He'll be back soon," he reassured me.

"I need to talk to him, Alan."

"Later. Right now you're going in my bunk to catch up on sleep," Alan led me back in the bus. I didn't protest as I hopped up inside, laying down and facing him as he leaned against the wall. "What was your dream about, Haze?"

I huffed and rolled onto my back. "Oh no you don't, Haze. Don't ignore me now. Tell me all your problems." Alan moved from the wall to the side of the bunk, leaning on the cushion.

"You don't want to hear."

"Like hell I don't, Haze. I know like nothing about you, really. You're still one of my besties," he nudged my shoulder. "But you've gotta start opening up, what can it hurt?"

I sighed. "I know.. But, what if you hate me? Or Austin does too?" I looked up at him.

"What? I can't just hate you. Neither can Aust. So stop talking like that, alright? Now, what's this all about?"

"Promise you won't hate me until I explain at least?"

"Pinky promise," Alan stuck his pinky out, which I reached up and locked mine with. "...Mark," was all I said, my voice shaky.

"..Mark?" Alan repeated, searching his head for who that could be, once it hit him. Austin must have told him all about it, they are best friends. "The guy who Austin thought you were married too?" He raised his eyebrows and I nodded, biting my lip and looking away for a minute again. "Okay, so your ex husband. You had a bad dream about him..?" he clarified, but when I didn't nod or answer him, he gave me a suspicious look. "What aren't you telling me, Haz- Wait. This guy is your ex, right?"

I gulped, and turned back to Alan, the look in my wide eyes answering him. "What the hell are you talking about?" He asked, even though I didn't say anything. "Austin knows this, right?" Again I didn't answer, giving him what he needed. "You're kidding.." He rubbed his hands over his face.

"I-I tried telling him, I did. I really did. But he misunderstood me and then I couldn't find the right time and-and," I babbled on quickly, trying so hard to explain.

"The right time, Hazel?! I think anytime is good, really," He scoffed.

"I came here to tell him, but-but he's not here," I started. "I'm not even with him, really.. My husband.."

"Well no shit, you're here with us," Alan rolled his eyes.

"That.. That's not what I meant," I stammered, but then cut myself off with a yawn.

Alan sighed, "okay, okay. When Austin gets back you're talking, from the beginning, no bullshit, alright?" He asked and I nodded. "I trust you, Haze. But all you had to do was talk to us, you didn't have to freak yourself out," he softened his voice.

"It's not that easy.." I stuttered in.

"Yes, Haze, it is!" Alan chuckled. "Austin's a good guy, he'll do his best to understand as long as you promise to not keep shit from any of us. Especially nothing like this." Again, I nodded. "Try to get a little more sleep until Austin's back, but when you wake up, you're spilling everything."

"Okay," I mumbled and this time Alan nodded, backing up. "Hey Alan?" I got his attention back. "Thanks."

"No problem, Haze. Husband or not, I love your sorry ass," he chuckled and I gave him a smile, watching as he left the room. I sighed once he was gone, how am I supposed to get any sleep waiting for Austin right now? When I wake up, it will be the real moment of truth.

Notes

short chapter, mostly a filler for the next. A little bit more Alan bonding time(: Plus some Kellin and Vic!!

Will things come out? The moment of truth?? How will Austin react?
I'm not trying to make Hazel out as a bad person, just a struggling one! I hope you all love her as much as I do:)

ANd Thank you for all the commenters, I love you ALL and appreciate your comments!<3 I'm super glad you guys are enjoying this!