Austin's P.O.V

It seemed that no matter how hard I tried to convince myself that this wasn't forever, that being confined to this godforsaken chair would not be the end of my life, I had failed. I forced a smile to Oli, trying not to show my frustration; he pouted, coming closer and wrapping his arms around my neck.

"Let's go home." he whispered, pecking me quickly on the cheek, I nodded, trying my hardest to not brake down and cry. He slipped away from me, taking the back of the chair by the handles and pushing, we made our way out of the horrid hospital, and for that I was thankful. Oli had commanded the guys to go to their houses for the next few days, save for Tom who was invited to live with us, Matt as well, for the times when he decides not to go all the way to Florida.

"Be right back, I'm getting the car." he stated, bending down and kissing my cheek, I sighed, watching him jog lightly to the parking lot. Oli driving was scary enough, I don't recall ever letting him drive when we hung out, not because I doubted his ability too, I just felt it was more gentlemanly on my part, to do all the driving. I diverted my eyes downward to my lap, My phone was sitting on my thigh, vibrating about, but it wasn't like I felt that.

I reached down, grabbing the small device and clicking on the twitter icon, thousands of questions, concerns, etc, filled up my news feed. I frowned, clicking on the pen looking icon, and typing out,

"I'm alive, sorry for the scare! I will be making a video later explaining everything, for now, I'm going home with my lovely fiance, @olobersyko <3"

Explaining this to the fans would be difficult, I don't know how to put this situation into words, truly, I was devastated; but at the same time...this is what I deserved. I knew my past would catch up with me, but I didn't know how or when; it wasn't like the cops would figure out. No, I made sure of that fact, and having a few 'bad cops' as friends came in handy. I can't even recall who Jona's brother is, I had never even met Jona before! Who on earth could have said something? The only people who knew about me, were the guys, Oli, my dad, and a few friends and partners, a loud honk snapped me out of my thoughts.

I lifted my head up, locking my phone, and smiling as Oli, paraded over to me, " 'ight love, let's get ya in the car." he muttered, as if pondering himself, how he was going to do this.

"Oli, I can pull myself up, I have arms, I'm not completely useless." I grunted, the words came out a bit harsher then I would have liked, but he didn't say a word, instead, he pushed me closer to the car, opening the passenger door. I eyed the car's seat, trying to think of the best way to go about it, when I felt his arms on mine,

"Just let me-"

"NO."

I retorted, cutting him off, he frowned, nodding his head.

'Oh, Oli, I'm sorry for being so hateful.'

I wanted to tell him that, wanted to let him know that I was just depressed and felt pathetic, but my pride just wouldn't let me. I pushed myself forward in the wheelchair, cursing myself as my legs remained in place like anchors, Oli watched carefully, not intervening in my clear struggle. 'Okay, Austin, you can do this.' I used all my strength to push myself forward, but again, I couldn't even make it out of the chair, anger boiled in my blood.

"UGH WHY THE FUCK IS THIS SO HARD!" I screamed, trying again and again, and again, until I just didn't have the strength to try anymore, reluctantly, I bowed my head.

"Oli, baby...I can't do it." I mumbled, his lips were pressed to the top of my head in an instant, as his arms circled around me from behind.

"s'okay love, one day, 'ight?" I nodded my head, giving in and letting him wrap his arms around my waist, "Do you think you can lift me?" I asked, having to suppress the giggle that rose to my throat, despite all the sorrow and self pity I was feeling, the thought of Oli trying to pick me up was quite funny.

"Duh," he chided, before pulling upwards, and to my shock, he actually did it. I gasped slightly, as sure enough, he sat me down safely in the car, and fastened the safety belt.

"Told ya, you knob head." He joked, sticking his tongue out at me,

"I'm shocked! Your stronger than you look, babe!" I chimed back, giving him a smile, which he gladly returned. Oli shut the car door carefully, sliding my wheel chair in the back, before taking his spot at the drivers seat.

"You ready?" he asked in a tired voice, I just nodded my head, hoping we would make it home in one piece.


-&-


"Hey everyone, Austin Carlile here..." I waved awkwardly at the web cam Matt had set up, surprisingly Oli was a good driver, and we didn't get ourselves killed on the way here; which was something to be thankful for. I eyed the chat on my live feed, before returning to where I left off,

"Well I know you all have a ton of questions to ask me, so I'm going to try to answer them all in what I'm about to say..." I inhaled sharply, making eye contact with Oli who sat on the opposite side of the computer, with his brother and Matt, they all nodded in support.

"Well as you may or may not know, after our last show, we went to a bar to celebrate Oli's and my engagement, well one thing led to another, and I got into a small confrontation with a guy who has given Oli's brother a lot of shit in the past. So he thought the smartest thing to do would be...shoot me; well it didnt kill me, obviously, but I do have some bad news to go with it..." I trailed off, my eyes desperately searching for Oli's, he stood up, coming over and pulling a chair up beside me, grabbing my hand. I smiled at him, and squeezed back,

"The bullet broke several bones in my back, and caused severe nerve damage, so as of right now...I...I'm going to be in a wheelchair until my nerves can be repaired...so I'm paralyzed from the waist down, hopefully not forever...but...nothings for certain." I admitted, adverting my eyes from the camera and onto Oli's hand that was locked with mine,

"So, that being said, Austin is taking some time to focus on his health, he will also be having heart surgery in about two months; so this could be a long process or a short one, we aren't sure. We just ask for your support and understanding during this time, because, this is going to be a huge adjustment for him, and I think he just needs time to focus on getting out of this chair, and start walking again. I also, will be taking time off; so I don't have to leave his side, I apologize for any inconvenience my absence may cause, I just need to be with my Fiance at this time." Oli's speech made my heart lurch forward, how he was remaining so optimistic was beyond me, he was usually the one to lose it after anything like this happened. Seeing him this way, was a huge relief, he was doing what I used to do for him, just being there.

"Oli..." I whispered, feeling hot tears fall from my eyes, landing on our intertwined fingers, he leaned forward, kissing my head.

"Sh, everything s'okay, Love." he whispered, before pulling back and addressing the camera again,

"Thank you all so much for caring enough to watch this, you all are our family, so we will keep you updated as often as possible, maybe we can film something every week, just depending on how it's going." he offered, judging by the beeping sounds from the chat, that was more than okay with the fans. I wiped my eyes with my other hand, before facing the small device again,

"I will keep you all posted as far as doctors appointments, psychical therapy, check ups, and surgery goes. I have faith in the doctors taking care of me, so If they can't fix me, then nothing could, Oli and I thank you again for tuning in, we love you, and we will see you soon, hopefully." I clicked end on the camera, and watched as the screen fluttered to black, before exhaling sharply and letting the building tears fall from my eyes.

"Oli..." I cried out, reaching for him to sit with me, he carefully sat in my lap, and I wished nothing more than to be able to jump up and carry him around the house like we used too. Instead, I stayed confined, as he wrapped his arms around my neck, and buried his face in my neck, kissing it softly.

"Aussie, we will get through this, It's just going to be an adjustment for you, and I; but don't worry, we will get through it, together..." he kissed my skin again, making butterflies flip in my chest and stomach. I knew I was in love with Oli, that was certain years ago, but my feelings for him, had never been so strong as they were in this moment.

“I love you so much.” I choked out, wrapping my arms around him tightly, I heard Matt tell Tom to go with him to the kitchen, giving us some privacy.

“I love you too, more than you know.” he added, lifting himself up so his forehead rested on mine, he grinned, leaning downwards and capturing my lips under his. I pushed back, taking his bottom lip in between my teeth and tugging at it, he moaned slightly, before allowing me access.

It sucked, to know that this would usually drive me crazy, and I would have to make time so I could take him to our room, and spend the rest of the night tangled in bed together, but now, even though the spark was there, I couldn't even move a muscle. I couldn't even make love to my fiance, I couldn't do anything, but sit there, trying desperately to keep his warm lips on mine; but eventually he pulled away, gasping slightly for air. As soon as his lips left their spot on mine, It felt like the world was crashing down, he smiled brightly at me, but I couldn't find it in myself to fully return it.


-&-


“I need to piss.” Oli stated in a matter of fact tone, before jumping up off the couch and ducking into the hall to the bathroom. Matt and Tom were curled up on the recliner, and I was sitting in this damn wheelchair, next to the sofa. Matt had offered to help me to the couch to sit with Oli, but I didn't want to trouble him, plus I need to get used to this damn thing.

“Be right back,” I muttered, doing my best to turn around the couch, and into the hall, I had a weird feeling pitting in my gut, so I followed the way Oli had come, hoping it was just me being paranoid. A muffled noise came from behind the bathroom door, I brought myself as close as I could, pressing an ear to the oak door.

“Why him? Why couldn't it have been me? He doesn't deserve this, no matter what he did...he doesn't...I can’t stand to see him this way, He’s so sad...I can’t...It’s not fair, It’s just not fair...”

I heard the words even though it was quietly spoken, it struck me like lightning, and made sorrow fill my being. He was suffering, again, because of me. In the end, this was my fault, just like everything else, I pushed myself away from the door quietly, and towards the front door, Opening it enough to where I could get out, and I did just that.

Tino and Aaron had built a makeshift ramp for me, its thick wood squeaked as I slowly let the chair glide down it, before landing on solid ground. I didn't know where I was going, my judgement was fogged, tear stung my eyes like bees in an open wound, my heart felt..broken.

I pushed myself down the street, not looking back as I exited my neighborhood, my mind was astray with regret. If I had never invited Oli here that day, none of this would have happened. If Oli had gotten on the right bus, he would have been saved the pain of meeting me. I had caused him so much agony, so much intense pain, I had broken his heart too many times to count,I had gotten him shot. I had left him, even though he asked me too, I shouldn't have, I have yelled at him, I should have treated him better...I should...

I shouldn't be here, I shouldn't even be allowed to exist, I was an absolute disgrace, and I was selfish enough to ask a perfect fucking person to throw their life away and marry me, and now I knew, he regretted saying yes. If I truly loved him, I wouldn't have done these things, did I love him? Yes, I always will, I did believe that he was my soul mate, really...but, I was no good for him. He was everything I wasn't, beautiful, charming, witty, cunning, talented, radiant, just...perfect. I was broken, a mess, fucked up in the head, and a cold blooded killer, I was nothing he needed, nothing he deserved.

Without even knowing it, I had come to the place were this all began, the bus station. I slipped around the side of the building, pushing myself to the back, and to my shock, was part of the roaring river that I had once Jumped in after Oli, I frowned at the thought.

After edging my chair impossibly close to the edge of the small cliff, I closed my eyes, breathing in the scent of the crashing waves, the cold night air, and something...familiar. I blinked, as arms snaked around my neck, and someone’s head plopped down on mine, they kissed it softly, I relaxed into the embrace, before tilting my head up, and locking my eyes with hazel ones, Oli. He brushed loose hair from my eyes, before kissing my forehead, and breathing in deeply,

“I don't mind it, I don't mind if you're overrated
Or if you're staring at the edge of the world.
Keep in mind that I'm a sore eye with blurry vision.
But I can see it has to be your love that I've been dreaming of.
And if we climb this high, I swear we'll never die.”

“Oli...why are you here?” I whispered, biting my lips in a feeble attempt to keep the tears back, he didn't try to fight his, they dripped off his cheeks and onto my skin.

“I heard the front door close, so I went out there, and saw you leaving...so I followed you...can’t have you getting into trouble.” He stated, closing his eyes peacefully, as a wind gust wrapped around us.

“I know you heard me in the bathroom, and I hope you know that I’m just mad at the world, Austin. It’s like...nothing can ever be normal for us...” his voice trailed off, and It felt like my heart was going to snap in two, “but...whenever I’m with you, everything else at least goes away...at least...for awhile.” he added with a smile, “No matter what, it’s me and you; I know this is hard, its hard on me too...but let’s get through it and not give up. We can make it past this and live in better days, right?” I finally stopped trying to hold the floodgate back, I nodded, eyes clouding over with tears, which were quickly swept away by Oli’s thumb.

“For better or for worse.” Oli added, kissing my cheek, I reached up, taking his face in my hands and straining to plant a chaste kiss on his lips, he eagerly returned it.

“For better or for worse.” I agreed.

Notes

Oh my god, the american dream tour <3
asdfghjkl. any one of my lovely readers going? I'm super stoked to see BMTH again <3 3rd times a charm! and I've never seen OM&M (cries) SO this is amazing. :D

oh and happy late 27th birthday to Mr. Oliver Sykes! :P

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xoxoxo
Siren