Who Will I Be For My Daughter?
I Never Said I Was Perfect, Who Wants Perfect Anyway?
“I thought I’d come check on you…” Austin said to me as he stepped further into the bathroom with a frown. He noticed the test in my hand and tilted his head slightly.
“What’s going on, Taylor?”
“Nothing…”
“Don’t try and lie to me. We never lie to each other.”
“Says the man what lied about his heart condition.” I tossed right back at him; I still hadn’t seen the right answer of the pregnancy test yet. Austin clasped his hands behind his behind his head and stared at me and then at the test in my hand.
“What does it say?”
“I haven’t looked yet. I don’t want to.” I admitted and he walked straight to me and pulled me in his arms. The test crushing between our bodies and I took a deep breath against him before stepping back and looking down.
“Okay.” I whispered and handed the test to Austin who looked down and then smiled before kissing my nose. I didn’t return his smile and he frowned at me before stroking a hand down his cheek.
“What’s wrong? Don’t you want another baby?”
“No, not really. My mind is getting fucked up again, Austin and I don’t know what to do anymore.” I whispered to him and he stroked his fingers over a few of my old cuts on my upper arm before staring me in the eyes.
“Listen to me; you’re not going to go down this road again. You’ve got people who love you all around you. You’ve got me and Mia and your parents. You’re not alone anymore. This baby is going to be our grounding, the last year has been crap and I understand why you’re going downhill and I understand it. Keep your head up, love. If you fall I fall.” By the time he’d finished talking I was crying and he hugged me in his arms.
“Don’t let me go down this road again, Austin. I can’t do this again.”
“What about the baby? Do you want to keep it?” Austin whispered to me and I heard his voice hitch as he asked me the vital question.
“I can’t get rid of this not after what happened to the other one. I need to keep the baby.” I held my hands over my stomach in an almost protective gesture and Austin bent down so we were eye to eye.
“Then I’ll do everything in my power to keep a smile on your face and that baby in your stomach. Understand?”
“I love you so much.”
“You’re my world, Taylor.”
“I can’t do this without you.” I said to him as I buried my face in his chest. He smelt of alcohol and cigarette smoke. He stroked my back before lifting my head up.
“I’m not leaving. I’m here with all my being. I love you, baby.” I knew in that moment even though I didn’t want this pregnancy I knew that Austin was going to be with me through every single step like he was with Mia but I had a feeling this time our love for each other would be the ground we walked on through this.
“What’s going on, Taylor?”
“Nothing…”
“Don’t try and lie to me. We never lie to each other.”
“Says the man what lied about his heart condition.” I tossed right back at him; I still hadn’t seen the right answer of the pregnancy test yet. Austin clasped his hands behind his behind his head and stared at me and then at the test in my hand.
“What does it say?”
“I haven’t looked yet. I don’t want to.” I admitted and he walked straight to me and pulled me in his arms. The test crushing between our bodies and I took a deep breath against him before stepping back and looking down.
“Okay.” I whispered and handed the test to Austin who looked down and then smiled before kissing my nose. I didn’t return his smile and he frowned at me before stroking a hand down his cheek.
“What’s wrong? Don’t you want another baby?”
“No, not really. My mind is getting fucked up again, Austin and I don’t know what to do anymore.” I whispered to him and he stroked his fingers over a few of my old cuts on my upper arm before staring me in the eyes.
“Listen to me; you’re not going to go down this road again. You’ve got people who love you all around you. You’ve got me and Mia and your parents. You’re not alone anymore. This baby is going to be our grounding, the last year has been crap and I understand why you’re going downhill and I understand it. Keep your head up, love. If you fall I fall.” By the time he’d finished talking I was crying and he hugged me in his arms.
“Don’t let me go down this road again, Austin. I can’t do this again.”
“What about the baby? Do you want to keep it?” Austin whispered to me and I heard his voice hitch as he asked me the vital question.
“I can’t get rid of this not after what happened to the other one. I need to keep the baby.” I held my hands over my stomach in an almost protective gesture and Austin bent down so we were eye to eye.
“Then I’ll do everything in my power to keep a smile on your face and that baby in your stomach. Understand?”
“I love you so much.”
“You’re my world, Taylor.”
“I can’t do this without you.” I said to him as I buried my face in his chest. He smelt of alcohol and cigarette smoke. He stroked my back before lifting my head up.
“I’m not leaving. I’m here with all my being. I love you, baby.” I knew in that moment even though I didn’t want this pregnancy I knew that Austin was going to be with me through every single step like he was with Mia but I had a feeling this time our love for each other would be the ground we walked on through this.
I love love love it, please update soon :)
10/6/14