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I Can't Heal The Way I Feel About You

A cut cannot heal unless you leave it alone

I woke up in a panic some time in the middle of the night. I relaxed when I realized that Oli was still curled up around me.
Maybe it was all just a dream, I thought. Maybe I'm not pregnant.
That hope was soon diminished when I went into the bathroom and saw the four positive pregnancy tests in the trash bin.
Fuck.

Oli was still sleeping soundly when I went back into the bedroom. I quickly grabbed my phone off the bedside table, careful not to wake him. I went into the kitchen and grabbed the chocolate bar I stashed in the corner cabinet. I proceeded to sit down on the couch and search through my recent texts for Austin's name. I didn't want to call him because I'd probably end up crying hysterically.

Austin, I am freaking the fuck out. I'm definitely pregnant. I took 4 tests, and they were all positive.
He texted back almost immediately.
Awh sweetie, I'm so sorry. What are you going to do?
That was something I hadn't really though a whole lot about.
Idk. I can't really have a kid right now. I still have to finish school, and I'm still way too young to deal with shit like this. I'd probably be the worst parent anyway.
I heard Oli stirring in the next room and figured he probably wouldn't want me texting Austin, of all people, right now.
Hey, I gotta go. Oli just woke up. He probably wants me to come back to bed. I'll ttyl.
Oli walked into the living room just as I got Austin's last text.
Ok, dear. Let me know if you need anything <3

"Hey, love. Why are you up? It's 2am." Oli wrapped his arms around my waist, sleep still in his eyes.
"Oh, I just woke up and couldn't fall back asleep is all."
"Are you anxious about...you know...the baby?" He rested his chin on my head.
"Yeah, probably. I have no idea what to do," I paused. "What do you want?"
"I want whatever you want. It's your decision, and I will be happy with whatever you choose to do." I thought for a few moments. It wasn't a difficult decision. I didn't have time for pregnancy, and I didn't have time for a baby.
"I want to get an abortion. I hope that's okay. I just...can't. I'm sorry. I love you, but I can't." I couldn't finish talking. All I could do was cry. Oli turned me around to face him and pulled me close.
"It's okay. Everything is okay. I support your decision one hundred percent. I'll come with you if you want, or if you'd rather, I'll let you go by yourself. Or I could call one of your friends to go with you. Whatever you want. I love you, Charlotte. I love you no matter what."

I pushed him away just then. I couldn't take it. I didn't want him to be angry with me because I couldn't stand for him to go with me. That would just hurt even more. There was only one person I wanted to go with me, and that was Austin. I don't know why. He just made me feel safe.
"Baby, what's wrong? Come back. At least look at me." I did, but I couldn't look into his eyes.
"Oliver, I want Austin to come with me. I don't know why. All I know is that he is a close friend, and I feel like I'm betraying you with all of this. You shouldn't be there. It's just too much. I'm sorry. I really love you. I am doing this out of love. I need Austin to be there." Oli thought about the idea for a little while, and when he looked up, his expression was not what I was looking for.
"Charlotte, you didn't fuck Austin, did you? This isn't his kid, is it?" I was taken aback by his accusation.
"No, Oli! I would never do that. I swear to God that this is not his kid. It's yours. I did not have sex with Austin. Ever."
"Okay...if that's what you want. I want you to be happy. Do you wanna call Austin, or do you want me to do it?"
"You can do it. I'm too much of a wreck right now."