I Can't Heal The Way I Feel About You
I've said it once. I've said it twice. I've said it a thousand fucking times
"911. What's your emergency?" The operator spoke calmly and clearly.
"I think my friend overdosed. We need an ambulance right now."
"What's the address, sir?"
"Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum. New York, New York."
"And where exactly should we send the ambulance?"
"Through the back entrance. There's a bus that says Bring Me The Horizon on it. It's about 10 buses from the entrance. Please hurry!"
Austin hung up the phone and looked up to see me crying into Oli's shirt.
"Okay, I know you're upset, but we can't panic. We need to do CPR while we're waiting."
****
Austin did CPR until the ambulance arrived. It was only about five minutes that we were waiting, but it felt like a century. I stroked Oli's hair as the EMTs set him onto the stretcher.
"I'm so sorry..." I started to cry again. Austin helped me up into the ambulance with Oli and the EMTs.
It's gonna be okay, sweetie," one of the EMTs said. "Is he your boyfriend?"
"Yeah. This is all my fault."
"No, it's not. These things happen all the time. He's gonna be okay. I promise."
The EMTs put Oli a mask on Oli and hooked it up to an air tank to ensure Oli was breathing. We were at the hospital in less than ten minutes where they carried the stretcher out of the ambulance and wheeled him through the emergency room doors. We tried to follow him when he was brought into a back room, but the nurses stopped us.
"I'm sorry, but you can't go back in with him. We'll take it from here. Exactly what happened?"
At that point, Austin stepped in because I wasn't sure I could speak without crying.
"We think he overdosed. We found a bunch of empty pill bottles and pills all in his bed."
"Does he have a history of drug use?"
"Yeah, he does."
"We'll see what we can do. For now you can just wait here in the waiting room. We'll give you two a room at some point if we can, but I can't make any promises. It gets pretty busy this time of years, and there aren't usually many rooms available." The nurse looked at us sympathetically.
"It's alright," Austin said. "We'll be okay out here if that's how it has to be. We just want our friend to be okay."
The nurse smiled and walked out of the waiting room.
"Austin, what if he's not alright? What if he dies? It'll be all my fault. Even if he doesn't die I screwed up the tour. And his life really. He could start doing drugs again."
"Charlotte, this is no time to worry. For now, just sleep."
And I did.
****
I woke up to Austin nudging my shoulder.
"Charlotte, the nurse said we could go see him now. They said he should be waking up any minute now. They had to pump his stomach, but he's okay."
I was wide awake as soon as Austin said we could go see Oli and that he was alright.
"Okay, come on then. Let's go."
I was practically running as the nurse led us to his room, Austin dragging behind me.
When we got into Oli's room he was hooked up to tube and IVs and monitors. He looked extremely tired. I sat down on his bed lightly, and his eyes flickered.
"Charlotte? Is that you?" He opened his eyes slowly, and smiled when he saw me.
"Hi, Oli." I grabbed his hand.
"I'm so sorry, Charlotte. I was angry. It wasn't your fault. I can't believe I did what I did. I shouldn't even still keep pills on me. It's dangerous. I wasn't trying to hurt myself; I just needed something to calm myself down, but I went overboard. That's what addiction does to you. I will never do something like that to you ever again."
I started crying again just from what he was saying.
"No, baby. Please don't cry. It's okay. I'm alright."
"I just feel so bad because I was the reason you did it."
"No, it was all me. Please don't cry." He tried to sit up but immediately looked like he was going to be ill.
"Austin is here to talk to you," I told him.
"Okay. Bring him in."
Austin entered the room slowly and smiled at Oli.
"Hey, man. Look, I'm really sorry about what I did. That was completely wrong of-"
"Austin, it's okay. I'm not angry. Well, I was. But it wasn't worth what I did. I forgive you, mate."
Austin hugged Oli and then he started to cry.
"Mate, not you too. It's okay. I said I forgive you."
Oli laughed a bit as Austin wiped his tears, instantly shaking off what had just happened as if it hadn't.
"So, when are they gonna let you out?" Austin asked.
"Tomorrow morning. They don't want me to do anything like that again. Maybe we can make it to the next venue before our sets. I think they're both later on. Also, can you take any more pills I have? I don't need those on my anymore."
"Sure. Anything you need."
I crawled in bed next to Oli, and Austin left the room.
"I was so scared," I told him. "I wasn't sure what I'd do if I lost you."
"I'm sorry I scared you. I love you."
"I love you too."
I climbed under the covers with him and snuggled up against his chest where I fell asleep again.
"I think my friend overdosed. We need an ambulance right now."
"What's the address, sir?"
"Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum. New York, New York."
"And where exactly should we send the ambulance?"
"Through the back entrance. There's a bus that says Bring Me The Horizon on it. It's about 10 buses from the entrance. Please hurry!"
Austin hung up the phone and looked up to see me crying into Oli's shirt.
"Okay, I know you're upset, but we can't panic. We need to do CPR while we're waiting."
****
Austin did CPR until the ambulance arrived. It was only about five minutes that we were waiting, but it felt like a century. I stroked Oli's hair as the EMTs set him onto the stretcher.
"I'm so sorry..." I started to cry again. Austin helped me up into the ambulance with Oli and the EMTs.
It's gonna be okay, sweetie," one of the EMTs said. "Is he your boyfriend?"
"Yeah. This is all my fault."
"No, it's not. These things happen all the time. He's gonna be okay. I promise."
The EMTs put Oli a mask on Oli and hooked it up to an air tank to ensure Oli was breathing. We were at the hospital in less than ten minutes where they carried the stretcher out of the ambulance and wheeled him through the emergency room doors. We tried to follow him when he was brought into a back room, but the nurses stopped us.
"I'm sorry, but you can't go back in with him. We'll take it from here. Exactly what happened?"
At that point, Austin stepped in because I wasn't sure I could speak without crying.
"We think he overdosed. We found a bunch of empty pill bottles and pills all in his bed."
"Does he have a history of drug use?"
"Yeah, he does."
"We'll see what we can do. For now you can just wait here in the waiting room. We'll give you two a room at some point if we can, but I can't make any promises. It gets pretty busy this time of years, and there aren't usually many rooms available." The nurse looked at us sympathetically.
"It's alright," Austin said. "We'll be okay out here if that's how it has to be. We just want our friend to be okay."
The nurse smiled and walked out of the waiting room.
"Austin, what if he's not alright? What if he dies? It'll be all my fault. Even if he doesn't die I screwed up the tour. And his life really. He could start doing drugs again."
"Charlotte, this is no time to worry. For now, just sleep."
And I did.
****
I woke up to Austin nudging my shoulder.
"Charlotte, the nurse said we could go see him now. They said he should be waking up any minute now. They had to pump his stomach, but he's okay."
I was wide awake as soon as Austin said we could go see Oli and that he was alright.
"Okay, come on then. Let's go."
I was practically running as the nurse led us to his room, Austin dragging behind me.
When we got into Oli's room he was hooked up to tube and IVs and monitors. He looked extremely tired. I sat down on his bed lightly, and his eyes flickered.
"Charlotte? Is that you?" He opened his eyes slowly, and smiled when he saw me.
"Hi, Oli." I grabbed his hand.
"I'm so sorry, Charlotte. I was angry. It wasn't your fault. I can't believe I did what I did. I shouldn't even still keep pills on me. It's dangerous. I wasn't trying to hurt myself; I just needed something to calm myself down, but I went overboard. That's what addiction does to you. I will never do something like that to you ever again."
I started crying again just from what he was saying.
"No, baby. Please don't cry. It's okay. I'm alright."
"I just feel so bad because I was the reason you did it."
"No, it was all me. Please don't cry." He tried to sit up but immediately looked like he was going to be ill.
"Austin is here to talk to you," I told him.
"Okay. Bring him in."
Austin entered the room slowly and smiled at Oli.
"Hey, man. Look, I'm really sorry about what I did. That was completely wrong of-"
"Austin, it's okay. I'm not angry. Well, I was. But it wasn't worth what I did. I forgive you, mate."
Austin hugged Oli and then he started to cry.
"Mate, not you too. It's okay. I said I forgive you."
Oli laughed a bit as Austin wiped his tears, instantly shaking off what had just happened as if it hadn't.
"So, when are they gonna let you out?" Austin asked.
"Tomorrow morning. They don't want me to do anything like that again. Maybe we can make it to the next venue before our sets. I think they're both later on. Also, can you take any more pills I have? I don't need those on my anymore."
"Sure. Anything you need."
I crawled in bed next to Oli, and Austin left the room.
"I was so scared," I told him. "I wasn't sure what I'd do if I lost you."
"I'm sorry I scared you. I love you."
"I love you too."
I climbed under the covers with him and snuggled up against his chest where I fell asleep again.
Omg I just reread this and I remember why I loved this so freaking much
2/10/14