This One's For You
Don't Say Goodbye
Oh no, this isn't right. "Austin-" What was I supposed to say? How am I supposed to apologize if I'm not even sure what just happened? Austin stood up and turned to leave, then turned back towards me,
"I can't believe you. You made it seem like we were okay, like we were past all of this. But I guess we aren't." And then he was gone. Alan still had his arms around me, and I pulled away. I was crying again.
"Ciara, I'm-"
"No, you're not sorry. Because you got what you wanted. You knew me and Austin were working things out. I can't believe you. You say you love me, but I don't believe you. If you really loved me you would know that I love Austin and you'd want me to be with someone who makes me happy. Dammit." I stood up, wiped away the tears and left before Alan could say anything. I needed to find Austin. I walked all over the place and found him backstage during the BMTH set. I walked over and stood next to him for a few minutes, finally he turned towards me.
"What?" He was barely looking at me, he was looking at the ground, at his hands, anywhere but at me. I didn't even know what I wanted to say to him. What do I say?
"I still don't really know what happened on the bus... But I do know that I love you more than anything. I've never felt this way about anyone. So even though I kissed Alan and he comforted me doesn't mean that I don't love you. Because I do, and I need you like I need air to breathe. I hate being away from you. I hate not being able to say that I'm yours." His eyes were focused on the stage, drumming his fingers against his leg. When he turned to me he had tears in his eyes.
"I don't think you know how hard this is for me. Because I can't be without you either, but I know that you're not all mine. Because somewhere inside, you like Alan, and I can't call you my girlfriend knowing that you have feelings for somebody else. I want you to be all mine, but until then I can't be in a relationship with you." I opened my mouth to say something but I realized there was nothing to say. I closed my mouth and turned to leave. I just need to talk to someone.
After I left from backstage and headed to the PTV bus. I really hope Vic is there. I knocked once and Vic opened the door then headed to his bunk. We sat there in his bunk eating junk and talking about what happened. Well I was talking, Vic hadn't said anything yet, just listening. By the time I finished telling him everything I'd already eaten half a tub of ice cream and i was going for the cookies now. "Ciara, you just need to find a way to get over whatever feelings yo have with Alan and prove to Austin that you are all his. I know it seems like something anyone could say, and it is, but it's the only thing to do."
"I can't believe you. You made it seem like we were okay, like we were past all of this. But I guess we aren't." And then he was gone. Alan still had his arms around me, and I pulled away. I was crying again.
"Ciara, I'm-"
"No, you're not sorry. Because you got what you wanted. You knew me and Austin were working things out. I can't believe you. You say you love me, but I don't believe you. If you really loved me you would know that I love Austin and you'd want me to be with someone who makes me happy. Dammit." I stood up, wiped away the tears and left before Alan could say anything. I needed to find Austin. I walked all over the place and found him backstage during the BMTH set. I walked over and stood next to him for a few minutes, finally he turned towards me.
"What?" He was barely looking at me, he was looking at the ground, at his hands, anywhere but at me. I didn't even know what I wanted to say to him. What do I say?
"I still don't really know what happened on the bus... But I do know that I love you more than anything. I've never felt this way about anyone. So even though I kissed Alan and he comforted me doesn't mean that I don't love you. Because I do, and I need you like I need air to breathe. I hate being away from you. I hate not being able to say that I'm yours." His eyes were focused on the stage, drumming his fingers against his leg. When he turned to me he had tears in his eyes.
"I don't think you know how hard this is for me. Because I can't be without you either, but I know that you're not all mine. Because somewhere inside, you like Alan, and I can't call you my girlfriend knowing that you have feelings for somebody else. I want you to be all mine, but until then I can't be in a relationship with you." I opened my mouth to say something but I realized there was nothing to say. I closed my mouth and turned to leave. I just need to talk to someone.
After I left from backstage and headed to the PTV bus. I really hope Vic is there. I knocked once and Vic opened the door then headed to his bunk. We sat there in his bunk eating junk and talking about what happened. Well I was talking, Vic hadn't said anything yet, just listening. By the time I finished telling him everything I'd already eaten half a tub of ice cream and i was going for the cookies now. "Ciara, you just need to find a way to get over whatever feelings yo have with Alan and prove to Austin that you are all his. I know it seems like something anyone could say, and it is, but it's the only thing to do."
Notes
SORRY. I haven't updated in ages. I've just been really busy lately. School started and I'm taking all honors and AP classes, except geometry, i suck at math. But I've just been really busy lately. So I'm going try and update once a week.TITLE CREDIT - Blessthefall
10/25/13